20
Apologies

I awoke to several notifications, but most notably a message from Grace. I opened up Instagram to check.

@Grace.AA: Did you seriously get together the SECOND I LEFT??!!

@Katie.Lee117: Umm, sorry lol

@Grace.AA: OMG i was waiting so long to see u two get together and then

@Grace.AA: The SECOND i leave u two get together

@Grace.AA: All i can say is smh

@Katie.Lee117: Timing didnt work out ig

@Grace.AA: Ughhhh whatever, just keep me updated

@Katie.Lee117: I will!

@Grace.AA: Good!

I was about to put down my phone to get ready for school when I saw Sarah as a recommended friend. I gulped, Sarah was the cheerleader I stole from way back when. I hugged onto a plushie tightly, I really felt like I should apologize. I went to wake my mom, formulating a plan in my head on the way.

“Mom?” I asked, peeking my head into her room as I slowly opened the door. “I have an idea but I’m not sure if you’ll approve.”

“Huh?” she asked, rubbing her eyes as she sat up in bed. She checked the time on her phone before looking back at me. “You’re up early, what is it?”

“Yeah, I got up a little earlier than usual,” I said, walking into the room. “I just wanted to apologize to the girls that I stole from back then.”

“Oh, that,” she said, stretching from side to side. “You definitely owe those girls an apology. I normally wouldn’t approve of telling yet even more people about your identity, but I feel like this should be an exception.”

“Yeah,” I said, awkwardly rubbing one arm with the other. “I feel really bad for what I did and I feel like I need to apologize to the team.”

“How about I take you to them after their practice ends and you can apologize,” my mom said. “They deserve it.”

“Okay,” I replied. “Thanks, Mom.”

“Of course, Katie,” she said, gently smiling. “But let me sleep some more now. I’m tired and you really woke me up at the crack of dawn.”

“Okay, okay,” I said, giggling. I closed the door behind me and walked out of the room.

***

“Guys, guys,” Liz said as she looked at her phone. It was Monday now, and I was back at school. “There’s a carnival coming next week, we should totally go.”

“A carnival?” Lauren asked, raising her eyebrows. “I didn’t hear of that.”

“I heard about it a few days ago,” Sam said. “I think they have a circus as part of their act as well.”

“Oh my God, that’s perfect for you Lauren,” Liz said, giggling. “You can meet your fellow clowns.”

“Shut up!” Lauren said, crossing her arms.

“Anyways, who’s in?” Liz asked. “They’re staying for a few days, so I’m sure we can find a time that works for all of us.”

“I’m definitely in,” I said, raising a hand. “Sounds fun.”

“That’s good,” Lauren said, smiling. “I’m in too.”

“Same!” Sam said.

“Great, I’ll text you all the details later in the group chat,” Liz said, looking at something on her phone. She paused for a few seconds, before staring straight at me.“You’re quiet today, Katie.”

“How do you all notice so quickly?” I asked. ”But yeah, I’m pretty deep in thought right now.”

“Why is that?” Lauren asked, leaning in. “Did something happen with Katthew?”

“Well, that wasn’t what I was thinking about but Katthew did make developments,” I said, resting my head on my arm.

“Wait, actually?” Sam asked, also leaning closer to me. “Did you two actually get together?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, we did,” I said.

“Hold up,” Liz said, holding up her hands. “Actually? What happened? Details?”

“Umm, we just went to the park and then got together,” I said, shrugging as I took a bite of some more of Rosewood’s disgusting food.

“I asked for details, girl,” Liz said, rolling her eyes. “How can you treat this so casually, Katthew has finally become real.”

“Okay, fine, details,” I said, crossing my arms. “First, we hung out together to say goodbye to Grace, since she was going back to New York.”

“Wait, Grace is gone?” Sam asked, her face falling.

“Yeah, sorry, Grace is back in New York now,” I said.

“I didn’t even get to say bye,” Sam said, looking down at the floor sadly.

“I’ll pass on her socials to you later,” I said. “Anyways, back to the story.”

“Yes, back to the story!” Lauren exclaimed. “What happened? I’m like, burning with curiosity.”

“Okay, so he was like asking if I wanted to go on a date, so I was obviously confused as to whether he was asking me on a date date or just a hangout,” I said. “But I just accepted anyway, since I wanted to spend more time with him.”

“Oh my my, cute,” Lauren said, grinning.

