She awoke slowly, desperately clinging to her dream even as the morning light tried to urge her back to the waking world. It was a simple dream, a dream of school days spent with friends, of giggles and gossip shared in cooking club, and sweat and effort poured out in extensive dance classes. It was a dream of growing, and learning, and loving. It was a dream of the simple moments that make life worth living.

 

As Jay finally opened his eyes the dream began to fade, and his waking mind tried to fill in holes as they formed. A dream of school, where he sat alone. A dream of lonely walks home, and of lost ambition for the things he once loved. A dream of effort put in and stolen away. A dream of growing, fighting, and fading. It was a dream full of longing, for a life that he’d never known.

 

It took Jay a minute to figure out where he was and what had happened, at which point he sat up on the couch and looked at the woman busying herself in the kitchen. “Can you please stop putting me to sleep?”

 

The woman stopped, turning to face him with a warm smile and a slight giggle in her voice. “Only if you start taking better care of yourself sweetie. All I did was help you relax, you’re the one wearing yourself out physically and emotionally. Manifestation isn’t exactly gentle on your body, and if I had to guess you haven’t exactly been compensating properly.”

 

Jay wasn’t really sure what to say to that. He was dealing with so many new sensations that a few new discomforts barely registered. He was used to ignoring his body, so he hadn’t really thought about the way his spine felt kind of sore, or his skull felt a little squished, or any number of other little aches he’d chalked up to the misfortune of the human condition. How much of that was demon stuff? Heck, he’d been falling asleep basically the moment he got into bed, he’d just been so thankful he hadn’t even considered why.

 

Ms. Zwavel giggled as she collected something from the kitchen and made her way to where he was sitting in the connected living room. “I take it from that look you’re realising some stuff. Well that’s fine, we’ve got all day to help you learn how to properly handle your manifestation symptoms. You should get through the worst of it in another week or two once we get you eating and sleeping properly.”

 

Jay sat up a little straighter as she spoke, looking out the window in an attempt to judge the time. Sarah wasn’t around. The sun was considerably higher than it was when he’d fallen asleep. “Wait, don’t I have school today?”

 

Another giggle met his genuine confusion, and it made him feel a little defensive. “No no, you’re right, you would normally be late for school at this point. I already spoke with your mother and had her call in sick for you. You’ve got the day off so we can help you sort some things out.”

 

He felt a little bad about skipping school, but supposed Ms. Zwavel was the expert. It was probably better to get things figured out before he got himself discovered and murdered by demon hunters or something. “Yeah, that’s… That’s fair. So, uh… You gonna give me the crash course on being a demon, or, like, demon society or…” He trailed off as he saw the deeply unimpressed look on Ms. Zwavel’s face.

 

“Alright, I suppose we can start there, just a quick rundown of what you need to know to get on with your day.” It was clear from her tone that she didn’t consider what she was about to say terribly interesting, which felt utterly ridiculous to Jay… Two hours later Jay was desperately ready to move on to a different topic. Any topic.

 

The important points were that demons were just what happened when the human body attuned to magic. No inherent theological implications. Magic was way more complicated and finicky than it seemed at first, requiring months of preparation and education before even the simplest spells could be used. It was more akin to doing programming on a supercomputer than chanting spells and throwing fireballs. Demon society as it turned out wasn’t really a thing so much as demons blended into normal human society and stayed in touch with one another. 

 

There wasn’t even any sort of shadowy cabal looking to black bag anyone who broke the masquerade! Demons kept tabs on all relatives in case any began manifesting, at which point they’d be brought in and educated. A bit of subtle magic could cover up most little mistakes, and there just weren’t enough young demons around to overtax the adult demons keeping them in check. It was all horribly mundane.

 

The reason the talk had taken over two hours was because the small number of demons involved meant there were complex networks of relationships and histories which in theory were important to know. He understood it was important to know who to contact if he got spotted flying over the forest, or who to contact for more pills, or who to talk to if he ever started breathing fire and couldn’t stop. But it was all just so boring!

 

“O-Okay. I think… I think I’m ready for a change of topic.” He stifled a yawn as he tried to encourage Ms. Zwavel to talk about literally anything else. At least she’d brought him food to eat while he listened. She’d been right, he had definitely been under eating. He’d gone through an entire package of sausages and a carton of eggs in two hours and didn’t even feel bloated!

 

Fortunately, Ms. Zwavel was happy to oblige. Unfortunately, Ms. Zwavel had a particular topic in mind. “So… Have you put any thought into your gender identity?” Her tone was gentle, but there was clear urgency to it. As much as he could understand that urgency given the predicted changes to his body he just… absolutely did not want to think about it.

 

“I know it must be scary, and I’m so sorry you’re being rushed like this, but the situation really isn’t going to let you ignore this, and things will go a lot more smoothly if you aren’t fighting yourself on it.” He really wanted her to be wrong, to just keep ignoring his body and pretending nothing was changing… But he knew he couldn’t.

