Emily's words rang through my ear. I fell silent, my brain thinking about her words. Based on her tone, I had a feeling that she wasn’t joking, in one way or another. It didn’t feel like a proposal, either. Instead, it felt like a question, like a genuine question out of curiosity, hiding any feelings behind it like a tightly sealed treasure chest. I remained silent, waiting for her to follow up with something. I expected her to suddenly laugh and say to me that it was all just a joke, saying that I shouldn’t misunderstand her. 

But instead, she remained silent, not a word left her mouth. The atmosphere became awkward, the fact that she was taking a bath behind me didn’t help me one bit. Why couldn’t she choose a better time, I wondered. Still no reply. I couldn’t look back, so I couldn’t tell what face she was making. Maybe I misunderstood everything, and she was trying to hold her laughter behind me. Or maybe, there was more meaning behind her words, meaning that I failed to grasp. 

As I waited there, I thought of an explanation myself. Inside that room, there was her sister that was about to get married, linked together with a man of her choice, and spend the rest of their lives together. Here, meanwhile, in front of Emily, there was me, a person that she didn’t choose to be her husband, but was glued to her regardless, for an indefinite period. 

We had zero idea of how long things would last. It had been more than a month since we got linked to each other, and we still showed no signs of parting. If anything, we became closer in the month that passed. Maybe that was where her question originated from? If say, we failed to find an answer to our issue, and we remained stuck with each other for the rest of our lives, wouldn’t it be better to be married?

A marriage based on circumstances and not love was not unheard of, but our circumstances weren't exactly normal, nor our feelings being nonexistent. Neither of us saw each other as a romantic partner yet, but maybe that was what she hinted at? Maybe, if we were going to be stuck anyway, should we just start having feelings for each other? That way, our days become more bearable, or maybe, we can turn all of this around into some kind of blessing?

I wanted an answer, I wanted to ask her what she truly meant. But her voice was tinged with some sadness, some melancholy in it, yet at the same time it felt truly flat, devoid of emotion, as if all the sadness was lost when it traveled from her room to mine. 

“...”

I thought about answering with yes or some kind of lighthearted answer, but who knew how her reaction would be? I faced risk from all sides, no matter what I answer with. I truly didn’t know what to do. I was stuck with my body facing down on the hotel’s bed, my head digging deep into the pillow. 

“Simon…?”

Emily called my name with a questioning tone. I inhaled some air, pulling myself even tighter into the pillow’s cold embrace, up to the point where I couldn’t breathe. I then pulled myself up, gasping slightly.

“I… don’t know.”

I didn’t understand, I didn’t get it. Her words, the meaning behind them, what she wanted. At that very moment, I felt disoriented, my head simulating a variety of possible scenarios, starting from best-case scenarios all down to the worst. After this, I would take a bath, or maybe I would head out to find dinner, or worse, invited to dinner by Emily’s family. Made a mistake now and I may be put in an awkward position. 

“I made it awkward, didn't I? I’m sorry.”

She apologized.

“No, it’s fine.”

I answered, but I found myself truly not understanding what had just happened. I stayed in my position for a while. After a few minutes, I felt a light tap on my shoulders. I looked up, finding Emily already changed into casual clothing behind me. She wore an azure blue shirt with knee-level shorts. She smiled at me and moved away. I got up and headed for the bath, when I received an invitation for dinner. I typed in a quick reply and headed out. 

 

As expected, things became a bit awkward during dinner. We managed to get through it without a hitch, though. We went out to dinner with Olivia’s fiance and his family, and things went as expected. I got to know him a bit more, and from my observation, he seemed like a nice guy. I didn’t notice anything fishy, then again, it wasn’t like I knew him well enough to figure out his personality. I left that part of the issue to the adults and focused on figuring out Emily. 

Emily sat beside me at the table, but she acted like normal, as if the previous discussion never happened. I didn’t dare to talk about it, not in front of this family gathering whose I wasn’t even a part of. We managed to hide the entire thing in between ourselves, so I felt satisfied for the time being. We went back to the hotel together with the other family. 

I parted ways with them and headed for the bedroom they booked for me. I threw myself toward the bed, glancing at Emily who stood beside me. 

“Ah, I’m feeling a bit tired, so can I go shower first?”

She said, sounding perfectly natural. Granted, she was speaking with her family. 

“Thanks.”

She replied and glanced at me. I gave her the thumbs up. She then skipped off somewhere. I assumed it was the shower or bath, so like before, I stayed in my position. I fiddled with my phone, not exchanging a word with Emily. 

“I’m done.”

Emily said after some time had passed, but her words didn’t seem to be directed at me. I didn’t pay much attention as she went toward her sister. 

“Take your time.”

