Shyuurin

CW: abuse.

Bright sunlight streamed in from a window somewhere out of view. It shone on the luxurious threads of a pile of cushions, temptingly soft. Even closer was a plate on which sat a steaming grilled eel, the scent almost physical in its pull.

The cage crouched over her.

Eitsu sat miserably in a corner, her face pressed against the bars as if she might turn liquid and flow between them. Her ribs lifted and fell quickly under thin grey fur.

“Eitsu-sama... please... please eat something,” the woman whispered, kneeling by the cage. Eitsu ignored her.

“Eitsu-sama, why won't you eat? I'll do anything...”

“Let... me go...” Her voice was as thin and harsh as her fur.

“Anything... but that. Please... I can't...” The woman was crying, but Eitsu simply put her head down and closed her eyes. She didn't know who this woman was, who had seized the kitten Eitsu had been at the time, and placed her in this cage several months ago. This woman who whispered Eitsu's true name over and over, who cried, who would not let her go. They had screamed at each other frantically through the bars for the first few months.

Now, the warm sunlight fell on Eitsu's thin body and she did not feel it.

When the eel grew stale, the woman replaced it with a rarity – thinly sliced beef. And then with fresh salmon. And then tuna belly. And on and on as Eitsu refused to eat. She had been starving for months now, and yet her body still hadn't given in.

Once, the woman tried to forcibly feed her. She'd gotten a severe scratching and biting, and even now her hands were covered in bandages. The next day, she had also been sporting some livid bruises on her neck, like fingermarks, that covered even the pink, heart-shaped birthmark on the right side of her throat.

And the day after that, she appeared wearing multiple kimono, their collars climbing her pale neck and hiding the injuries.

“Do you remember me, Eitsu-sama?”

Remember? What the hell do you mean? Just let me go...

“I know... one day you'll regain your powers and leave. This cage will mean nothing. But even so... I wish you would understand. If I let you go, you'll die.”

I'll die right here, you fool.

“And if I let you go... and you go back to him...”

Eitsu lay on her side, not even strong enough to sit up anymore.

“Please! Please eat! Eitsu-sama!”

Fuck you.

Towards the end, she could barely see any more. She could still smell the outside, a breeze coming through the open window, carrying the scent of autumn – rotting leaves, the coming cold, roasted sweet potatoes. The scent of freedom.

The woman opened the cage.

She crawled in on all fours, and strange sight for a beautiful woman. Eitsu could no longer resist. The warmth of the woman's body held her, and a faint floral scent brushed her nose. Something warm splashed on her fur.

I hate you. I hate you so much. Why does it feel so good to be held by you?

“Eitsu-sama... I'm sorry.” The words stuck. Eitsu could hear the woman's sobs.

I really don't get it. Why are you doing this if you keep crying?

“I just... wanted to keep you safe from everything. I'm sure he's... Last time... If I didn't keep you here, you'd just run away... Only I can...” Her disjointed words made no sense, and they were all Eitsu had left. She couldn't see. She couldn't feel much. She couldn't smell any more, that smell of the outdoors, that floral scent.

“... I've... I shouldn't have done it. Kami-sama, I shouldn't have...Ugh... Eitsu-sama, I only... I hope you... don't forgive me.”

“... damn... you...”

Eitsu thought she heard the faint of sound of a struck bell, but it was probably her failing ears playing tricks on her. The woman cradled her close.

“Next time... I won't... I promise I won't get close to you. I won't... oh, gods, I'll never again... What have I done? What... Why... Did I go mad? Can't kaibyou drive people craz- No! I can't shift the blame! I can't... Eitsu-sama, can you still hear me?”

I can hear you.

“You just keep... dying. I just want it to stop. Gods! Please just let it stop... I thought this time if... I kept you here until you were strong enough... Maybe this time... I was wrong. I shouldn't have tried to keep you to myself. I have no right...”

The woman's voice was a faint whisper to Eitsu's ears now.

