1

Boyhood

“Brimstone was last seen in B main. Might come through A Link, be careful.”

“Got it,” I replied. I set my crosshair head-level on the A Link door. My heart rate sped up as I leaned into my monitor. This was my rank-up game, and I was in a 1v1 situation. If we lost, we’d be thrust into yet another over time. My eyes awaited the enemy, my finger ready to push down on the mouse the second he did. After a few tense seconds, I saw a body peek out and instantly shot. “Fuck yeah, nice!” The scoreboard read 14-12, we were barely able to pull out the win due to my clutch. “I’m finally ascendant!”

“Nice.”

“Good job team.”

”I’m hopping off for the night,“ I said, stretching. “No way I’m risking my rank after this. Later, pussies.”

“Alright, later,” my friend, Jack, said. “Games tomorrow?”

“Sure, I’m up for it,” I responded. “But for now, I’m off.”

I left the Discord call and turned off my computer, flopping on my bed. I groaned. It was already 3 in the morning, and I had spent far too long playing games. A yawn escaped my lips as I leaned my head back. I was tired, I’d barely slept in the last few days as I was busy grinding games.

Ever since Dad died, gaming all day and night had become usual for me. I didn’t quite have the energy to do much other than that. I went to school, got home, did the bare minimum to pass my classes, and spent the rest of the time playing games with my friends. It had already been a year since he passed, but I felt the pain as fresh as if it just happened yesterday. I groaned, sleep wasn’t coming fast enough. I hated being awake in the dark without anything else to think about. My mind always drifted and began thinking about Dad, and I didn’t like that. Eventually, after what felt like forever, another yawn came out and I slowly drifted off to sleep.

 

***

“Dude, dude, Tyler,” Jack said, poking me in the belly. I sighed, I wanted to eat my lunch in peace. Jack always did this, bothering me about something or other. I don’t know what he had to bother me about this time, but it better be good.

“Fuck off,” I responded, swatting his hand away from me. “What is it?”

“Today, there’s a basketball game after school. Cheerleaders will be out in the field. We steal their panties and bras in the locker room while they’re out. Shit’s not even locked, trust me. Some other guys were going to go in but were scared at the last second.”

“No way,” I said, my eyes lighting up. Now that was the best idea Jack has had in ages. He usually proposed something stupid that was impossible, but his one was good. It would be hilarious to steal their undergarments. “That is the best fucking idea I’ve ever heard of in my life.”

“I told you that I’m the smartest,” Jack said, laughing. “Let’s do this on our own and not get the rest of the table involved. It’s more likely we’ll get ratted out if one of the cunts pussy out.”

I looked around at the rest of the table. A couple of my friends sat in my lunch group, eating and chatting. Sure, they were my friends, but I didn’t trust any of them as much as I trusted Jack. As stupid as he was, he was loyal to a fault to me. Maybe he was loyal to a fault because of how dumb he was. “We’ll do it then.” I nodded

“Great, meet me in the gym after school. This is going to be so good.”

The school bell rang, announcing the end of lunch. I barely ate any of my food, as always. Mom hounded me about being too skinny and small, but I couldn’t bring myself to eat more. I was pretty short, at only 5’3, something I never heard the end of from my friends. But it didn’t matter much to me. I walked out into the crowded hallways with the rest of my friends, holding onto my backpack, excited as for what was to happen.

***

“Do you want to meet up after school to do this project?” Matthew asked. “We’re a little behind, mostly because you’re doing none of the work.”

I got paired up with an old friend of mine for a group history project. It was awkward to be reunited with him considering how much I’ve changed since we used to talk. I was a good kid before, to say the least. I had top grades, was known to be one of the best students in school, and had a completely different friend group. My mom said I fell into bad influences after Dad died, referring to my new friends, but I just felt like I didn’t fit in with my old friends anymore. It was as if I had lost that spark in me that I once had.

“I’m busy after school,” I said, sighing.

“What are you going to be doing?” Matthew asked, leaning in. “I don’t recall you ever having anything to do after school. Unless you’re attending the game?”

“I’ll be near the game for sure,” I said, chuckling. “You know what, can you promise not to tell anybody something?”

Despite the fact that Matthew and I weren’t as close as we once were, I could still trust him to not rat me out, he was far too nice for that. He would definitely be angry and disappointed but had more bark than bite.

“Sure, how bad could it possibly be?” he asked.

“Okay, Jack and I are going to hit the girl’s locker room after school,” I whispered into his ear. “We’re going to steal all their shit, it’s going to be so funny.”

“Tyler,” he yelled a little too loudly. I quickly shushed him as he sat there with his mouth agape. “You can’t do that, what if you get caught?”

“They’ll all be out cheerleading, nobody is going to come in,” I said, leaning back in my seat. “They’ll be so confused as to what hit them.”

“You shouldn’t do that, it’s honestly disgusting,” he said. “Come on Tyler, you’re better than this.”

“Ugh, you’re just no fun,” I said, rolling my eyes. “You don’t know who I am, don’t pretend you do.”

