“Where is it…” I whispered to myself as I looked for the textbook back in the classroom.
Lately I kept forgetting things around, books, pencils, erasers, you name it; especially this past week, it had gotten worse. It was pretty obvious why, I had a lot on my mind to think about after all, from Kido, to Misaki, to my classmates who had been giving me strange looks recently.
But these last couple of days, one emotion in particular kept gnawing and gnawing at me, haunting me at the back of my head and making me writhe in my sleep.
If it wasn’t the nightmares keeping me awake at night, then it was a terrible case of self-loathing, making me replay in my mind all the things I didn’t do right.
That’s right, it was the annoying emotion we call “guilt”.
“Ugh…why am I such a dumbass…” I said to myself covering my face with my hands, before promptly beginning to tug and pull my hair like a maniac.
A couple of days ago, Seo Misaki transferred to my school and asked to be friends with me…to which I felt ecstatic. A celebrity known by thousands of people, not only transferred, but out of everyone there, specifically asked to hang out with me!
And yet, it was like something was eating me up inside.
On one hand I felt happy, I mean, can you imagine sitting at school like usual, waiting for your next class to start and then out of nowhere, Keanu Reeves or Ryan Renolds randomly show up and ask to be friends with you?! So of course I wanted to get closer to the person I had been listening to and rooting for, for so many years. But on the other hand…should I? No, do I even have the right to begin with?
Getting closer to Misaki felt like a spit in the face to what I did to Kido. After all, what was so different between the two of them?
It was fine to get closer to Misaki but not Kido?
All of it went against my very principle of having distance between people and it just made me a hypocrite.
Regardless, in a strange turn of events I can’t say I got any closer to Misaki these last couple of days. Getting to know a renowned idol, combined with the fact that she’s also an extremely cute girl, had me feeling all sorts of nervous, so much so that I was inadvertently…awkward as hell.
Everytime she would greet me in the mornings, my brain shut down and I went full-on autopilot mode, giving the most stiff response imaginable, and today was the epitome of that.
Not to mention when she asked about the pins! Everytime I remember my answer, it makes me want to bash my skull against a wall. Even Katsuo and Nakai looked horrified at my answer, but surprisingly Misaki didn’t take offense to it. The last thing I’d want is for my favorite idol to hate me.
But my worst offense by far, was when I gave her my fruits.
<<Who do I think I am?!! Some cool shoujo manga protagonist?!” I thought as I rested my head against a wall covering my face in embarrassment.
My actions were nothing short of cringy, offering her fruits trying to act like I didn’t care and it was natural.
<<Ahhhhh!>> I screamed internally.
Well I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it when she asked me to feed her, that was very adorable from her part. But today will remain as a dark moment in my life. One that I probably will not want to remember.
“Naoki…Kun? What are you doing here?” asked a feminine voice from the door of the back of the classroom taking me by surprise.
I immediately stopped sulking against the wall and faced the person talking to me. It was Nino who looked very confused by my actions.
“Kousaka-san…I just forgot my textbook…”
<<Fuck…how much did she see…>> I thought to myself blushing in embarrassment.
“Oh, I see… well I don’t think it's inside the wall haha…”
“Haha yeah…”
<<Damn it she saw it all…>>
“Well you might wanna hurry it's getting late”
<<Just end me. It’s clear she just wants to change the subject to spare me from the embarrassment.>>
I headed to my desk near the front and got my textbook, but I could hear Nino rummaging with some plastic bags at the back of the classroom.
“What about you Kousaka? Why are you still here?”
“Huh? Ah, well the person in charge of cleaning activities is absent today, so the teacher asked if I can take care of it, so here I am.”
“Wait, but aren’t you also busy with your classroom president activities as well?”
“I am, but this trash isn’t going to take itself out.”
<<Wow, what a diligent person>>
Nino was definitely the definition of responsible, and despite having other people's work passed on to her, she didn’t seem bothered at all. The least I could do was offer a helping hand.
“Kousaka-san, let me help you out with something,”
“Eh? Are you sure? It’s not much of a inconvenience for me”
“It’s fine, it also isn’t much of a bother to me either.”
