Chapter 5 – It’s Hard to Care
1 0 0
X
Reading Options
Font Size
A- 15px A+
Width
Reset
X
Table of Contents
Loading... please wait.

Later in the evening, Niel and Medova walk into the private room on the first floor of the house. She shuts the door behind them and they sit down to talk.

"How have you been feeling lately? Medova asks.

"Good," Niel responds blandly.

There isn't much of importance to note in this private room. Paintings both commercial and novice-made adorn the light blue walls, and two strategically placed windows—one large and one small—let in enough natural light to illuminate the room. Several unoccupied cushioned chairs with black metal frames line the far walls, and a medium-sized wooden table stands between them from which Medova jots down her notes.

"Is everything going well for you here?"

"I have no complaints." Despite saying that, he feels a slight sensation in his spine. He isn't lying, but there's more to it that he hasn't identified yet. He chooses to not bring it up.

"That's good to hear. I've also heard you'll be getting your allowance soon. What do you think you'll buy?"

"I... don't know."

"Why is that? Don't have anything in mind quite yet?"

Two paths diverge in front of Niel; one is the emotionless teachings of the lab, and the other is Mabel's encouragement to open up about how he feels. A path no one else seems to follow, and an uncomfortable unknown for him—how should he proceed?

"Niel? Is there something on your mind?" Medova asks, noticing Niel's apprehensive expression.

"I..." Apprehension leads to more silence, but Niel eventually breaks it when he manages to collect his thoughts. "I don't know how to choose for myself. When people ask me what I want, I don't know how to answer that question. I've... never decided on things for myself, so I don't know how to..."

About to ask a sensitive question, Medova shifts to a soft tone. "They never gave you any kind of freedom at the lab, correct?"

Niel shakes his head as his eyes fall to the table.

"It's scary, having responsibility suddenly given to you, especially when you've been told for most of your life to act and not think. So now that you have the option to think and act for yourself—for the first time in a very long time—you aren't sure what to do. It's okay to feel like that."

Niel's gaze rises from hearing that it's okay.

"Many people lose their way in life, or don't know what to do, but in time they find a way forward. As you experience more of life, the things that were unclear to you before will become easier to understand, and you'll find your way, too."

Almost fittingly, Niel doesn't fully understand this, but he thinks her words will become clearer over time, as she said.

Without any other grievances to talk about at this time, the two stand and step out, and Niel is summoned to the living room by Dwayne. Gabriel and Mabel are also there.

"Yesterday you got a phone, and now today, you get this," Dwayne says as he hands Niel a black wallet. If Niel's memory serves him correctly it's almost identical to Illia's from yesterday, though he'd need to see it again to verify that claim.

"Inside is your debit card and your ID. Please don't lose them," Mabel explains.

Niel opens the wallet and finds two plastic cards: one with numbers on it, and one containing information on him. Niel Rose is written at the top of his ID. He remembers getting his picture taken and deciding on a last name with Dwayne the previous day.

"When we go out again, I'll show you how to use it," Gabriel says.

"Thank you," Niel says. He soon ventures upstairs for another uncomfortable shower, leaving the four adults alone.

"Getting him an ID and a debit card couldn't have been easy," Medova voices.

"I managed to pull a few strings. The fewer people that know about him, the better," Dwayne responds.

"Yeah. Including the government..." Gabriel adds. "But what he's got is all legal, right?"

"Of course. No need to put any more heat on him with fake IDs and the like."

"The government getting nosy about him and a strange Mute is the last thing we need, especially when there's a sadistic lab somewhere experimenting on children to turn them into bioweapons," Mabel adds.

>>>>>>

Niel wakes from a dreamless sleep, once again several minutes before his phone's alarm is due to go off. He deactivates the alarm and greets Illia outside his room, and the pair get ready for the day and venture downstairs. Lydia and Reed are their usual early-morning selves, though the latter seems to be extra chipper due to the day's rain. With an umbrella for Reed and Lydia her Mute, they leave the house as the other pair sit in the living room for their lessons.

"As you learned yesterday, everyone is born with some kind of Mute, but the ability to use one's Mute doesn't happen until later in life," Louise explains. "Do you know when most people awaken to their Mutes?"

"Around adolescence, right?" Niel answers. He feels his timing is slow, and he regrets not speaking his answer with confidence. Thankfully, Louise isn't the kind of person to punish based on those facets.

"Correct. Mutes usually emerge either during or shortly after puberty, but they can also emerge sooner or much later. Awakening may also happen due to outside influence."

"What does that mean?"

