We decided to do a few casual games first, to warm up, which was probably a good idea. After all, I was still kind of distracted basking in the euphoric glow of a prank well executed, so wouldn't exactly be operating at capacity. Maddie's voice knocked me out of that into an entirely different kind of euphoria.

"Uh, hiya Grace! Kinda forgot that we were in a team so I could just use voice chat instead of typing everything out!" Okay, being called Grace via text was one thing, but with a voice attached? That was transcendent. I had no idea doing a prank would be so thrilling! "No pressure for you to though!" She added on, a little awkwardly.

grlpwerd: yeah i dont think i will sorry

grlpwerd: i just dont really like the way my voice sounds

Damn, I was good. Being insecure about your voice was a super normal thing, and it was a perfect excuse to avoid giving the game away by talking. Plus, it was another piece of the ruse that was easy to maintain, seeing as how I really didn't like the sound of my own voice.

"Yeah, don't worry about it! I totally getchu, I could totally ask Bridget for her voice coaches' e-mail, if you're interested?" Oh, was Bridget a singer or something? That's cool, I really admired girls who could sing. Not that I could ever be one. A singer, that is. I was completely tone-deaf, and had no sense of rhythm. That's without even mentioning the despising-my-voice thing. Still, I don't see how a singing coach would help me not hate the way I sounded. "No pressure though! I support you no matter what! Whatever steps you choose to take or choose not to take are totally valid!"

There Maddie went again, not making any sense. At least this time I could hear her talking, which was nice. Her voice was really lovely, and a little soothing, despite the frantic energy she put into it. Oh shit, I probably shouldn't just leave her hanging. Best not to mention what I was just thinking about though, don't want to be weird.

grlpwerd: your voice is really nice...

Curse you, hands that move without thought! Why was I being so creepy? That was possibly the worst way to not leave her hanging. Somehow, despite my awkwardness, she giggled. A soft, airy giggle, the kind that one must imagine as belonging to an angel.

"I really appreciate that, but you can't have it! It's mine!" After another angelic giggle, her voice shifted almost imperceptibly. "If I may be so bold, I would guess that you're just too busy caught up in your own head to notice the fact that you already have a pretty voice."

Oh. Okay, so maybe my brain melted just a tad. But she was just saying that because she thought I was, you know, a girl. A girl with a girl's voice, one that sounded nice, like all girls did. If she knew the truth, she would definitely change her tune. Still, she had planted the idea in my head, and it took root like a weed. I couldn't help but imagine a reality where what she was saying was true, where I really did have a cute girl's voice. Obviously, in that reality, I would have to be a girl, and in that reality it would theoretically be really nice to have her tell me I had a pretty voice and that I was a good girl and-

grlpwerd: askdfjaasdf

My brain was kind of turned off by that point, lost in the reality she had conjured in my mind, but her voice brought me back. It was another giggle, the kind that made you feel like you're floating.

"Okay, okay, we should probably actually start queuing if we wanna play the game sometime tonight."

I didn't make an attempt to reply, worried that my fingers would betray my emotions if I did. Luckily, she took my lack of response as assent, and queued us into a casual game. Unfortunately, my reticence once again got the better of me, and one of our teammates was able to lock Grace before I could. Oh no. Well, this sucked. It was a stark reminder as to why I tried to play in as large a stack as possible, to prevent such an occurrence. And worse, this time I didn't even have a friend to ask them to switch for me! I could try asking Maddie, but that would be awkward, and she would think less of me for not being able to stand up for myself. I guess I'd have to resign myself to playing as Velocio or Daoli, and being an anchor for the duration of the game. At least it wasn't a competitive game, I suppose. Wait, what was that message in chat?

xX_MaddieSin_Xx: Hey, do you mind swapping off Grace? My friend doesn't know how to play anyone else

Maddie thought we were friends? And she was sticking up for me? What did I do to deserve that?

fox_Wrecker: tell her to learn then lol

Hehehe. Another innocent stranger falls victim to my incredible pranking skills. Why didn't more people do pranks like this? Just going around online, pretending to be a girl, having people refer to you as a girl, call you by a girl's name. It was the sort of low-level background prank that was just easy and super rewarding to engage in. It would be even funnier if I could pull this kind of prank on everyone, not just people online. But that kind of thing was impossible. Obviously people would be able to tell I was really a guy without the shield of online anonymity. It would be extremely funny though, and just thinking about it made my stomach fill with butterflies and coaxed out an involuntary smile of pure joy. I can't believe this kind of feeling is what I was missing out on by never really getting into pranks before!