“Well I certainly can’t refuse when Naoki-kun is asking so earnestly now can I? Hehe” Nino would say while she let out a small giggle.
<<Cute…>>
“If it’s fine with you, can you help me by taking this trash out to the back of the building? There should be some bins that you can’t miss.”
“Sure thing”
“Thanks, I appreciate it a lot”
--------------------------------
After leaving the classroom, I made my way to search for the trash bins behind the school building.
It was a pretty quiet place. Off in the distance one could hear the distinct sound of a bat hitting a ball, probably from the sports club training for their next match.
This also looked like the type of place students went to smoke in secret and hide from the teachers since it's so desolate. So it wasn’t hard for me to spot the bins near the corner of the building.
As I got closer to the bin, and was about to open the metal container, mid action I was stopped by a curious noise just from around the corner.
“Meoow~”
<<A cat?>>
“Nyaah~ Nyaah~”
<<A…person…?>>
“Meoow~”
As I peeked around the corner, an indescribably adorable scene unfolded before me. A small gray kitten with a red collar, lying on its back, was playfully swatting at the air.
But the most surprising part was who it was playing with. Imitating the cute cat noises was none other than Kido, crouched down and making paw gestures as she played with the cat.
“Nyaah~ Nyaah~”
“Meoow~”
I stood there watching in silence, captivated by this unexpected side of Kido. However, my presence didn’t go unnoticed and in the midst of her adorable cat act, the feline would stop playing and look directly at me, to which Kido would also turn around, just for her to meet my gaze.
“Ah.”
“Ah.”
Jolting up in a second, and standing stiff as a rock, Kido turned to face me.
“Na-na-naoki!” she stuttered, “What are you doing here?!” She said in a shaky voice while her cheeks flushed with embarrassment and soon after her whole face joined to turn red as a tomato.
“Just…taking out the trash haha…” I answered awkwardly while raising up the trash bags I held on both sides.
“Th-this isn’t what it seems!” and in a panicked voice, she switched between looking at me and the cat, “How…how much did you see…?”
“Just…your entire cat-versation,”
<<What the hell am I saying…>> I wanted to face palm, it was definitely not the right time to be cracking puns.
“Oh god just kill me now…” Kido then crouched down once again and covered her face with her hands.
It was intriguing to see this side of Kido. The girl from before who held herself with such elegance and confidence was now ducking down and hiding her face in embarrassment.
From her position she would open a little gap between her fingers allowing her to directly look at me and frown, “You know it’s rather rude to watch other people in silence like that…”
It definitely wasn’t my intention to spy on her like that, but she was correct regardless.
“Sorry, it’s just…well… I didn’t want to interrupt you and your little cat friend, since you two seem to get along pretty well”
Once again and flustered by something, she talked in a shaky voice, “W-what ever could you mean? I get along with a lot of people I’ll have you know! I-it’s not like this cat is the only friend I have,” looking to the side shortly after to avoid eye contact.
The cat was definitely her only friend.
Kido then glanced at the cat who was trying to climb up her legs and looking for more of her attention.
“You’re pretty good with animals,” I continued.
She let out a soft smile and her embarrassment slowly faded away, “You think so? I've always liked cats. Some people say cats are mean-spirited, but they can be really affectionate when they want to be.”
“I can tell, it seems this little guy really likes you”
Kido began to softly caress the top of the cat’s head, and the cat would meow and purr in response.
“It wasn’t always like this you know? It was honestly pure coincidence that I stumbled into him, and at first he wouldn’t open himself up to anyone. Maybe he was hurt by someone or abandoned by his owner, so it took a long time to build up his trust. Sometimes he bit or scratched me whenever I got close…but in the end, it was worth it. Now he’s just happy every time he sees me.”
“Did you also give him the red collar?”
“Yeah.”
<<Gawd damn it, do I really got nothing clever to say!>>
It was rather sudden to meet Kido like this, and combined with the fact I was panicking on what to say to her, the conversation suddenly dried up and the place was filled with an awkward silence. I wasn’t sure what to say, nor if I should say anything, but Kido would take the initiative and start speaking again.
“Did you know?”
