A few decades later, I stood dumbfounded just inside the treeline, near the beach. There was a ship visible on the horizon, well offshore. For the first time in 943 years, humans had stumbled within sight of my island.

Everything else aside for a moment, the ship had sails! Had they hired a green mage to control the wind and water? How quaint and expensive...It had the advantage of reducing the risk of dangerous storms, I supposed. But still, what a misuse of resources! Green mages were too valuable for agriculture. Or, had their enchanted propeller been damaged, and the sail was a backup? Or were they unable to get it charged?

This made a troubling possibility occur to me. The mage population had not been healthy 943 years ago. Most powerful mages came from strong lineages, like the Corzas. Spontaneous mages were a rarity and normally weak. Izena's power was remarkable even given her genes; if neither of my parents were latent mages, my own comparable strength was inexplicable. I certainly had never got the characteristic impression of whiteness or any other mana color from either of my parents, but they might have been too weak for a young child to notice anything odd.

It was altogether possible that magic nowadays was associated with relics and godlike monsters, and mages were extinct. Hmmm, maybe I count as a relic myself.

I mulled over what to do. No matter how reluctant I was to...interact with anyone, I absolutely refused not to help people in need. I will never be one of those mages who makes excuses to avoid helping those they can help. I am a helper. The vow I made at the age of 5 is absolute. But do they need help?

I stared at the ship, trying to determine whether I needed to expose myself even more by going for a closer look. That said, if they were alert, they probably already knew that something was strange about this island. My natural art was noticeable, and more than anything, they must have seen my glow. It wasn't exactly subtle anymore.

No ship should want to sail through this dangerous area, and none had in at least 943 years, probably much longer. There was likely something wrong. It may have been damaged, by one of the terrors of the deep ocean, and drifted here. If so, they may be in immediate danger, from dehydration or starvation. I had the power to fix both of those problems. I needed to check without delay.

Within a few moments of summoning my resolve, I saw signs of activity on the deck. I paused and watched. Specks that I guessed were sailors were bustling around. Eventually, I could see that they were deploying a smaller boat, presumably to go to shore. Well, that works. I'll greet them here, then, and figure out what's going on.

There's no danger. I can grant a shield that only a powerful sea monster could break to every large living thing on this island and in the reef. Actually, in case they're here for food, best to shield all the birds now as a precaution. One moment later, and it was done. The island now had a bunch of little glowbulbs scattered about.

Once upon a time, I struggled to make even two shields of that caliber. Heh. How satisfying.

As I waited, the oars on the approaching boat swinging rhythmically, I recalled Izena's words from many years ago.

"Consider yourself objectively, how you appear to these people, and embrace it." Okay sister, I'll give that a try, right now.

These sailors, likely with no more knowledge of mages and magic than refugees during the war, were about to meet a glowing woman, who is immune to getting dirty, and is apparently living alone on an impossibly isolated island that she has intentionally sculpted for centuries with the self-described goal of achieving a Sacred Peaceful Garden aesthetic. Her only companions on the island, birds whose tails sparkle in her light, all possess impenetrable shields of liquid light. Her island has, near its center, a glowing pool of liquid light that rejuvenates those who touch it.

Ah, I've been infusing the fruit trees with my mana for centuries, to guide their growth. Might the fruits have healing properties, too? An interesting possibility.

Hmmm. I think I can foresee how this encounter will go. At least it won't be immediately obvious that I'm immortal. Or can make glowing levitation platforms. Or heal people. Or repair things. Or cure diseases. Or turn salt water into fresh water. Or resurrect the recently deceased, nowadays without completely exhausting myself...

Alright, seriously, what is the difference between what I have become, and an 'actual' goddess, whatever that is? I do have limitations.

I'm far from omnipotent, clairvoyant, or infallible, but I don't think those are expected of me. The people who called me a goddess in the past all knew I was none of the three. Resurrection is conditional, slow and expensive even now, but I can do it. My range is limited; I need to be almost touching my target to use any spell except a shield.

My most powerful attack is smacking my enemy with a stick made of a material with healing properties, because I am only half of a matched pair, a mainland without an ocean.

Alright, sister. These people may be in desperate trouble, seeking divine intervention. If they need me to play the role of the pseudo-goddess that it's within my power to be, I will do my best to embrace my role. If I can meet their expectations, do my half of what they need their goddesses to do for them, then I'm not really an imposter, am I? That's what you meant, right? I am who I am, no more or less, and if that makes me a 'goddess' to them, then so be it.

My spine straightened ever so slightly, and my anxiety faded slightly.

If they recognize me, I will tell them what happened. I made the only choice I could make, and lost everything that mattered to me. I needed to get away. I needed peace. I needed to make sure it would never happen again, so I could live with myself. It took a very long time to achieve that, but I did. It's that simple.

And fuck you, hypothetical inquisitor demon. I didn't see you fighting Oscanion, self-important prick. No one ever mistook you for a goddess.

I awaited the acid, and instead got...butterflies?

Izena's smudge is so black on the ground--

Sigh. "I am sorry, big sister, that I wasn't able to keep you safe. I just wasn't strong enough. No one was strong enough. If all the people in the world had been there, everyone would have died except me. I could only make one shield strong enough, and I could only use it on myself."

I wiped away some tears before continuing. "Even now, I am not omnipotent. I couldn't look after you then, and can't do anything for you now, but at least I can let you look after me...You looked at me, shocked and terrified, because you thought that your shield fading meant I had died."

My voice started cracking halfway through, and now I was croaking.

"That's what your first thought would have been. That's who you were? Am I wrong? You didn't even care in that moment that it meant you were dying?"

No one answered, but no one needed to.

"I'm sorry that it's taken me so long. I just couldn't accept what had happened, that I was alone again, that I had as little ability to help you as I did to help Mama, that you were right next to me and I couldn't do anything, that you saved me from that camp and I couldn't save you. Thank you for hugging me, even though it made you smelly. And thank you father, for telling me where to go. I know you would prefer for one of us to survive, rather than none."

The birds had gathered round me.

"Daddy, Mama, Azenum, and Izena and all the others were killed by Oscanion. Not me," I told them. "I helped who I could help."

The boat was close. I really was waiting for the absolute last second to get over myself. I still wouldn't seek this meeting out. I liked my peaceful island. But it was coming anyway. The worst that could happen is they say some things that would outrage Azenum and Izena so much that they might come back from the grave to blast them to pieces. That would be nice.

"They're almost here. It's strange that they've come. I'm not sure what's about to happen, if I'll be returning, if the world needs me anymore. I'll do what I can do. I'll be who I can be. If they need me to be their 'goddess' again, then I'll meet their expectations as best I can."

As the boat reached shore, I cast a cleaning spell to make myself look like less of a blubbering mess, and finished what I had to say.

"I'm really strong now. You would be amazed. I don't need to let anybody die anymore."