“Wow,” he said, his face falling a little. “I’ve known you for years, Tyler, and I know deep inside you’re a better person than what you’ve been showing this last year. I don’t know what happened but I really hope you figure things out.”

I scoffed, turning away from him. I was who I was, there wasn’t going to be anything changing that.

***

“This plan is so fucking genius,” I said. Jack and I both stood in the gym, only a few feet away from the locker room. The game was about to start, and we were both hiding. “We should sell them after, I’m sure some of the perverts like Ed would buy it.”

“Oh my God, he’ll sniff the shit out of that,” Jack responded, laughing hard. “He’ll be so excited. I bet he’ll give his entire net worth for a pair of panties.”

“Too true man,” I said, laughing along. “It’s the closest he’ll get to a girl's warmth in his life after all.”

Jack peeked around the corner, watching the cheerleaders walk out. “Shit, they’re going. Wait another minute to make sure we’re safe and we can go in.” We silently stood behind the wall for a while, occasionally looking at the door to make sure nobody entered. Eventually, we heard the commentator announce the start of the game. “Okay, we should go in now.”

Jack moved in front of me, slowly creeping along to the girl’s locker room. He pulled down the handle slowly, opening the door as silently as possible. We both slid in, letting the door slowly shut behind us. My heart pounded, I was so nervous in a good way. I looked forward to what we were about to do, it was so reckless. The girl’s locker room was sadly unceremoniously as boring as the boy’s locker room. It smelled a little better and was neater, but other than that was the exact same.

“Damn,” I said. “I expected more than this, not going to lie.”

“Same,” Jack said, leaning against the wall. “I thought the girl’s locker room would be way cooler. Let’s go get these panties quick though, the longer we stay, the more we could get caught.”

We both started searching through the girl’s bags, trying to find anything valuable. I searched thoroughly but mostly found lots of beauty products. Finally, after searching through a couple of bags, I found a bra. “I’ve found the prize,“ I said, laughing. “Shit, this is good.”

I turned the bra around in my hand, staring at it. It unfortunately wasn’t anything all that exciting or lacy, just a plain tan sports bra. Still, it was something and I was glad to have found it.

“Same, I just found-” Jack’s voice was cut off by the sound of the locker room door swinging open. My head swung over to the open door, my mouth agape and my eyes wide open. It was as if time slowed down, I couldn’t believe it. Nobody should’ve been here at this time, the game should’ve started. I looked to the right to see Sarah, one of the cheerleaders on the team.

“What the hell are you two doing in here?” she asked, looking furious. “And why are you holding my bra?”

“Fuck,” I groaned. We got caught.

***

“You both are staying right here until your parents come,” the principal said, shaking his head. “This was a disgusting act performed by the both of you. Sit and reflect on your actions.”

Jack and I sat silently in the principal’s often, not even daring to speak to each other. We both knew we were screwed, and the last thing we wanted was to get into even more trouble by talking to one another. After a few minutes, Jack’s mom burst into the room. Her face was a bright red and she looked like she could kill. She was always a hefty woman and looked like a real threat.

“Jack Wilson,” she yelled. “What exactly did you do?”

The principal walked in behind her, the same look of disappointment covering his face. “As we informed you, Ms. Wilson, these two broke into the girl’s locker room and attempted to steal several pairs of panties and bras when they were caught.”

“Jack, are you serious,” she said, her voice a mix of anger and disappointment. “Did I not raise you better than this? Panty raids in the year 2022, this is ridiculous.”

“Sorry,” Jack murmured, looking nervous. It was clear that he was afraid of his mom and the punishment that would follow. He looked down at the floor, not even daring to look up. Ms. Wilson continued to rotate between yelling at Jack and fervently apologizing to the principal.
After a few minutes, my mom walked into the room as well. Mom was strangely calm, especially when compared to the raging bull Jack’s mom was at the moment. Her pursed lips and clenched jaw gave off every sign that she was angry though. I shivered, I did not want to imagine the punishment I would get when I got home. She was always scariest when she was quiet, it was like the calm before the storm.

“I regret to inform you that this act has violated multiple important parts of the student handbook,” the principal said. “Both Tyler Lee and Jack Wilson are expelled from Grandview High School.“

“Understood,” my mother said. She bowed down in apology. “I’m very sorry for my son’s actions.”

Jack’s mom tried to argue with the principal, begging him to let Jack stay in school. But Mom grabbed me by the arm and pulled me out of the principal’s office with a stern look on her face.

***

“You know what, that’s it,” Mom said the second we were in the car. “I’ve been too loose on you ever since your father died. I can’t believe you got expelled from school, Tyler you know how important school is.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Mom’s tone of voice radiated disappointment. I felt that I disappointed Dad as well, which hurt even more.

Mom sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Let’s discuss what we’re going to do about school once we get home.”

I nodded as Mom started up the car. I stared out of the window as we made the journey home.

***

“Good news Tyler,” Mom said walking into my room. My eyes fluttered open as Mom came over and flung open my curtains, letting light flow into the room.

“Mom, I’m expelled, why are you making me wake up this early,” I said.

“I just got off a call with your Aunt Catherine and we made an arrangement for you to continue your education at her school.”

