Despite my best efforts, Jason doesn’t leave my mind.
In the shower several days later, all I can think about is the way his hands would have felt moving over my body; how deliciously tempting he was that night that we spent together, even though we didn’t even kiss properly. The chemistry was still burning the way it always had, and I am sure it will consume me unless I can get him into bed one last time.
I can’t hold myself back any longer, and once I’m out of the shower, I grab my phone, still naked, and pull up my chat with Jason.
For a moment or two, I hesitate, unsure of what to say. Should I go with something coy and flirtatious? Simple and friendly? Or painfully honest?
I type out several options before finally settling on painful honesty. If not now, when? This might be the last time we ever cross paths, in this life.
I have one date left on the Weekend Club before Sean and I have agreed to delete it. I’d like to use that last date to see you again. Even if it’s just to talk.
Technically, meeting up with Jason again won’t count as a date on the app. It’ll be a second date with an ex. And so far, I have been careful not to mention to Sean that I spent last weekend with Jason. He knows all about us and the fiery, tempestuous relationship we had. And I don’t think he’d be pleased to know we’ve rekindled that. And yes, technically, it’s not cheating, because he’s someone I matched with on the app, but still… It does feel like I’m hiding something, and that feels like infidelity.
The problem is, that secrecy also turns me on.
I feel like a foolish schoolgirl as I reread my message over and over again, wondering if I said too much. If he’s going to reject me. But then I remind myself: we have unfinished business, and I’m sure he feels it as well.
Except, he doesn’t message me back.
As I get dressed, I figure he is trying to do the right thing, not jump too quickly to get a married woman into bed; but he has to understand that this is coming from me, not him. I want this. No, I need it. I won’t be able to get back to my real life until I've had him.
Or at least, that’s what I tell myself. I’m trying to push down the thoughts that tell me it’ll be harder to get back to my real life after more time with him.
Finally, after several hours of laying in bed and ignoring my husband and Donnie as I wait for a message back, a ping comes on my phone. I look down, and my heart jolts. It’s Jason.
I want to be your last date, he writes back. But you’re married.
I begin to write back, but before I can finish my thought, he’s messaged me again. So I need you to prove that you’re really mine, even if it’s just for one more date.
This surprises me. So he’s jealous of Sean? And here I thought he was trying to be respectful. Dangerously, this sends another thrill through me.
What can I do to prove that? I write back.
Something dangerous, his reply comes at once. Then I’ll know you’re ready to take on the danger of spending one more date with me.
Anything, I immediately respond. Tell me.
There are a few moments of nothing, then his reply comes. Start a rumour about your bitch boss. Embarrass her like she’s embarrassed you.
My heart begins to hammers. How do I do that? I write back, but Jason responds with only a cryptic message: I’ll be waiting.
I’m thinking about Jason’s words the next day at work, when I’m having a one-on-one with Steve. We’ve been having these one-on-ones pretty regularly, ever since the meeting where I disagreed with our approach to the difficult client. Steve’s nice; he seems to value me as an employee and a person, which is more than I can say for how Julie has ever made me feel.
In fact, he’s in the middle of telling me how impressed he is by my work and professionalism when he suggests that I take on more responsibility.
“I’d like you to step up into a leadership role on our next audit,” he says, and I feel my back straighten.
“Me?” I try to sound humble. “But certainly Julie…?”
Steve frowns and looks away. “Julie has ruffled a lot of feathers recently,” he says, not quite meeting my eye. “She doesn’t have the sensibility for this kind of work. It takes finesse, talking to people about money. That is to say… it’s a sensitive subject… And, well, Julie is talented at her job, nothing against her, but….”
Steve is flustered, and I don’t want him to lose track of what he was telling me about my new leadership role, so I jump in. “I understand, Julie is excellent. But she’s very busy with other projects right now.”
“Yes!” Steve seizes on this. “Precisely. You, on the other hand… you’re a rising star. Now, it’s just an unofficial project manager role, not a promotion, but I want you to think of it like… a trial. You know we have a position opening up as an Accounting Manager soon, right? Well, I would encourage you to apply for that position, and if you succeed in this role, I will put in a good word for you with the top dog.”
My heart is beating fast, but I manage to play it cool as I smile graciously. “Wow, thank you, Steve! This is a real vote of confidence,” I say in a chipper, polished voice. “I would absolutely love to take on more responsibility. I was already planning to apply for the Accounting Manager position, and your support is very much appreciated.”
