Chapter 25: 不该
GEMINI
I listened as the sweet sweet notes of Jay Chou and aMei's Shouldn't Be flowed into my soul. Despite feeling depressed as hell about the loss of one of my dearest friends from the past, the song helped me remember that I did in fact have other friends.
假裝我們還在一塊 我真的演不出來 還是不習慣你不在 這身份轉變太快
畫面裡不需要旁白 卻誰都看的出來 是我情緒湧了上來 想哭卻一遍空白
雪地裡相愛 他們說零下 已結晶的誓言不會壞 但愛的狀態卻不會永遠
都冰封而透明的存在 輕輕飄落下來 許下的夢融化的太快
或許我們都不該醒來
你還是住在我的回憶裡不出來 讓我們微笑離開 讓故事留下來
放手後愛依然在 雪融了就應該花開 緣若盡了 就不該再重來
你依舊住在我的回憶裡不出來 我離開將你的手交給下個最愛
糾纏與固執等待 反而是另一種傷害 彼此緊握的手鬆開 去擁抱更多未來
錯過的時間怎麼買 誰都付不出來
Mm, 或許我們學會釋懷 讓過去安靜下來
雪地裡相愛 他們說零下 已結晶的誓言不會壞 但愛的狀態卻不會永遠
都冰封而透明的存在 輕輕飄落下來 許下的夢融化的太快
或許我們都不該醒來
你還是住在我的回憶裡不出來 讓我們微笑離開 讓故事留下來
放手後愛依然在 雪融了就應該花開 緣若盡了 就不該再重來
你依舊住在我的回憶裡不出來 我離開將你的手交給下個最愛
糾纏與固執等待 反而是另一種傷害 彼此緊握的手鬆開 去擁抱更多未來
The song had a pre-chorus and chorus, sung as a duet. As an odd coincidence, this song was about the same sort of unresolved relationship, where both parties are hurt but there is nothing more to be done. The lyrics read as follows:
Jay Chou: Pretend we’re still together, I really can’t act it out, still not used to your absence, this identity changes too fast.
aMEI: This scene doesn’t require a narrator, Anyone knows what is going on, It was my emotions that welled up, I felt like crying but went blank.
Jay Chou: Falling in love in the snow,
They say vows in sub-zero will not go bad
Both: But the state of love will not last forever,
Frozen and transparent existence, gently falling down,
The dream we wished melts too fast,
Perhaps we never should have woken up
aMEI: You still live in my memories and refuse to leave
Jay Chou: Let’s leave with a smile and let the story stay
Both: After letting go, love still remains, After the snow melts, the flowers should bloom, If fate between us has ended, it shouldn’t start again,
aMEI: You still live in my memories and refuse to leave
Jay Chou: I will leave and put you in the hands of the next favorite
Both: Entanglement and stubborn waiting are another kind of harm
Let us release the hands we have been holding onto tightly
To embrace more of the future
Jay Chou: The times we have missed, how do we buy (back)?
Nobody can afford it
aMEI: Perhaps we have learned to let things go
Let the past quiet down
Jay Chou: Falling in love in the snow,
They say vows in sub-zero will not go bad
Both: But the state of love will not last forever,
Frozen and transparent existence, gently falling down,
The dream we wished melts too fast,
Perhaps we never should have woken up
aMEI: You still live in my memories and refuse to leave
Jay Chou: Let’s leave with a smile and let the story stay
Both: After letting go, love still remains, After the snow melts, the flowers should bloom, If fate between us has ended, it shouldn’t start again,
aMEI: You still live in my memories and refuse to leave
Jay Chou: I will leave and put you in the hands of the next favorite
Both: Entanglement and stubborn waiting are another kind of harm
Let us release the hands we have been holding onto tightly
To embrace more of the future
After I was done listening to that, I decided to listen to it again. Another six times. All of a sudden, my mom pointed to me and said, "There! There she is! Take her off my hands, please!" My friends grabbed me while I struggled, saying, "Wait! I need to listen to this song one hundred and eight times to be free from all attachment." My mother Hestia would have none of that. "If you want that sort of thing, go ring a bell or something," she said, "I've heard this song more than enough times the last few days!"
As a true cliché, they took me to the beach. Nerissa wore an aquamarine colored camouflage bikini, then noticing me stare at her bare skin, she blushed. Despite being in military shape, you wouldn't know this from looking at her lean body. Summer wore a pink swim dress with white flowers, while Emily wound up with the closest thing to a tank top and jeans she could get away with and still be called swimwear. She had on a short-sleeved waterproof shirt and what looked to be some stretchy tankini bottoms. As for me, I wore a green bikini top with a mesh lining and a bikini skirt.