"Aspects of one's environment around them that force a change. For example, Lydia awakened to her Water Mute in response to a fire."

"...I see..."

Hearing this digs up very painful memories for Niel, as this was the method used for his awakening. Not fire, per se... or rather, not just fire. Louise recognizes the pain on his face and moves swiftly to progress the lesson past this topic.

After they're done with their schooling with Louise, Niel and Illia eventually disappear to their rooms. Illia goes to play with her new ball-and-cup thing that she bought the day prior, while Niel checks out his laptop at Gabriel's suggestion. He opens it up, and... he already has no idea what to do. It's just a black screen. He doesn't want to press any buttons either, in case he somehow breaks it.

He considers getting Illia or Gabriel to assist him when he hears the clunking of an arriving Reed and Lydia downstairs. Reed should know what to do. Niel slinks down the stairs and summons the redhead to his room, which the tired boy agrees to do.

"You want me to teach you how to use your laptop, right?" Reed confirms.

"Yeah."

"Alright, I'll give you a rundown of it."

Reed presses a silver button above the keyboard and the laptop's screen blinks on in an instant. Niel didn't ask him how to turn it on, and now he doesn't need to. After about a minute of waiting, the laptop finally finishes loading and Reed brings up the home screen.

"So here's your laptop. My Computer will let you look at the laptop's files, Chrome here allows you to browse the internet, there's some stuff here in the bottom right like your battery, Wifi connections and time, and there's a menu for other things in the bottom left. Don't be afraid to click and look around," Reed explains, though his usual gusto is lacking.

"Does that 'internet etiquette' thing apply to here as well?"

"Yes, absolutely. You can go onto websites and stuff like I showed you, but don't click on weird links or pictures, or download stuff you don't know," Reed reiterates, adding, "And if you don't know what something does or if you change something and don't know how to fix it, let me know."

"Okay."

After Reed leaves, Niel continues to fiddle with his laptop for another hour, though there isn't a lot to do on it. Other than a larger screen and a physical keyboard he can use his Dust on, there isn't anything the laptop provides that his phone doesn't. Suppertime is soon called, and the rainy day ends uneventfully.

>>>>>

"Bring it closer."

"Does it hurt? ...It does? Your Dust will put it out. You just have to awaken to it."

"It's inside you. You have the tool. You just need to learn how to bring it out."

Niel wakes in a cold sweat; his bedsheets, pillow, and pyjamas are all soaked. His phone tells him it's very early in the morning. Though it isn't the first time he's dreamt of his early life within the lab's walls, this is his first time doing so since arriving here. He doesn't want to lay in this soft puddle any longer, so he gets up to change shirts and dry off.

As he slinks across the floor as quiet as the dark itself, the memories of both the dream and the event that inspired it flicker in his head, like embers in a dead fire. The pain of those memories, the wrath they inspired, the monster they birthed...

The guilt finds its way back to him, and he clenches his fist. The Warden's Key shines a bright white in the dark. It's all he'll ever be.

Niel spends the rest of the night awake.

>>>>>>

"You look sleepy," Reed says to a tired Niel.

"So do you," Niel says to a tired Reed.

"What, did both of you not fall asleep last night?" Lydia questions in a somewhat harsh tone over her breakfast.

"Seems like it," Niel blandly states.

"So what kept you up?" Reed asks.

"Nightmare."

"Yeah, those aren't fun." Reed assumes it was a nightmare of Niel's past.

"What about you?"

"Just couldn't sleep. Kept tossing and turning."

"Huh."

Reed and Lydia leave shortly after breakfast, and the lessons begin again.

"Mutes are considered by many to be a normal part of human biology; others a blessing, and others a curse," Louise explains. "There are just as many good things you can do with a Mute as there are bad."

"I'd say there are more bad than good," Niel says despondently.

"Maybe, but perspective goes a long way. Many of the top surgeons in the world lower the odds of high-risk operations going badly due to their Mutes, and the military and police often use their Mutes to subdue rather than kill. Though on the other side of the coin, different Mutes can cause a lot of damage if the user is unable to control their power, and many criminals abuse the power of their Mutes to break and avoid the law."

"Exactly what they wanted me for..."

"Our Mutes are what we decide them to be, whether that's a tool, weapon, or an extension of ourselves. It's up to you to decide what your Mute is for, not anyone else."

For the rest of the day's classes, those words hang in Niel's mind. Becoming something different, deciding what his Mute is... Can he even do that? It all hangs in his mind despite the uncertainty. No, it's because of the uncertainty.

