22
Identity

“Katie,” I heard a voice yell out to me as someone snapped their fingers next to my ears. “Katie, are you okay?”

“What?” I responded, as I finally started to get a grip on myself again. I realized I was just staring blankly into space for the past few minutes, sitting on the cold wooden bench.

“Are you okay?” Liz asked, continuing to snap her fingers right next to my ear.

“Can you stop with the snapping,” I said, swatting away her hand with mine. “It’s so loud.”

“Okay, okay,” she said, stuffing her hands in her pocket. “I was just trying to make sure you were alive.”

“Yeah, you were just staring off into the distance for like five minutes,” Sam said. “We had to get you back somehow.”

“Sorry, I just, I don’t know,” I said, stumbling over my words. “I just don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“Hey, I mean our school might be accepting?” Lauren said, sounding doubtful of her own words. ”About the students though…”

“What about the students?” I asked, looking at her. I was worried about what they would think. I didn’t have much contact with other students other than my friend group, I just talked to them a little during classes.

“Well, I don’t know, some of them might be freaked out.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” I said, sighing deeply. “Transgender student, I’m sure a lot of them wouldn’t like it.”

“Yeah,” Lauren said, shaking her head. “It even took me some time to understand it so…”

“Yeah,” I said, my voice trailing off as I didn’t quite know what to say. All I could think of was how screwed I was, and how my entire life would be uprooted. Would they kick me out of the school and fire Aunt Catherine?

“I’m really sorry but my mom just came,” Sam said, looking as a car made its way over to us. “I’ll have to go.”

“It’s okay,” I said, letting out a huge sigh. “Thanks for trying to help.”

“I hope everything ends up going alright, message me if you need any help,” she said.

We sat there in the chilly field for a few more minutes, not talking much. I just stared at the road in front of me, watching the cars go. Eventually, I saw my mom’s car pull up, rolling to a stop in front of us.

“I guess I have to go now,” I said, standing up. My legs were shaky and I struggled to gain balance.

“Call us if you need anything, okay?” Liz said.

“Yeah,” I replied curtly. I opened the car door and took a seat.

“Why the long face?” my mom asked as soon as I entered the car, clearly sensing that there was something wrong with me. “Did you fight with your friends?”

“You might be a little mad to hear this,” I said, worried as to what her reaction would be.

“Look, if you tell me something honestly, I won’t be mad,” Mom said, as she started to accelerate the car.

“Jack just exposed that I used to be a guy to the entire school,” I said, saying it quickly as if that would make Mom less mad.

“Jack what?” she said. “Your identity just got revealed to the school?”

“Everyone on my friend list on Instagram, at least,” I said.

“God, that’s bad,” Mom said, letting out a shaky breath and gripping the steering wheel tightly. “Let’s get home quickly so I can call your Aunt and discuss things.”

“Okay,” I said, staring out the window. I closed my eyes as the car started back up, worried as to what the rest of the day would hold.

***

“Catherine, hey,” my mom said into the phone. “There’s some bad news you might need to hear.”

“Oh my,” her voice said over the speaker. “What is it?”

“Well, Katie’s identity just got sent to her entire friend list by a former friend over at Grandview,” Mom said, worriedly tapping the kitchen table with a finger. “We’re wondering how this is going to affect things. I’m worried you’ll lose your job over this too.”

“That’s certainly an issue,” Aunt Catherine said. She paused for a few seconds to think. “But I don’t think I’ll lose my job over it, maybe I’ll get reprimanded though.”

“You won’t?” Mom asked, raising her eyebrows.

“Well, Katie does identify as a girl now, so she’s transgender,” my aunt said, matter-of-factly. “If she was still a boy, we’d have a lot more problems on our hands. But since she’s a girl now, the school will probably be rather accepting.”

“Really?” Mom said, squinting her eyes in confusion. “I really didn’t think the school would be that accepting.”

“Well, we are a rather progressive school,” Aunt Catherine said.

“Oh, well, that’s a relief then,” Mom said, finally letting loose of some of the tension she had in her body until now. “I really didn’t think things would work out that easily. ”

“I’ll see more about what I can do, but I think things will be alright. Don’t worry yourselves too much about it.”

“Thanks, Cat,” my mom said.

“Of course, Amanda,” Aunt Catherine replied before hanging up the phone.