“So we made some sandwiches and got some soda and went,” I continued on. “We shot some basketballs, I missed all my shots but whatever. Then we hung out on the playground a little bit. It was pretty late so we went stargazing. He showed me Orion and some bull or something, but they didn’t look all that good.”

“Yeah I never got constellations,” Lauren said, rubbing her chin. “They don’t really resemble what they’re meant to.”

“Yeah exactly,” I said. “Continuing, he then asked me if I went on this date thinking it was an actual date or just a friend date.”

“Oh, wow,” Liz exclaimed, clearly invested in the story. “What happened next? What did you say?”

“I’m getting to it,” I replied. “I told him I was hoping it would be a little more, and then he said the same. Then he asked me out, I said yes.”

“Of course, and you were denying you had a crush on him for the longest time,” Lauren said, rolling her eyes. “We all knew though.”

“Then we kissed,” I said. “And that’s it.”

“You kissed?” Liz said a little too loudly. “Already?”

“I mean the moment just seemed right,” I said, shrugging.

“Taking things fast, huh?” Sam said, giggling.

“Maybe,” I said. “But whatever, I have a boyfriend now!”

“You sure are excited,” Liz said, laughing. “A few weeks ago you were denying you were attracted to him though. I distinctly remember you saying you two just had a bro hug.”

“Well,” I said, trying to justify myself. “I didn’t even know I was attracted to guys then.”

“You should have, the crush was so obvious,” Lauren said, a hand over her mouth as she laughed.

“Fine, maybe it was obvious,” I replied. “But I didn’t know!”

“Sure you didn’t,” Lauren said, taking a bite of food. “Wait, what were you thinking about though? Before we got into this whole Katthew discussion.”

“Well, if you all remember I did something a little bad before I came here,” I said, twiddling my fingers.

“What are you talking about?” Lauren asked, rubbing her chin as she thought.

“The whole reason I’m here in the first place is because I decided to do a panty raid at my old school,” I said. “I got caught and expelled so I ended up here.”

“Why would you do that though?” Liz asked, raising her eyebrows.

“Don’t ask me, I still don’t know what was going through my mind then,” I said, shaking my head. “But I felt like I needed to apologize.”

“You still haven’t apologized to those girls?” Lauren asked, sighing. “You should have.”

“I still can’t believe Katie did that,” Sam said, pushing away her food tray now that she was done eating. “You’re so sweet now.”

“I was a different person back then,” I replied, cringing a little bit internally as I remembered what I used to be like. “Anyways, I’m apologizing to them today, and I’m nervous.”

“Like in person?” Lauren asked.

“Yeah, I’m going to my old school once their practice ends today to apologize,” I said, finishing up my meal as well. I pushed the tray away from me. “So I don’t know how they’ll take it.”

“I mean, hopefully, they’re forgiving,” Liz said. “But you did do something pretty bad, so they do have their right to be mad about it.”

“That’s true,” I said, sighing. “Wish me luck, everyone.”

“Good luck, hope things all go well,” Lauren said.

“Yeah!” Sam exclaimed. “I’m sure it’ll be okay.”

***

“So,” Matthew said, standing next to me. We were both on the edge of the football field where the cheerleaders just finished practicing. “Apologies are due, right?”

“They are,” I said, sighing. “I suppose I should meet them once they leave their locker room.”

“Yeah, that’s probably for the best,” he said. He looked over at me and saw how nervous I was. Matthew gently stroked my hair, letting me know it was all alright. “Look, it’ll be okay. I’m sure they’ll forgive you.”

“I’m just nervous,” I said. “Okay, I’ll get going now. Wait here for me, okay?”

“I’ll be right here,” he said, nodding at me. “See you in a bit.”

“Yeah, see you,” I replied. I walked over the familiar football field into the school. The cheerleaders were just walking out of the locker room now.

“Hi,” I squeaked out, nervously looking at the cheerleaders. I wanted to apologize, but now that I was here I was scared out of my mind.

“Hey,” Sarah said, squinting as she eyed me up and down. “Who are you again? I don’t think I’ve seen you around school.”

“Umm,” I said awkwardly, wondering how they’d react when I told them who I used to be. Would they be shocked or angry? I closed my eyes and looked down at the floor before answering. “I used to be Tyler, and I just wanted to apologize.”

“What?” one of the other cheerleaders asked, squinting her eyes. “Look up.”

I looked up to see Jessica, another girl who I used to know. The entire cheerleading team was staring at me, which made me extremely scared.

