Practically a year ago, I was told I was too old for stuffed toys and was made to throw them all away, but now, Violet went out of her way to present me with one of the most adorable I had ever seen.

Maybe it’s ok for me to be like I am?

That was a new question I was making myself. What even constituted as “me”? I spent so much time under the control of my mother that I now had a hard time understanding how I felt at times, let alone what I liked, disliked or wanted. Those kinds of things only became more predominant on my mind after meeting Violet. Because until that point, I wasn’t allowed to truly be myself. How could I? Any time I voiced a want, it was either disregarded, put down, or I’d be threatened with punishment.

“Hmm? What is it?”

“…”

I loved her so much. Not just because of what she did for me, mostly it was because she understood me, complemented me, saw me for who I was, and didn’t expect anything from me other than be myself around her. And how safe I felt when close to her. It’s a weird thing, right? She was just average height, not particularly athletic, and kinda meek most of the time—when she got mad about someone harassing me was another story—and yet, when I was with her, I felt like nothing bad could reach me. Especially when she smiled at me like the way she was. My insides felt melty and fluffy under her gentle, motherly gaze. I couldn’t resist giving her a long kiss on the cheek before nuzzling my forehead where her neck met the shoulder.

“What was that for?” she asked with a nervous laugh.

“Just felt like it.”

“…Are you feeling needier than usual?”

“Mmh-hmm.”

I wanted her to pamper me with no end today. Even if just for a day, I wanted to pretend we were something more than friends.

“At least this time you’re honest,” she told me while rubbing my head right behind my ear. If I were a cat I’d be purring at full throttle. “See? If you tell me about what you want, you can get it.”

That comment ticked me off, but at the same time, I understood where she was coming from. Were I less hesitant about sharing how I felt, we could avoid so many problems. I could also probably heal my issues a lot faster.

“What about you?”

She stopped moving her hand, and I looked up, afraid I had gotten her mad or hurt. Instead, I got her into a deep thought.

“I think I got better at it. Although, I think that I’m still very indecisive at the worst time.”

She pulled my head back to a resting position and resumed my head scratching. I closed my eyes and took in the feeling of her touch, her smell, the sound of her breathing, how soothing it all was.

“…This is so stupid.”

“What is?”

“How calm and safe I feel around you.”

“…I don’t think that’s stupid.”

“I know, it’s just… I don’t know.”

“…Don’t overthink it,” she said softly, kissing my head after her last word. “That’s my job.”

“Pfft, hehe. Maybe I caught it from you.”

“Fufu, oh no. Of all the things, you had to get that.”

“What’s the thing about yourself you dislike the most?”

She took another pause of all her movements to think. It was surprisingly short.

“I guess it really is the overthinking part. It causes me to freeze at critical moments… You?”

There were so many things I disliked about myself, I couldn’t even pick one to begin unravelling.

My childishness, my dependency on being comforted by her, the neediness, being pushy, not being able to sit still, being too scared of messing up… the list went on and on and on.

“I think… some of those aren’t really a problem… I like your childlike attitude… and I don’t mind you being pushy… it forced me to get out of my shell and grow… and you being needy… I’ve been noticing that… I’ve been getting needy too… the thing about me feeling cold? I’m just too embarrassed to say that I want to cuddle with you…”

My heart had so much happiness being poured in, it was starting to overflow to my eyes.

“Do you remember telling me to not think myself as plain? Well, I think you should do the same about yourself in certain aspects,” she told me, tightening her hold on my body. “It’d make me really happy if you did. And those things that are an actual problem? I’m here for you, so… let’s go with baby steps and not rush through things, ok?”

“…You’ve changed so much. I envy you.”

She pushed me away, wiped my tears and held my shoulders.

“No, these things were brough to surface by you. Let me do the same for you too. Please?”

I couldn’t win against her. Violet was a force of nature when it came to taking care of the people she cared about. Fussy, nosy, and persistent. Just what I needed to help me keep my act together.

“Erm, I’m not running away from the conversation, but… can we watch a movie?”

“…Sure. Do you have one in mind?”

I had one before, but I was done with crying for the day, so I changed my choice for a comedy instead.

“Erm, Violet?”

“Yes?”

“…Here. These are for you.”

I handed her over the box of chocolates I had gotten her on a whim on my way to her workplace.

She stared very seriously at the box while holding it.

“They are made with dark chocolate. I know you don’t like things that are too sweet.”

“…Thanks…”

She seemed a bit put off. Or perhaps that was me projecting my insecurities?

“How about we share them?”

“Ah, you don’t need to worry about me! I got those for you.”

“Well, yeah, but… I’d feel bad eating all of them while you watch.”

That was what had her face frowning the way it did? That was a relief. I didn’t think I’d survive the rejection if she had taken that box as a confession.

I gave in to her suggestion of sharing. I even got her to feed me two bits, so it turned out way better than I had expected. We didn’t eat the whole box, mind you. Violet was a stickler to good eating habits, so an overabundance of sweets wasn’t something she’d be down with. Not me, I could eat a whole box if I got distracted, but since she was the one in control of the stock, my tummy was spared of a later ache.