“...?”
“There’s a famous saying that cats forget their owners after three days.”
“Is that so…”
“Doesn’t that saying sound crazy to you? I mean, the cat can spend so much time with someone, bonding, forming memories and being cared for. Then poof! Just like that…they forget them. It sort of reminds me of someone…”
<<Ouch>> A direct blow straight into my feelings.
“But that’s why… I don’t think the saying is true.”
The wind that had remained still until then, began to blow softly.
“I’m sure the cat will remember the person that cared for them all their lives. No… I know it remembers…”
Kido stopped petting the cat and in response, it began to cry for attention. But she didn’t go back to petting it, and instead she turned around and looked straight at me.
“I know why you’re here,” she said with a smile on her face.
“You…do…?”
“My father put you up to this didn’t he?”
<<Damn it Kido…You’re giving me too much credit!>> Her guess made me feel even worse, after all, she thought I was there for her, when in reality all I was doing was taking out the trash…
Although her guess was wrong, there's no denying that in the first place, I was going to search for her because of the things her father said to me, so regardless of the situation, I would always be in the end, ingenuine. So I couldn’t really say anything back.
“It’s alright, I'm not mad, and I don’t hate you either,” she continued.
“Kido I-”
“You don’t need to apologize for anything, in fact I should be the one saying sorry…Once again I acted before thinking. Don’t worry, I’ll talk to my father about it and I won’t be bothering you anymore.”
<<Shit! Shit! Shit! This isn’t how I wanted it to go!>>
“If that’s all, then I guess we might see each other around. Oh and please don’t say anything about the cat, I wanted to take him home, but it seems he likes to live here. See you, Kurogawa-kun”
Kido turned around and slowly started to walk away. Meanwhile, I just stood there gritting my teeth in silence like a dumbass.
<<Isn’t this what I wanted?>> I asked myself. Afterall, I wouldn’t have to deal with Kido anymore and she would take care of the problem with her father. I would avoid the cliches and relationships that I so adamantly declared I hate…but it’s all…wrong. Everything about the situation was wrong.
<<Should I just let her go just like that>> I thought as she walked away, <<Do I stop her? Do I call out for her?>>
In that very moment, those few seconds, milliseconds, just before she was completely out of reach. A memory, a familiar scene was coming back to me… it was the last day we saw each other as kids.
I began to recall faint glimpses of me reaching out to her, telling her to not leave as we both tried our best not to cry, and just before we split off…we made three promises.
“I promise…to…&*$&*....forget…”
“I promise…to… always…be…%$@^”
“I promise…to…$@^%#@$^@”
It was hazy, but that day, we swore on a pinky finger oath. And before I knew it, just like on that day, I had reached out to her. As such I found myself holding onto Kido’s arm once again.
“Kurogawa…?” she said as she looked back at me extremely flustered and confused.
“Gawh! Sorry!” I said as I let go of her arm and backed away in embarrassment.
“Like I said, you don’t need to feel guilty about anything.”
It was driving me insane, my thoughts were driving me insane. Everything felt like it was spiraling out of control. The line between right and wrong seemed so blurry…was I even right to begin with?
But despite the chaos, just the thought and the image of Kido’s red swollen eyes, left one thing clear. I couldn’t just let her walk away.
I met Kido’s gaze, her emerald eyes reflected a hint of surprise, “Tomiko-san!”
“First of all, I’m sorry,” I continued, swallowing the lump in my throat.
“I’m sorry for not being honest with you until now, for pretending not to remember. I know it seems insincere, especially given the whole deal with your father, but I need to set things right.”
“I do remember you and our childhood together. I know. It’s too late now for my apology to mean much, but I couldn’t let you walk away thinking any of this was your fault, and even more without acknowledging how much of an asshole i’ve been…You have every reason to hate and detest my guts, and i’d also understand if you never wanted to see me again, but I can’t let you leave without asking sincerely for your forgiveness. So again, I apologize.”
Kido’s expression was a mix of confusion and contemplation. I braced myself for her reaction, expecting anger or hatred. But to my surprise, she simply remained quiet.
