Hello, readers. tthis is my first novel-writing journey, and I'm encountering some challenges. (A lot to be precise. And that is a major reason for delays in chapters.)
If you're reading this, it means you've been following the novel for a while. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to steer the story in a specific direction as my characters, Zephyr and Mordret, are contradicting each other. I never realized that writing a novel could be this challenging. Despite having a friend to assist, I'm struggling to untangle the plot's complexity.
My aim is to portray Zephyr and Mordret as distinct personas. However, my writing skills aren't as polished as I'd like, leading to confusion between what I intend to convey and what I end up illustrating.
The more time I spend writing, the more challenging it becomes to express my thoughts. The beast raid arc, which was supposed to conclude by the end of December, is still unresolved as we approach the end of February.
I'm grappling with an overload of information. If anyone can provide suggestions, I would greatly appreciate it. Currently, I'm struggling to fully utilize the potential of Zephyr's trauma and the black journal.
I also feel that the system is lacking something. I would be grateful for any pointers from different perspectives. I created a Discord server for this purpose, but I've noticed that not many people join servers unless they are well-known. So can you please tell me whatever your thoughts are?
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My two cents.
1. The dual persona is something that should be temporal, not a permanent setting of the story as i said before i am interested in the process of how mc went from loser simp to the ruthless persona of the first chapter, either by him being swallowed by game persona, merging with it or using it to change himself for his benefit. Point is i dont think it should be something that last over the whole story.
2. The system not being all knowing from the start is ok you can use it as a mean to do the world building by making the mc learn about the state of the of the world outside the territory in order to "unlock" system features and quest as a mean of world building, you can say that it is also a way for whoever send him to find amusement by seeing what and how he will act.
P.S. make the s*x more perverted.
P.S.S. i wonder if he is the only player...
Good suggestions! I'll keep that in mind and work on them!
1) Perverted, as in..? Is it not arousing--or am I lacking the feel and tension between?
2)
Finally!!!!! Someone noticed!!!! Yes, he is NOT the only player! Or maybe... He is NOT the only one who has played the game...
@LordMongrel
1. Include more fetishes, pretty sure that the mc has watched a good amount of po*n, plus nobles has always one or two kinks, lets us wonder from wich personality they come from, also dont make him a sub, after his past experience and with his noble personality that wouldnt be an option. Or just crank horny level to eleven of ten.
2. Fog of war for the system works to explain the lack of info. Or just make his domain into a tutorial area.
Zephyr trauma? that rejection? isnt he already runs to hide under closest skirt? first it was Eliza, then Maria. anyone showing him good will, he is lapping it up. such recklessness already proven dangerous. Maria is backstabber and Eliza lives in her own fantasy projecting made up prince charming on MC. will you reward or punish his behavior? will he learn from it?
you are right about confusion. what are you even trying to do with Zeph/Mord? looking at system, Zeph should adopt Mord personality and carry it into real life bringing positive change to it. at same he is in complete control and doing who knows what with Mord body. who replaces who in the end? does Mord disappear and becomes goodie two shoes with Zeph in charge or Zeph growth a spine with Mord putting everyone around in their place? cant have em both at same time, two heads lead to disaster
i dont remember much about journal, it was so long ago. wasnt it some foresight stuff? time/fate shenanigans always spawn unending loopholes. be careful with that, space-things too
you can have MC jump on heroine and piss on her head so she falls in love, that a fantasy. if you write that, it will be that. readers have experience in life and will call it bullshit. more disjoined outcome of story from expected result based on reader experience less receptive they will be. consistency important too, chinese novels suffer from it a lot where they introduce a cultivation realm which members can be counted on hand and when MC reaches said realm, suddenly there millions of same realm appear
Out of a thousand languages in the world... You decided to speak facts... Ouch...
I'll mark spoilers a little:
So, you are correct about one person taking the body of the other. That is one of the reasons I introduced the Reflectomancer and mirror taint. I plan to let Zephyr log out a few times and take revenge on Mira too. That's why he will grow his spine. However, the problem is continuing Zephyr's personality in a curve instead of a sudden change. After all, people change slowly and not suddenly. The problem is utilizing these aspects.
The black journal too, is a foreshadowing I've done regarding Zephyr's status as player003. The problem is I am stuck at a point and there's no one to add another perspective to the story as of now. That friend of mine is busy with his own sh*t nowadays, so there's no one to review/proofread my stuff.
Putting that aside, Zehyr is indeed a goody two shoes but I don't see him sliding under the nearest skirts. Eliza has her reasons, Maria tried to seduce him, and Rebecca was raped by Mordret's persona. The smut isn't a big deal for me but...
The other problem is my scared ass. Whenever I write something explicitly dark like ra*e or something, I fear it might trigger someone. Especially after I received a warning from RR.
What you've pointed out is absolutely what I am thinking though. I don't want to complicate sh*t like Chinese novels but the more I write it gets complicated. If I, as an author am getting confused, how am I supposed to expect the readers to understand? This is my first time writing, so you can say I think more from a reader's pov than from a writer's.
For example the current system of the world. It's been 40 chapters and 60k words but still, I myself am unclear how to explain the dynamics. Except for the Peta Estate (the barony), I haven't introduced the county, the tribes nearby, the last year of the academy, Mordret's past... or even the main side-lead Alden Blackwood...
I want to simplify it so that everyone can understand.
When I asked for help on Reddit, they told me to change the burb and the cover. That ain't helpful at all.
Thank you for putting your thoughts... At least some directions are clear thanks to you.
That's my 2 cents.
@LordMongrel i had to look back at burb and cover... the hell wrong with it? on another hand, it reminded me Zephyr is archeologist, can it be used?
then there is "The question remains… Zephyr controlling the Lord, or is it the other way around?" i dont think we reached other way around yet. Rebecca situation was with mimic no? couldve been Zephyr going bonkers and consoling himself that it was not him in charge.
“Remember Mordret… the Other side is tainted.” was it directed at Zephyr in control of Mordret or Mordret independedly of Zephyr? other side is real world? or is it mirror world? what is taint?
in regards to smut, i dont really care. as long its not passing out from touching hands like japanese media, i am good. if its for s*x scene alone, then its waste of chapter but if its related to plot progression like you did with Rebecca, its good. there no need to describe what happened everytime someone has s*x either. Scribblehub does have a scene for that though.
think i did mention somewhere, what hooked me in is chapter 1. i could care less bout Zephyr the way he is now. Morderet was much more interesting despite how little he was present. both are losers, one grown and another gave up
ill be harsh, what you intended is not always what me or another reader perceive. i am sure disney didnt intend to make new trilogy of start wars such a poo yet here we are. anonymous critics can be vile and trying to placate every reader including me will leave you torn to pieces too
perfection is nice fantasy to dream about but foolish to pursue. who hasnt failed before? and if you do, will you be like Zephyr resorting to escapism or Mordret growing on experience no matter how harsh?
@Lachlann Mf give me your discord ID. Whether you continue reading the novel or not, I don't care, but I really want someone with a harsh personality in my colleague list.
And as you said, I understand. There are a lot of things I am missing out but I'll get my sh*t together. After all, it's my story.
As for the questions the other side is tainted... It will be
a memory fragment of Mordret just like the one where he met an old woman. And a lot of things that I planned for Zephyr to find out along the way.
perfection is a nice fantasy to dream about but foolish to pursue.
Might as well frame this on my desk.
will you be like Zephyr resorting to escapism or Mordret growing on experience no matter how harsh?
Are you a motivational speaker or what?
I'll be back soon.