Chapter 7 - O My Heart

Sitting behind a tree, a really big tree, I catch my breath.

Why do I feel so spent? It feels as if Im going to die. Hugging my knees, I start to think about what I just did.

Why did I run away? No, I didn't run away. Shaking my head in denial, I affirm myself.

I just had more important stuff to do. Yup, yup, important stuff. Nodding at my sound logic, I look around.

Hah, get it? Because– never mind. Sighing, I feel my eyes getting wet.

I don’t like being like this, blind, mute. While sobbing slightly, I bring my knees closer to my chest.

I wish I could talk like everyone else, See the things other people see. I'm jealous of them. Sobbing harder, I felt it.

 

“Thou shalt not covet.”

 

With an intense urge to scream but unable to get that urge out, I start to feel as if my breath is stuck in my throat.

W-what do you mean “I can't covet”?

With shaky hands, I put them over my chest to calm my racing heartbeat.

Why can’t I be envious? Why can’t I “want”?

Feeling as if im under a waterfall, I start shivering. The water coming out of my eyes makes it seem like im crying a river.

Why me? Why do I have to follow these commandments? Why do I have a halo? Why–

In the middle of my neverending spiral of thoughts, I feel something warm envelop me, followed by a voice talking.

"It's okay, I'm here. Don't worry" Hicc… Hicc.

Hugging Martin back, I let it all out. All the bubbling frustrations of my situation, the fury, the hopelessness, the sadness, the frustration.

“It’s all going to be okay”

All in a silent scream.

 

.

.

.

 

After an unknown amount of time spent crying, I finally control myself.

“It’s okay, take deep breaths” Hearing Martin talk, I start doing the unknown breath exercise.

In from the nose, out from the mouth.

Thank you. Barely mouthing my thanks, I look into the void. 

“Let’s get you some tissues” Carrying me like a baby, I put my legs around his hips and hold him tight.

Still shivering, I think of nothing. No thoughts in my head, no voice talking, just the sound of trees moving and Martin’s breathing.

Not thinking when he leaves me sitting somewhere, or when he gets away from me. I still keep looking at the ground with a sad face. Nothing happening on the inside of my head.

With the sound of his voice, My attention snaps back to reality.

“Here they are, let's try to give a smile kid.”  With a careful hand, he lifts my chin up and starts cleaning my face.

“You know, when I saw you suddenly go into what im guessing was a panic attack, I felt like I was about to die” As he stops cleaning me with a tissue, I hear him grab another.

With a slightly shivering hand, he starts to talk again “I didn’t think of what was happening to you, I just ran towards you. Afraid of what made you suddenly cry”

Doing a small chuckle, he says something that almost makes me smile.

“Of course, It’s because Alex would kill me if anything happened to you under my care” Carrying me again, he starts walking.

“But even if Alex wouldn’t do that, I still would’ve ran. Because…” With a small tremble in his voice, he pauses for a second before speaking again.

“Be-because you remind me of my sister” Hearing him choke out the words in such a painful way, I pat his chest.

Stuttering slightly, he talks again.

“She died, because of an unknown disease made by a villain”

“Her bones were so brittle a breeze could topple her, her muscles so small a broom would win against her. She looked in pain every time I visited her”

Poor guy…

“She always smiled, trying to hide her pain from me, of course, she knew that she was hiding it from me– and failing” While slightly laughing, he puts me on the couch.

“But, She didn’t want me to see her suffer. She was too kind to subject me to watch her in that kind of pain” Pausing again, he says in almost a whisper.

“The point is, I– We care about you. And I don't want anything bad to happen to you”

Tilting my head, I get off the couch and hug him.

“To think a kid would take pity on me, how the mighty have fallen”

Cracking a smile, I hug him.

“I should be taking care of you, not the other way around” Hearing him Sigh, I feel a hand on top of my head.

“Let’s get you some food, what do you think of going outside hmm?” Shaking my head, I wave my hands.  Nope, the outside is scary.

“Don’t worry, it will be a fun experience. Don’t you want to eat fast food? everybody loves that” Nein.

“Well, Alex was going to join us later. I guess I have to scrap that idea” Gaping in astonishment I vehemently shake my head.

“Is that a yes?” Nodding as quickly as I can I start to pull him into the direction of the front door.

“Ok, ok, since you are so eager let’s go now” Grinning, I start to think about the fun time ahead of us.

“–After you put shoes on. You are not going there without shoes” Freezing, I look at behind me with a slight blush.

Uhm, I totally forgot about that.

Changing direction into my room, I start walking faster.

It’s like I forgot shoes were a thing, Who needs shoes anyways? It’s not like people would look at other people's feet if given the chance.

Opening the door, I make my way to where I left all the shoes.

Which one should I choose? The red one? I think with this outfit the blue ones suit better.

Grinning like an idiot at my joke, I grab a random pair of shoes and put them on. I also don’t need socks, who can go against me? Nobody can go against my will.

Getting out of the bedroom, I start to make my way to the front door. I shouldn’t watch that show anymore, It’s making me say stupid stuff.

“Wrong way” Whoops.

Doing a 180 I follow Martin. I swear that was the right way…

“Are you looking forward to it?” Hearing the sound of a door being opened, I nod.

I hope we see a hero in action, it would be better if the hero was Alex. I also hope the food is tasty.

The future is looking bright.