I feel like I have the best kind of secret. 

A secret that I’m sharing with Sean. Ever since I brought up the possibility of the Weekend Club it’s like there has been this fire between us. And while it’s only been a few days, and I’ve been too busy with work and Donnie to get the ball rolling, even just the conversation seems to have created the most delicious little tension between us.

"Hey," Sean greets me, as I emerge from my office to get another cup of coffee. He presses me against the wall, brushing his nose over my neck, and I laugh and wrap my arms around him.

"What’s this about?”

"Just… thinking a lot," he replies, nuzzling against me. "About us. About you..."

I snuggle into him and grin. I know how he feels. Even in the midst of the normal hustle and bustle of life, having a secret to share between just us is invigorating.

That night, once we have put Donnie to bed, Sean and I settle down with a glass of wine to actually look at how we’re going to get into this club. I’m still not certain Sean is actually going to go along with it, but he seems just as invested as me as he slips an arm around my shoulders.

“You’ve been doing some research?” he asks. 

I nod. “Trying to get an idea of the rules and regulations,” I mutter. 

“What exactly are we looking at here?” he wonders aloud. “I thought it was meant to be some… free-for-all, or something.”

“That’s what I thought, too, but they have plenty of stuff in place just to make sure that people aren’t going to get exposed,” I explain. “Which, I guess, is a good thing. Since I don’t want everyone to know – ”

“That you’ve been getting horny just thinking about it?” he teases me. 

I grin at him. “Something like that.”

I fill him in on the rules. First things first, a sign-up fee of about a hundred pounds. Meant to filter out people just looking to snoop around on there and get a feel for which of their friends and family have turned out to be sexual deviants. Luckily, we have enough in our savings that we can pay that without too much concern, and once we have, we are allowed to set up our profile.

The first rule of this place is that you start local. Start with people you might actually share something in common with. To be honest, I have been imagining running off across the country to meet up with some exotic stranger, but maybe this is for the best. More locally, we don’t have to worry about travelling or ending up on a crappy date with no way to call a cab and get back home. The app links you up with people in your area at first, and, kind of like Tinder, you swipe yes or no on them and have it reveal one way or another what they think of you.

Second, total discretion. Everything that happens in the confines of this club, stays just there. I like that – gives me a little more freedom to do what I want, to bring all my fantasies to life. I can be a different version of myself here, and I can hardly wait to find out what she might be into.

And third, of course – no judgement. No matter what someone’s into, whether it floats your boat or not, you hear them out. You don’t have to do anything, but you have to be open to at least discovering what other people are into.

“Can we start going through potential matches?” Sean asks once we have set up our separate profiles. We have been a unit for so long that even doing that feels strange, somehow. But in a good way. In a new way.

“Yeah, I think so,” I reply, and the two of us start scrolling through our potential matches. “If you can stand to deal with me looking at another man.”

“Oh, trust me, I can manage it,” he replies. “The thought of you being with someone else is…” He trails off, resting his teeth on his bottom lip for a moment as he looks at me. “A lot. In a good way.”

Honestly, there are so many more people on here than I had expected. So many more hot people, too. Not just old people trying to spice up an ancient marriage. There are stacks of people our age, some even younger. I suppose that being non-monogamous is sort of trendy these days, after all. 

“Hey, is this who I think it is?” Sean asks, holding his phone out to show me the person on it. I raise my eyebrows when I realise that it’s someone we know. Someone we know very well, actually.

“I think it is,” I murmur. I furrow my brow for a moment, making sure that I am not losing my mind. Then I nod with certainty.

“That’s her,” I reply. “That’s Meghan.”

“I can’t believe next door is on here,” he mutters, shaking his head with amusement. I watch as he swipes yes on her.

“Oh, so that’s what you’ve been thinking about this whole time, huh?” I tease him.

“They said to start close to home, didn’t they?” he points out. “I don’t see a way to start much closer than this…”

He has a point. We’ve lived next door to Steffan and Meghan for a long time now. They were here when we moved in, and they’ve always been picture-perfect neighbours. Polite, generous, friendly. We’ve had them over for dinner several times, and they invite us over to theirs on occasion.

And I’d be lying if I’d said that I’d never noticed how well they have maintained themselves. They are a little older than us, early forties, maybe, and Meghan always has the most impeccable mane of auburn hair that matches the flecks in her brown eyes. Her skin is always lightly tanned, like she’s just come back from a long, expensive holiday, and her husband has the same energy. With his salt-and-pepper hair and that strong body contained beneath his button-down shirts, I’ve always found him a bit intriguing.

And since Meghan is on the app, that should mean he is too…

Sure enough, after a few more minutes, I let out a squeak of excitement.

“Oh my God, look, there he is!” I exclaim. “Do you think that they’ve seen us here as well?”

“They might have,” Sean says. “Do you think they’ll swipe yes or no on us?”

“Only one way to find out,” I reply, and I quickly swipe yes next to Steffan’s face. There is something about the way he is smiling in his profile picture that makes me feel a little fuzzy around the edges, in the best way possible.

“Do we really want to jump in with people who live right next door?” Sean asks. 

I pause for a moment. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, if they say no, then they’re going to know that we want to… you know.” He waves his hand vaguely.

“But they’re admitting the same thing just by being on here,” I point out. “It’s mutually assured… horniness, I guess. If they gossip about seeing us here, then they’ll just be admitting that they are, too, right?”

“You have a point,” he mutters, and he looks back down at the screen again. This time, I can see the shift inside him, the excitement building at realising this is both fun and safe.

By the time Sean and I head to bed, both of us can barely contain our excitement. He slides his hand over my thigh as we lie next to each other, as though making sure I am still right there beside him. I smile, arch my back, and snuggle towards him. I can feel his hard-on against me, and I wonder if the next woman he is with will enjoy it as much as I do.