For what felt like an eternity, Kido remained looking down, but her eyebrows gave away how she was feeling.
Finally, she spoke in a subdued tone, “What’s wrong with you? You think this is a romance story or something? You think saying those things will make up for it? Your apologies won’t fix everything. Stop spouting such stupid cringy lines.”
Closing the distance between us, Kido raised her hand, building momentum for the greatest slap to ever be witnessed. But just before she swung, she hesitated and let her hand down, instead opting for a gentle punch to my chest instead.
“Idiot. Why couldn’t you just tell the truth from the beginning” she said as she frowned.
“Sorry,” I muttered, feeling the weight of my actions.
“Don’t think for one second this changes everything,”
“That’s fine”
Kido suddenly and energetically walked a few steps away before stretching her arms out and breaking the tension, “Gyah! Enough with this melodrama!” she declared.
“So tell me Naoki, do you remember them?” she said with her energetic smile.
“Remember what?”
“Our promises you fucking idiot!” As such, she proceeded to bonk me in the head.
“Oh, those,” I said, trying to recall, “Well…about that…”
“You don’t…remember them?! After you just made your grand apology?!”
“Wait wait wait, I do remember them…kinda, they’re just foggy but I remember them!”
“Then say one.”
“Ugh. Ok, ok, give me time to remember”
“You’ve got 5 seconds.”
“I promise…to…I promise to…”
“3…2…1…”
Just before she finished counting down, I was able to remember one of them.
“I promise to never forget the time we spent together” I declared, and was relieved to have remembered at least one.
“Haaa~” Kido would let out a deep sigh.
“Well what a lie that was wasn’t it?” she said to me in a teasing way.
“Then the other two?”
“Well…I can’t recall them…sorry…”
Kido would look at me in disappointment, “haa~ you really are a dummy aren’t you”
“I’m sure i’ll remember them soon…”
“Then until you remember” she said as she walked away and put her arms behind her back, “We aren’t childhood friends and we don’t know each other.”
“Ugh… Alright…I understand”
“...So instead, we can start anew, as friends.”
“What?!” I said surprised.
“What? You aren’t happy?”
“No, no, no, I most definitely am.”
Kido turned around, and with her beautiful looks and the biggest smile I've seen from her thus far, she declared, “Then let’s do this properly.”
She then extended her hands for a handshake, “It’s a pleasure to meet you Naoki Kurogawa, I’m Kido Tomiko and I hope we can get along.”
Returning her handshake, I smiled warmly. “The pleasure is all mine.”
“Hehe, I’m glad” she chuckled softly.
“Then let’s be good friends from now on shall we Naoki?”
“Absolutely.” I said as I proceeded to shake hands with Kido with a renewed determination.
---------------------------------
“So what do you think sir?”
“Well that will do for now I suppose, as long as Kido seems satisfied that's enough for me, you can all withdraw,”
“Understood sir.”
<<So that’s the route you’ve chosen to take huh Naoki…Let’s hope you don’t run away this time, for your and Kido’s sake…mostly for Kido’s sake.>>
“Wait, there's someone else approaching sir! It seems to be a feminine figure”
<<Hmm~ Well things are about to get interesting>>
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Welp, I must admit, I'm pretty hot garbage when it comes to knowing when to form and break relationships. Frankly I can’t say I feel any more confident about forming connections with people, but at least with Kido, I don’t think i’ll regret it. At least in this very moment nothing can go wrong anymore.
“Naoki-kun?” Called out a different feminine voice from behind me.
Upon turning around, Misaki was just standing there staring at us with eyes full of curiosity, especially focused on the fact we were shaking hands. Kido would then look as well and both their eyes would interlock.
“And who might this be huh naoki-kun???” asked Kido in a terrifying voice hidden behind a calm demeanor, she’s just like her mother in many aspects.
That’s right, there was one other variable I had forgotten about, Seo Misaki.
In the brief time I had with Kido, I had forgotten the long problem that had been plaguing me my whole life…cliches.
As such, I found myself lodged in between a terrifying staring contest between these two, to the point I could easily imagine sparks of electricity forming between them.
I just hope I come out of this alive.
This story is definitely going in my dark history.