14
Exposed

“Isn’t this the same thing you took during lunch?” Lauren asked, her voice shaking. “W–Why do you need a testosterone blocker?”

“I, umm,” I said, my blood running cold. A stray breeze whipped through our hair as we awkwardly stood, staring at one another.

“Are you like a guy or something?” she asked. “I, Katie, is that even your name?”

“It is my name,” I said, looking to the side, not wanting to look into Lauren’s eyes. “I’m just… I am a girl, okay, just different.”

“I mean, I have nothing against people like you,” Lauren said, looking down at the floor, her voice quivering. “But to find out that one of my closest friends is… I don’t know…”

“I mean, I never meant to lie to you or anything,” I said, some tears coming out of my eyes. “I just, I was forced into all this at first.”

“What do you mean?” she asked. “I thought this was like a choice, how’d you get forced into it?”

“Well, I got expelled from my old school,” I said, thinking back to that event. It seemed like an eternity already, despite not having actually been all that long. I learned so much about myself in such a short amount of time that it was crazy. “So since my Aunt worked here, she somehow got me a spot at this school.”

“Wait, so you’re not even a girl?” Lauren asked. I tried to look back at her face, but seeing the look of betrayal on her face, I looked back down.

“I-I think I am,” I said, sobbing. “I didn’t think I was before, but the more I go through this, the more I realize that I really do like being a girl.”

“But you weren’t a girl when this first started,” Lauren asked, clarifying.

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I thought I was just a normal guy forced into crossdressing then.”

“So you did lie to us,” Lauren said, sounding more somber than angry. “I really did think of us as friends, Katie.”

“We are still friends,” I said, stepping forwards. “I really value you and Liz and Sam as friends, you three have given me the most fun I’ve had in ages. I hope this doesn’t change anything.”

“I mean, I don’t want this to change anything,” Lauren said. “But I just feel so betrayed, I guess. I wish you would’ve told me.”

“I never meant to lie to you,” I said, trying to justify myself. “I-I kind of had to keep this all under wraps because this could threaten my aunt and mom a lot.”

“Didn’t you trust us all as friends enough to know that we wouldn’t tell anybody?” Lauren asked.

“I didn’t know if all of you would be supportive of LGBT people,” I said, walking a little closer to her. “Lauren, please, I’m still me. I’m still your friend.”

“I, I need to think about things,” Lauren said, holding one arm with the other. “Can you give me some time?”

“Can you make sure you don’t tell anybody, at least,” I said, worried that I’d threaten my aunt’s job. “It could really hurt my family.”

“I won’t tell anybody for now,” Lauren said. “But you better tell Sam and Liz soon, they deserve to know.”

“Okay,” I said, nodding. I wiped another tear from my eye. “I’m sorry, Lauren.”

“It’s okay,” she said, although it sounded like things weren’t okay. “Let’s talk tomorrow.”

***

“Mom, something bad happened,” I said the second she stepped into the house.

“What?” she said, her voice panicked. “What is it?”

“I accidentally dropped my pill bottle, and one of my friends, Lauren, picked it up and read it. She knows that I used to be a guy now.”

“I should’ve taken that sticker off, why didn’t I think of that,” Mom said, rubbing the bridge of her nose in frustration. “If she goes off and tells somebody, that can jeopardize a lot.”

“I know,” I said, worried. “She promised she wouldn’t tell anybody yet, but she told me that I would have to tell my other two friends.”

“Why is that?” Mom asked, leaning against the wall as she thought.

“She feels betrayed that I didn’t tell her, she’s not opposed to me actually being trans,” I said.

“Did you just say you’re trans?” Mom asked, looking up and straight into my eyes.

“Umm,” I said, looking down at the floor and swaying from side to side. “I might have realized that I’m a girl today.”

“Oh, congratulations,” Mom said, hugging me. “We’ll celebrate more later, once we get this all sorted out. But for now, just know I’m very proud of you for figuring out who you are, Katie.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I said, smiling at her. My mood quickly darkened though as I thought of the situation. “What are we going to do though? I’m scared, Mom. I really like Rosewood and my friends there, and I don’t want to lose them.”

“Look, when you talk to Lauren try and find a way to keep things secret, okay,” Mom said, tapping her feet. “I’m not sure what I can do to help but try and assuage her fears that she was betrayed. I’ll talk to your Aunt about things.”

“Okay,” I said, nodding. “I’ll do that.”