Wait, dangit, I was so caught up in the joy of having tricked someone else into believing I was a girl that I forgot to actually register what was going on. Frick. This fox_Wrecker was not planning on switching. Which meant I would have to try playing a different character. And when Maddie saw how poorly I was playing, she'd probably sour on the idea of playing comp with me.

"Sorry about that Grace, I tried to ask them to switch but it looks like they won't budge. Do you want to try playing someone else or would you prefer to quit and try a different match?"

Why was she being so understanding? Surely she should be upset at me by now? I'm being nothing but an inconvenience.

grlpwerd: no no its ok i can play someone else

Maddie stifled a laugh. "Well, even if you can't play as Grace, at least you'll still be Grace!"

Oh yeah, I guess I told her my name was Grace, didn't I? I forgot about that. I guess it just doesn't feel realistic. Like, I know what I look like, even if I try to ignore that particular reality, and the name Grace really doesn't fit me well. That's not to say it isn't a lovely name! It's an intensely pretty name, and I really like it. I'd love to be the kind of person for whom a name like Grace fits, you know?

grlpwerd: haha yeah i guess so

grlpwerd: sorry it took me asecond to get that

grlpwerd: im not used to it

What the hell, Grace! Why would you admit something like that? You basically gave the entire game away! How are you possibly going to recover from this?

"That's fine! I totally get it. I guess if you're not used to being called Grace yet, I ought to help you familiarise yourself with it. Isn't that right, Grace?"

Ok, somehow despite that massive blunder you managed to come out on top. Maddie sure does seem surprisingly understanding despite not knowing what's going on at all, which is nice. I feel kind of bad lying to her, but the prankster's high is too sweet to pass up. Soon enough, the match started proper, and I had picked Velocio, which felt weird, bad and gross. It felt like wearing a shirt made to fit someone else, y'know? I guess I'd gotten so comfortable playing Grace (the character in the game, that is) that playing a different character felt wrong somehow. Being terrible as I was at any hero besides Grace, I ended up dying quite often, which I felt bad about.

grlpwerd: god I hate having to play as velocio. wish I could just be grace

"You are Grace, silly. Also, if it upsets you that much, maybe you could try playing a different character?"

Her calling me Grace, and not only that, calling me silly, sent a shiver down my spine. There was a lull in conversation, mainly because it was hard to play the game and type simultaneously, and I'd rather avoid anchoring our team any further than I was. When I died again, I continued.

grlpwerd: who could I even play though? daoli is way too hard

Sometimes I wished the game had more healer characters. What were the devs thinking, releasing a game with twenty-something heroes, only 3 of which being healers? I also wished there was at least one other healer who was a girl, for no reason in particular.

"Just play a non-healing character then! It's casual, teamcomp isn't too important, just try playing like Sketcher, or something."

Okay. Yeah. Maybe I would. Sketcher might be a pretty difficult character to succeed with, but it is only casual play after all. As soon as I switched character, it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It still felt weird, but losing out on bad and gross was definitely an improvement. Sure, I ended up playing even worse than before, and probably cost our team the match several times over, but at least I was having fun, even if I was still dying a lot. In the post-game statistics screen, I received the medal for "most deaths" which I didn't even know was a medal that existed, but somehow I got it.

"How did that feel? Better, or worse than Velocio?"

grlpwerd: defintitely way better

grlpwerd: i wonder why

grlpwerd: its not like i was any good as her

"Yeah, but you didn't have to pretend to be a boy, which probably helped. Maybe you should avoid picking any guy characters in the future, Grace."

grlpwerd: youre one to talk

grlpwerd: you played as lloyd that entire game

Maddie chuckled slightly, a reassuring sound. "That is true. But I meant more like, for girls like you, I know that kind of thing can cause a lot of distress."

Huh. What did she mean, "girls like me"? I couldn't help the feeling there was something I was missing here. Some crucial piece of information that would really cause things to click into place. But alas, I certainly couldn't ask her about it, that would risk blowing my cover, and the idea of her realising I wasn't really a girl made me really distressed. She was right though, weirdly. I hadn't really played as any other characters, or played other video games since I started playing LookOut!, and the idea of having to go back to playing boy characters in video games repulsed me. Of course, it's not exactly like I could play a girl character in those games, since, y'know, I wasn't a girl.

Shake those thoughts off. Now is not the time for vague introspection. Now is the time for video games!

grlpwerd: you ready for a comp?

"Oh, already? I would have thought you'd need to warm up properly, as Grace this time."

grlpwerd: i dont need any warm up

grlpwerd: ive already been warming up as grace for the past fifteen minutes

grlpwerd: i mean forever

grlpwerd: i've been grace the whole time is what i mean

Ok, now I guess I had passed into outright lying.