“Aunt Catherine?” I asked. “But she runs an all-girls school.” I was confused, how was Mom planning to send me to an all-girls school? I was obviously a guy.

“Exactly,” Mom said. She looked up and down, inspecting my entire body. She stroked her chin before opening her mouth. “You don’t look or sound all that masculine.“

“Mom?” I asked, confused by what she was implying. “What exactly do you mean?”

“What I mean is that you are going to attend Rosewood Girl’s Academy. As a girl, of course.”

“Mom,” I yelled out. I instantly sat up in bed, staring at her. “Are you insane, you’re telling me to become a girl?”

“Look Tyler,” she snapped. “It’s either this or nothing. No school in the area is willing to accept someone who was expelled for invading the girl’s locker room on such short notice. Trust me, I’ve asked every school in the district. If you want to go to college on schedule, this is the only option you have. It’s going to be a lot harder for you to get into a good school too if you have a gap year ”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said, leaning back in my seat. Sure I was a little short and wasn’t the most masculine, but passing as a girl seemed out of the realm of possibility.

“I know it’s not optimal,” Mom said, taking a seat on my bed. “But actions have consequences. It’ll just be one semester, I’ll be able to find a school for you to transfer to by the next one. You know how disappointed your dad would be if you didn’t even graduate high school.”

That last sentence sent a pang through my heart. I hadn't thought about how Dad would react to all this. When he was alive, he had always prioritized academics for me, wanting me to go to a good college. I felt that I would be disrespecting his memory if I ended up going to a terrible college a year behind schedule. “Fine,” I grumbled. I couldn’t believe I was actually about to go through with this. “Just for Dad.”

“Really,” she said, her eyes lighting up. “I’m so glad you agreed, we have to get to work right away. You’re starting next week.”

“What do I have to do, Mom?” I asked. “I agreed but I’ll be surprised if you can get me to look like a girl.”

***

“Are you serious?” I said, sighing. “You do know girls don't have to shave, right?” Mom had just told me to shave, something that I had very little intention of doing.

“All I’m doing is getting rid of your male body hair. Even girls who don’t shave don’t have that much body hair.” She pointed at my hairy legs to prove her point. “You can skip the arms, I think,” she said, holding up one of my slender arms. “Just the legs and armpits will be good.”

“The armpits? Do I seriously have to, that’ll take forever to grow back.” I looked at Mom expecting a response but all she did was shrug. “Ugh, fine,” I said, rolling my eyes. I guess if I was to go through with the entire thing, shaving would be the least of my problems.

”I included shaving cream and a razor in the restroom,” she said. “I expect you to be fully smooth by the time you come out.”

I stepped into the bathroom, sighing at what was about to happen.

I smoothened out the foam all over my legs until it was all covered in white. I looked at the black razor and shook my head. I half considered just leaving and refusing to do it, but I thought about Dad and decided against it. Breathing in, I went to work, taking long steady strokes up my leg. I mourned to myself silently as I saw the black bits of hair go down the drain. Once I finished with my legs, I raised my arm and went to work there too, a little embarrassed. I washed my body and stepped out of the shower, noticeably smoother than when I went in. I quickly pulled on my shorts and shirt and stepped out of the bathroom.

“Is this good enough, Mom?” I asked.

“That’s good,” she responded, nodding. “Next, we need to do something about that hair of yours.”

“My hair?” I asked, distressed. I kept my black hair pretty long, although it was a complete mess. I started growing it out when I wanted to imitate some of the rock legends of the past with long hair, but eventually, I just got too lazy to cut it.

“Yeah, come on,” she said. “I’m not half-bad at cutting hair, I’ve been cutting this family’s hair for ages.”

***

“Mom, this plan is ridiculous,” I said. I gave up, I looked in the mirror and just saw a boy. A very effeminate-looking boy, yes, but still a boy. I had to admit mom did a good job with my hair, but it just didn’t fit my face. “This isn’t going to work. All you’re going to do is make me a sissy.”

“Don’t call yourself a sissy ever again,” Mom said, pointing her finger at me. “Also, look, you’re forgetting how important makeup is. Just let me do that, and then you’ll reconsider. Not to mention, I think you already look like a girl. A little boyish, but still a girl.”

I groaned, looking down at my shaved legs and up at my feminine hairstyle. There would be no harm now in letting her finish the process. “Fine, go for it.”

Mom sat me down in a seat and got to work on my face, using a variety of products. I got kind of annoyed at how long it took, as she moved from foundation to eyeliner to mascara to products I didn’t even know the name of. After what felt like a thousand years, she cleared her throat and smiled.

“Voila, there you go,” she said. “I told you I could get it. Here, let me get you a mirror.” Mom grabbed a small hand mirror from behind her and held it up to my face. My mouth opened in shock, right in front of me was a cute girl. No, a very cute girl. Her perfectly applied eyeliner accentuated her brown eyes, her cute hair perfectly fit her round face, and she had pouty lips which were to die for. I shook my head, that was me, you dumbass, not a real girl. But there was one prevalent question in the front of my mind. Why was my heart fluttering at this?