***

I walked into art class, my heart pounding. It was the first class I had with Lauren today since it was Tuesday, and I was scared to see what she would say. I sat at my usual seat, right next to her, and waited. I was considering speaking to her when she said something.

“Katie,” Lauren whispered from next to me. “I thought about things.”

“Yeah?” I said, wiping a bead of sweat off my forehead.

“I think I was being a little unfair yesterday,” Lauren said, sighing. “I guess I was just a little surprised after hearing, you know, but I did some research and thought a bit and now I realize why you may have wanted to keep things under wraps.”

I sighed in relief, burying my face in my hands. This was about the best outcome I could’ve expected, considering what happened yesterday. “Thanks, Lauren, I was so worried that you would tell everybody and that would’ve been so bad.”

“I mean, we’re still friends, right?” Lauren said, playfully elbowing me. “You should still tell Sam and Liz though, I feel like they deserve to know. They’ll be supportive, I swear.”

“Okay,” I said. I took my face out of my hands and looked at Lauren. “Thanks, Lauren, I’m glad we can stay friends.”

“I’m glad too,” she said. “Sorry if I scared you yesterday.”

“Oh, I was scared alright,” I said. “If you went and told everybody, I don’t even want to imagine it.”

“Yeah, that must’ve been scary,” Lauren said, smiling apologetically. “I didn’t mean to do that, I just felt so surprised and, like, betrayed, I hope you understand.”

“I do,” I said. “Thanks, Lauren.”

***

Lunch was going as usual, which was a great relief. Lauren seemed to be back to normal, and the conversation was as lively as always. I was munching on my sandwich when Liz scooted close to me.

“How’s Katthew been going?” Liz asked. She looked at my face and smirked.

“Well we’ve hung out another time, but that’s about it,” I said after finishing up the mouthful of food I had in my mouth.

“What?” Lauren said, leaning in all excited. “What happened? Wait actually, now that I think about it, are you even attracted to guys?”

“Why wouldn’t she be attracted to guys?” Sam asked, looking confused. “Katie, are you a lesbian?”

“Umm, do you want to tell them now?” Lauren asked.

“I guess,” I said, although I wasn’t happy with being suddenly put in the spotlight. I looked around to make sure nobody was focused on us. Our table was distanced enough from other groups that it would be impossible to hear me over the loud cafeteria. “I’m transgender.”

“Okay,” Liz said, nodding. ”Anyways, what went on with Katthew?”

“You don’t even care?” I asked, furrowing my eyebrows.

“Yeah, it’s cool,” Liz said, shrugging. “I don’t mind at all.”

“I’m a little surprised,” Sam said, awkwardly scratching at her ear. “But I don’t mind much, I think it’s a little cool actually.”

“Thanks,” I said, looking down at the floor to hide my smile. I was so glad that they were both okay with it, even though Lauren had reassured me of that fact earlier. “Make sure you don’t tell anybody though, okay!”

“Of course we won’t, we’re friends,” Sam said.

“Are you attracted to guys though?” Liz asked, playfully smiling at me.

“No, of course not,” I said, shaking my head. Then, I thought of Matthew and blushed. “I mean…”

“You mean?” Lauren asked, grinning. “What do you mean?”

“Umm, maybeeee?” I said, remembering all the times I had with Matthew. I couldn’t help but blush just at the thought of his face. I looked down at the floor, embarrassed by what I just admitted. Did I really like guys after all?

“So you do like guys,” Liz said, crossing her arms. “The dream’s not dead after all, I was worried for a second there.”

“You guys haven’t even met Matthew, I don’t know why you’re so insistent on me dating him,” I said, shaking my head.

“You could introduce us,” Lauren said, smiling.

***

“Did you seriously call me out here to meet your friends?” Matthew said, sighing. “I thought it was something important.”

“Umm, sorry?” I said, smiling up at him as innocently as I could.

“You can’t just act cute and expect me to forgive you for everything,” he said, shaking his head in disappointment.

“Ooh,” Lauren said. “He thinks you’re cute, Katie.”

“I mean, she is pretty cute,” he said, shrugging. “I don’t think that’s anything controversial to say.”

“Wow,” Sam said, giggling with a hand over her mouth. “Katthew is a lot further along than I expected it to be.”

“Oh, and also, I’m a girl now, Matthew!” I said excitedly, jumping up and down.

“Umm,” Matthew said, his eyes darting from me to my friends in panic. “Are you sure you want to say that?”

“Yeah, they know,” I said, pointing at them behind me with my thumb.

