I... Did I hear that right? Did May just say his girlfriend was a lesbian? That... doesn't make sense.

"I'm sorry, I think I must have misheard you. I thought you said your girlfriend was a lesbian, but-"

May nodded meekly, bisecting my thoughts. So I hadn't misheard. May really just said his girlfriend was a lesbian. So, barring some tremendous misunderstanding of lesbianism on my part, that meant... what did it mean? I suppose it was worth considering that May was, like me, engaging in the art of pretending to be a girl, but I just couldn't see it happening. Not that May wouldn't be able to carry the pretense offline, god knows he was pretty enough for it, but I didn't think he would. He was far too sweet and innocent to prank someone like that. So, that left only one option. May really was a girl. Which certainly checked out, the distaste for masculine terms of address, the preference for using a girl's name over her real name. Wait. Was that her real name, or was May? Did it matter, if she preferred May? Regardless, May was a girl. God, that felt nice to think aloud. I always felt weird thinking of her as a boy, but I just assumed it was because I was having trouble reconciling my crush on her.

My crush on her! Right! If May was a girl, that meant I didn't have a crush on a boy! I wasn't bi after all, I was... well, I guess I was straight. Why did that disappoint me?

Never mind, push that thought as far aside as possible. If May was a girl, why pretend to be a boy? I'd already thoroughly dismissed the idea of her being a prankster, so it couldn't be that. Maybe, for some reason her name and gender were input incorrectly on the school records, so she had to pretend in order to go to school? That didn't seem super likely, but why else would a girl pretend to be a boy? Girls are like, easily superior, and being a girl would be so much nicer than being a boy, but I suppose that was my own personal breakage speaking. Boys probably weren't supposed to think being a girl was better.

I managed to abscond from my own spiraling thoughts long enough to see May staring expectantly at me. Right, she'd probably just explained everything to me, and was waiting for a response. And I hadn't been listening. Luckily, thanks to my keen investigative mind, I had deduced exactly the circumstances that led to her pretending to be a boy. So I knew just what to say. "Thank you so much for deciding to trust me with this."

May responded with a wide, beaming smile. Her eyes lit up in the most adorable way. I decided to continue, to see how wide I could get that smile. "Honestly, I should have had you pegged way earlier." A slight blush. Not what I expected. Did I say something wrong? "Like, in retrospect, you were so obviously a girl the entire time, I don't know how I hadn't already pieced things together." An even bigger blush. That wasn't the reaction I was aiming for, but it was really nice, so I elected to press my advantage. "I really should have figured things out the moment I laid eyes on you. Like, they don't even make boys that pretty, so obviously you have to be a girl, you know what I mean?" Okay, now she was practically swooning. Dial it back a bit, Casanova.

I was concerned about her, though. It would probably hurt a lot to have to deal with everyone calling you the wrong name, and thinking you were the wrong gender. That kind of thing could really make someone depressed, I assumed. "Something I was wondering, though, is like, isn't there anything you can do about it? Like, updating your name and gender with the school?"

"I, uh, I think I could, but, uhm, I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet. Like, I don't think I'm ready for everyone to know." Huh. That was weird. If I was a girl, I'd be shouting it from the rooftops. Her face was wracked with concern despite the vestiges of blush from my teasing. "Is... is that all, though? You didn't have anything else you wanted to say?"

What did she think I was going to say? It felt like I wasn't playing with a full deck here, like someone was asking me to connect the dots without letting me see any of the dots. If I'd been paying attention earlier, maybe I'd have figured it out by now. This was infuriating. "No, not really? Is there something I'm supposed to say?"

"It's just- I was just thinking- You know, because of how I was coming out, telling you about how I was a girl, I figured that maybe...?" She looked at me, puzzled. I felt bad for not recognising her implication here, but there was nothing I could do. "Look, do you remember that time you came over to my house for a sleepover, and we were playing Giovanni Kart on that really old console, and it only had one girl character, so we played paper scissors rock to decide who got to play her?" Of course I remembered that time. I really wanted to play as Princess Apricot, just because I really liked her design. I nodded. "And then when we were in our sleeping bags I told you that I wished I could be a girl? And you said you felt the same way?" I... didn't remember that. I must have been pretty tired to forget such an earth-shattering revelation. May felt the same way as I did? Wait, but May was actually a girl. Could that mean? Oh, of course. I'm so stupid. How could I have missed such an obvious conclusion!

May thinks I'm a girl, too! And that I was also pretending to be a boy because of poor record-keeping on the school's behalf. That explained everything. I don't know how she thought I could be a girl, when I looked... well, the way I looked. Broad shoulders, a jaw that could cut diamonds, rough, scratchy stubble that just wouldn't stay gone, six feet even, I could go on. Like, a single glance at me should be more than enough to expel any notion that I might be a girl. And yet she still thought I was one? How? "Uhm, uh.... But- No- But- I- I'm not- I couldn't- I'm not- I- I- I could never-"

She wrapped me up in a hug. "Shhhh." Gosh, she was so warm. "Yes, you could. If you wanted to."

