No way this was it.

The kiss felt…gross? Their tongues pushed against each other like some kind of bizarre species of slugs while their lips were pressed together. That was it? That couldn’t have been it.

“You doing okay?” Willow asked. “All good?”

Something was showing on her face. Disappointment, confusion, she didn’t know what.

“Um, I think something I ate during dinner didn’t go down right. Mind if I use your bathroom before we do anything else?”

During the party, Cassandra was trying out all the alcoholic drinks she could, slamming back shots while Rory was lying on the table. Sylvestro was laughing with her, also getting mildly tipsy off the serving trays offerings, with Fen Hou dragging him away before anything got worse. Cassandra took one more shot of Witburn before her phone rang. She discreetly removed it from her bust and answered it.

“Hello?” She whispered, going to a quieter part of the room.

“Cass?” Roxanne asked, her voice waving.

“Roxanne? Something up?”

“I’m in Willow’s bathroom and can’t go out without it being…really bad. Just come up and try to think of a reason to get me out.”

Cassandra shut her phone and walked over to Julian, casually drinking a glass of milk next to Javier.

“We gotta go, it’s about Roxanne.” She spoke. Julian gave a quick nod and downed his milk, following her to the door where a lanky servant came holding a plate of drinks.

“Is there a reason you have to leave?”

“Where’s Roxanne?”

“Willow’s friend, correct?” He asked. “I believe she had lady problems to attend to.”

“Well, I need to see her.”

“There’s no reason to leave for the next few hours outside of emergencies. Now then, enjoy the festivities.”

Cassandra pushed the doofus in front of her to the side, with Julian rushing behind him to break his fall. Once he knew he wouldn’t sustain any major damage from this height, he let go and let gravity run its course, following Cassandra to Willow’s room.

Willow answered her door to see a mildly concerned Cassandra standing in front of her.

“You need something?” She asked, glancing around the hallway.

“Yeah, it’s about Roxanne.” Cassandra started, trying to sound casual. “I got a call from her, and I’m pretty sure she…died in your bathroom.”

“She what?” Willow asked, looking over at her door.

“Yeah, we’ll take her out.”

Cassandra pushed past Willow as she knocked on the door. The door unlocked, and Cassandra walked in and carried Roxanne out of the room. Julian moved Willow aside to ensure nothing collided.

“Okay…mind explaining what’s up?” Julian asked, standing in front of Willow’s door in case she tried getting out.

“I kissed her, right?” Roxanne said to Julian’s nodding face. “And it was all nice and romantic until that point. But then when we actually began to kiss it felt so…gross? Like, it felt like I shouldn’t have been there.”

“Eh, I wouldn’t look too deep into it. You weren’t as into Willow as you thought. This happens.” Cassandra said, putting a comforting hand on Roxanne’s shoulder. Next person you find, you’ll get them.”

“But will she?” Julian asked.

Cassandra furrowed her brow at him. “Yeah.”

Julian opened his mouth, paused for a second then let his thoughts out.

“Look, Roxanne. Do you really know if you’re cut out for this?”

“Cut out for what?”

“You know, the whole…romance thing. Because I see you just kind of latch onto the first person we meet, go on a date or two, and then abandon them after it goes nowhere.”

“Julian, what are you saying?” Cassandra asked.

“It’s just a pattern I’ve noticed.” Julian said. “Look, I’m not trying to draw any conclusions for you, but did you see anything long term between any of the people you dated?”

“Well, no, but It’s not like I had the option to find the best of the best or anything.”

“Two were close to Lux leaders, and one’s literally gonna become one. How are they not the best of the best?”

“Well, I mean…there’s more to it all than all that…right?”

“Way more.” Cassandra nodded.

“Look, maybe put a pause on the whole love thing for a while, okay? Because as I see it, you don’t even know what you want out of it.”

“What are you saying?!” Roxanne asked, getting up to Julian’s face.

“Look, listen to me. Cassandra likes men, Willow likes women, I like both. Maybe you just like nothing.”

A shock went through Roxanne’s heart when that word was said. She felt a force close in on her she just had to break out of. She clutched her necklace, and as if it was guiding her, an idea made it’s way into her head.

“I’m something! I love people! I-I love a lot of people! Like you!”

“I’m sorry, what?” Julian took a brief step back as Roxanne approached him. Roxanne pulled him close and pressed their lips together.