Emily said that to someone, her eyes looking away from me. She then pulled her phone and typed something. Not long after, Emily’s message popped up on my screen. I brought my eyes toward her and intersected her field of vision. She gave me a light nod. I noticed that she had changed into a set of simple red pajamas, not that it was an important piece of information or anything. I got off the bed and we crossed paths as I made my way toward the toilet. This time, it was her turn to go to her bed. I needed to finish before whoever went after her finished showering, so I went in and did it as fast as I possibly could. 

It had been a while since I found myself rushing like this. We had gotten quite comfortable in the days that passed since the day we first appeared on each other’s bed. I had forgotten the loud sounds of the water droplets crashing down onto the bathroom floor, and now they came back ringing like a speaker in my ears. My mind wandered as the cold water flowed over me. 

I stopped it from going too far, as I couldn’t spend much time entertaining my shower thoughts. It was unfortunate that I couldn’t enjoy the bathtub that the hotel facilitated. I got changed and went out of the toilet. I walked toward the two beds that sat in the room, finding Emily on the right bed. 

“I’m done.”

I said, prompting her to turn toward me. I tidied up my dirty clothing. I felt her eyes on me, although I wasn’t doing anything suspicious. I looked her way. I thought she would look away and pretend she wasn’t looking at me, but to my surprise, she continued staring. It looked like she wasn’t pleased with where we left off. She let out a grin that appeared out of nowhere and turned around. I didn’t say anything and just headed for my bed. 

For the first time in forever, our beds were separate. It felt weird how our bed seemed to be the reset point. No matter what we did, we would always end up together on it. All we could do was maintain our distance, trying to make it comfortable for each other. 

“I know, right?”

Emily rose up and sat on the bed. Despite her body facing me, her eyes followed a figure invisible to me. 

“It’s fine. Tomorrow’s the day after all.”

“Good to know. I think I’ll turn early for the night as well.”

I only heard Emily’s sentences, parted by long gaps of silence, but it was enough for me to guess what the topic was. Emily shot a glance my way, but I could only reply with a whisper. 

“Good night.”

She looked slightly shocked, but her lips twisted into a faint smile, one that felt lonely somewhat. Her lips parted, but I didn’t hear a sound. She noticed that I didn’t understand the meaning, smiled, and turned around, lying down on her bed. I watched from a distance, noticing just how far we were. Usually, when we slept, we would be close to each other, our beds forbidding the distance we have now.

We were now probably only one meter from each other, not further than the distance that normally separated us, but this time, the space between us felt inherently empty. Like a deep canyon separated us, and crossing it cost a tremendous amount of effort. I wished I could do something about it. I couldn’t, however. I felt powerless, not understanding a single thing. Why did this entire thing happen? Why did this phenomenon go so far to reconnect us, made us close like we used to be?

What was the meaning of all this? 

It forced both of us to show a side we didn’t show anyone else. It got us unnecessarily close, our daily lives intertwined. There was still a lot that I didn’t understand, and each passing day only made things feel more hopeless. I turned my body upward, facing the ceiling. The room had white ceilings, kept clean, away from any dust. Behind me was a wall colored in red and brown, while on the left end of the room, behind Emily’s sleeping figure, was a large window that gave me a view of the outside world. 

I stood up and made my way toward that window, careful to not get too close to Emily. She didn’t seem to notice, her eyes shut and her breathing calm. Soft sighs escaped her tightly sealed lips, her left hand supporting her head, with some item between them. I dragged the curtains open. Beyond it there was nothing but the night skyline of Jakarta, painting the landscape with small glows of lights, shining the world with all its beauty. Countless lights shimmered in the distance, with a wide network of white street lamps forming lines in the distance, red tail lights flowing in between them. I then turned my eyes to Emily.  

“Sweet dreams.”

That was all I can say. Her lips twisted upward, albeit only very slightly. I guess I shouldn’t say anything else. I returned to my bed and once again lay on it, letting the window remain open, showing the darkness that painted the landscape beyond it. 

 

The sun rose on yet another beautiful day, its glow piercing through the large windows that I left open the night before. I looked around, searching for Emily. The other bed was empty. I soon find her peeking her head from the wall behind me. 

“Good morning.”

She said with a smile, trying to act normal, or maybe she was acting normal. 

“Good morning.”

I rose up, removing the bed sheet, freeing my legs from under its cover. 

“Where is your sister?”

“She has a husband, you know.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“I know, I know.”

She gave me a teasing laugh.

“She’s down below eating breakfast. I said I will wake you up… but I guess I didn’t need to do that?”

To be fair, I couldn’t remember an instance where Emily herself woke me up. She loved appearing from behind the walls on top of my head, but it wasn’t like she actually called me or anything, or at least I had no memory of her doing so. 

“How about you head down first? I'll get changed.”

Emily already wore her outfit for the day, consisting of a white sweater and navy blue short pants. 

“Sure.”

She turned around but didn’t move. I quickly swapped my clothes for my outside clothes. 