Emily had told us previously about how skin cancer was actually far more common in developed countries with sunblock, due to the reaction of the chemicals (such as oxybenzone) in it, so she had a healthy distrust for such things. Although we were free to do what we wanted, the rest of us didn't trust the same medical industry that told us for months that masks were safe, then when the public developed conditions of bacterial pneumonia and severe asthma, feigned innocence. But none of us wanted to get burned either, so we imitated an approach from pigs and rubbed each other down with mud. The mud would dry, caking us with a protective coating, but in the mean time, Emily and Summer derived a great deal of pleasure massaging each others' bodies with wet soil and sand. I was initially reluctant, but then Nerissa said, "C'mon! How long are you going to sulk over Bookworm?!? Forget that broad! We're here now for you." I still looked upset, so she said, "I'm here now for you." I had always thought of Nerissa as a friend only, though I had been attracted to her body and her soul. But now I saw her with new eyes, for now I understood that she too deeply cared for me like I was interested in her. "Now!" she ordered, military style, "Get on your back and let me rub you down." She started at the upper back up toward the shoulders and neck, then rubbed back down. She worked on both sides of my arms, my underarms, my lower back and my legs (I was not wearing my prosthetic pants today, so she rubbed me a bit around the thighs). Then she turned me around, and rubbed my legs and chest. When she got to my stomach, I giggled a bit as she rubbed a spot that was ticklish.
She insisted that I return the favor, even though I protested that this wasn't proper, since I was a man and she was a woman. She shook her head, "Even men rub down women on occasion with sunscreen. But more importantly, do you feel like a man most days?" This was quite a change from her initial reaction to finding out I was a guy under all my clothes, and I didn't want to tell her that despite my identifying under female pronouns, the thing between my legs was slowly trying to press up as I touched her back where her waist widened, or rubbed near her breasts at her insistence (her bikini after all, didn't have a mesh).
The other two claimed they would stay and build a sandcastle, which Nerissa and I went into the water. We were at a remote beach where it honestly didn't matter what they did, because no life guards or cops or anything watched the area. We did some scuba diving all this time, so we didn't see them. Nerissa and I explored underwater, moving ourselves up the coast. There weren't the brightly colored coral or anemones that we might find in tropical areas, instead we saw a lot of dull-colored fish and seagrass. There were some interesting wrecks of old ships though. Nerissa didn't have to wear scuba gear because she was fucking lucky and had a power that allowed her lower body to transform. It was weird watching it happen though. I felt sure that her fish half would basically form outside first, forcing her bikini off her lower body. Instead, a scale-like structure grew above her hips, forming a sort of scale skirt. Water and air were forced out of the bottom as this skirt closed around her feet. She could have worn high heels and they would have stayed on, provided they could withstand the pressure release. Lastly, the legs seemed to fuse together, and she started swimming like a fish. Gills in her neck opened up. Because she wasn't constantly fumbling around with hoses, tanks, and gear, her arms had more range of motion. She collected some kelp, blue crab, and drumfish for our dinner. Then a silky shark decided we were stealing its food and swam after us. She fired on it with a speargun, but the shark had over 120 hp. It was undaunted by the spear sticking in its side, and rammed towards her, deciding she looked more like a fish than a human anyway. I slashed left and right, getting a lucky hit on its eyes. It screamed (I guess?) and fled, but not before its fin scraped the hose of my oxygen tank. I held my breath as best as I could, breathing only as Nerissa tried to share air with me through kiss. We were careful to rise slowly, as I didn't want to deal with the bends on top of everything else, but Nerissa largely left behind the food she had collected, picking it up only later as her priority for now was making sure I made it to shore.
About forty minutes passed since the we set out on our journey, and they had indeed built sandcastles. But I noticed the castle was a bit too clean and perfect, that their hair was mussed up, and that their faces were flushed. I supposed they had stayed out in the sun too long…
In any case, after I got back, we had some of the dinner Nerissa went back for, while Nerissa and I talked about what exactly we were to each other. "Well…" she said as I surreptitiously tossed a letter in the trash that I was going to write to Bookworm while we talked. It wasn't that I hated her or was still angry, it just seriously didn't seem to matter as much anymore. "I suppose we are more than friends, and I suppose I'd like us to be lovers, but…" she continued. Lacking confidence, I asked, "But you don't feel that strongly about me?" She shook her head, "No! No, that's not it." Summer said, "She's been into you for awhile." Emily nodded too. I was confused, "So, what's the issue then?" She sighed, "You're still on a rebound. I want you to have your feelings straight first, so you don't get all emo about her leaving you, and move on from me to some random girl. I need you to love me for me, not as someone to just make you not lonely."
And then I had an epiphany. When I liked women, I liked the idea of what they should be. That is, "I want someone smart/pretty/easy to talk to." But I never said, "I want someone who actually likes me" or more importantly, "I want (this person) specifically." It was always the idea of vague traits a person had, and not love for that person by name. We would hang out together, but until I could say that I loved Nerissa and only Nerissa, until I had proper closure, our relationship wouldn't have the green light.
THE WORLD
"Thwarted again!" Deep State said, "Curses!!!" It would soon be time for their final plan against these people. First, they would expose the world to the existence of a Deep State. This was usually a risky move, as the public once alerted to this might instead attack them. But this lead to the next plan, which was convincing the public that other people were employed by them. In true divide and conquer fashion, if everyone thought another person was a witch or a carrier of ROVER-04 or a secret agent of the Deep State, they would attack each other and not attack them. Lastly, the plan was that once many of the heroes were gone, they would use the media to turn regular crowds against those perceived as a nemesis, which especially included Gemini and friends. After all, Gemini's friends wouldn't fight the crowd, and Gemini couldn't, as her power only worked against other powers.