Niel is upstairs laying on his bed when he feels the urge to use the bathroom. He gets up and goes to the bathroom, but the door is locked—Illia must be inside. He was told not to enter the bathroom if the door was locked, so he leaves and tries the bathroom on the second floor. The door is shut but not locked, so he enters, discovering a shirtless Reed standing in front of the mirror panicking from his presence.

"Whoa!" Reed exclaims, hastily throwing his shirt over his body. However, he isn't fast enough to cover up a long welt on his side before Niel notices.

"Oh. I didn't realize you were home," Niel says. He scans the floor below and finds Lydia in the kitchen. "What happened to your side?"

"Uh, I fell at school during gym," Reed explains as he holds his shirt over the spot.

"Oh, okay. Are you busy? I need to take a leak."

"Uh, nah, you can go in."

Reed leaves for his room while Niel locks the bathroom door. Niel doesn't know what gym is, and he's willing to take Reed at his word, but his behaviour is leaving him wondering. Perhaps he should keep his eye on Reed tomorrow. The cloudy day tomorrow will make for good tracking weather, should it be necessary.

The following morning, Niel plants a particle of Dust firmly within the collar of Reed's shirt. With that, he'll be able to follow the particle's signature right to Reed so long as he doesn't get too far away, which shouldn't be an issue. Once class with Louise finalizes, Niel can make his move.

"Can I go for a walk?" Niel asks Mabel as soon as the final lesson ends.

"Of course. Just be careful and stay away from the alleys."

Niel doubts that any generic thug could be a threat to him, so he doesn't fully take the advice to heart—but it never hurts to be careful. With his phone in his pocket and the Warden's Key tucked away in his shirt, Niel leaves the house.

He picks up on the tracker in the distance, pulsing faintly like sonar in his head, catching his mind's attention like an eye floater. He only knows Reed's direction at this range and level, so when he makes it deeper into the city, he ducks into a secluded alleyway and sinks into a Shadow Dive so he can find a vantage point. As thin as a real shadow, he scales the nearby building and traverses the rooftops, though security cameras force him to slow down. They must have been set up to catch other trespassing Phase Mutes. He, however, can block them out with Dust.

Kneeling low on top of a several-storey tall building, he cross-references the surrounding city with the map on his phone. The school is within view, but the tracker is not drawing him there; Reed isn't even between the school and home. He's not in motion, so he's not going home on the bus, either. As far as Niel knows, Reed has no reason to be out here. So why? Niel discreetly descends the building and crosses the busy street below on foot.

The tracker's signal is strong now; Niel is close. He approximates that Reed is in a nearby alley, so moving with stoic caution, he enters after him. It's hard to tell with the roar of the city around him, but he thinks he hears voices up again. He deploys a scan along the alley ahead and discovers a fight between two individuals, one of them confirmed to be Reed. Niel races over.

Reed's opponent is a male a few centimetres taller than him and with a heavier-set build, too. A thin black jacket and fingerless gloves lay discarded nearby. Niel doesn't know why they're fighting, but that doesn't matter—Reed is taking a beating. Anger boils in Niel's blood, and with his Mute softening his running footsteps below the city's roar, he sucker punches the man in the jaw with knuckles hardened by Dust. Niel doesn't care for honour—not in a street fight, not when his friend is getting attacked.

He delivers a right kick to the man's torso, then a left kick the back of his head, followed by a right axe kick carried to the back of his head again by the momentum from a spin. By this point, Reed realizes what's happening, but his body won't respond to his thoughts. It isn't until Niel savagely slams the man against a brick wall and knees him in the face that Reed is able to pick himself up.

"Dude! Ease off! He's had enough!" Reed exclaims as he grabs Niel and pulls him back, just before he is able to kick the downed man in the ribs. Niel is hesitant at first, but he disengages from his enemy and runs with Reed.

Niel doesn't know where to go, so he just takes off into the city until he feels they've gotten far enough away. They stop in front of an ornate building crowded with people.

"What the hell was that?" Niel questions. The anger from the fight is still in his voice. The Warden's Key glows underneath his shirt.

"I..." Reed's gaze drops to his feet, and he despondently places his left hand on the opposite shoulder. He's hesitant to talk in the crowd. "Can we go somewhere else?"

"Sure."

Reed takes the lead with a destination in mind. As they cross crowded streets and weave around buildings, Niel keeps his eyes to their backs. He left the man incapacitated, but the idea that he or more people could be coming keep him on edge. They leave the crowded middle of the city and enter a residential neighbourhood, coming to a stop at a place called Breeze Pond. It's quiet, and there's no one in sight. The grass is still wet from yesterday's rain, so they sit at a wooden table instead.