“Seems like things might not be too bad,” Mom said, putting her phone down on the table. She took a quick sip of barley tea before speaking again. “We might just be fine.”

“I hope so,” I said, still nervous.

“Katie, this is about the best result we could’ve hoped for,” Mom said. “Don’t worry too much.”

“I hope they don’t kick me out of the school,” I said, carefully wiping a tear from my eye so that it wouldn’t mess up my makeup.

“Your aunt and I will do our very best so that doesn’t happen,” Mom said. “Go up to your room now, I have to do some research.”

***

“Matthew, hi,” I said over the phone.

“Hey love,” he replied. “What’s up?”

“Love,” I said, giggling for the first time since I found out Jack exposed me. I couldn’t help it, it just felt too nice. When I was with Matthew, it was like everything in the world felt okay.

“Yeah, love, because I love you, right?” he said.

“You’re sweet,” I said, smiling. “But I have some bad news.”

“Oh,” he said, his voice losing all enthusiasm immediately. “What is it?”

“Jack just exposed me to the entire school, like my identity,” I said. “He messaged everyone on my friend list telling them who I used to be.”

“Wait, what?” Matthew said. “I’m coming over right now, just wait for me, Katie.”

“Wait, Matthew, you don’t have to come over,” I said, hearing a loud sound as he hung up.

***

I heard the doorbell ring, and quickly made my way downstairs. Had he arrived here that quickly? It had only been a few minutes. My mom got to the door before me though, opening it up.

“Matthew, you’re here,” my mom said, smiling at him. “I’m assuming you’re here for Katie?”

“Yeah, she told me what happened,” he said in between catching his breath. I spotted his bike lying on the front lawn, and he was slightly bent over out of exhaustion. “I got here as soon as I could.”

“Matthew?” I asked, looking at him. “I really told you it was alright, you didn’t have to come.”

“Look, what boyfriend would I be if I didn’t come?” he said, chuckling. “Sounds like there’s quite the situation.”

“To say the least, yeah,” my mom said. She stepped to the side. “Here, come in and sit, you look exhausted.”

“I am,” he said, stumbling over to the kitchen and taking a seat on the dining room table. “I rushed to get here as soon as I could.”

“Thanks for coming,” I said, getting him a glass of barley tea and setting it in front of him. “Here, drink something.”

“Thanks,” he said, gulping down the entire glass in only a few seconds. “Anyways, I’m going to need some details, what exactly happened?”

“Well, Jack sent the details on who I used to be, including the panty raid, to everyone on my friend list,” I said, sitting down. “So everybody at my school knows now, I’m scared how it’ll affect me.”

“Damn it, I should’ve beat him up more so he stayed silent,” Matthew said, his hand closing into a fist.

“It’s okay, it was my fault for coming out to him in the first place,” I said, sighing. “I can’t believe I did that, that was so stupid of me.”

“I can’t deny that,” Matthew said, chuckling. “But hey, what already happened already happened. There’s no point in regretting things.”

“Still, my whole life might be ruined over this,” I said somberly. “Just when I thought everything was going well too…”

“Ms. Lee,” Matthew said to my mom. “How is the school going to handle this? Will they kick her out?”

“Oh God no,” Mom said, looking up from her computer. “If anything it seems like they’ll be rather accepting.”

“Really?” Matthew said, seeming a little confused. “What are you worrying about then, Katie?”

“Well, the other students I guess,” I said. “Even if the school is accepting, who knows how everyone will react.”

“Look, screw them then,” Matthew said, shrugging. “Who cares what they think.”

“Well, I don’t want them to all dislike me or make my school life worse just because I’m transgender.”

“You still have your friends that care about you and me, we’ll defend you from anyone that messes with you, okay?”

“Okay,” I said, feeling the slightest bit better now that Matthew reassured me. “Thanks, Matthew.”

“Of course, anything for you Katie.”

***

I nervously stared out of the window as we pulled up to Rosewood. Mom decided to drive me today, as we had some things to discuss with my aunt. I was reassured that the school would be okay with it, which was a relief, but I had no idea how my peers would react. I hadn’t opened Instagram at all, wanting to avoid thinking about things. But now, I couldn’t run anywhere.

“Katie, let’s get out now,” Mom said, parking her car. “We need to talk with your aunt and the principal first, and then you can get to your classes.”