“Oh, okay, good,” he said, sighing in relief. “I thought you just exposed yourself by accident.”

“Nope,” I said, smiling. “My friends know now, and they’re chill about it too!”

“Well, that must’ve been a relief,” Matthew said, nodding. “Congratulations, by the way. I already knew to be honest, but yeah, congrats.”

“How’d you know?” I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. “I thought I was pretty masculine until now, was I not?”

“Masculine,” Matthew balked, chuckling a little. “Sure, I’ll let you believe that.”

“Hmph, fine,” I said, looking away from him.

“Sorry, I was just being honest,” he said, shrugging.

“Anyways! What do you all want to do?” I asked. We had met up a little outside of Rosewood, and could go anywhere. “I don’t want to go to the mall, I don’t even have any money left to, anyways.”

“We should go to your house, Katie,” Lauren suggested.

“My house isn’t all that special, there’s not much to do,” I said.

“I don’t care, I want to see where our dear Kate lives,” Liz said, laughing. “Onwards!”

***

“Okay, maybe you were right, Katie,” Liz said, looking around my rather boring place. “There doesn’t seem like there’s much to do at all.

“Do you have snacks, at least?” Sam asked, peeking her head in my kitchen. “I’m pretty hungry.”

“Umm, there are some Oreos because I like those a lot,” I said, going over to a pantry and taking a packet of Oreos out. “Here.”

“Thanks,” Sam said, immediately ripping it open and taking a bite out of one.

“You guys should ask Katie to cook you something,” Matthew said, sniggering.

“Shut up!” I said, crossing my arms. “I did my best.”

“Is Katie bad at cooking?” Lauren asked.

“Yeah we made macaghett, like spaghetti with macaroni noodles, and I had to do basically everything,” Matthew explained, laughing a little at the memory. “She did boil the water though.”

“I mean, everyone can boil water,” Liz said, rolling her eyes. “You’re a girl, Katie, learn to cook!”

“I will, I will,” I said, giggling. “Just give me some time, okay.”

“Now, what should we do,” Lauren asked, looking around my house. “Do you have Netflix?”

“Yeah, of course,” I said, booting up the television with the remote. “Anything you guys want to watch?”’

We were browsing the front page of Netflix when Matthew stopped us.

“Squid Game, we should watch that, Katie,” he said.

“Oh, I never watched that,” Sam said. “It was popular, but I never got around to it.”

“Same,” I said. “I never bothered to watch it.”

“Me too,” Lauren said, raising her hand.

“Wait, has none of us watched this show?” Liz said, raising a hand up.

The room was silent, as we all just stared at one another. “Well, I guess we know what show to watch,” I said, shrugging.

***

“God, that doll’s creepy,” Lauren said. We had gotten to the red light green light section, and there was a very creepy animatronic doll that was shooting everybody.

“Kind of reminds me of someone,” Liz said, acting as if she was thinking deeply. “Their name started with an L. L, Lau, Lauren. Yeah, that’s it.”

“Shut up!” Lauren said, looking peeved. “I do not look anything like that doll.”

“Wait, ugh, I missed a part while you two were talking,” Sam said, slumping her shoulders. “You’re lucky you get to understand it without subtitles, Katie.”

“Actually,” I said, awkwardly chuckling. “My Korean is so bad I can’t do much more than introduce myself. I’ve been reading the subtitles too this entire time.”

“Oh,” Sam said, looking disappointed. “I thought you were good at it.”

“I wish,” I said, giggling. “Matthew’s decent though, say something.”

“케이티 귀여워,” Matthew said something in Korean none of us were able to understand.

“What’d you say?” Liz asked.

“I said this is a decent show,” Matthew said, shrugging.

“Wait, didn’t you say Katie though?” Lauren asked.

“I swear I heard Katie in there,” Liz said.

“Must’ve misheard,” he said, shrugging.

“The show has been pretty decent so far,” I said, taking an Oreo and eating it. “I think it makes no sense though, surely the government would catch on at some point. They’re not that stupid.”

“Fair enough,” Matthew said. “I don’t really think about all that, I just enjoy it for what it is.”

“How can you not care about plot holes?” I said, stretching a little. “It kind of ruins things for me if there’s a glaring problem.”

“Hand me an Oreo and I’ll tell you,” he said, taking the bag from Lauren. “Okay, the answer is I just don’t care.”

“Genius,” I said, giggling at his answer.

“You know,” Liz said. “You two are awfully friendly with one another.”

