5

Caught

I did my best not to turn around, I figured not letting Matthew see my face would be for the best. I didn’t think I was particularly recognizable, but the closer of a look he got, the higher of a chance there would be of recognition. I hoped my voice was feminine enough to trick him.

“Yeah, that’s my cousin,” I said, doing my best to keep my voice as feminine as possible. I did my best to make up a lie on the fly, constructing an entire backstory in my head. “I’m just staying over for a while.”

“I never heard of a cousin before,” he said. “But do you mind calling him over? I tried texting but he hasn’t responded.”

“Sorry, I can’t do that,” I said, unlocking the house door in front of me. “I have to go now, so.”

“Wait, just give me a second,” he said, lightly grabbing onto my shoulder.

“Don’t touch me,” I said, my voice slipping. I turned around slightly to swat his arm off of me. In that moment though, I saw him catch a glimpse of my face.

“No way,” he said. “Is that you, Tyler?”

“No,” I said, quickly turning back, opening the door and stepping inside.

“No, that is you, wait up,” he said, sticking his shoe in the door frame before I could close it. “Look, I’m not going to judge, I just want to talk.”

“What is it?” I asked, turning around exasperated. “What do you possibly have to say to me being dressed up like this?”

“I mean, if you’re transgender or something, that’s okay,” he said, shrugging. “I mean, I wouldn’t have expected it from you of all people, but that’s fine.”

“I’m not trans,” I said. “I have to do this for school.”

“School?” he asked, looking confused.

“You know what, just come in,” I said, opening the door wide. “You already figured things out, so whatever, I guess.”

He nodded, stepping inside. I closed the door behind him and walked over to the kitchen, motioning for him to follow me. I got two cups out and placed them on opposite ends of the table. Walking over to the refrigerator, I pulled out a jug of barley tea and poured some into the cups. “So, what did you want to talk about?” I asked, sitting down.

“Well,” he said, taking a seat across from me. ”I was meaning to ask where you’d gone since you were expelled from school. But now, I think there’s a more important question to ask.”

“Yeah, I’m assuming you’re going to ask about this getup, huh,” I said, sighing. “Basically, the only way I could continue going to school after being expelled was going to Rosewood since my aunt works there. So here I am.”

“Seriously?” he asked, looking confused. “How does that even work?”

“Don’t ask me,” I replied, shrugging. “My mom somehow arranged everything and I just finished up my second day there.”

“So you’ve been dressing up like a girl ever since then?” he asked, scratching his head. “Definitely not what I expected when I decided to come over.”

“Trust me, if you didn’t expect this, I didn’t expect this shit at all either,” I said, leaning forwards. “You’d better not tell anybody.”

“I won’t, I won’t,” he said. “Look, who would even believe me? Tyler Lee of all people is going to an all-girls school dressed up as a girl. Everybody would think I’m making things up.”

“Good,” I said, leaning back again. “I don’t want word of this going out, it would be fucking embarrassing.”

“I can imagine,” Matthew replied. “So how is the all-girls school?”

“It’s fine,” I said, shrugging. “Definitely a little strange, but not too much different from a normal school once you get used to the lack of any guys.”

“Damn,” he said, clearly lost for words. “I’m surprised you turned out so well too. No offense.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused.

“Like, you’re really cute, you realize that, right?” Matthew said, sounding a little embarrassed.

“Am I?” I asked, turning a little red in the cheeks. Why did it feel so good to be called that by a guy? No, none of this, I was a guy too.

“You are,” he said. “Definitely not what I expected considering what you looked like a week ago.”

“The fuck do you mean?” I said, trying to act tough. “I looked fine a week ago.”

“Fine?” he said, raising his eyebrows. “Frankly, you looked like a shaggy mess. Your hair was in shambles and you looked like you wanted to die.”

“Wow, thanks a lot,” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. “So, what do I look like now, huh?”