And speaking of tummy, suddenly her arms squeezed me around it. I looked up out of instinct and saw her staring very intently at me with one of the most serious expressions I ever saw her pull off.

Without uttering a word, she combed my hair away from the forehead to land a kiss that felt similar to the one I gave to her cheek.

“Thanks for the chocolates.”

“Erm, you’re welcome.”

She was still super serious, making me feel worried.

“Did you not like them?”

“No, I did like them. They had a nice balance of bitterness and sweetness.”

“Then why are you staring at me so seriously?”

“I’m just thinking about stuff.”

“…Are you worried about me?”

“A bit, but that’s not what I was mulling about.”

“Then, what?”

She gave me a warm smile and an equally warm smooch on the top of my head before using it as a chin rest.

“Let’s just enjoy the movie. Wanna go for a walk later?”

“Hmm… I think I’d rather stay here like this.”

“Hmm…?”

She was tapping a finger on my side, tickling me a bit, but I didn’t comment on that. I needed to use the toilet but didn’t want to pause the movie despite the fact we weren’t paying much attention to it anyway, so giving her the idea of tickling me silly was out of the table, unfortunately.

“I think so too.”

“Hehehe.”

 

◊◊◊

 

My friend was something else.

She was small—only a metre-thirty-nine ever since she was twelve, according to her. She couldn’t stay still unless we cuddled, then, she was like a lazy cat. She was very curious and observant, always looking at what I was doing. Whenever I was feeling bothered with something, she’d do her best to cheer me up. She was super warm, and her hair was very soft and fluffy. She also smelled nice, always trying new shampoos and shower gels. She was a pain to deal with at times, but I still held her dear to my heart in those moments.

Still, I whished she’d take better care of herself.

“Abby, wait,” I called out after she popped her head in the living room to tell me she was headed for the gym.

She took an earphone out to hear me better.

“Yes, Violet dear?” she asked, smiling pleasantly as I approached her.

“Put on a jacket before you go,” I told her, grabbing a jacket that was mine, but that I didn’t mind having her borrow.

“Gee, it’s already this warm outside and you still want me to wear that?”

“It will be cold when you’re on your way back. Your throat isn’t fully healed yet either.”

There was also the fact she was wearing nylon form fitting clothes that showed her cleavage and bellybutton. A cute girl like her must attract a lot of stares from guys, and I didn’t want people looking at her like that. My jacket, oversized for her, covered most of what would catch the eye.

“Humph. You’re such a mother.”

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry for worrying.”

“Hehe, thanks for worrying.”

She gave me such a cute smile as I made sure the collar covered her neck properly that my heart kinda forgot to beat for a second or two.

Taking full advantage of how disarmed I was by her, she pulled my head down and stretched her whole body just so she could kiss my cheek before scampering off the door laughing.

“Honestly, that girl,” I grumbled, still rubbing the wet spot she left on me while I slumped back on the couch.

“She drives circles around you,” my dad commented from his seat.

He had his legs crossed gentlemanly, his back straight and face looking composed. The perfect image some people might have of an adult, only he was reading a comic book instead of the newspaper.

“Is she the same way when she’s alone with you?”

“More or less. She mostly spends the time mopping around because you’re not here.” I figured as much. “Is she going to be on time for dinner?”

“About dinner… I told Mr. Will to come earlier today.”

“You did?” he asked, flipping the next page before looking at me.

“Yes. There’s something I want to talk with you two in private.”

“About Abby?”

I nodded.

“…Must be pretty serious for you to be going behind her back.”

“Please dad, I already feel bad enough about it.”

“Will you tell me what this is all about?”

I shook my head. I’d rather say it only once and never again. He wouldn’t have to wait all that long too. Punctual as Abby’s dad was, he’d be there in about a quarter of an hour.

 

“Hello again Stan. Reading comics as usual.”

“Wanna give it a try? It’s a nice change of pace.”

Mr. Will didn’t seem too convinced, but he took the book that was handed to him.

Dad, only you’d like that sort of stuff.

That voice in my head was forced to eat her own words as he kept flipping pages and occasionally letting out a chuckle until he finally sat down, comic book in hand.

“You’re right, this is a nice change in pace.”

Were we—Abby and I, I mean—not quite right in the head because our own parents weren’t either? One of those “the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree” cases?

“I’m sorry, but I have some important business to talk to you two,” I said, standing halfway between the two.

“Right,” my father said, setting aside his reading. “It’s about Abby, Will.”

Mr. Will immediately put down his book and sat in a manner that left me feeling very pressured.

“Sorry about that,” he said, relaxing his posture a bit. “Old habits.”

Executives were scary when they got serious, I found out.

I felt like a traitorous scum, but I told them about Abby’s nightmares. What they were about, how she dealt with them, and how frequently she had them. Their faces got progressively more disheartened until I finished.

“I don’t get it,” her father said, placing his elbows on his knees and looking down. “She’s safe now. Why is she having those nightmares?”

