Hi, my name is Michael. Or at least it used to be. This is the story of the exceptionally long path I took to discovering my true self. Let’s back up a little, to my childhood in the late 90’s and early 2000’s.

When I was little, I was your typical boy with a normal family. I had a mom, a dad, and a big sister who's a couple of years older than me. I liked video games, cartoons, riding my bike and playing outside. All your normal boy stuff. Never once did I think about being a girl or anything like that, I was just a boy, and it was fine.

My sister, Tara, and I had a shared passion for Pokémon. I liked the ones that looked cool and could hit really hard. She liked the cutesy ones, especially Pikachu. Still, playing with her was some of the happiest times of my childhood. I look back fondly on this.

Honestly, my life seemed normal, until I was about twelve. One lazy Saturday, Tara was supposed to be watching me while Mom and Dad were out. Once they were gone though, I saw her headed for the front door.

“Hey, where are you going?” I asked.

“Out,” she said. “Samantha invited me to see a movie with her.”

 “I wanna come!” I whined. Truthfully, I just didn’t want to be alone.

She gave me a stern look. “It’s just us Mikey, I don’t have money for you. Besides, you’re a big boy now. You can take care of yourself.”

I always hated when she called me that. I preferred to just be called Michael. That was my name! No one really got that, they still insisted on calling me other names. Mickey was the worst, I wasn’t some mouse!

Bored and alone in the house, I went to watch TV. After flipping channels for a while, nothing really caught my interest. So I went to play video games instead, I had a Nintendo 64 in my bedroom so that would surely lighten the mood. Only, when I got there, it wasn’t there.

“Crap,” I thought. “Tara must have taken it again without asking. Fine, I’ll just go get it.”

So I went to her room. On the door, there was a sign that read “KEEP OUT”. She didn’t like anyone going in there while she wasn’t home. But I was bored, so I needed the N64 back. With that, I went in. It was your typical teenage girl room, boy band posters on the walls, plushies, makeup and lots and lots of pink. Pink was dumb, such a girly color. I looked around until I spotted it. Sure enough, the N64 was hooked up to her TV. Would it kill her to ask next time? Whatever, at least I had it now.

As I went to retrieve the system, I saw Tara’s closet hanging open. Normally, she had it closed when I was in here. What did she not want me to see? Curiosity got the better of me as I decided to get a closer look. Clothes, shoes, stuff I’d seen her wear plenty of times. That’s when I saw it, a beautiful blue dress, with puffy sleeves and white frills adorning it. It was Tara’s flower girl dress from our aunt's wedding last year. She hadn't cared too much for it at the time, but it meant a lot to our family. I don’t know what came over me at that moment, but suddenly something inside me said I had to wear it.

This was crazy, right? I’m a boy, I shouldn’t wear girl’s clothes. But the urge was strong, I couldn’t resist. With shaky hands, I gently removed the dress and placed it on the bed. Nervously, I stripped off my own clothes and looked at the dress. Was I really gonna do this? With a deep breath, I pulled the dress over my head and let the silky material fall down my body. I had shivers as I felt it around me. It was so soft and smooth, it was like nothing I’d ever worn before!

I looked down at myself, I couldn’t believe I was wearing a dress! It was a bit snug in spots, but otherwise it felt nice. I quickly rushed over to her mirror to get a better look. Honestly, I kinda liked it. I turned from side to side and even played with the skirt. But something was missing. I just looked like a boy in a dress, how could I fix that? I went back to the closet and found an old box. Opening it, I found a wig Tara had used for an Ariel costume for Halloween a few years ago. I quickly put that on and adjusted it, before going back to the mirror. The long hair definitely helped, I looked pretty! Did I want to look pretty though?

As I looked at myself, I had a weird feeling downstairs. This was a new and strange sensation, I tried to ignore it to enjoy the moment. What else could I do? I looked around once more and saw my sister’s makeup. That could be fun, how hard could it be? I vaguely knew what each piece was and how it was used, thanks to TV and watching my mom do her makeup a few times. I went to her vanity mirror and got to work.

By now, video games were the farthest thing from my mind. I was having way too much fun with all of this. I finished up the makeup with some lipstick. I looked ridiculous, I clearly had way too much makeup on and none of it looked right. Still, I couldn’t help but enjoy this feeling! Maybe all this girly stuff wasn’t so bad after all!

That’s when I heard the front door open. Crap, Tara was home from the movies. I’d spent way too much time with all of this and I was still in her room. I quickly took off the wig and dress, putting them both back in the closet haphazardly. I grabbed my clothes and ran for the bathroom, hoping to make it before she came upstairs. I heard her call out my name just as I closed the bathroom door. 

“Mike! Are you up there?” she called out, clearly looking for me.

“I’m in the bathroom!” I answered, as I tried to wash the makeup off my face. I couldn’t let her see me like this! I managed to get enough off and got my clothes back on. Hopefully she wouldn’t notice anything. I flushed the toilet to cover my tracks and came out.

“There you are,” Tara said. “You were in there a while.”

“Yea, so? Why do you care? You’re the one who ditched me to go see a movie,” I shot back. Truthfully, I didn’t really care. I’d just had an amazing, if weird, time by myself.

“Hey, I’m sorry ok? Samantha really wanted to hang out today. We’ve been planning this for a week. How was I supposed to know Mom and Dad would go out?”

“Whatever,” I replied. “Can I get the N64 back? You took it out of my room.”

“It belongs to both of us, remember? I wanted to play for a while. Fine, you can have it.”

Tara went to get it for me. She looked around her room and noticed various things out of place. Her closet was wide open, her old wig was hanging out of its box and her flower girl dress was at the bottom of the closet. At first, she thought the cat had gotten into it, but no way had he done this much. She looked at the room some more and saw her vanity table was a mess. It looked like a tornado had swept through that one specific spot, or a certain little brother. What the hell? Why did he do all of this? This was too weird. Tempted as she was to yell at me for it, she decided to just keep quiet about it for now and got the N64 for me.

I spent the rest of the day in my room, playing games. While I played, my mind wandered back to what I had just done. Why had I gone through so much effort to look like a girl? I tried to push the thoughts away and just focus on gaming. After a while, Mom and Dad got home and things carried on as usual. Little did I know, this would just be the start of a wild journey in my life...

Chapter 1 End.