“Like a girl, obviously,” he said. “Your hair’s a lot nicer for one, and you look happier.”

“Happier?” I asked, confused. “I am most certainly not happier like this. The whole situation fucking sucks.”

“You say that, but you look a lot less miserable,” he said.

“Whatever you say,” I replied, crossing my arms. Was I really happier like this? The past two days hadn’t been terrible now that I think about it, but was I happier as a girl? I shook my head, I didn’t want to think about this.

“Anyways, now that I’ve checked in, I guess I’ll go,” he said, finishing up his drink. “Thanks for the tea and sorry for intruding.”

“Wait, no,” I said. For some reason, I didn’t want to be left alone. “Can you stay a little longer?”

“Now you want me to stay?” he asked, frowning. “But sure, it’s not like I have anything to do anyways.”

“Like the good old times, right?” I said, gently chuckling. It had been a while since I’d hung out with Matthew at all.

“Yeah, I’ve missed you,” he said. “I don’t know what happened to you after your dad died, but clearly you changed.”

“Let’s not talk about that,” I said, a sudden sadness hitting my heart. “This isn’t the place for it.”

“Oh, okay,” he said. “Sorry for bringing it up.”

“It’s fine,” I replied, standing up and stretching. “Do you want to go to my room and play some games?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said, also getting up. “Let’s go.”

***

“Tyler, I’m home,” I heard Mom yell as she opened the front door.

“Oh shit, my mom’s home,” I said. “I’m not sure how she’ll react to you being here.”

“Do I have to hide or something?” he asked, looking around.

“No, it’s okay, I’ll just tell her what happened,” I replied. “I’m sure she’ll understand.”

“Are you in your room?” I heard her say. She walked up the steps to my room door and opened it. “Oh, Matthew, what are you doing here?”

“Umm, Mom,” I said awkwardly. “He kind of figured out who I was, and we ended up hanging out.”

“Tyler, can I speak to you privately,” she said, her face suddenly turning stern.

“Okay,” I responded, getting up and moving outside my bedroom. Mom closed the door behind me and walked out into the hallway before speaking.

“Tyler, we can’t have a word of this getting out,” Mom said, looking at me seriously. “The amount of trouble we could get in, God. I don’t even want to think about it.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m sure Matthew won’t tell anybody,” I said, looking up at her with pleading eyes. “Besides, I never intended for him to find out, he just showed up outside of the house.”

“Fine,” she said, rubbing her temple. “I suppose it wasn’t your fault, I’m just worried about what could happen.”

“I understand,” I said, looking down. “I’ll make sure nobody else figures out.”

“Good,” Mom said. “Now go back to playing with your friend. Just be careful from now on, okay?”

***

“Okay, I’m back,” I said, walking into my room. “Sorry about that, I just had to have a chat with my Mom about being careful to not get caught.”

“Yeah, I understand,” he said, now sitting in my chair and spinning around. He suddenly stopped and took a long look at my face. “I’m still surprised by how different you look and sound.”

“Yeah,” I said, just now realizing I was still doing my girl voice. I decided to keep on doing it, it would be weird to hear a male voice come out of a female face anyways. “My mom trained me for a full week on the feminine way, so I now walk and talk differently.”

“You were trained?” he asked, gently laughing. “Walk around real quick for me?”

I took a few steps around the room before stopping and staring at him with my hands on my hips. “Is that good?”

“You’re such a girl now,” he said, a grin on his face.

“Shut the fuck up,” I said, a rapid blush growing on my face. It was one thing to be referred to as a girl at school, but another thing for someone I knew before calling me a girl.

“I mean, being a girl isn’t a bad thing,” he said, leaning back in my chair. “Half of the population are girls.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to be a girl,” I said, crossing my arms. “I’m just fine with being a guy, thank you. I’m going back right to my real gender after this semester.”

“You say that, but anything can happen,” Matthew said, shrugging.

