有情饮水饱， 无情食饭机 (youqing yinshuibao, wuqing shifanji) – With love, water is enough. Without love, food doesn't satisfy; love brings contentment.

---

Oh...

An awkward silence stuffed itself into their mouths.

“Well, I have a few more things to do before we leave,” Zéyì said quickly.

“Yeah, me too...” Gong Lau Yan said pathetically. They hurried away in opposite directions, Zéyì towards the throne room, Gong Lau Yan towards whatever location was furthest away. She strode down the hallways and almost ran into Yuān Mù.

“Why are you just standing in the middle of the walkway?”

He quirked his eyebrows.

“Don't give me that look...”

He continued to give her 'that look'.

“What am I doing?”

“That's a better question. What are you doing?”

“Hurting A Yì, mostly.”

“So you know.”

“Of course I know. How could I not know when she looks at me like that? She knelt at my feet once and spoke as if she would happily throw her heart under them for my amusement.” Gong Lau Yan tapped her foot, agitated. “It's not healthy, you know? I... She's so dear to me. But she's not well.”

“That doesn't mean she isn't worthy of love.”

Gong Lau Yan eyes flashed. “I didn't say that.”

“And yet you continue to withhold your affection. What are you afraid of, Lau Yan?”

She sighed and gestured with her head that they should walk. Slowly strolling together through the hall, she said, “Remember Maan Dzi King?”

"How could I forget?"
"Well, remember what she was like?"
"Obsessed. Is that what you're worried Zéyì will do?"
"Maybe."
"You know she's a different person from Lady Maan, Lau Yan."
"I know that. Of course I know that. I'm more worried about.. the fact that she's Mun Gong's daughter.”

“I suppose that's a greater risk,” Yuān Mù conceded. “But think about it... You're not His Majesty, Dzue Dzi Ming.”

Gong Lau Yan laughed aloud, stopping in her tracks with her hands over her face. “I might as well be! He saw how much Mun Gong cared for him, and never said a word, neither encouraging nor discouraging her! Aren't I doing the same?”

“So why not say something?”

“I want to! I...” She dragged her hands down her face. “I want to say something, but then I think of what happened between me and Maan Dzi King, and Zéyì... she's mortal. One day...”

"Yes. If she doesn't Ascend, you'll have to say goodbye to her."

"How did you do it, kiddo?” Gong Lau Yan asked wearily, walking again. “How'd you say goodbye?"

"I don't know if I did," Yuān Mù said. He fell silent and they both nodded to two servants who bowed and passed by. They walked for some time before Yuān Mù spoke again.

“He needed to rest. How could I stop him?”

“Do you still... love him?”

Yuān Mù smiled, and Gong Lau Yan remembered when he had been a young man, dark-haired and bright-eyed, overflowing with affection for the silent swordsman he travelled with. “Yes, very much so. He'll forever be the only one for me.”

“How... Is it because humans' lives are so short that they can talk about forever?”

Yuān Mù chuckled in response. “So, what will you do?”

Sighing deeply, she squatted down in the middle of the corridor, head hung. “I should talk to her.”

“Good.”

“Hey, who's the elder here?”

“Relatively speaking, I am. I'm further through my lifespan than you are through yours.”

“Hmph.”

“Stop stalling, Lady Gong. Don't you think you should resolve this before you leave?”

“Yes, Father.”

“Oh good, you know how to show respect.”

As if he were a naughty child, she tweaked his ear before turning to run back through the halls. Servants pressed themselves out of the way, too late to be of any use; Gong Lau Yan was fast and effortless, dodging everyone with ease. She reached the throne room before she had even thought of what she was going to say.

“Zéyì... Oh, Cheng Guk Lung.”

In the throne room antechamber, the acting Regent raised his head from a pile of paperwork, huge bags under his eyes. “Lady Gong.”

“I think we should lower the tariffs on tea and raise the tax on hawthorn beer,” Zéyì said, appearing from behind a pile of scrolls as tall as herself.

“Then we'll have complaints from Shisuan. It's one of our primary imports.”

“Well if they can offer another product, we can sign an exclusive import contract for a year...”

“Did you need something, Lady Gong?” Cheng Guk Lung asked, leaning back and rubbing his eyes.

“Oh... uh... It can wait. You're all busy at the moment.”

“No, that's alright.” Zéyì smiled. There were dark rings around her eyes too. “What is it?”

“You both look tired. I'll have some wolfberry and ginger tea made for you. Where's Shǔ Kuí? Resting?”

“Yes, she's very tired these days. She should be due soon.”

“Your Majesty, I found that document you were looking for...”

Zéyì and Cheng Guk Lung bent their heads back over the table, and Gong Lau Yan took the opportunity to escape. She went to the palace clinic herself to gather the herbs and make the tea, the activity keeping her busy. Then she slipped back into the throne room with the pot of infused herbs and two cups. The anteroom was even more chaotic, the floor awash with documents. She had to push several unsteady piles of books aside to make space for the drinks. Zéyì sipped hers absently.

“This road here has needed major repairs for some time...”

The loong began sidling out of the room when Yáng Jìn, limping as fast as he could, burst into the room.

“Your Majesty! Cheng Di! Lady Gong!” He slid on the papers and had to be caught by Gong Lau Yan. “Thank y- Th- Shǔ Shǔ! Shǔ Kuí is...”

“She's not already gone into labour?” Zéyì exclaimed, dropping her papers. Yáng Jìn nodded, excited and fearful all at once, looking more like a little boy than an army commander.

“She's early,” Cheng Guk Lung sighed, massaging his temples. “Not surprising, I suppose, given how stressful her pregnancy has been. I suppose the doctors kicked you out, Sir Yáng?”

