A melody of contrasts, a dance of fate,

Striving for serenity, we can’t escape,

But together, we’ll unravel each strife,

Finding Harmony in the Chaos of life

 

In fleeting glances, secrets reside,

Promises whispered, forgotten tides,

Yet in the Whirlwind, connections bloom

Disrupting peace, a heart’s sacred room

 

<<Man, just always Misaki-san's songs are masterpieces to listen to. The melody, the style, the composition! They are all so unique, truly she’s a genius. I remember the days when she was still a small indie composer on Newtube…to think she’s a famous idol now. >>

<<I could probably stare all night at my ceiling listening to her music.>>

“Naoki! Can you come here?”

<<or not I guess>>

I left my room and headed to the living room where my nose was hit with the fragrant smell of spices and my ears with the sizzling noises of fried vegetables. It was my sister’s last day off so she had decided to cook dinner.

Of course I was a bit skeptical of her cooking. The last time she cooked grilled salmon, I could swear the fish was still moving.

“Big bro can’t you cook? Big sis always cooks up something strange when she does it,” the one asking me was none other than my little brother Arima, who was laying down on the living room’s couch reading his shounen manga. 

“Hey! Don’t be rude to your big sis Arima, I’ll let you know my cooking skills have improved quite a lot since last time.”

After such a comment, both Arima and I couldn't help but look at my sister Kohaku with doubtful eyes, like saying “Right…”

“It’s alright Arima, there's still some leftover food from yesterday,” I said to comfort Arima’s worries.

“Geez! You little runts are being so rude right now! After all the trouble I’ve taken to cook this!” Kohaku exclaimed, clearly irritated.

When I got closer to see what my sister was cooking, I got to see a glimpse of the horrible amalgamation of different ingredients in a single pot that no person should ever eat. 

But my sister soon closed the pot that had hell itself with a lid. 

“So what did you call me for sis?”

“Ah that's right, I used up my last vacation day so I'm going back to work starting tomorrow. The house is still a mess so I’ll leave the cleaning to you alright?”

I let out a resigned sigh and answered lethargically,“Yeah alright” 

<<As if I don’t do the chores all around the house already.>>

“Arima, make sure to help your brother out.”

“Aww man”

“Oh and also Naoki, I need you to run an errand, I'm missing some ingredients I need you to pick up, and get something to drink while you’re at it.”

“...more ingredients?” It was beyond me what more she could possibly add to her creation that she called hot pot.

“Yup! This hot pot im making still needs that special kick to it to bring it to the next level”

“More like a kick to bring it to life…” I muttered under my breath.

“You say something?” she said while looking at me with a terrifying smile and a ladle in hand.

“Nope! Nothing at all.”

<<Better buy some stomach relief medicine just in case…>>

As I walked out of the living room, Arima had swung his hand from the couch to grab my attention, “Big bro, don’t be mean, can you buy me a bag of chips too?” he said without even batting an eye to me.

“Nah”

And so I headed out with a jacket and some headphones to the grocery store. At least now I could listen to Misaki’s songs while I walked under the night sky.

The soft melodies of her songs had filled my ears, and combined with the cold wind and the yellow lights from the street lamps, it really created a peaceful mood, a temporary escape from the chaos that constantly followed me around, or so I liked to tell myself.

In truth, I couldn’t stop thinking of what happened at school.

<<Kido…>>

If I had a nickel for every time I had left someone on the rooftop after a sudden confession, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot, but it's weird it's happened twice. 

With Kido, a part of me did feel guilty for lying and leaving her on the roof like that.

But on the other hand, I couldn’t help but feel that getting close to people only led to more trouble. 

Their worries, their emotions, their secrets, their troubles…it all would swirl into a storm that threatened to blow away the peace I yearned for.

Especially after meeting those three, it became clear that trying to form deep relationships arbitrarily can be exhausting…and hurtful. 

Was it selfish to want to protect my own peace? To avoid the disaster and headaches that inevitably come with forming deep connections? I just think that keeping some distance is the only way to maintain some semblance of tranquility.

I walked for a while with such thoughts as I stared into the sky, until eventually I was caught off guard by the distinctive wailing of a person.

After looking all around the empty streets, my eyes were immediately drawn to a single lone person sitting on a swing of a small children’s park nearby.

Said person wore loose and baggy clothes that perfectly managed to hide their face. However, from the pitch and intensity of their weeping, there was no mistaking it, it was the sound of a crying girl.