I was full-on blubbering now. "B-b-but you d-d-don't understand-"

"I understand exactly what you're going through, June. It's ok. I promise it's allowed."

But she didn't understand. She was a girl. Like, really, a girl. I just wanted to be one. It didn't matter how badly I wanted it, I could never be like her. Oh god, was that the only reason she was my friend? Because she thought I was a girl, like her?

I tore myself from her arms. I had to get away from her. I ran, and I ran. After a while of running I realised I was heading in the opposite direction of where I should be going, but I didn't care. I just kept running. I had to put distance between myself and, well, everything. Eventually, I found myself in the woods near school. I sat there for a while, in silence, cutting off any thoughts that threatened to form. I just... I couldn't allow myself to think. To consider things. I was scared of what conclusion I might come to.

Eventually, I noticed that I was sitting in the middle of some unfamiliar woods, and I had no idea which way lead back to school. Luckily, I had a mobile phone on me. It was technically for emergencies only, so I generously decided to classify this as one. I had mobile data, but very little of it. I turned it on, loaded the Maps app, got a screenshot of my location, then turned it back off. I had to conserve my data as best I could. Luckily, I didn't look too far from school grounds, so it would only be a ten minute walk. Unfortunately, the brief period my mobile data was on was more than enough time to receive a flood of notifications on messaging apps. One from my sister, asking why I hadn't come home yet and if I needed her to cover for me with Mum, which was greatly appreciated, and likely didn't warrant a response. A string of texts from Maddie, which, while exciting, really weren't something I could deal with at the moment. And then a *lot* of messages from May. I guess I should probably deal with them.

The first thing I noticed was how much more sense May's username made. MissMayPlays always seemed a little odd, but I just assumed it was a pun on "misplay" with her name shoved in the middle. Come to think of it, maybe there were a few signs she was a girl that I didn't pick up on. The messages, on the other hand, were concerning.

MissMayPlays:

hey june
i'm sorry for like
pushing you
it was wrong of me
i understand if you aren't ready
or if you don't feel the same way
i might have just been projecting my feelings onto you
i just
i'm sorry
please talk to me
are you ok?
please dont hate me
im really sorry june

Oh jeez. I should reply, at least. I owe her that much. I flicked my mobile data back on.

grlpwerd:

im ok
sorry for not replying
i dont have much data
ill be ok
please dont worry

Hopefully that was enough for now. I practically ran the rest of the way to the bike shed, and pedaled my heart out trying to get home. I craved the embrace of my bed, and of the nothingness it would bring. Since I knew my sister would be home, I wouldn't need to worry about being ambushed by the puppy, provided I was quiet enough. Unfortunately, I considerably underestimated the hearing capabilities of canines, and saw her bounding down the corridor towards me, my sister in tow.

As I tried to stop Lucy from licking my face, something she seemed surprisingly invested in, my sister opened my room's door, and the two of them jumped on my bed. My sister began petting the dog, which gave me a window of time in which I could avoid their attentions. Not a very large window, sadly, as I'd barely kicked off my shoes before my sister began interrogating.

"Jesus, J, you look like you've had a rough day. Wanna talk about it?" Ever the one for subtlety, my sister. For some reason, she had gotten in the habit of using my first initial, instead of my name. Not that I was complaining.

"Just school stuff, ok? Exams are coming up soon." It wasn't a very complex deflection, but I hoped it was enough.

"That might work on Mum, but not me, buster. I remember exams last year, you barely even studied."

"Well maybe I'm trying to turn over a new leaf, huh?"

She snorted. "Not likely. Why not just tell the truth?" Her voice jumped an octave. "It'll get me out of your ha-a-air." She loved to rub her musical talents in my face like that.

Okay, well if school wasn't working, I'd have to try another angle. Something more... personal, something she'd rather stay out of. "Fine. It's girl troubles, does that satisfy you?"

"Huh. Honestly shocked you're even into girls."

My face went red, and I saw it. "Alright. That's enough! Out. Now."

"Hey, it wasn't an insult! There's nothing wrong with being gay!"

"I know! Just get out! I've told you more than I feel comfortable with already!"

"Fine! God, I try to have one conversation with you." She turned to face the dog again, and her tone shifted completely. "Come on Lucy, let's go back to my room. You wanna go to the room?" Lucy leapt out of bed and barreled down the hall. As my sister walked off, she yelled "I love you!" in a voice that was far angrier than it needed to be.

I responded with an equally angry "Love you too!", and sunk into my chair. God, siblings.

abby_gay_ill

sorry this chapter doesn't have a particularly exciting ending, but if i do a good enough job, the next one will make up for it!