"That guy I was fighting with is a guy from school," Reed explains. "He picks at me a lot because of my Mute. Lately, he's been getting more physical."

"Is that where the mark on your back came from?"

"Yeah... Sorry for lying to you."

"But, why did you lie?"

"I didn't want anyone to know."

"Why?"

"Heh, you're starting to sound like a two-year-old kid."

Perhaps Niel should stop asking why.

"I saw him when we were out shopping on Tuesday. That's why I got flighty then," Reed explains.

"He's that guy? I noticed that he was staying close to us, and he was watching us when we left. I was correct in assuming he was the cause, then."

"You're surprisingly observant."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, no."

A cool breeze gently blows past the duo, drawing Niel's attention forwards. The pond's water is a deep green with floating plant life, and pink decorum near the wooden dock flutters in the wind. Cars and voices can be heard in the distance. Niel adjusts the Warden's Key underneath his shirt.

"He stole my phone today, then forced me to follow him away from school to get it back, otherwise he'd break it on me. I got it back in the alley, and that's when he slugged me."

"Why didn't you run?"

"I... don't really know. I guess I just got fed up with his shit. I didn't expect to be that bad at fighting..."

"Couldn't you have used your Mute?"

"Dude, that's illegal. Using your Mute in a fight is just as bad as shooting someone with a gun."

"Is it? I used my Dust when I hit him."

"You did?" Reed takes a deep breath and sighs audibly. "If someone found out, you'll get in a lot of trouble."

Niel's mind harks back to their first meeting a week ago. Reed, Lydia, and Dwayne all used their Mutes then. Was that situation different, and thus followed a different set of rules? Or did they use their Mutes knowing there was no one around to witness it?

"I don't plan on anyone finding out," Niel says.

"You should still be careful."

"You sound like Mabel."

"Well, I did spend a lot of time with her."

The wind ruffles Reed's hair, and he sighs again.

"Did you know that out of the four of us, I've been living at the home the longest?" Reed says.

"I didn't."

Reed sits silently for a few seconds, considering his next words. "You opened up about your past in front of everyone, even showed us your Mute when you have no reason to trust us. I think it's only fair that I should tell you about my past, too."

The breeze kicks up, carrying dead leaves like embers...

~~~
People don't like Fire Mutes. Almost every wildfire and arson attack in the last 150 years was caused by someone's Fire Mute. So when people see a walking war crime like me, they get scared, like I'm going to destroy something, or kill someone. It's always been that way.

My mom died giving birth to me, leaving my dad to raise me alone. I got my Mute from him. Being a single parent was hard on him, and having a Fire Mute only made things harder. No support. No help. No other family. Just us against the world, him doing his best for me.

The best job he could get was construction, building skyscrapers and other buildings in the city. It should have been safe, but something went wrong, and he fell. They tried to save him, but he died before they got him to the hospital. I don't blame anyone for his death. They tried to save him, I know they did. But... try as you might, even if you want everyone to go home safe, sometimes... you just can't save everyone.

They put me in the home soon after that. I was really young, then—even Mabel wasn't married at the time. There were other kids at the home then, all of them have moved out since. They tried to help me, but the guy in charge back then was an asshole. I just couldn't bring myself to do anything. When Dwayne replaced him, Clara was hired to keep me active.

But... I just couldn't care. Mom died because of me. Dad worked himself to death because of me. I have a cursed Mute whose only purpose is to destroy. I... I don't want to live, but I don't want to die, either. So I just hang in limbo, living each day as it comes, never worrying about the future.

Because... it's hard to care about your future when it feels like you don't have one.
~~~

It's a lot for Niel to take in, so much so that he isn't sure what to say. It doesn't mean he doesn't care, though—quite the opposite. Reed also doesn't know what to say after that. The two just sit in silence, listening to the breeze.

"I... don't really know what to say," Niel begins, saying anything to break the silence, "But I'll try to help if I can."

"I appreciate the thought, and you can try if you want. But I've heard it all before."

"Did you hear Ms. Louise say that we decide what our Mutes are?"

"No. Sounds like good advice for you, though."

"For you as well."

Reed is already tired of this talk; as he said, he's heard it all before. But hearing Niel of all people reach out fills him with some kind of joy, like there's hope for the dark-Mute boy. He ekes out a faint smile at that thought.

"We should get home soon. Everyone'll be wondering where we are."

0