Yáng Jìn collected himself with a rueful little laugh. “That's right. I'm not really conducting myself properly, am I? I apologise, Your Majesty.”

“Yáng Jìn, have a look around this room and tell me who is not conducting themselves properly,” Zéyì said drily, gesturing to the chaos. “Here, have some tea and find somewhere to sit. I think we all need a break.”

As Gong Lau Yan sent for two more cups, the four of them sat on the floor, heedless of status or etiquette. Every now and then, Yáng Jìn would laugh, short and disbelieving.

“She'll be alright.”

“I'm sure, I'm sure.” The hand that held the cup shook as he brought it to his mouth. “Ugh... I need something alcoholic. She'll be alright. She's always been strong.”

“Should we get some of that hawthorn beer?” Zéyì suggested to Cheng Guk Lung. He rolled his eyes.

“Sure. Why not. It's causing us enough trouble, we might as well enjoy it.”

The wolfberry infusion was quickly replaced with a flagon of hawthorn beer. Yáng Jìn tossed it back. “Ha! Good. I need this.”

“You're still recovering.”

“This'll speed up the process.” He glanced towards the door as his cup was refilled.

“She'll be fine.”

“I know. I've always thought... When I first met her, Regent Yīlè brought us both to the throne room after a bandit suppression operation in the southwest. Shǔ Kuí was a field spy at the time, but she was promoted to Head of Intelligence at the moment. She accepted the promotion without the slightest change in expression.” He drank down his second cup in one go. “Ha... I knew she was the kind of woman who could face anything without flinching. But now, there's nothing I can do to help her. We always worked as a team. Now all I can do is sit in a corner and drink.”

Zéyì very deliberately filled Yáng Jìn's cup with wolfberry infusion. “Or you could do something like hurry up and recover?”

“Ha ha. Yes, Your Majesty. You're right.”

“Why don't we go and wait nearby?” Cheng Guk Lung suggested, unfolding his lanky frame and stretching with a series of audible pops. “At least then you'll be able to see Shǔ Kuí as soon as you can.”

“Good idea.” Zéyì finished her tea. “You two go ahead. I need Lady Gong's assistance with a matter before we go.”

Everyone helped Yáng Jìn to his feet, and he carefully skated over the paper on the floor with Cheng Guk Lung close behind. As their voices faded from the throne room, Gong Lau Yan gave Zéyì a grin.

“What would you like my assistance with, Your Majesty?”

“I thought you were the one who had something to say to me?” Zéyì turned her black and white eyes on the loong.

“Oh... Yes...”

Gong Lau Yan fiddled with the lotus earring, twisting her finger in the dangling chain. “Zéyì...”

“Yes?”

“I'm sorry.”

Zéyì stared. Then she let out a tight little breath. “I see.”

“You... see what?”

“Have I made you uncomfortable, Lady Gong?”

It was Gong Lau Yan's turn to stare. “N- No!”

“No?”

They stood awkwardly among the papers. Gong Lau Yan carefully stepped over them and held out her hands, which Zéyì took, reluctantly.

“A Yì... During my relationship with Maan Dzi King, she... was... she couldn't take no for an answer. Things had to be done her way, and so when I ended the relationship, she couldn't accept the fact. She followed me for months, trying to convince me that I actually wanted to be back together with her. She tried to harass people around me, to punish me. It was... a hard time. I felt very guilty. To her. To the people she hurt.”

“You thought it was your fault?” Zéyì asked quickly, head tipped.

“That's right.” Gong Lau Yan's fingers itched to brush back the hair that had fallen over Zéyì's face when she had moved her head. “So I've been anxious...” She considered Zéyì's hands, the silvery scars on the backs of them. “Zéyì, I like you very much.”

Gods, her hands were shaking. Why were they shaking? She had stood on hundreds of battlefields, watching her friends and allies be torn and burnt to pieces, and her hands hadn't shaken like this.

Zéyì's hands were shaking too.

“It feels like... everything I touch falls to pieces,” she said quietly. “I can't... My half-brother tried to kill me. My mother... hurt me. And the people around me. My father... was not my father. And the other... He apparently wanted nothing to do with me and my mother. I can't trust my family, the ones who were supposed to be there to love and nurture me from my childhood. So how do I...”

Their fingers interlocked. Gong Lau Yan leaned down so that then were resting their forehead against each others', eyes damp and glittering.

“Do you think I deserve this, Lady Gong?”

“No.”

“You don't deserve this either.” Zéyì closed her eyes. “If I don't, then you don't.” Her breath shook. “I thought, for a long time, that maybe all I was feeling towards you was gratitude. You saved me. You're strong and capable and beautiful and... I mean...”

“You think I'm beautiful?” Gong Lau Yan grinned.

“Be quiet.”

“I don't think so.”

Zéyì's eyes snapped open. She glared up at Gong Lau Yan with an intensity that made her breath lodge in her throat. “Are you sure you can deal with the consequences of teasing me like that?”

Gong Lau Yan released her hands. Zéyì almost turned away, but her face was captured by those same hands, gently caressed, the scars traced by light fingers.

“Do you... not like the scars?” Zéyì spoke low to keep the trembling from her voice.

“Why? To me, they represent that you're a brave fighter. If they remind you too much of bad things, then you should get rid of them. But that's your choice.”

“I'm keeping them.”

“Then I love them.”

Zéyì's voice was barely a whisper. “Just the scars?”

Gong Lau Yan pulled her face upwards, their lips soft against each others'. Zéyì could feel the loong grin.

“Well now, are you sure you can deal with the consequences of making me fall in love with you, Your Majesty?”