“Yeah, we’ve been friends for ages, of course, we’re friendly,” I said, shrugging.

“I don’t know, I sense a spark,” Lauren said, imitating an explosion with her hands.

“You see what you want to see,” I said, rolling my eyes.

***

“Hi, Katie’s mom!” Lauren said, waving as my Mom walked in from work.

“Oh my,” my mom said, putting down some groceries she must’ve picked up on the way home. “Welcome everyone, Katie you should’ve told me we were having guests.”

“Oops, sorry, slipped my mind,” I said, smiling apologetically.

“It’s okay, what are you kids watching?” she asked, taking a look at the television. She immediately saw someone get shot, red blood spraying across the screen. “Isn’t this a little out of your age rating?”

“We’re sixteen, Mom,” I said, leaning back on the couch. “We can handle this just fine.”

“I guess,” my mom said, taking the groceries to the kitchen. “Katie, can I talk to you in private for a second?”

“Umm, sure,” I said, getting up. I turned to Matthew. “Tell me what happens, okay?”

“Got it,” he said, giving me a thumbs up. I went with my mom away from my friends to talk.

“Did you resolve the issue we talked about yesterday?” Mom asked, looking worried.

“Yeah, I did!” I said excitedly. “Lauren realized it was wrong of her to feel so betrayed, and when I told Sam and Liz they were supportive too. They’re all cool with it.”

“Good,” Mom said, sighing. “They’re not the type to go blabber to someone, are they?”

“Not at all,” I said, smiling. “I think everything’s okay now.”

“That’s a relief,” Mom said. “I am still worried that so many people know now, but I suppose that was inevitable.”

“Yeah,” I said, looking down at the floor. “I did my best to keep things secret, but it’s pretty hard.”

“The situation is less bad since you’re transgender now as well. Compared to before when we were sneaking a boy into Rosewood,” she said rubbing the bridge of her nose. “You can go back now, I’ll make you and your friends something to eat.”

“Thanks!” I said. “We’ve been subsisting off of Oreos.”

***

“Here’s a proper meal for all of you,” my mom said. She had prepared macaroni and cheese with some beef and rice, one of my favorite meals. She stared at Matthew and I, who were sitting right next to one another. “There was way too much macaroni left after your little project, so I decided to make mac and cheese.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I said, smiling. “This looks really good.”

“Katie, is it okay if I ask a maybe sensitive question,” Lauren asked.

“Yeah, sure,” I said in between devouring the macaroni.

“How do you look so feminine and cute if you used to be a guy?” she asked. “You’re also pretty short.”

“Pshh,” Matthew almost spit out his water as he began laughing.

“Shut up, Matthew,” I said, crossing my arms. “The answer is I always looked a little feminine.”

“So you haven’t had surgery or been on hormones or anything?” she asked, looking confused.

“Nope, she’s just always looked like a girl,” Matthew said, smiling at me.

“Screw you,” I said, crossing my arms.

“No arguing, kids,” my Mom said, taking a seat to eat as well. “Katie’s just always looked feminine, and some makeup was enough to make her look like a girl.”

“How about your voice?” Sam asked quietly. “It sounds very girly.”

“Actually,” I said, lowering my voice. “That isn’t my natural voice.”

“That still kind of sounds like a girl,” Sam said.

“Yeah, I’d think that was a girl with a deeper voice,” Lauren said.

“Oh,” I said, disappointed. I had expected everyone to be surprised, but apparently, there was barely any difference at this point. “I guess I’ve used my girl voice so much that I can’t really do my natural voice anymore.”

“Let’s stop asking Katie about how she was before now,” Matthew said, sensing a little of my discomfort.

“Thanks, Matthew,” I said, smiling at him.

“Of course,” he responded.

***

“Bye Lauren, bye Liz, bye Sam!” I said, waving at them from the porch. They all had to go after dinner, and I was sad to see them leave.

“Bye Katie!” they all said, waving before going their separate ways.

“I hope I made a good impression on your friends,” Matthew said, crossing his arms as he leaned on the doorframe.

“Why do you say that?” I asked, confused.

“I don’t know, I guess it would be nice if your friends liked me,” he said, smiling at me. “Considering they’re shipping us so much, I would rather not disappoint.”

“Do you like me though?” I asked, playfully smiling at him. I was curious as to how he’d respond, thinking of it as a joke. Although deep down, a part of me wished he would say yes. “Will Katthew become real?”

“Do I like you?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. “Maybe I always have.”