<<Shit! Just when I'm having these deep thoughts about keeping my distance…this is too much of a coincidence, it’s clear this is a trap…>>

<<Whatever, let's keep walking, it's none of my business anyways… 

I'm sure whatever she's going through she will get over…

She’ll be fine…>>

<<Stupid. Idiot. Dumbass. You’re gonna regret this>> I said to myself as I walked back to where the girl was crying. You try walking past a crying person in the middle of the night…Now that I think about it, that just sounds like the start to a horror movie.

I slowly approached the girl, but she didn’t seem to notice me. The entire time she had been staring into the ground, sniffing once in a while, while the strands of her hair would fall one by one to the side concealing her face even further.

“Are you… alright?” I asked, but the girl flinched and quickly took a defensive position. Sliding away in what little space the swing had. 

“No, obviously not I guess, sorry I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just…well I couldn't help but notice that you were shaken up by something.”

Despite my attempts to help, the girl remained silent.

“I know you don’t know me, but if you don’t mind, I can listen to whatever is troubling you. After all, sometimes all people need is someone to listen, and no person is better than a total stranger. Oh, and I promise I won’t judge or anything” 

Once again, the girl remained silent, but at least now she seemed less wary of me and went back to sitting normally. She remained facing the ground with her hands holding onto both sides of the swing, ever so slightly swaying back and forth.

After that I took a seat in one of the swings, leaving a swing in between us to avoid making her feel uncomfortable.

Who knows how long I just sat there in the swing next to her in absolute silence.

<<Why isn’t she saying anything… This is awkward as hell, should I just leave…? No, I’ve already committed this far, leaving would just make me look like an asshole. Still, this silence is unbearable, even crickets make more conversation than her...>>

Fortunately my patience eventually paid off, and after a while the girl finally broke the silence, 

“Say…” 

Although she did not look up, her head had turned just the slightest amount in my direction.

“Yeah?”

“What made you want to talk to me…I mean most people would have simply walked away, minded their own business.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to be so intrusive…”

“It’s alright and I didn’t mean it in a hostile way, it's just… People are cold nowadays, just like this night. It feels like nobody cares anymore, like people don’t have empathy anymore.”

“Well I'm here aren’t I? I mean that's gotta count for something.”

“Yeah I guess…”

“And to answer your question, hmm… well it’s complicated, I did feel hesitant to approach you I won’t lie, but at the same time I felt it would have been more wrong if I did mind my own business you know? Like you said people can be cold, I know from experience how apathetic they can be, but I also know how much of a difference just one person can make, that's why I chose to be different from them.”

“...Thanks.”

“Don’t sweat it, it’s not like I'm doing something grand.”

“Well since you’re here, If you don’t mind me asking about yourself, how do you deal with tough times?”

“Well…when I’m troubled or stressed, I guess I usually listen to music”

In a faint voice the girl would say, “music? What a stupid coincidence.”

“I'm sorry? I didn’t hear what you said.”

“Nothing, it's fine, so music huh? Who do you listen to?”

“Hmmm…I listen to quite a lot of artists, but if I had to pick one specifically, i’d be Seo Misaki”

After hearing my response the girl very subtly flinched in response but quickly carried on with the conversation.

“Seo Misaki? The idol?” 

“Yeah, it’s hard to put into words, but her songs are one of the few things that manage to cheer me up. Maybe it's just nostalgia on my part.”

“You sure you don’t just like her looks?”

“Huh? Ah well, I guess how you can see it like that, it's pretty common in the idol industry. But don’t get me wrong, sure she’s really pretty, but I’ve been a fan since her early indie days”

“Everyone usually says that as well…”

“Hahaha…well I mean reaaally early, it’s a big underground secret but she used to have a Newtube channel where she uploaded covers of her favorite songs, I was one of her few subscribers at that time and would always comment on her videos, her songs back then got me through some of the hardest times in my life.”

The girl once again flinched, rattling the chains that held up the swing and slightly turning away. With a voice barely above a whisper she would say “...you watched those embarrassing videos?”

<<Embarrassing videos? What is that supposed to mean?>>

“It seems this idol really holds a deep significance to you,” she continued.

“No kidding, I got to see her achieve her dream of becoming an idol”

The girl once again clenched her hands hard, “Her dream huh…then let me ask you this, do you think Misaki has troubles of her own?” 

<<Huh…why is she so keen on talking about Misaki…>>

“Well for sure, I mean everyone has troubles of their own, I'm sure she's no exception. She may be an idol that everyone sees as perfect, but at the end of the day she is also human and a person with concerns, worries and troubles. Especially when you consider that a job like being an idol is usually super stressful.”