“Okay,” I said, getting out of the car. It was early enough that nobody was really here yet, which I saw as a relief. I didn’t want to get confronted already. Mom and I walked into the school, and I followed her to the principal’s office. Aunt Catherine and the principal were already inside. I looked around the room and saw a desk with a large office chair behind it. There was another seat stuffed in there too, for Aunt Catherine to sit in. Two chairs sat in front of it, presumably for us to sit in. Lots of awards and degrees hung on the walls, I guess the principal was pretty well decorated.

“Welcome, welcome,” the principal said, motioning for us to take a seat. “Please sit.”

“Thank you for taking the time out of your day to meet with us today,” Mom said, taking a seat.

“Yes, of course,” she said. “This is about the transgender student, correct?”

“Yes, Katie here,” Mom said, as everyone took a glance at me. I shrank, nervous that everyone was looking at me.

“Well, rest assured that we’re fully accepting of transgender students here,” the principal said. “Of course, we would’ve appreciated it if you all didn’t enroll her secretly, but we can’t do anything about that now.”

“So I can stay?” I piped up, my voice shaking.

“Of course you can stay,” she said, laughing slightly. “We like to think of ourselves as a progressive place, and we’re accepting of LGBT students. We’ve never had a transgender student before though.”

“That’s a relief,” I said, almost about to burst out into tears.

“We have some things we need to discuss between adults here,” the principal said. “So you can go to your first class now, Katie.”

“Thank you,” I said.

***

I was about to make my way to a stall when I heard a voice behind me. It was time for the first class of the day, physical education. I had plenty of time, so I hung out in a corner in the library until it was time to go to class.

“Hey, you’re that girl,” someone said, stopping me. “Is it true?”

“What is?” I asked. I knew I would eventually be confronted about this, but now that someone was actually right in front of me, I was scared out of my mind.

“That you’re a guy, duh,” she said, looking curiously at me. Some other people had crowded around us, everyone clearly wanting to know what exactly what was going on.

“I’m transgender, yeah,” I replied, my heart beating hard.

“Wow,” the girl said. “I never expected a trans student to be here.”

“What the fuck,” another girl said. “And you’ve been in the locker room too this entire time?”

“Kimberly, it’s okay,” her friend said. “We should be accepting.”

“No, they let a guy change with us, that’s seriously messed up,” Kimberly said.

“Well, I’ve been changing in the stalls,” I said, trying to justify myself. “I haven’t been peeping on you or anything.”

“The message said you were in a panty raid, that just shows you’re a creep,” she said, shaking her head.

“Hey, what are you all doing?” Liz said, walking in commandingly and pushing through the crowd. “You better not be harassing Katie.”

“Yeah, what’s going on here?” Lauren said, right behind Liz.

“Well, your little freak of a friend here has been in the girl's locker room this entire time,” Kimberly said, crossing her arms. “He’s just a weirdo who’s probably faking being trans just to spy on us.”

“She’s literally been changing in the stalls this entire time, what are you even talking about?” Liz said, sounding genuinely angry for the first time since I met her. “Also, you call Katie a freak again, and you won’t be saying anything again.”

“No need to threaten me,” Kimberly said, faltering quickly as she was confronted.

“Look, Katie’s our friend, and we don’t want to hear any lies about her,” Lauren said. “She’s trans, and that doesn’t make her any less of a girl than the rest of us.”

“I - Fine, whatever,” Kimberly said.

“Good, I don’t want to hear any of you talking shit about Katie,” Liz said, appearing quite threatening. “Now go, there’s nothing more to discuss.”

“Wow,” Sam said, having just arrived. The crowd dispersed, going back to change into their P.E. outfits. “That was impressive, Liz.”

“I stand up for my friends,” Liz said, puffing out her chest. “Katie, are you alright?”

“Well, I guess I should’ve expected that some people wouldn’t be happy with me, but actually being called a freak and stuff kind of got to me,” I said, my eyes welling with tears. “I just want to be myself, is that so much to ask for?”

“Shh, it’s okay,” Lauren said, giving me a hug. “There’ll always be some people who are against you, but you have us too, right?”

“I guess so, thank you,” I said, sniffling into Lauren’s shoulder.

“Just know we’re always here for you, okay Katie?” Sam said, smiling.

“Thanks, you have no idea how much I appreciate it,” I said, trying my best to smile back. I was glad that despite everything, I had some of the best friends I could wish for.