“Yeah, and that anything is that I’ll begrudgingly finish this semester and then go back to being a guy,” I said, although I didn’t feel as confident in saying that as I would’ve before the first day of school.

“I know, I’m just joking,” he said. “I still can’t comprehend that it’s you under all that makeup, let alone you staying like this forever.”

***

“Welcome back to Chemistry,” Ms. Harris said. “Now, today we’ll be covering stoichiometry.”

I let out a big yawn, stretching in my chair. I stayed up late gaming again, and I was pretty exhausted. I put my arms into the air, stretching from side to side.

“Ms. Lee,” Ms. Harris said, staring right at me. “Do you need any additional sleep?”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said, blushing. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, and it was embarrassing to be called out on it.

“I just want to remind you all to get at least seven hours of sleep of a day,” Ms. Harris said, looking around the classroom. “Sleep is important to not only your health but your academic life.”

“Seven hours of sleep with the amount of homework she gives us?” Liz said, laughing quietly. “I don’t think that’s possible.”

“Ms. Gomez, do you have anything to add?” Ms. Harris said.

“No, miss,” Liz said, suddenly standing up straight in her chair.

“Good,” she said. “Now, stoichiometry is the relationship between the reactants and products in chemical reactions.”

***

“The school lunch isn’t too bad today,” I said, biting into a sandwich. It didn’t taste the best, but compared to the last few days, it was a little better.

“Eugh, I think you’re just getting used to how bad the school lunches are here,” Liz said, grimacing at the sandwich. “It’s not any better than usual.”

“Maybe,” I said, brushing some of my hair out of my eyes as I took another bite. “”

“You know what we should do?” Lauren said, looking excited. “Shopping trip, the first with Katie.”

"Yessssssss," Sam said, oozing with enthusiasm. “Call your Mom right now, Katie, and see if she’ll let you.”

“Right now?” I asked, a little worried about how Mom would respond. “Can I do it in the bathroom or something?”

“Nope, here and now,” Liz said, grinning.

“Yeah, come on,” Lauren said, smiling. “We want to hear.”

“Fine,” I said, succumbing to the peer pressure. I picked up my phone and called my Mom, putting it on speaker. Everyone leaned in to listen.

“Can I go shopping with some of my new school friends, Mom?” I said, desperately trying to hint to her that I didn’t want to go. “If I can’t, that’s more than alright too. I really don’t have to go or anything.”

“Of course!” Mom said. “Have fun with your friends! Let me know if you need me to pick you up after.”

“Oh, okay, thanks,” I said, weakly smiling. Damn it, my plan for avoiding this shopping trip failed. Now I was going to be forced to go on a shopping trip with three very excited girls.

“Yay!” Liz said the second I hung up. “Everybody meets up at the bus stop after school?”

“Sure,” I said, gritting my teeth. This was not going to be fun.

***

“Here we are,” Lauren said, walking in front of us and outstretching her arms as if she was presenting the mall. “Welcome to the Resonance Plaza Mall!”

“Wow,” I said, feigning excitement. “So cool.”

“I know, right,” Liz said, clearly not picking up on my sarcasm. “Let’s go in.”

We walked inside the air-conditioned mall, immediately being met by dozens of people. I crossed my fingers, hoping to not meet anyone I knew. I didn’t even want to imagine what would happen if I met someone like Jack of all people here. I followed behind the girls as they went from shop to shop, occasionally trying things on. I stayed silent at the back until Lauren called to me.

“Look at this dress, Katie,” she said, smiling as she pointed out a floral dress at me. “I think it would fit you well.”

“A dress,” I said, groaning internally. I decided to just get it over with by wearing it. “Sure, I’ll try it on.”

“Oh, I didn’t think you would try it on,” Lauren said, a blank expression on her face. “But sure, let’s ask the store attendant.”

“Sure,” I said. I really dug myself into a hole here, didn’t I? I watched as Lauren called over the store attendant. They spoke some words to each other and both nodded before the attendant brought the dress over to me.

