Think, Rowena. Think,' the noble girl stressed in her mind, 'use your two remaining brain cells and rub them together. Whose family was dethroned? This is the first time I've heard such a thing. Was it not important enough, huh, Sarah?'

She wanted to pull out her own hair, but she couldn't show how nervous she really was. Her grandfather must have sensed that something was wrong with her, but he stuck to his decision to wait for her to tell him what was troubling her.

'Right, that could be it,' she finally concluded, "It seems to be true that not many people talk about what happened to the Imperial Family of Lodden back then anymore."

Her grandfather blinked, then rubbed his chin with a thoughtful gaze. "That is indeed true, I felt that as well."

'Yes. Bullseye!' It was a shot in the dark, but it was all she got, and it seemed to be accurate.

When she thought about it, the way the Church was holding something over Lodden's head, it seemed that they felt they were in the right, while the great Lodden Empire remained meek. Additionally, she felt reminded of the fact that the Emperor was supposedly a tyrant, but none of that could be seen now that she was on the subject.

It definitely felt like there was some history there, though she hadn't felt like exploring it previously. If there had been a dethronement in the past, it was no wonder that their reputation had plummeted in the eyes of certain groups of people, and some feelings could not be erased by simply not talking about the truths behind it.

If generations carry on a feeling of displeasure or wariness, they will continue to carry it on without questioning why it is there. Things like that happened in Celia's world, too, when it came to wars. Some countries could never fully reconcile, even if the younger people of the present generations weren't even aware of much of what had happened.

"However, we are not the ones to judge what happened over a hundred and fifty years ago. You met the Emperor of Lodden yourself, what do you think of him?" her grandfather continued after a short pause.

"Can we speak so freely?" Basically "judging" someone of that stature wasn't appropriate at all.

"Since it is just the two of us, we will be fine. Refrain from doing this in public, of course."

She thought long and hard, but what came to mind was a man who had his own wars to fight; someone with many things to worry about. And someone who had many things to worry about also had many things to hold dear.

"I guess I felt he must want the best for his subjects."

"Isn't that good enough, then?" the old man said, smiling at her, who suddenly looked at ease again. "No need to blame him for something that happened before he was even born. The world has enough to worry about. As long as history isn't forgotten and we learn from it, we can still move forward."

Rowena felt he must have said that because of the way she had phrased her earlier question, making it seem as if she was worried about the indifference of others. But what he said also rang true to her.

"I still don't think history should be hidden like this," she remarked, thinking about the way he had mentioned a gag order that seemed to be alive and well on this topic, except for some higher ranking nobles, "In order to learn from it, we need to learn every part of it. Hiding it will only lead to misunderstandings."

With a sigh and another wry smile, Maxwell Wynn Nerena leaned back a bit more against his chair. "Indeed."

 

Watching her last piece of luggage being carried out, Norina and Ava excused themselves as Rowena sat down on the bed of her temporary quarters.

"We will be back to get you shortly," Ava spoke up first, when Norina chimed in: "We'll make sure everything is set up perfectly, as we will only be traveling partially with the others."

While the rest of the group headed for the capital, Rowena decided to head back to the north for a few more days until she could join them. It also meant that she would be traveling about two more days than the others, which made her expression sour.

By now, Norina and Ava knew exactly what that grimace meant, so they gave her a sympathetic smile.

Shaking her head, Rowena tried not to think about the torture that awaited her in that carriage. "You don't have to come get me, I'll come down on my own."

She wanted some peace and quiet, though normally she would appreciate the background noise of people clattering about. She couldn't get much out of the Marquis without him getting suspicious.

On the one hand, it felt like she'd gotten a big piece of a puzzle she hadn't noticed was there before. She never really questioned the story behind the Lodden Empire in the book because she wasn't that kind of reader.

She read stories to immerse herself in without thinking too much about them at the same time; it was her way of escaping a bit of reality. She didn't immerse herself enough, however, to question things that the story never deemed worth mentioning.

On the other hand, now that she had some information, she wanted the whole story, but just as it was with the real Rowena, she simply lacked all of the important details needed in order to piece the bigger chunks together.

'At this point, I'm Frankenstein scavenging for body parts.' She looked up at the ceiling and let out a breath she had been holding back for a while.

"What is there to sigh so heavily for?"

The voice reached her out of nowhere and made her jump like a cat. "Have you ever heard of knocking, brother?" she replied without much thought.

Despite the blatant disrespect in her words, he smiled at her and it even felt a touch less cold than usual. An icky feeling washed over her.

"I knocked, but the young lady didn't answer, so I wanted to make sure everything was okay."

Back then, the real Rowena drowned herself in the bathtub, and no one ever looked after her. 'I know it was because she hated people being around her, so she raised her staff to be so inattentive over the years, but it still hurts to think about it.'

Involuntarily, her eyes showed an annoyed expression as even her eyebrows furrowed in an angry way. Taken aback, her brother's smile faltered for a split second before returning to what it had been before.

"I guess there was no need to worry, I'm afraid I must have come at an inappropriate time."

'Again, this icky feeling.' She hadn't felt it like this before because other emotions had outweighed it, but right now it was all there and more prominent than ever.

Not only at this moment, but in the days before, there was so much they hadn't talked about, and now was probably one of the last times they could be alone at all.