“Please... Why does this keep happening... Eitsu-sama, don't... leave m...”

Eitsu lay still on the floor. Her ears, fully functioning, healthy ears, flickered. She sat up.

Tsubaki was sat up in the bed, looking out of the window.

There was nothing to see. It was a new moon night, and the shadows crept long.

No sound, except Ayame's steady breathing.

No words.

No trust.

Eitsu left the room.

She leapt effortlessly from ground level to the upper walkway that ran around the complex, and took a good look. Forest stretched out in all directions, relieved only by the wide band of the Jade Road that ran from Yùhǎi to some distant land in the west. Eitsu could follow it, if she wanted to. She could go anywhere.

“Can't sleep, honourable guest?” A night sentry had popped up beside her, a smiling young man with yellow robes and a bow and arrows. He spoke Yamato-go fluently.

She shook her head.

“We have an apothecary here, if you need something to relax the mind, or... Well, please tell me if I'm intruding.”

“What's your name?”

“Cheng Guk Lung¹鄭菊龍 (cheng6 guk1 lung4) – Cheng is a common Chinese surname that refers to a historical state in Henan province. His given name means 'Chrysanthemum Dragon'., honourable guest. I am the senior disciple responsible for logistics.”

Eitsu framed name with her mouth but did not attempt to sound it.

“In your language, it would be Tai Kikuryuu.”

“You're good at speaking Yamato-go.”
“I had an ancestor who was famous for her abilities with language. We're proud of this skill.”

“Have you ever been betrayed before?”

Tai Kikuryuu looked at her carefully. “I have thankfully not, honourable guest.”

“That's good.”

“It sounds like you're in a difficult situation. I'm sorry to hear it.”

“Not your fault.”

“Do you wish to seek revenge?”

“I think... I've already had it.”

“However...?”

“I can't remember it.”

“So the person has been punished, but you have no satisfaction. Then... which is more important?”

“Which?”

“Accepting that the person has already been punished, or your satisfaction?”

“You were angry, as you should be.” That was what Tsubaki had said.

When? When did I get angry? How did I find out? Which life? Eitsu groaned and grabbed her hair in frustration.

“Honourable guest?”

“Ugh. Thanks, kid. Um, Tai-san. I'll have to think a bit longer, but that was helpful.”

“Any time.”

“Have you done this before?”

“This particular school of Hanasan, Way of the Mountain, places a great deal of focus on diplomacy and communication. It's part of our training.”

“There are other schools? What about them?”

“There are five, each following a path of one of the five elements. Of those, the Wood path is possibly most similar to ours, followed by Water. The schools under Metal and Fire... I wouldn't say diplomacy is their strong point.”

“What about dealing with yokai?”

“Have you heard of the Jade Exorcist?”

“The man who fought in the Great Demon War, yes? He was from Hanasan.”

“We still have highly skilled people here.”

“So if someone needed protecting from a kitsune...?”

Tai Kikuryuu's eyes drifted in the direction of the building where Tsubaki and Ayame were. “What can you tell me about this kitsune?”

“He... I think he has a strong wood element, and... there's something else. Tai-san, someone who is always cold, who uses the light of candles rather than lanterns...”

“White hair?”

“... I think he dyes it. Yes.”

“A gods of death. A shinigami²死神 (shinigami)..”

Someone finally said it. A memory hovered on the edge of her mind, a memory she had not dared to look at since it had tried to creep into her mind after remembering her first life.

“We'll have to call together the seniors at Hanasan,” Tai Kikuryuu was saying, and she pulled her thoughts back. “In the meantime, your companions should move to the Clear Sight School. A Fire-affiliated school will work best in protecting against someone with a strong Wood element.”

“I'll go and wake them... Actually, Tai-san?”

“Guest?”

“Perhaps... someone else should speak with them.”

Tai Kikuryuu only paused for a moment. Quick on the uptake, this kid. “I understand. I'll have one of the other disciples go and do that. See that room down there? That's where we'll meet, in one hour.”