Steve beams at me. “You’ve really proven yourself, Jazz. And as another show of good faith, I’ll let you pick your team for this audit.”
For a moment, I savour the thought of asking Julie to be one of the subordinates on my team. It would be a great way to embarrass her the way Jason has asked me to. But then I dismiss the thought; there’s no way I’d be allowed to make my current Accounting Manager a member of my team.
But then, a better idea strikes me.
After I log off of the call, I DM Andy, the guy who saw Mark and me at the hotelon our date. Can you jump in a call?
Sure thing! He responds right away. Good lad. He must have heard that Steve’s taken a liking to me.
Once we’re in a call, I get straight down to business.
“So Steve’s offered me the position of project manager on our next audit,” I say, and I enjoy watching Andy force himself to look happy for me.
“That’s great Jazz. Congrats!”
“Hmm, yes…” It is great for me, and I don’t attempt to look modest. “He’s also letting me handpick my own team.”
Andy’s eyebrows shoot up. He knows what this means. A handpicked team always looks good to management. “Well, I hope you’ll consider me,” he says. “I’ve always thought you do excellent work here and I’d love to help out, if I can.”
“That’s exactly why I want to talk to you. I’d love to have you on my team. But first…” My smile widens. “I need you to do something for me.”
“Oh yeah?” Andy sounds apprehensive, but like he’s trying to hide it. He blinks several times in rapid succession. “And what’s that?”
“Remember the night you saw me and Julie’s husband Mark at a hotel?” I ask. His eyes go very wide, and he blushes. It’s clear he’s been wondering for a while when I was going to bring that up.
“Y-yes…” he stammers. “And I never told anyone about that!”
“What’s to tell?” I ask lightly. “We were there with our spouses and were looking for Julie when you saw us.”
“Right…” Andy fidgets. It’s clear he doesn’t believe this for a second.
“But as it happens,” I continue, “that’s not what I want people to think.”
“Huh?” Andy’s brow crinkles in confusion.
“I need you to, discreetly, start a rumour saying that you saw Mark on a date with someone. Not me. Someone you didn’t recognise. But it needs to be clear you believe he was having an affair.”
“But--”
“And if you do, then I’ll appoint you to my team.”
Andy rubs a hand along his chin. “That doesn’t seem worth the risk. What if I get caught? What if Julie finds out it was me? I’ll get fired.”
“Julie won’t discover anything. You’ll be discreet. That’s why you’re a good accountant. You keep secrets for a living.” I lean forward and stare Andy hard in the eyes. “I’m on the rise, Andy. Steve has all but promised me the next big promotion. Believe me, you want to hitch your wagon to my rising star. Not Julie’s. You didn’t hear this form me, but she won’t be here for much longer.”
Andy swallows, but I can practically see the gears turning in his head. He’s thinking about it. He’s considering.
Finally, he looks back up at me. “I want a guarantee, in writing, that if you get the promotion, you’ll take me with you.”
“I’ll send you an email now,” I say, leaning back and smiling serenely. I’ve got him.
And, sure enough, within a few days, I’m getting texts from coworkers asking me if I’ve heard the rumour that Julie’s husband is having an affair. I reply with a shocked What?! No! to each text, but with every one, my excitement grows. Meanwhile, Julie is angrier than ever. Every meeting we’re in together, her temper erupts at inappropriate moments. However, she holds her tongue around me. Now that I’m Steve’s protege, she can’t touch me.
It’s with smug satisfaction that I text Jason, sending him screenshots of the texts I’ve received to prove I’ve done as he’s asked.
Good girl, he messages me back. And although Paulo and Jake also said this to me, these words feel different, when coming from Jason. There’s real power in them, and not just because he’s dominant; it’s because he actually has power over me. For him, I would be willing to go too far. I would be willing to submit fully.
How does it feel? He follows up.
Amazing. I feel so powerful.
Do you feel like you’re mine now?
Yes, I write back, so giddy with desire that I can barely breath.
I do too. There is a pause, and then, Get permission to go away for a weekend. Meet me at St Pancras International at 10 on Friday. Bring only your purse and your passport. Only. Not even a suitcase.
My throat goes very dry. What is going on? Is he taking me somewhere? With no clothes?
But whatever it is – wherever it is – I know I will go where he leads.
