A large man awakes on a bright morning, he skips to the bathroom and combs his long orange hair and beard.
“Oh today is such a good day eh,” The man cheers to himself. “I just can’t wait to get to work!” He cheers again as he puts on his flannel shirt, jeans and Kevlar vest. He leaves his room and walks into the living room of the base.
In the room sat Janet, who he cheerfully greeted as he sat next to her.
“Good morning Luis, you seem happy today,” Janet sipped her cup of coffee. “Well, happier than usual,”
“What can I say, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, my bones cracked less than normal when I got outta bed, it’s a good day eh!” Luis cheered.
“Sounds fun,” Janet chuckles. “Anyway, I’ve got new mission for you, regular area defence mission, should be done within a few hours. A couple other members of the crew will be coming with you,” Janet explains.
“Sounds good eh, guess I’ll learn what this mission’s all aboot when I get there?”
“Pretty much,” Janet shrugged. “Van’s outside, Sally’s driving, good luck!”
“Thanks buddy!” Luis cheers as he leaves the Base.
Luis skips outside towards the Base’s Garage, encountering two other members of this Mercenary Team
Sally, a blonde mechanic wearing a tan undershirt and a brown skirt and overalls who at the moment was trying to fit various guns into said brown overalls’ insane amount of pockets, and Chirag. An Arabic fellow with a bushy beard who wearing a brown duster, brown pants and a cowboy hat, he was leaning on the van, calmly checking on his sniper rifle every once in awhile.
“Alright boys, y’all ready for the mission?” Sally called out to her two teammates.
“Oh of course I am buddy, I’m prepared to do… whatever the mission is eh,” Luis cheered.
“...Yes,” Chirag mumbled as he got in the van.
“Alright, good, we should be there in about 10 minutes,” Sally assured as she stepped into the front seat of the van and began to drive.
Their destination was a stuffy, higher-end college, surprisingly enough.
“Alright boys, we’re wanted at the third set of dorm rooms,” Sally explained as the Mercs and her walked towards the gate.
“Hello friend, could you let us in?” Luis energetically greeted, putting on his best smile.
“I don’t think you guys are stu-” The Gateman was interrupted by Chirag pointing his rifle a him. “Y’know what? I’m convinced head on through,”
“We could’ve worked that out diplomatically, eh,” Luis scolded his colleague like a disappointed father as the trio walked into the College.
“It worked, is all that matters,” Chirag shrugged
The three eventually made it to the dorm and knocked on the door and waited.
An obviously drunk, shirtless blonde guy, no older than 20 kicked open the door.
“Yoooooo, are you the security guys?” The boy mumbled “Didn’t know Mercenaries could be so sexy!” He catcalled Sally.
“Aw shucks, it’s a shame I’m taken Fratboy,” Sally rolls her eyes.
“But you aren’t ta-” Luis whispered.
“Eh, who cares, come on in bros,” The Frat Boy leads the three Mercs into a party: bright lights, blaring music, barely adults getting STDs; the whole shabang!
The three shove through the horde of people, earning more drunken insults than an Irish strike. The three eventually make it to a room where no one else is currently in, though the stench of weed and alcohol still permeates throughout the room.
“Alright, guess we’re defending Frat Boys today,” Sally grumbled. “What’re we defendin’ them from anyway?” The Texan woman asked Janet, who was listening in using an earpiece Sally was wearing.
“I… actually don’t know, they didn’t say what you three were supposed to be doing,” Janet explained. “The Police might come or something, but other than that I can’t think of anything,”
“Should be an easy mission then, I’m gonna go get a drink,” Sally leaves the room.
“I will watch the outside,” Chirag also leaves.
Luis, unsure of what to do considering that he’s a 40ish year old man at a College party decides to walk around for a bit, humming a cheerful tune to himself, apologising whenever he bumps into people.
He sits down on the couch, along with people who are loudly yelling at the TV.
“So, what’s going on today friends?” Luis calmly asks. “What are we watching?”
“The fucken’ Deseret Blinkeros lost, my life is over!” A man screams as he suddenly disintegrates into nothing.
“Oh, that’s not good eh,” Luis mumbles as he leaves the couch.
Luis jogged over to a table where everyone was drinking, including Sally.
“Heya Louie, whaddaya doin’ here?” Sally mumbled, clearly a little tipsy.
“I’m just wandering around, might go cook something,” Luis pointed to the stove excitedly.
“That’s cool, I’m gonna keep doing whatever,” Sally mumbled. “I think these guys literally just invited us here to party or somethin’,”
“No, we invited you here because we have 18 kilograms of meth,” One of the frat boys chimed in.
“That stuff’s illegal, why would ya bring it back here?” Sally angrily questioned.
The boys shrugged as Luis walked over to the stove.
He began to cook up bacon and eggs, mainly as a hangover cure for whoever actually live in this apartment before-
BANG!
A gunshot wrang out, turning the entire dormitory silent instantly, people tripped over each other to run into rooms or to hide under tables.
“I don’t mean to I interrupt cooking, but there are cops outside, help me deal with,” Chirag spoke calmly into his earpiece as he shot down a few cops. “They are shooting at me,”
“On it Buddy, Sal’s a bit too drunk to handle it eh,” Luis explained as he pulled out a fireaxe from under his shirt and ran towards the front door.
“This is the police, open up!” A policeman yells at the door as he bangs on it.
“No, sorry officers, I have this condition eh, where I’m… deathly allergic to… the colour blue, eh,” Luis quickly explained
“Oh that’s perfectly reasonab- wait a minute!” The cop came to a realisation. “We’re wearing white, you aren’t allergic to us right now! Break down the door boys!” The cop yelled to his fellow cops.
The door was kicked open and a group of three cops flooded in.
Luis hit the first one with the axe, beheading him on the spot, the second and third cops shot at him while attempting to run backwards, but Luis bolted towards them. He picked the second one up and threw him at the third one.
Luis then rushes out of the dorm, the officers outside fire upon him, but their panicked shots hit the armour on his chest, one by one he kills every single one with his fireaxe.
“I’m invincible eh!” The large man proudly yells at the top of his lungs. “Invincible eh!”
“Fuck, fuck, retreat boys!” An officer yells out to his fellow men as they run away from the scene.
“Sorry for killing your friends by the way eh!” Luis yells out to the retreating cops.
“It’s okay, same time next week?” A cop yells back from the car.
“Of course buddy!”
“Hey Louie, what’s goin’ on out here?” Sally drunkenly stumbles outside. “Oh damn, ya killed everyone, nice!”
“Yeah you did, good job, Lumberjack,” Janet congratulated.
“Aww, it was nothing, I swear,” Luis scratched the back of his head.