 

A part of her already knew the truth. It was blatant in its joy. It delighted at the changes, from the explicitly feminine, like her budding breasts and widening hips, to the more subtle things she hadn’t fully understood like the changes in bone structure that had made her reflection that much more tolerable. 

 

Of course he’d considered it before. Anyone with trans friends would. He’d developed a stock of excuses, and was suddenly faced with the fact all but one had been ripped away by circumstance. With everything else gone he was left with only the truth. He was scared. No. He was terrified.

 

He’d heard about how his friends had struggled and suffered and endured and he just couldn’t think of himself as strong enough to survive what they had. Even if he’d bypassed the medical aspects, the social ones seemed entirely insurmountable. Slowly the resignation began to bubble as he realised once more just what awaited him, and was only spared from another dark spiral by a pair of soft hands closing on either side of his face.

 

“Hey there sweetie, none of that now. We’re here to talk, so no getting lost in your own head alright? I know that look. Things must seem pretty scary and overwhelming, but that’s what I’m here for. So you tell me what’s got you worked up, we’ll go through it point by point, and I’ll tell you why you don’t need to worry about it. Alright?”

 

Jay wanted to just curl up and spiral, to refuse the help even he recognised he needed and continue in silence because it just seemed easier. Fortunately Ms. Zwavel was proving him wrong. She seemed to have absolutely no plans to allow him to wallow in silence. If he was honest, he was grateful. Accepting help had become so hard over the years, and he hadn’t even realised it.

 

Slowly, with no small amount of effort, he began to speak. “I’m scared… I’m scared of… of how the kids at school will treat me. How the school will treat me. How… how the people in town will treat me. I know we aren’t a super religious town, but the church has a lot of sway with a lot of the richer people in town. What if I can’t get a job? What if the university won’t accept me? I…”

 

He took a deep, shuddering breath, and Ms. Zwavel took the opportunity to step in. “Well, if the kids at school cause trouble, you’ll have Sarah to back you up. I can’t say I’m too in the know about school politics, but from what I hear she has a bit of a reputation. If that’s not enough, I’ll talk to the school. Speaking of which, if the school tries to cause any problems, well, we already had to deal with them regarding Sarah’s medication. I promise they won’t be an issue.”

 

She sat back with a smile, fixing Jay with her eyes. “As for the people in town… Yeah, some of them will probably be jerks. Unfortunately there’s not much we can do about that, but that’s true of any big group of people. Some number will be jerks. What I can do for you is guarantee they won’t be able to actually do anything to you. If anyone, or anywhere in town tries to discriminate against you, I will bring the full weight of the law down on them and anyone related. I will bury them.”

 

Jay nodded stiffly, blushing a bit at how fiercely Ms. Zwavel seemed willing to defend him… or… her. He felt bad that her reassurances hadn’t wiped away his fears, but… they helped. They helped enough that he was ready to face the biggest one. “Wh-what about… what about my father?” He could have been more specific, broken down all the different ways his father could hurt him, but he was scared to even speak the ideas into the world.

 

“Your father is Gabriel Bernard, correct?” Jay nodded, somewhat embarrassed by the relation. “He owns a lot of the rental properties in town if I’m not mistaken…” She seemed to think for a moment, though he felt she already knew what she wanted to say. “Would you… be willing to tell me about him? About what it’s like at home, and anything he’s said or done that you felt was wrong?”

 

Jay blinked at the request. She… She was a lawyer. From what he’d heard, she was apparently a very good lawyer. Was she asking him for incriminating evidence? Was he willing to give incriminating evidence? What was she even planning to bring against him? Did she think he’d actually broken the law? He probably had, but Jay doubted he kept anything incriminating at the house. He barely spent any time there.

 

Jay frowned. Assuming it worked, could he contribute to putting his own father in jail? As much as he wanted to say yes, he couldn’t. He was too scared of him, too scared of breaking his rules and earning his ire… But she could. She was already fucked right? There was no way he could get more mad at her for anything she did than he’d already be for just existing. For just admitting that she wanted to be herself.

 

She began talking, sharing anything and everything she could as that fact settled in. She was really going to do it, wasn’t she? If she were being honest, she knew she would. As soon as the situation had been made clear to her a part of her had been urging her to just accept it, but that fear had held her down. Now that fear was urging her on. There was no point in playing pretend, in trying to please a man who was going to hate her anyway.

 

The idea was empowering. It recontextualised all her other fears like a single card flipping an intricately laid pattern with one careful motion. So what if the kids at school hated her? At least she wouldn’t hate herself! So what if the school tried to mess with her? She’d already been an outcast with no support. So what if people in town looked at her funny? At least they’d be looking. At least she wouldn’t be like the ghost she’d been playing the part of. If she couldn’t get a job? Fuck it! She’d rather be unemployed than work a single hour as him. 

 

The more she talked, the bolder she felt, and the more details about her father came pouring out. She was sure she’d crumble again when the adrenaline wore off, but while she was riding the high she made a promise to herself: No more running. No more hiding. She was worth fighting for.