Slowly breathing in and out, she took the courage she had gathered over time as she became accustomed to her numerous family members.

"I apologize in advance for asking a question that is out of line," Rowena's gaze sought his with unapologetic, burning determination, "but why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?"

It was obvious that his cold demeanor was not the full extent of his character, even she knew that much. Still, it seemed awfully easy to get into his good graces after all the time they had been at odds with each other.

Was her second brother really the way he was just because he was immature? Then what about their father's strange behavior? Why was Alan the only one like that? She would never get ahead in this situation if she continued to lack information.

And somewhere, deep inside, she felt that she had to ask. That she actually wanted to know - to know more about him; to understand him a little better. She just wanted to start building a bridge, but he had come unexpectedly, swinging over to her like Tarzan on a vine, and now she felt cornered.

His face fell in surprise as he blinked without a word for a few seconds until he began to smile wryly. There was a hint of nostalgia and sadness, but it was quickly overshadowed by a small spark of optimism.

"Because you finally let me," was all he said, sounding grateful.

At that answer, her eyes widened slightly in shock. It felt too... naïve as a response. It wasn't something she had expected from him - then again, she didn't know whether she had expected anything at all.

'Maybe I really thought he was going to act all sinister and tell me he how didn't think I would see behind his façade, like some third-rate-villain.' No, that wasn't it either. She shook her head as she looked at his intently.

No, she should have phrased her question better, that was all. "It's true that you have kept your distance until now, but..." she began, lowering her gaze to the floor, "weren't you hurt as well, Alan?"

It was his turn to look shocked, though she couldn't see it. Since he wasn't prepared for a question like that, he couldn't say anything for a while.

"Yes, I was hurt as well," he finally gave up.

"Then why?"

'Why?' he wondered, but could only muster a shallow laugh, 'because I'm pathetic.' There was no way he could say that out loud.

"Is that such a funny question?" Rowena couldn't help but feel like he didn't take her seriously at all.

"A little," he said, giving her another smile she wouldn't look at, "I can't speak for Colin, but his Grace... Father and I are just very desperate. That's why we don't care."

"Desperate?" The lavender-haired noble was more confused than ever. "What do you not care about?"

"You are my sister. The only sister I will ever have," he said, knowing it was unfair to Arabella, whom he had also accepted into their family, "furthermore, you look so much like Mother. Losing you was like losing her a second time." His voice became a bit hoarse as he spoke.

Hearing that, she involuntarily looked up to see the complicated expression on his face. The pain reflected in his features was like a bucket of cold water dumped on her head.

She had gone and opened a wound she had no idea how to dress. And instead of saying a word about it, her lips opened and closed, making her look like a fish on land.

"You see, we were both desperate. We could probably take more and still come back to you." It was more of a punch to the gut for her this time.

A tear ran down her face that she didn't acknowledge because it wasn't exactly her turn to cry here. "But that only means that I could do whatever I want to you and you would just bend the knee. How does that make sense?" How was that fair?

He kept giving her that smile that suddenly felt like he was telling her he was an idiot and knew it, like some antithesis to the Dunning-Krueger effect.

More tears rolled down her cheeks, and something tightened around her heart like an iron cage. It was hard to breathe.

It wasn't what he wanted either. Seeing his sister cry for the second time in as many days, after she had begun to hide her tears from him and the others, made his stomach turn.

His hands reached out to her, trembling, afraid they would be swatted away and he would be pushed out again. A sense of longing made him want to pull her close, yet reason told him to step back to give her space.

That was all she ever wanted from him and it was all that he could give.

When she saw him move away from her, she first thought he had to do it for himself, but the look in his eyes told her otherwise. It was a leap of faith that he wouldn't react defensively, but she jumped up and wrapped her arms around his waist.

Alan didn't react at all, he just stiffened up for a moment, not sure how to respond.

"I'm sorry," Rowena said, "I never meant to hurt you." Her cries echoed through the silent room, reaching his ears as he still stood motionless.

It wasn't her place to say those words, but if it wasn't, who else was going to say what he needed to hear? And why did it cause her so much grief not to say them? Anguished cries came from a place so deeply buried that she didn't even believe they were hers anymore.

Slowly, his arms closed around her, comforting her by gently stroking her hair and back, as he had done when Rowena was a child.

"We also never meant to cause you pain. We thought you understood the meaning behind the marriage, and you seemed so mature... But it was too early." He spoke down to her; she could feel a trace of his breath on the top of her head, "Father doesn't know how to treat you either. He's afraid."

"Afraid" - even as she cried, the word echoed in her mind, conjuring up the frightened look in the Grand Duke's eyes as they had met her own.

As she buried her face in her brother's shirt, she remembered. After crying for what seemed like days in that dark, cold room with Pan, she had rarely cried again. It was as if her tears had simply dried up that day, never to be replenished.

Sometimes she wondered if it was a side effect of the Mana heart beating in her chest, making her a more efficient warrior. But it must not have been that, because now she was crying like a baby to the point of being embarrassed.

All she'd wanted was to have a conversation, to clear up all her uncertain feelings before they ran out of time to talk alone. But now she felt even more insecure.

It felt as if she wouldn't even be able to walk if he let go of her now. And this weakness frightened her as well.