“Holy shit, that’s you?” Sarah asked, leaning in to look closely at me. “When did all this happen?”

“Umm, I realized I was transgender,” I said, doing my best to keep eye contact with her. “So I just wanted to come back and say sorry for stealing your undergarments and stuff a month ago.”

“I’ll be honest, I completely forgot about that incident,” Sarah said, laughing. “I’m more flabbergasted by the fact that you of all people became a girl.”

“Yeah,” I said. “I didn’t expect all this either.”

“We can’t just let her off the hook though,” one of the cheerleaders I didn’t know said, crossing her arms. “She did something shitty and we deserve a proper apology. I felt really violated that day.”

“Okay,” I said, breathing in deeply and saying what I had been rehearsing for the whole day. “I apologize deeply for attempting to steal your undergarments. I was ignorant at the time and didn’t realize how invasive it was of me to do that. I’m sorry for any embarrassment or distress I might’ve caused you all. I sincerely hope you can forgive me for hurting you all.”

“That was… formal,” Jessica said, blinking. “But also much appreciated.”

“Sorry if it was too formal,” I said, rubbing the back of my head with an arm. “I didn’t know how else to apologize. I spent time writing that up actually.”

“No, no, it was good,” Sarah said. “We appreciate it, we didn’t expect an actual apology for what happened, so it was a nice surprise.”

“Do you forgive me?” I asked, looking up at them.

“Let’s consider it water under the bridge,” Jessica said. “You seem genuinely apologetic so I can’t really stay mad.”

The other cheerleaders murmured in agreement.

“That’s a relief,” I said, rubbing the back of my head with my hand. “I was worried you all would stay mad at me. Which would be understandable considering what I did to you all, but I was hoping you all would forgive me for what I did.”

“Yup, I’m over it now since you apologized,” Sarah said. “Now that asshole Jack, he’s not forgiven. Not a word from him even though he’s had me added this entire time. I don’t think he even knows what he did wrong.”

“Yeah, Jack,” I said awkwardly, remembering my former friend. “I don’t think you all should expect an apology from him anytime soon.”

“Yeah we don’t,” Jessica said, rolling her eyes. “Anyways, we’re all hanging out so we’ve got to go now.”

“Oh, yeah of course, I don’t want to take up your time anymore,” I said. “Thanks for forgiving me, and uh, I would appreciate it if you could keep the fact that I’m a girl now secret.”

“We’ll do our best,” Sarah said. “Bye.”

“Bye,” I replied, watching them all walk away.

***

“So, how’d it go?” Matthew asked as we climbed into my mom’s car.

“They forgave me,” I said, sighing in relief. “They said they were over it since I apologized.”

“Woah, calm down there Katie,” Matthew said, reaching over to stabilize me. I didn’t even notice, but I had been shaking. I breathed in a shaky breath, trying to calm myself down.

“I’m glad you’re all forgiven now,” my mom said from the front seat, starting up the car. “Now you don’t have a guilty consciousness weighing you down.”

“Yeah, it’s a relief,” I said. “I was really nervous.”

“Yeah, that I can tell,” Matthew said, taking his hand off me now that I had calmed down. “At least you got that over with.”

“Yeah, it’s an experience I don’t wish to repeat,” I said, leaning back onto the car seat.

“I told you you shouldn’t have done it,” Matthew said, chuckling.

“I mean, it’s weird because I regret it since it was a terrible thing to do,” I said, tilting my head as I thought. “But at the same time, it’s what led to me discovering I was a girl. It’s confusing, I both regret it and am thankful for it.”

“That makes sense, don’t worry about it,” Matthew said. “Ultimately, I’m glad things worked out as it did. Now I have my cute girlfriend with me.”

“Aww,” I said, feeling a fuzzy feeling in my stomach. I still wasn’t used to being called all these affectionate words, so they made me feel warm inside each time I received a compliment. “Thanks, Matthew.”

“Anything for you,” he said, his hand inching closer to mine.

“I’m glad things worked out the way they did too,” I said, gently letting him take hold of my hand. “I’m so happy to have you with me.”

“Me too,” Matthew said, smiling.

I could hear my mom gently laughing from the front seat, clearly finding us adorable. A grin crept onto my face as I looked at Matthew’s face. Now that I resolved the issue with the cheerleaders, a lot of guilt was lifted off my shoulders. I felt like I could finally be happy with my situation. I gripped tightly onto my boyfriend’s hand, glad to be where I was in life.