“Yes you’re right…pressures, expectations, they grow bigger and bigger with each passing concert until it becomes too much to handle… And then you must deal with the damn record labels that keep interfering with your creative process just so you can appeal to the same generic trendy garbage music that everyone else in the industry is making and then the fans complain that the music isn’t the same and the producer blames the poor sales figures on you as if it wasn’t his damn fault in the first place that this entire thing happened!!” She had quickly blurted out before she was gasping for air.

“Uh…miss?”

After a deep inhale and a long exhale, the girl had seemed to regain her composure.

“Sorry. I think I got a little off track…”

“No, it’s alright…at least you seemed to get whatever was troubling you out of your chest haha…”

<<She’s talking as if she is Misaki…and that flinch earlier…no, please no.>>

As a person who had been through multiple cliches, I could feel it, no I could see it, a red flag being hoisted. 

The girl suddenly turned a little bit more in my direction, still not completely facing me before asking, “Then what do you think!?” 

“What?”

 “You seem to be quite a big Misaki fan. So tell me, does she look happy being an idol?”

“...Well, I’ve always admired her, but when I look at her now, I can’t help but feel she doesn’t enjoy it as much, maybe she had more fun when she was an independent artist…when she had more freedom..ah but don’t take my word for it, it’s just my opinion.”

“Freedom…”

<<This is bad. I don’t like where this is going… I need to make sure it's her.>>

“Then do you think I should retire?… Ah.”

<<Ah. >>

<<She just definitely said I.>>

“Ehem…do you think Misaki should retire?”

<<YOU’RE JUST GONNA CARRY ON?! Kyaaaaaaaaaa! This girl is definitely her, I need to get out of here before she does some grand reveal that she’s my favorite idol or something! I can smell the cliche from a mile away!>> I was panicking, nervously rubbing my forehead as I carefully tried to plan my next move.

“Um…are you ok?” she asked, interrupting my thinking.

“...Yeah I was just giving your question some thought…”

<<Damn it, I need to get out of here, let's give her one final answer and scramble.>>

“I don’t know if Misaki should retire or not, after all, I don’t know the full extent of her feelings. However, I do know one thing, she loves music. That was clear to me since her early days. Listening, composing, and writing music, they all mean a lot to her and are her way of expressing herself… Back when nobody knew her, she always talked about her dream of spreading great music to everyone. I thought she had achieved that once she became an idol, but maybe I was wrong. If her work has made her begin to hate the very thing that inspired her, then maybe she should reconsider what she’s doing before she comes to regret it.”

<<How’s that, was that not inspiring and the perfect way to end this encounter once and for all?>>

“...”

My answer had left her in deep thought and without saying a word for quite a while, of course I wasn’t about to wait for her response.

“Sorry, Ms. Stranger, it’s getting late and I have to go. Also sorry for talking so much about Misaki.” 

“No its fine, I can probably guess how she’s feeling”

<<You can guess? You ARE her. Anyways I better not get any more involved>>

I hastily got up from the swing and began to walk away from park, “Then, goodbye, I hope you can get through whatever you are going through” 

“Wait! Can I see you again in this park?!” 

“I'm sure you don’t need to see me, you seem strong enough by yourself!” 

“Then can you at least tell me your name!?!” she yelled as I quickly created distance between us. 

<<Hell to the no!>>

“I'm just an ordinary high school student” I shouted while waving back at her, and in the distance I could see her bowing back in gratitude. 

…………………….

“Miss Misaki! Where have you been?! The security team has been desperately looking around for you!”

“...Sorry I just wanted some time alone.”

<<Ha~ to think I’d meet someone who knew about those cringy song covers I did back then…and it had to be none other than my first fan unklistener13…>>

<<Even now… you continue to support me and give me advice…thank you.>>

“Mister Tanaka, you see that guy walking away?”

“Huh…oh yeah, you mean the high schooler? What about him miss? Did he do something to you?! Did he harass you?!!? Should I break his kneecaps?!”

“Find out everything about that guy.”

“...Understood miss…but why?”

“Just do it”

<<It seems fate has brought us together Mr. listener.>>

“Also I wanna retire”

“WHA-”

 

------------------------------------------------

<<Hah…..I can’t believe I would meet my favorite idol like this.>>

“Would that be all?”

<<Damn, should I have talked to her more? No, I should just keep my distance and support her from afar.>>

“Sir? Would that be all?”

<<Well, at least I avoided a potential cliche situation. Shit! I should have asked for her autograph.>>

“Sir! I'm talking to you!”

“Huh? Oh sorry”

“Would these be all the products you are purchasing?” 

“uh…yeah…Wait no, please also add this bag of chips”