It didn’t feel good.

Julian managed to pry her off him, accidentally shoving her to the ground. Cassandra ran over to pick her up, and Roxanne immediately went to kiss her, closing their lips together. Cassandra calmly tried to push her away and put one hand over her mouth.

“Roxanne, are you okay?” She asked.

“More than okay!” Roxanne yelled. “I’m in love!”

“Are you?” Julian asked from behind them, looking slightly unnerved.

“Yes!”

“Who, even?”

Roxanne stood in silence for a brief moment, before falling on her knees.

“I don’t know!”

Willow stepped out of her room to see what was happening, and Julian just gestured for her to go back to her room.

“So, I’ve been sent to look for…”

Kazumi’s voice slowly diminished as she saw whatever was happening in front of her. Roxanne took one look at her and slowly began to run down the hallway.

“So, what did I miss?” Kazumi asked, looking at the worried faces of Julian and Cassandra.

“She’s just having a…mild crisis, so to speak.” Julian sighed, gazing at the path Roxanne tread on.

“Oh damn, over what?”

“She’s been having trouble finding love when we landed in new places. And when I asked if she even knew what she wanted, she started panicking and ran off.”

“That wasn’t it.” Cassandra sighed. “He started asking if she could even feel romantic feelings, and that’s when she started panicking.”

“Ah, it’s that kind of crisis.” Kazumi said. “Listen, you two and Willow need go back to the dining hall, and I’ll track Roxanne down. Sound good?”

“If you can get her out of her mood.” Julian nodded. “If I were to guess, she’d go inside her room seeing as she doesn’t know the layout of this place.”

Roxanne lay on her bed, trying not let tears leak from her face onto her dress. She was ready for this her whole life. All the shows she watched, all the music she listened to, it was all in preparation for her journey of love. She played the song she always returned to in her head. Raided Hearts by Diamond Dragons. The song about two people taking solace in heartbreak before finding each other was so beautiful. So why couldn’t she recall the lyrics? Before she finally heard a knock at the door.

“Hey Roxanne, you in there?”

Kazumi’s voice.

“I’m…getting changed!”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” She replied coolly. “I heard about what happened.”

“What, exactly? A lot of things happened lately, especially to me! I’d probably rank in the top ten of people doing things when you think about it.”

“I suppose, yes.” Kazumi said from behind the door. “But you only signed up to all of it to find someone to fall in love with you, right?”

“Well, what’s your point?” Roxanne asked, knocking some of her clothes on the floor to create the impression of something busy going on beyond the door.

“I’m saying that…I might be able to help you out a little. Because I might have been where you are right now.”

Roxanne stopped shuffling around her room. “In what way?”

“Well, you know, love. Or…the lack of it. You know, when everyone and everything around you is telling you to fall in love. Your friends all get in relationships and start spending less time with you. Basically every song and movie is about love or has it shoved in there. Because it’s what people want to see. On a screen, in a song, and in you. And when you learn you just…can’t feel it, it’s tiring. Frustrating, even. You start thinking you’re broken. That there’s some level of society that you’ll never be able to reach. And then you don’t really know what to do with yourself.”

“So what are you saying?”

“Just that…whatever you’re feeling, it’s fine. Being ace is fine.”

Roxanne didn’t reply. Kazumi silently fist-bumped the door, not knowing how to finish the conversation. She turned around to a young servant girl looking distressed behind her.

“Miss Kazumi, there’s been some news delivered in the dining hall. Everyone has to attend to discuss the next course of action.”

Kazumi knocked on the door.

“Roxanne? We have to leave. You don’t have to think about what I just said, but something important just happened downstairs.”

Roxanne silently walked out. As she walked past Kazumi, all she did was nod. The servant went to get Willow, who reunited with the two of them.

“Hey, mind telling me what’s up?” She asked.

“No idea.” Kazumi replied.

Julian and Cassandra met up with them and were filled in on the situation. The five of them walked into the hall, where everyone was turned to statues with the news. A single servant stood before all of them, his eyes darting around the room in a nervous panic. With nothing to do, Willow tapped Javier on the shoulder.

“Hey, what happened?” She whispered.

Javier turned around, his hands shaking.

“Over in Sangaria.” He said through quivering lips. “Marcel was killed, and the shield was taken.”