He bowed and leapt from the wall, into the night.

An hour... Eitsu looked at the box of furs that she now always carried with her. They made her feel sick, but she couldn't let them out of her sight. She needed to know.

In this place were capable people who could take care of Tsubaki and Ayame. She could rely on them to a certain extent, allowing her time to look to other things.

Four examined. Four left.

An hour is enough.

“Hm, I wonder where she is?”

“Who?” Eitsu asked, trotting along beside Rei. His hair was auburn now, and she could smell, below the scent of pine, another, tea-like smell. A herbal dye in his hair.

“No-one, treasure. I was just thinking. I'm glad we won't be interrupted this time.”

“What do you mean, this time?”

He took her hand, and she felt her heart rate soar. Thud thud thud.

“I must be getting old, hah. Anyway, stay close.”

“I want to look over there though.”

“Not now.”

“Hey, Rei, what do you mean ' not now'? Do I need your permission or something?”

“Of course. You're mine.”

“I don't like that.”

Rei smiled. “Too bad.”

She pulled out of his grip, but he simply stepped behind her and grabbed her shoulders.

“Come now, Eitsu. I don't want to hurt you. But if I have to break your legs, I will. Don't make me.”

“So just don't do it?”

“Or you could be good and listen to me.”

“Have you ever heard of a cat listening to anyone?”

“But Eitsu, I love you. I love you very much. Won't you listen to me?”

She managed to get a look at their surroundings. A dark forest, matsu dotted throughout. Tendrils of fog wound through the trees. Where is this? A warm flickering light in the distance caught her eye.

“Hm... No.”

She broke free, transforming mid-step into cat form and heading towards the light. Faster! Kitsune were fast, renowned for their running speed. If she looked back now, he would catch her.

Strangely, she couldn't sense him behind her at all.

Her mad dash took her into the centre of the glowing light.

Candles.

White candles sat on the ground, in the branches of the trees, in hollows. Some were burnt down almost to the ground. Some were freshly lit.

She couldn't move. She felt the brush of fur, the smell of something singed. Rei's breath was cold against her ear.

“Stay with me. Even if you don't want to, I'll never let you go, my lovely treasure.”

Eitsu jumped away, fur on end. The nine-tailed kitsune towered over her, his gaping jaws threatening to swallow her whole. She felt herself fall forwards into those empty eye-sockets.

She dreamt.

Over and over, a woman held her locked in a cage. Over and over, she withered away into nothing and died. Over and over she would wake again in the cage.

“Who are you? Why are you doing this?”

“Eitsu-sama... Eitsu-sama...”

She couldn't do anything. Even when she wanted to eat, her body wouldn't move. Everything was agony.

Seven times. Eight times. Nine times.

And then, something different.

A white butterfly fluttered into the cage one day, from who-knows-where, and alighted on her nose. She couldn't move.

“Eitsu-sama... Please don't forgive me. This is the last butterfly that would answer my prayers. I won't come looking for you, but if you need it, please take this.”

The butterfly was carrying something. Small and shrivelled, so light it was almost insubstantial. The object was right there, touching Eitsu's lips. It smelt of dried fruit.

Let me just... It's right there. If I can just...

The butterfly pushed the fruit closer, and finally, Eitsu managed to get it into her mouth. It was a dried jujube³Fruit of the Ziziphus jujuba. The variety spinosa is used in Traditional Eastern Medicine to alleviate nightmares..

With a sigh, the butterfly disintegrated into a thousand points of light.

For a moment, nothing. And then-

She woke up.

From one nightmare into another.

“Why won't you just stay still? Why won't you let me just love you?”

There were pelts on the walls. All cats, their eyeless stares like silent screams.

“I didn't want to have to do this again. I suppose there's always next time.”

Rei brought out his sword. He sighed. “Please just love me next time, okay?”

The sword came down.