“You can go now.”

I said after I finished changing. 

“Okay.”

Emily walked away, stopped, then turned around to face me. I took my phone and the key and turned for the exit. I walked toward the elevator, finding her standing in front of the buttons, facing away from them. Seeing me making my way toward her, she turned around again and pressed the button, calling an elevator toward our way. 

“You didn’t go ahead?”

“It’s not like you take time to dress up.”

“What if I take a long time?”

“Then I’ll wait for you.”

“Even after I said that?”

“Even after you said that.”

Emily smirked and looked toward the elevator. Above it, one of them sped our way, climbing in speed. A ting marked its arrival on our floor, and the two metal doors opened. I entered the elevator. Emily reached out and hit the button with the number five on it. The door closed and we sped down. 

The elevator then stopped, and we got off. We entered a lavish dining area. White marble tilings formed the floor, with tortilla-brown walls surrounding the area. A beautiful mural of a flower colored in black occupied the walls left of the lift, while a row of chafers containing various food items was tidily lined up on the right. 

Emily brought me to a person standing by the restaurant entrance, and I told him my room number. He flipped his papers and gave them a checkmark and allowed us to enter. We made our way to where Emily's family sat, right beside Olivia's husband's family. 

They greeted us and I went on the move collecting the dishes I wanted as they had their family talk. Olivia looked to be quite excited for tonight, while Emily seemed to be a little restless. 

I decided to ask her about it later, and went around choosing from the various dishes that were offered. After collecting my rounds, I went back and chose to sit at the table right beside them. While there was an empty seat for me, I thought it was inappropriate for me to take it. 

As I started eating, I saw Emily approaching me and sitting down, her plate in her hand. She set it down across from me. She then pulled a chair behind her plate and sat down. 

"Not going to eat with your family?" 

Emily glanced their way. 

"They're busy with my sister." 

"Feeling a bit jealous, are we?" 

"Sigh… she won't be around for long, so I don't blame them." 

Emily stabbed a fork into a piece of beef bacon that occupied her plate. She brought it up and into her mouth. She chewed it slowly, savoring the taste. She then brought her eyes toward me. 

"It's good." 

"I see."

I answered and took one. I enjoyed the juicy taste as my teeth cut it into little pieces. 

"You're right." 

"I know." 

She glanced once more at her sister, who seemed to be laughing at the table next to us. Despite being close enough for us to grasp their conversation, the distance between them and us felt unbearably far. I glanced at Emily. A sense of longing was visible in her eyes. 

"You're going to be lonely, aren't you?" 

"Despite not working far from our house, she wouldn’t be around anymore. Not as often, I mean." 

"Aren't you the one farthest away from them?" 

Both high school and college. Emily went to a boarding school far from home, thus our separation. She should be used to it by now, and yet…

"Yeah. It's weird, right?" 

She used her spoon to play with her fried rice, before putting a portion of grilled chicken into it and bringing it up to her mouth. She chewed it again, her eyes looking downcast. 

Being a single child, I couldn't fully empathize with her. I never had a sibling, so I’m used to it, but I do understand her feelings, even if only a bit. 

I wonder if this got anything with her words yesterday. Seeing her sister leaving, she was worried about being left alone. I had no way of confirming all this for myself, and I wasn’t tactless enough to the point I would ask about it. 

Will you marry me?

Her proposal rang in my mind as I continued eating through my breakfast. Her lonely voice was the only thing I could hear. I couldn’t turn around, I couldn’t see her face. Maybe I misinterpreted everything, maybe I made a mistake in my thoughts. I didn’t know, I felt unsure myself. I glanced her way. She noticed and tilted her head. I shook my head and returned my eyes to the food below me. 

The family continued their discussion and talked away from us, unaware of the thing we were going through. Well, even if they knew, they wouldn’t believe us, and if they did believe us, they wouldn’t be able to help, at least I don’t think so. This breakfast felt different from last night’s dinner, mainly because, unlike last night, we were all at one large table. We weren’t keen on being found out, so despite the awkwardness between me and her, Emily still forced herself to smile and hid our issues from the others. Now that we were on a separate table, it felt like we were on an entirely different island from the rest of her family.

A waitress brought a fried egg and set it down on our table. Emily thanked her and moved it to her plate. 

“You ordered an egg?”

“Yeah. Want some?”

I felt interested in it, feeling curious about how professional chefs made it. 

Emily didn’t wait for an answer but instead sliced a portion off and stabbed it with her fork. She brought it up above my plate and let it drop and shook the fork. The egg held on for its dear life, but after some harsh shakes, it lost its grip and fell. 

“Thanks.”

I took it and ate it. It tasted great, not too salty but not too bland, just the correct amount. The saltiness was spread equally throughout the egg, different from mine whose one side could taste like salt while the other tasted like pure egg. I sent Emily a silent thanks as I continued eating.