My head is ringing. 

I think I am awake, but I can’t really tell. I try to move my body but everything is sluggish. 

There is an echo of screaming. And tears. It is so familiar but I can’t place it. 

I try to shake my head to get rid of all the voices flooding my head.

It feels like I’m underwater. 

I try to remember where I am but I can’t. Instead I am hit with nausea. 

I don’t know where I am but I know I have to get out. The space I’m in is getting tighter and tighter. And the echo is getting louder. 

And all of a sudden I feel like I’m suffocating and being squeezed. And then there is a blinding light. And I scream. 

—————————————

When I compare my death and my rebirth I can easily say my birth was the nastier of the two. I won’t go in to details because, you know, blood and stuff. Bleh.

But my own experience was marred by confusion and fear. The world was cold and bright and frightening. And I had no clue as to what was happening. So I did the only thing I could do, scream. And as anyone who has heard the wailing of a healthy newborn baby, it can really create havoc. 

As I was passed around from one strangers hand to the next, my anxiety and consecutively my screaming, increased. 

It wasn’t til I was passed to a pair of soft gentle hands accompanied by a familiar voice and scent that I calmed down. 

“Dear sweet baby Em” 

The love and affection in that one sentence alone worked magic on my frail nerves and I calmed down. I could feel my sore throat from all that screaming. 

“Oh look, she recognizes her mother” 

“Such a clever little lady!”

“And a healthy pair of lungs too, I thought my ears was gonna bleed!” 

As the gaggle of women reached my ears I slowly opened my eyes for the first time. And amid the blinding light I saw a blurry face so close her breath tickled my nose. 

“Dear sweet baby girl, I have waited for you so long. You are such a pretty little thing. Mommy loves you so much”

As the woman said this she gently squeezed me closer to her and her scent and voice cocooned me. And as the toll of being pushed into a new life caught up to me I was soon drifting off to sleep while being held in her warm embrace.