So little time left.

"Are you sure you're alright Anne?"

Almost certainly not. Stomach wasn't close to calm yet, brain still bashed painfully all over her cranium. Part of her wanted to scream and run into the shower again, to scrub every spot where her body made contact with that man all those years ago. Scrub them down to blood and muscle and bone, just to wash away the filth. Just to try to wash away the filth-

clap-clap!

The sudden noise got a jump out of the weary teen, eyes immediately trying to focus on the pink fairy in front of her. Blink, another, deep breath, picture coming into focus- a cross, unamused, worried Clefable.

"Anne, what nightmare was it this time?"

"It wasn't a-"

"You're shaking as if you took a dive in snow, you're on the verge of tears, you're-"

Pippi paused in frustration, stardust and sugar brain running in circles for a few moments before spinning out. She had so many things to say, so much worry, so much grief, too much for any one string of signs. Dominant fist slammed on the mattress next to her human, not doing much beyond making the whole assembly wobble a bit. She was angry. She was distraught.

"Please, could you please just be honest about yourself with me Anne!? Do you think I don't know just how little you've slept lately because of your nightmares!?"

Anne reeled as if struck, futility of her secrecy hitting her hard. All that just to keep Pippi from worrying about her even more than she already did- all for nothing. For less than nothing, only yielding all the more hurt and conflict on the fairy's pink face.

"I-I just-"

"Just what!? Just what is it exactly Anne- no wait, let me guess, I think I know exactly. You don't want me to worry about you, do you?"

The human's fingers began to flex before freezing, none of the things she wanted to say ever coalescing into anything specific. What was there to say if not a positive acknowledgment after all? There was that to say, yes, but also so much more, the young adult shuddering before replying-

"You don't deserve to have to deal with-"

"Do you have any idea about what do YOU deserve!?"

Oh ideas she had, so many in fact. Of a special cell carved out in hell just for her, for seeing it all and not accomplishing anything to stop it. She'd been closer than almost anyone to the epicenter of this misery, and what did she ever do with that fact? Not enough. She didn't do enough, blood would only continue to be spilled.

She was a coward.

She couldn't say she was a coward, Pippi would chew her out.

"I should be help-"

Slap on her hands, more forceful this time, it hurt a bit and not just on a psychological level.

"That wasn't what I was asking!"

"But it's the answer-"

"ANNE!"

Pippi's hands lingered in place, shaking as her expression began to get torn up with tears. Painful throbs rung out through her human's heart at the sight, overworn brain toggling from self-loathing to administering comfort. Anne leaned in further, wanting to help, wanting to do something-

Another swat, hurting so much more, a couple steps back. It hurt like her limbs had been flayed open, like her face had been carved in half- not much more than a bit of redness on her skin. Redness, and an incensed glare staring back into her. Fairy's hands contorted from lack of words, whole body trying to reign its own emotions in but failing, failing utterly, spilling up veiled despair-

"Why can't you do that to yourself!?"

Neurons decoded finger magic, confusion broke through shock and pain. Do that to herself? How- what even?

"What do you mean?"

"You're the sweetest person in the world for me, for Marie, and can't spare even a fraction of that towards yourself!"

"But it's n-"

"How is it not the same!? What is it that stops you from offering yourself the same support and acceptance that you give me!? Why don't you ever ask for help!?"

"You already have enough on-"

"I don't give a shit! Of course I'm going to worry about you! You are the most important person in the world for me Anne, CAN YOU PLEASE JUST LET ME HELP YOU!?"

Pippi's hands were almost flailing by now, tears continuing to streak down her cheeks as she grimaced in her human's direction. Anne had no idea what to say in response exactly, mind continually twirling around the few strands of thinking that had them ending up in this state. She didn't need help. She needed help but didn't deserve it. There was no possible way for her to ever be deserving of help.

Her entire existence was burdened with sin, and the most she could ever do would be to slowly offset at least some of it. Anything more was impossible, anything less left her an evil being that only deserved scorn. She was supposed to be strong, to do whatever she could to undo Father's legacy, and just a little dream had her panicking? Just a brief reminder of what she let happen?

She was pathetic.

She couldn't say she was pathetic, Pippi would chew her out.

But she had to.

"I-I'm just a pathetic coward, I don't deserve help..."

One moment, second, braced herself for either being shoved through the gestured wringer or a slap on her hands. She deserved nothing less, she deserved worse, for even breaking down like this, for being this fucking weak, such a crybaby when an untold numbers had died-

Tight hug, warm hug. Very sniffly hug, stray tears continuing to flow. No more words, no more flailing, just blissful pause, one moment after the other. Her hands slowly reached out and returned the gesture, mind wanting to thrash against its immense comfort. Didn't deserve any of it, neither relief nor compassion- but Pippi didn't care.

Pippi didn't give a shit about what her human's rotten brain thought she deserved. She had no idea what was the solution to Anne's woes, how to truly get to her, to her mean, self-destructive brain. As far as she was concerned, Anne's dumb brain parts deserved all the scary moves her wild cousins were able to learn. Just so that the rest of her would be allowed to find comfort in herself in peace.

The fairy knew the kind, the sheer suffocating quantity of guilt that drove this, none of it earned. Hell would've continued to burn one battle at a time with or without her, the only thing she ever did was have half a monster's genome. Her Father dragging her out to bury bags, uncle taking her to his breeding facility, so many other times where she was exposed to the bowels of this society-sized machine that ran on and only produced cruelty.

And she tried to fight it, in the very few ways she was capable of. Pippi remembered her mentioning waiting overnight until Father started with body bags before calling the cops on their landline. She did the right thing, did what she was supposed to, the cops came. Waited by the door to her room, kept it just a bit open, listened in. Father blew it all off, joked about hippies. The cops laughed along with him, the kind of laughter that frayed one's mind.

Nothing happened, nothing would ever happen. Accomplished Gym Leader after all. Honorable philanthropist. Kids these days, trying to taint the good names of all the right, proper men.

She woke up to see her human crying.

Years passed, nothing changed. Nothing more that Anne could do, not yet, but only growing more and more aware of the sheer size of the nothingness. It was suffocating. All unearned.

5:13 PM.

"You know what a coward would do? Pick up your Father's mantle. Not think about any of this. Drown the screams out. You didn't do any of it, you won't do any of it. I KNOW that. I just want you to love yourself Anne. Love yourself like I love you."

Stasis turned to bitter tears, the request so simple and yet so impossible. Could she ever manage that? She hoped she would. If not for herself, then at least for Pippi.

The alarm goes off at six.

"Love yourself like you love me."