Inside the coffee shop, it was moderately busy. The queue’s beginning was halfway between the counter and the door. I’d like to think I’m decisive but currently, I’m struggling to consider if I want a latte or a flat white. Sadly, I kind of detest black coffee. With deepest regrets, I was born in a nation that loves black coffee and canned coffee. Why do we need to take a mild stimulant? A good alternative was Japan’s beautiful, twisting mountains and the magnificent, albeit humid, weather that could stimulate one’s mind for free!

I stood surrounded by the wooden flooring and the rather earthly brown walls. Our group raised the chatter volume. As one after another ordered, it was my turn. Second to last. Behind me was Nishi-chan. Maybe she’s going to judge my order? I hope not. Because, with all my indecisiveness, I picked a flat white.

Weird?

I don’t care if it’s weird.

Nishi-chan hit my back.

“Honzo, psst! It’s your turn to order!” She said, whilst pointing towards the counter. The girl at the counter was waiting gracefully.

I quickly walked towards the staff member. “Sorry there!” I tried to say, in a clear fashion, but it just sounded like a heart murmur. “No problem!” The waitress said.

“Can I order a… large flat white, please?”

“Sure, that’ll be 500 yen.”

Slightly costly, but a price to pay for getting a flat white. I don’t think they even sell these in Starbucks. The coffee-to-milk ratio is worth dying over. You could execute me gangland style in the middle of this shop, as long as I finish that flat white. Too violent? Yeah, I’ll stop now. Let’s just say flat whites need to be promoted all around this country. I’m sick of black coffee and I am even more sick of sugary weak iced coffee.

And there I was, standing aside, waiting for the order. My already low patience was wearing thin from the damage it took after hearing the group’s conversations. How could I even keep up with everyone? I’m so used to hearing everyone’s words, but this many people? Goodness gracious.

Nishi’s order was a direct copy of mine. She ordered a large flat white. Why, you ask? I don’t know. Maybe if you’re touch-deprived like me, despite hating contact, you’d think it's because she likes me. I don’t know. Should I repeat that again? Probably not.

Plus, it's stupid to copy your crush's order.

Have you ever just stood, waiting like an idiot, wondering what to think? I mean, I’m literally by the counter staring at the barista’s… well I was actually looking at the espresso machine, but she went in the way. I was looking at her apron, by the way. Well, back to the question, what do you think? By the elegant marble counter, stainless and free from the evil clutches of spilt coffee, I pondered about how easy life would be if I had just married a rich princess from another nation.

Maybe I should marry the daughter of a politician and live off them? I mean, you can complain about ‘productivity’ or being a bum. Whatever your insult for me, what’s actually wrong with that? No work and all. I don’t even care if she looks attractive or whatever, I just want to sleep on the couch forever, and ever!

Yeah. That’s what I thought to kill time.

My flat white was ready. The cute barista handed me the holy grail, served on a fresh (yes, fresh) porcelain plate. Oh boy, I’m ready to enjoy this. You see, it was so beautiful that I had to exclaim ‘Oh boy’ in my mind. It was that beautiful. It was screaming charm and oozing grandeur. Yes, I am talking about a 500 yen flat white.

“Honzo, wanna sit together?” Nishi came up to me, disposable cup in hand. For shame Nishi-chan. Erina Takanishi does not care about the presentation of her coffee.

“Sure. I don’t really mind.”

It was just us two, slightly separated from the rest. Everyone had combined two tables for four together. Sadly, it was me and Nishi-chan left to our own devices. I’m sure they don’t care about us too much to find a table for two to combine.

“Oh look, there’s a table for two near to everyone, wanna sit there?”

Nevermind. I guess we’re basically a part of the loud group. It was more like a community. To my surprise, I didn’t realize people could get along that well. The laughter, the loudness, and quite frankly rudeness ruined this peaceful and quaint little atmosphere. Support your local coffee house.

We sat together on the table, facing each other. Eye contact. Even though I’ve known Nishi-chan, quite literally my whole life, since we were born on the same day, same hospital, it’s hard to look at her. She’s frighteningly cute. No wonder why talent agencies want her to be a model or actress. She’s talented. I’m going to be honest, I think she’s a good singer. Never did I think she would be a prospective actress, I thought she’d just be an idol.

Whatever.

“Honzo, wanna hear some news?” She said with a somewhat teasing tone. Why did she even say it like that?

I said “Sure,” whilst sipping on my flat white. It’s good. We should all hang out more here. The coffee is fantastic.

“I passed an auction for a side actress role in this TV drama. I did it without an agent too! Although, I probably should - right?”

“Yes. You should get an agent. Well done Erina. It’s a bit bittersweet that you’re succeeding but I know you’ll leave soon.”

Nishi-chan moved back. I think she was surprised I candidly said 'Erina'. It is her name, no?

“Thanks, Honzo, but I’m not leaving soon. Besides, want to know what my stage name is?”

“I’m guessing something like Eri-chan. Your family calls you that, and it sounds like a cute name.” I said, with a less deadpan tone than before.

She stood up, chest high in the sky, proud as one can be and said, “Nishi!”

Everyone in the group turned around. “Nishi?” said a bewildered Tatsuya.

She turned around and then explained.

“I’m going to be the side character in a TV drama!”

Applause came around. “Wow, well done Erina,” said Nakamura-san. I’m surprised she’s on a first-name basis. Although, that being said, they were always friendly in middle school. Come to think of it, ⅓ of our middle school class are all in this group drinking coffee. How mature.

Everyone said their congratulations. I don’t know what to say. I am proud and very happy for her success, but it just makes you look into your own life and you realize… nothing’s going too well.