“Here, you can go into the changing room over there,” she said, extending an arm towards a section at the back of the store.

“Thank you,” I said, grabbing the dress and scurrying to where she directed me to. I opened a door and walked into the room, taking care to lock it behind me. I closed my eyes and took off my top and skirt, putting on the dress as quickly as I could. I looked in the mirror to see Katie standing there in a dress that fit her very well. I lifted up the hem of the dress and played with it a little, watching it flow and sway. I then did a little spin, watching as the skirt of the dress flared out with the cool breeze hitting my legs I smiled a little, it did feel good.

“Stop, stop, stop,” I said to myself in my natural voice. What was wrong with me? These clothes and makeup were somehow infecting my mind and I refused to believe otherwise. What other possible explanation would there be as to what I just did?

“Katie, is that you?” Lauren’s confused voice said from the other side of the door. “Are you all done wearing the dress?”

“Yeah,” I yelled out, making sure to pull up my larynx. “I’ll step out now.”

“Okay,” she said in a sing-songy voice. I unlocked the door, breathing out before pushing it open.

“Here I am,” I said, shrugging. “Does it look okay?”

“Okay?” Sam said, raising her eyebrows. “You look great.”

“You really do,” Lauren said, smiling. “I knew it would look good, see. Listen to me and good things happen.”

“I don’t know about that,” Liz said, eying the ceiling. “Remember the time you said-”

“I know exactly what you’re going to say and I don’t want to hear it,” Lauren said.

“What’s this story?” I asked, giggling. “I’m getting a little curious.”

“Nothing you need to know, Katie,” Lauren said, putting a finger over Liz’s mouth. “Not important at all.”

“Okay, so basically Lauren told us all to throw away the school food as a protest against how bad it was,” Liz said, smirking.

“Shut up, shut up,” Lauren said, almost smothering Liz with her hands.

“So half the grade threw away their school lunch, which led to all of us getting detention for wasting food and being insubordinate,” Liz was barely managing to get the words out as she was staving Lauren off.

“Oh my God,” Lauren said, defeated. “Fine, I did do that. Everyone hated me for a month afterward.”

“Yeah, so maybe don’t listen to what Lauren has to say,” Liz said, laughing. “She has some pretty bad ideas sometimes.”

“You know what, let’s go get our nails done,” Lauren said, perking up again. “It would be fun and my current ones are getting a little old.”

“Where did that come out of?” Sam said, laughing. “You’re changing the topic, aren’t you?”

“No, no, I just looked at my nails and realized how shabby they look,” Lauren said. “Let’s get going shall we?”

“She’s totally changing the topic,” Liz said.

“Shut up!” Lauren replied. “Let’s go.”

“You still have to pay for the dress,” the attendant said, looking at us.

“Oh, I should probably take this off,” I said.

“No, no, I’ll buy it for you,” Lauren said. “Consider it a gift for a new friend.”

***

“Which type of nail polish wears off the fastest?” I asked the nail shop attendant.

“Which wears off the fastest?” she said, looking confused. “People usually ask the other way around, but I suppose traditional nail polish would wear off the fastest. It’ll probably be gone in seven to ten days.”

“Great, I’ll take that,” I said.

“Okay, what color would you like?” she asked, pointing at a sign detailing the many colors they had.

“Black, I guess,” I said. I knew I wasn’t getting out of this so I might as well choose the most masculine color I could.

“Wait, no way you’re getting black nails,” Lauren said, leaning over. She pointed at a cute shade of lavender. “How about that?”

“I guess,” I said, succumbing to peer pressure yet again. Purple wasn’t too feminine, right?

“Great, I’ll get that for you,” the store attendant said, getting up and going to the back of the store. From then on, I waited and relaxed as she applied the polish to my nails. I finished way before everyone else since they all got the fancy type of nails that lasted a long time.