We wake to a ping from his phone early the next day. I lift my head from the pillow and look over at him.

“Is it them?” I ask with excitement. He shakes his head.

“Just a LinkedIn notification about a bar management job,” he replies, his voice thick with sleep. “Are you doing Donnie’s breakfast or shall I?”

“I will,” I reply with a little sigh, rolling out of bed.

I scoop Donnie up out of bed. Even though he’s getting a little too big for that these days, I can’t resist stealing a little moment to hang out with him like that.

“Good morning, baby,” I murmur, planting a kiss against his cheek as I take my yawning son through to the kitchen.

I pour him his usual bowl of cereal, and he insists on offering me a few bites as he chows down.

I smile and lean over to take a bite off of his spoon. I’m deflated after the excitement of the night before, signing up to everything and feeling like Sean and I were going somewhere. And now, it all comes bumping back down to Earth, reminding me that I have a real life. The normalcy of it sticks in my throat.

I push those thoughts to the back of my head and focus on my son. I know that I’m not going to be able to stay focused on work today, and I need to distract myself. Fortunately, Donnie has always been the best way for me to do that. From the moment he came along, he’s been my reason to drag myself through even the hardest days. 

We hang out and watch some cartoons, then pull out a colouring book for him to work through while I pick out his pencils for him. He is getting better at staying in the lines, and he bites his tongue between his teeth as he works, carefully shading in the mermaid on the page until he is satisfied with it.

“What do you think?” he asks me as he turns it around to face me. I nod, grinning.

“It’s beautiful,” I reply, and I kiss the top of his head. “Do you want a snack?”

I make it through the rest of the day and manage to keep myself busy, but later, after dinner, as I pin up Donnie’s mermaid to the fridge, I can’t help but feel a little…

Trapped. Seeing that mermaid, contained in the four lines of that paper, just brings it home to me. I feel like she does, stuck inside the limits of my life. The domestic life is best lived with plenty to offset it, plenty to make sure that I am always happy to come home to this.

I go to bed that evening and snuggle up against Sean.

“You okay?” he asks as I rest my head on his chest. He smells familiar. The way he rests his hands on my hip is the definition of normalcy. 

I nod. “Yeah, I’m good. Just looking forward to starting everything with the club, you know?”

“I know,” he agrees. He drops a kiss on the top of my head. “But it’ll happen. No rush, right?”

“No rush,” I echo. And soon enough, I find myself dozing off, fatigued from the malaise of the day just past.

The next morning, I again wake to the sound of Sean’s phone. He reaches over to check it, and his face lights up.

“Everything okay?” I ask him sleepily, rubbing my eyes. He nods.

“Oh, yeah,” he replies. He holds out his phone to show me what has him so excited. I can’t help but laugh when I see that it’s a notification that he has matched with Meghan.

“Oh my God. She’s really into you, huh?”

“Yeah, looks like she’s not the only one who’s been thinking about having us over for more than just barbecues,” he remarks. I giggle. I thought I would feel more jealous when he found another woman who wanted him, but if anything, I just feel excited for him. A little thrilled that there is another girl out there who seems to desire him, too. A reminder of all the ways that I have adored him for so long and how he can use them to seduce someone else.

“Anything from Steffan?” he asks. I reach for my phone, already wide awake with the thrill of it.

“Nothing yet,” I sigh, as I scroll through my notifications. I know that I shouldn’t be let down, that I might just not be his type, but I don’t want to be the one left without a date. I want to find someone of my own so that my husband isn’t the only one with a fun night to look forward to…

I manage to make it through the rest of the day without lingering on that thought too much, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t already feeling a little jealous. Not jealous that he’s got someone, but jealous that I don’t yet. From the way he’s carrying himself, I can tell that Sean’s ego is swelling at the thought of another woman wanting him – especially a woman that we’ve both known for such a long time.

I keep checking my phone, waiting for something to come through, and I am just about ready to give up on Steffan and start looking for someone else entirely when something pings just as I am finishing up my dinner.

“I’ll take care of Donnie,” Sean tells me as he reaches down to pick up our son. He knows that I am already distracted by my phone.

I take a second to check it – and sure enough, there it is. The very same notification that my husband got this morning, but this one is telling me that Steffan has matched with me. I bite my lip, lean back in my seat, and for a moment, it feels as though I am not even in my home any longer – like I am lifting up, spinning around the light fittings. The thrill of this is heavenly. I want to punch the air, but I know I have to play it cool. If I am going to be a part of this app thing, I am going to have to make sure that I don’t come across as an over-enthusiastic schoolgirl on her first trip out of the city.

Once Sean has given Donnie his bath, he returns to the living room. When he spots the look on my face, a smile erupts on his.

“Steffan?” he asks quietly.

“Yup. He’s swiped yes on me. So that means…”

“That means we’ve both matched with them.: He raises his eyebrows at me. “Are you sure you still want to go through with this?”

I know what he means. This is the last chance we have to change our minds, to admit that all of this was just a fantasy and that we can’t actually go through with it. But I can tell from the look on his face, and the feeling in my gut, that neither of us want to do that. No, we are in this now.

“I really do,” I promise him, and he crouches down next to my seat. A moment later, a message pings up on my phone. From Steffan.

Hi, it greets me. Seems like the two of you are in on this. Maybe we could work something out together?

I pause for a moment, then shoot a look at Sean. His eyes are practically gleaming with excitement. He nods.

Maybe we could, I shoot back in reply. Sean slips an arm around my waist. This is happening. We are really doing this.

And I know that I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am finally going to get everything I want, and I can’t wait to see if it’s as delicious as I imagine it will be.