Can’t dwell on your failures.

As the applause started to settle, our table was joined by Shibuya and Mai. They just moved their chairs. We then decided to talk about university and all the rest. Careers. I hate discussing the future, it’s not really great.

“So what about you Honzo-kun? What’s your goals in the near future?” Mai-pie said.

That’s a loaded question. Firstly, to you, dear reader or anyone who seems to be observing my thoughts, what would you say? Do you just be honest? Or, well, lie to save face. If you want to know what my ‘goals’ are in this so-called region of time named ‘near-future,’ then it’s unknown. You could argue that it is foolish to want to have goals. Here is my personal take on the universe. What we observe is most likely just a small tiny part of another system, of which that system is an infinitely small spec of a larger entity.

So essentially, where I’m going with this is nothing matters, I don’t need to have goals. This is my strongest argument for having no ambition, which is essentially nothing matters and is nihilism, for which I detest quite a lot. Look, my strongest argument was that weak, and also my waffling was nothing more than just paper mache. Plus, things do matter… such as this beautiful flat white. Only this cafe sells it in the nearby area.

Man, do I give heavy tangents a lot. I’m just going to answer to save face.

“Well, Mai, if you really want to know, my goal is just to go to university.”

That’s the very least expected of me, right?

Shibuya agreed with me in the form of a slow nod. It was really cute. I hope the warm blood doesn’t show on my cheeks.

“You know Honzo, I can still go to uni with you?” A soft-spoken Nishi-chan said.

“How?” I commented.

With her head resting on her hands, she said “Who said I can’t act and learn?” It was playfully tinged with a lightheartedness that’s kind of indescribable. You know what, I’ll describe in one word… or at least try to. Pure? Maybe wholesome works out. On that thought, it was pure.

“That’s cool, Erina!” Mai said back. “If acting doesn’t work, at least you have a degree to roll back on.”

I’m starting to think that both Mai and Nishi-chan realize how hard that is. To begin with, a damn near full-time entertainment career with university? And what’s the point of going to university if your actress career goes to the stars and beyond? Nishi is smart, probably in the top 10 in our whole school - including the third-years (and they’re one crafty year…). But, I’m not seeing why she wants to go to university with me? My vision is pointing to one thing, but that’s a clear delusion. I know she’s not going to university, just for me?

Right?

I sipped on my flat white. Just like an American trucker in the desert out of gas, so too was my horrified expression when I saw that was the final sip. I renounce all philosophies and thoughts. I must buy another flat white.

I have to entertain some of these people on the table.

“So, how are you guys?” Yeah, that was my best attempt at engaging in a conversation.

“Not bad, Honzo!” Mai loudly said. You can compare this to what Shibuya said, “Could be better.” Meanwhile, Nishi-chan just straight up said, “You ran out of interesting things to come up with, Honzo?” Not nice, Nishi. Not nice, at all.

The conversation started on a dead end. Great. So much for me thinking that, ‘Umm, actually, I refuse to socialise but I actually have good social skills.’ To think of it, I’m still right! Matter of fact, I will pat myself on the back for being in this social gathering.

Luckily for me, Nishi and Mai started talking about something random, I think it was about maybe helping out the student council? Well, it did start like that but now we’re onto serious discussions about cute dinosaurs. If I were to put my hat in, I’d add in Yoshi.

I left the table to go and buy my flat white.

“Where you going Honzo?”

Nishi-chan seemed to give a small pout, but I’m sure she was just joking. I said, “I’m going to buy another coffee.” With a few quick steps, I headed to the empty counter, waiting for someone to take my order. Someone came, and I handled this social interaction with ease! Woohoo! I can give 500 yen for flat whites!

I think you can tell, it’s a bit overpriced.

As I speedrun my way back into the table, I noticed the cast had changed. A new script. Shibuya and Mai moved to the other table, where they hung out with Saeka and Nakamura. Yes. I’m shocked too. Saeka and Mai talking. This is as if two police officers decided to hang out with the mob boss. Cat and mouse. You know what? I think I’m terming this group ‘Girl’s Capitalism.’ Yep. Totally nothing to do with that tripleS song.

Okay, I lied. It’s from the song.

Girl’s Capitalism. What a horrific name I’ve come up with. On second thought, I don’t even think this group, bar Nakamura-san, could even handle a business. Maybe I should help them with a business proposal… I don’t know, maybe they can be a pharmacy?

Anyways, the table was still Nishi, but it included Kenji and Yamaki? My brain just assumed Yamaki would be with Mai and Shibuya. Man, I suck at social gatherings. I mean I know everyone is interconnected, but still, damn Yamaki and Kenji? Have I ever seen them speak in months? Life is hard. Now I just want to go home. Personal growth is messed up. Why can’t people just stay the same?

My bag is there. I can’t leave.

C’est la vie. You can’t help it.

What other fatalistic phrases can I say?

There’s… hold on let me just check my phone quickly.

That’s life! I don’t think there are actually not many fatalistic phrases, are there? Why aren’t people more fatalistic? Is fate real? Am I doomed to join this table? Do I have free will?

Well, I, (yes I) have decided to join the table. I mean, I had no choice! My bag was there. Look how awkward it would’ve been to bring my bag and leave! And it was my choice to go to the coffee house, now I’m saying that I wanna go home? Man, life is defeating. Luckily for me, they were conversing about vegetable-based foods. I can actually contribute! Man, the universe can be a warm and fuzzy place!

Ten minutes later, after a heated discussion about pakora, the group all collectively decided to head out. I drank that flat white like it was water.