“Katie, show me those,” Liz said, peeking over at me. Embarrassed, I held out my hand in front of her sparkling eyes. “Oh my God, the colors are so cute. I’m glad you didn’t go for black. You’re not emo or anything, are you? Or goth?”

“No, I’m definitely not,” I said, laughing. I imagined myself in all-black makeup like a goth girl, before stopping myself. Why was I thinking of myself as a girl again in my mind? I shook my head, thinking of something else.

“Good, I got the vibe that you’re not as feminine perhaps as the rest of us,” she said, tilting her head. “But I was worried you might’ve had one of those phases.”

“Phases?” I asked, confused. “Like a goth phase?”

“Well, Lauren here had a horse phase,” Liz said, pointing at her. “She was obsessed with horses, and was always drawing them and wanting to ride one and stuff.”

“Liz,” Lauren hissed. “Stop badmouthing me to Katie.”

“I’m not bad-mouthing you,” Liz said, rolling her eyes. “I’m just giving her some friendship history.”

“That’s stupid, share some stories that don’t put me in a negative light,” Lauren said. “You’re telling her about my horse phase, the time I convinced the school to throw away their lunch, it’s embarrassing.”

“Fine,” Liz said, sounding like she wanted to tell me more. “I’ll text you later if you want any more stories, Katie.”

“I’d be happy to hear them,” I said, laughing.

“Oh my God,” Lauren said, shaking her head. “Whatever, I give up.”

***

“Let’s get some food before we leave,” Lauren said, stretching. “I’m kind of too tired to shop anymore.”

Everyone had gotten their nails done, and we just stepped out of the nail salon. I had stood around talking while they got theirs done since my nails were still drying. I looked at my nails, they did look very pretty, to be fair. If only they weren’t on my hands. We walked over to the food court, where we each individually got our meals.

“You guys should’ve also gone to Taco Bell,” Liz said, devouring a burrito. “This tastes really good.”

“Sushi is where it’s at,” Lauren exclaimed, standing up straight. “I’m surprised you didn’t get it, Katie.”

“I’m Korean, not Japanese,” I said, nibbling at my pizza. “And I’ve never much been a fan of sushi anyways, not a fan of raw food.”

“Whatever, it’s good,” Lauren said, looking defeated that I didn’t back up her love of sushi.

“I’m just happy this is better than the school lunch,” Sam said. “My standards are quite low at this point.”

“This doesn’t even compare to the school lunch,” Liz said. “The school lunch could honestly be served in prison.”

“I’m pretty sure the school actually does use the same catering company as the local jail,” Sam said. “So we are, quite literally, eating prison food.”

“Wow,” I said. “I knew the food was bad, but I hoped we would get a step up from literal prison slop.”

“Nope,” Lauren said, laughing. “The very expensive Rosewood is feeding its students prison food.”

***

“Katie, how was your day?” Mom said, smiling at me as soon as I climbed into the car. We had finished eating and gone our separate ways. I called my Mom to pick me up, as I was too tired after the day to ride the bus back home.

“Don’t call me Katie,” I whined. “And today was not a good day.”

“I thought you’d prefer it since you must’ve had so much fun with your girlfriends today,” she said, laughing. “Very girly dress you have on.”

“Mom, stop teasing me,” I groaned. “I only did it because they all wanted me to.”

“You know I’m just having some fun,” she said. “I wouldn’t have expected this in a million years a month ago, and it’s nice to have somewhat of a daughter around.”

“Not a daughter at all,” I said. “I’m a man, a very manly one, in fact.”

“Says the one sitting in a dress and makeup with nails done,” Mom said. “You’re probably more feminine than at least half the girls in the city.”

“Mom!” I said, exasperated. “I’m just keeping up appearances at school.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll stop,” she snickered. “It’s just a bit of fun, let your Mom have some.”

“Hmph,” I said, turning away from her. The thing I hated to admit to myself the most was that all in all, the day was kind of fun.