She opened her eyes and stayed absolutely still. She was back again, in her childhood room. It was too pink and lacy but that was how she had preferred it when she was a little girl. Even up until she turned 16, she would always preferred that color above everything else.

She got out of bed and walked silently towards the tall mirror nearby. With the dim oil lamp taken from the side of her bed with her, she studied the person inside the mirror. She was the young Lady Rachel of house Mathias again. From the height and the lack of fat from her chest confirmed that she was at least 14 or 15.

She was said to be a “late bloomer”. Her breast would grow later at 17 as she had her first period then as well. She used to hate her body for being so slow in maturity, but when she bloomed, it will be a thing that’s close to a miracle. Her body will develop sensual curves and her hair will no longer curl so ugly and instead became one of her best features. Her nose will grow into the appropriate size to fit her dainty face. Her voice will become sweeter and her ugly pale skin will glow instead. Like an unsightly caterpillar that metamorphosed into a grand butterfly, Rachel will be the talk of the entire kingdom.

Again. For the fourth time.

“It seems that I went back even earlier this time…”

Yes. This wasn’t the first time she woke up from dying. It has been her fourth time. Every single time, she would go back a few years earlier than before. It’s as if whoever made it happen was trying to give her more time fix things.

The first life she had, it ended in a bloody coup in the Crystal Palace. Riot broke out and rebels tried to exterminate the entire Royal family of house Thorin, with Lucian was the Emperor. It was due to unrest in the territories near the border that got worst after the great flood destroyed the land. Lucian was blamed for not sending more aid much faster, when in fact some corrupted nobles and ministers swindled the money that was supposed to buy food and help with rebuilding. The capital knew this too late, and rebels convinced the suffering people that the Emperor didn’t care about them, since Fayrier consists of mostly the poorest of the kingdom.

One thing led to another, before they knew it, the rebels had rounded up close to 300,000 people to wreck the Royal family and the capital city. They came too fast, too strong. Rachel, who was then only just a month after being married officially to the Lucian, the new Emperor, died as she and a few servants and ladies-in-waiting were trying to run and hide. Rachel died in anguish as the rebels told her that the Emperor had been slain, and she were to be buried along with him.

Perhaps at the very last moment of life, Rachel had begged to the Gods in heaven for her to exact her revenge. She was just started to adjust to her new position as the Empress, her days were supposed to only just started! She had Lucian’s love and now she was to gain the love of the kingdom. She was supposed to succeed! When she opened her eyes again, she was in her room, at 18 years old, a day before the official meeting between her parents and the then Emperor and Empress to talk about the wedding day. It was the day to officiate her march towards her new days as a future Empress.

Considering herself to be blessed, Rachel threw all effort to stop the rebellion. No expense was wasted to root out the corrupt officials and ministers. She was like a madwoman chasing after shadows as understandably, the corruption was kept so deep in the dark. She was seen as if to be accusing random personnel for a crime that never happen. But thanks to her effort, the aid to Fayrier were not stolen. There was no rebellion, no bloody riots, no coup. Lucian were saved.

Alas, Rachel’s effort can only be appreciated by Rachel herself. Nobody believed her for stopping the thing that never were to happen. Nobody, not even her beloved Lucian, believed her story of having lived that life before. One day, she was given the news that her engagement to the Crown Prince Lucian were annulled, for reasons that was never deliberately explained. Gossips said it was the Prince himself who begged for it to the Emperor.

Rachel could not accept it. After all that she did to save the nation, she was kicked off the stairs towards her glory unfairly.

She was completely mad. She stormed towards the Royal Palace and to the Prince’s study. There, Rachel saw a woman she never seen before, sitting very close to Lucian. So close, as if she was sitting on his lap. A blonde woman with curvier hips and breast compared to hers. Her lips were so red like it was stained in blood. A similar shade of red was on Lucian’s lips.

The last thing Rachel remembered was that she had that hussy’s neck in her hand, squeezing it with a strength fueled by her rage. Everything Rachel sacrificed, ended up with no gain at her end, and this slut must have been the reason. She dared to touch what was Rachel’s.

What was rightfully mine!

The sword that impaled her in the chest did not hurt at all. But the frantic face of Lucian when he lets go of the hilt, and immediately embraced the hussy as if to calm her down… that hurts. That should have been me, Rachel lamented in her heart as it beats its last.

I did everything for him, she cries as her world fades to nothingness.

Why me...?