“Maybe she’s afraid she has to go back for some reason?”

“Impossible. Her mother signed the papers, I’m her legal guardian until she turns eighteen. The only way for it to happen is if some….”

“…Does she have someone else besides you?”

“Her sister, but she’s still finishing her degree and still has to find a job. Her grandparents of my side of the family live far away, and the ones from her mother’s side only have the grandmother still alive, but that woman is a wreck.”

“Is she sick?”

“No… Elena and her father aren’t much different...”

“Oh…”

I didn’t know what to do or say. I was still a kid. Heck, I wasn’t even at the age where I could make some legal choices without my dad’s approval. What could I do?

At times like this, I looked at my father for guidance.

He stared at me and I saw him gulping, his mouth opening up and remaining silent until he uttered words I wasn’t expecting for him to say.

“What if she stays under my care if something happens?”

Mr. Will looked at him like a man lost in the desert would look at a merciful God that appeared before him with promises of salvation.

“You’d do that for her?”

My dad nodded.

Mr. Will looked at his feet again, clasping his hair. The man was clearly barely holding his tears of relief and gratitude.

“I’m going to call my lawyer,” he announced as he got up and left the room.

Now it was my turn to react.

I fell on my knees by my father, grabbing hold of the fabric of his pants and cried words of thanks.

 

“Did you cry while I was away?” she asked when we got in bed, ready for sleep.

I blamed the onions I chopped for the salad, but she wasn’t convinced.

“Everyone seemed off at the table.”

I smiled at her, remembering that Mr. Will’s lawyer would look into the possibility of my dad becoming her legal guardian in the horrible case of her dad having some sort of accident, and kissed her forehead.

“Don’t overthink it.”

“Humph. Funny hearing that coming from you.”

I Pulled her down, making sure she was well covered by the blanket. Once she snuggled her head close to my neck, some of her hair tickled my nose with its fragrance.

“You changed your shampoo again.”

“Oh, so you did notice.”

It was hard not to when we were this close almost every day.

“What’s this one?”

“Erm, sea salt and flowers if I remember correctly. Do you… like it?”

“I do,” I said, taking a good whiff. “It fits you perfectly.”

It reminded me of summer despite me not ever having set foot on a beach or anywhere close to the sea, and if there was a season of the year that’d describe her, I thought Summer was a good one.

“Then… I guess I’ll start using this one,” she said, almost in a grumble.

“You don’t have to just because of me. If you want to keep switching it up, you can.”

“No, erm… I was waiting for you to say you liked a particular one… since we spend so much time like this, you know?”

My friend really was something else.

She was small, fitting perfectly in my hold. She couldn’t stay still unless we cuddled like we were now. She was very curious and observant, always looking for ways to surprise and make me happy. Whenever I was feeling bothered with something, she’d do her best to cheer me up. She was super warm, and her hair was very soft and fluffy. She also smelled nice, always trying new shampoos and shower until she found one that I liked best. She was a pain to deal with at times, but I still held her dear to my heart in those moments. She was absolutely adorable in every way possible. And every single day after Valentine’s, I was more and more convinced she loved me more than just as a friend.

“…”

It didn't matter to me if she did or not. Abby would still be Abby. The person who brough me so much joy to my everyday life. If she ever came out and confessed, I'd deal with it then. Now, there were far more important things I should worry then something I was probably reading too much into.

I held her tightly, kissing her hair multiple times under her giggling moans until my embarrassment forced me to stop.

“I’m turning off the light,” I told her, reaching out for the switch.

“Wait!” she told me, popping her head out.

“What?”

She was staring at me like she wanted to commit some detail to memory.

“…Ok, you can turn it off now,” she told me, getting her head under the blankets again.

“Erm, ok?”

The light got turned off, and we settled down.

“I just wanted to take a good look of your red face before falling asleep.”

Of course.

“Haah, you really like to see me blushing, huh?”

“Hehe, of course! You’re adorable when you do.”

“…”

“…Hehe…”

For good measure, I gave her a few more goodnight kisses. Her liking me in a special way, it was fine if that was the case.

“Can I sleep with my head on your chest tonight?”

“…No.”

“Your chest is sensitive today?”

“…No. I’m just too embarrassed.”

My heart also felt like he was trying to break free. It was being so loud, I doubted she’d be able to fall sleep.

“Tsk. Meanie.”

“…Haah, come on.”

“Yay!”

How could I resist her moany voice? Or her puppy eyes. Or begging touch. Or anything about her, really. I had grown too week against her charms. Maybe I too had some feelings for her that I wasn't aware of?

“…Meh, who cares?”

“Hmm? Who cares about what?”

“Just thinking out loud, don’t mind me.”

It didn't feel particularly important whether I did or not. Worrying about it felt unnecessary, seeing how well we felt together.

Another goodnight kiss, and she was peacefully drooling all over me. It was par for the course, so I wasn’t bothered by the untidiness.

Only when she fell asleep did I allow myself to do the same. Just in case, you see.