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The grand hall of the Duke's mansion was resplendent with opulent tapestries and golden chandeliers. Luxurious rugs covered the marble floor, and intricately carved woodwork adorned the high ceiling. High-ranking officials, knights, and courtiers had gathered for the Baroness' visit. Yet the atmosphere had turned electric when the large ornate doors burst open and Ambra stormed in, brandishing her chipped platinum sword. The gleam in her eyes was feral, even vengeful.
"Vampire! Turn around, don't even think of running, I will end you!" Ambra's voice echoed through the hall like a violent windstorm, making everyone pause in utter astonishment.
Marquis Julian and Captain Deidan, stood up abruptly, almost knocking over their goblets of wine. "What is the meaning of this?" Julian sputtered, bewildered.
"Manda! Stand down!" Deidan yelled, his face a mix of confusion and disbelief.
Lune and the rest of the Aegis warriors furrowed their brows, their hands inching towards their weapons. Lune's gaze was particularly icy, fixed on the figure sitting elegantly on a lavish couch.
Camila, sitting daintily, was paralyzed in her seat, her eyes wide with shock. The guards around the room all snapped to attention, spears, and swords pointing ominously at Ambra.
Emil, level-headed yet still perplexed, spoke up. "What are you doing? There is no vampire here. Calm down."
"Shut up, Emil," she snapped, her gaze fixed on the one person who had not yet reacted to her abrupt thunderous entrance. "You! Stand and face me!"
And then she did. The girl slowly rose from the sumptuous cushions of the couch, like a specter materializing from the mist. Her movements were graceful but calculated, like a seasoned predator. She wore an elegant blue dress that flowed around her like water, its material reflecting the dim light of the room with a subtle shimmer.
Ambra's eyes narrowed, analyzing each nuance in her adversary's movements—every muscle, every twitch that might signal an impending attack. But the girl made none, standing up in full form, embodying grace and dignity.
When she finally turned to face her accuser, her eyes—beautiful, deep blue pools—met Ambra's, and something chilling happened. The woman adjusted her thin, red-framed glasses and smiled a gentle smile. It was a face Ambra knew all too well.
"Elara," she whispered, her voice tinged with disbelief and a thousand memories flooding back into her mind. Elara, the right hand to Lilith, the Vampire Queen she had slain. How could she be here? And yet, as their eyes locked, Ambra's once-firm grip on her sword wavered.
Ambra's senses were aflame, every instinct screaming at her as she sensed the vampiric aura emanating from Elara. She saw that dark smirk, a nightmarish expression she had seen too many times during their numerous confrontations—a silent declaration of her inevitable desire for death and torment. But before she could reconcile that malicious aura with the girl standing before her, it disappeared. Elara's expression transformed to innocence and concern, a stark contrast to the predatory demeanor Ambra had sensed just a split second before.
"Why is she pointing a sword at me? What have I done wrong?" Elara's voice was tinged with genuine bewilderment, and her atmosphere shifted. Gone was the suffocating vampiric presence; replaced by an air of innocence so pure it was almost surreal.
Ambra's senses were in turmoil. She had felt it, hadn't she? That undeniable vampiric energy, that aura of blood lust? Now, there was nothing—no dark aura, no evil atmosphere, just the bewildering innocence of the girl who looked the exact same as the one who had once been Lilith's right hand. Even the red eyes and silver hair—those vampiric trademarks—were absent. But Ambra couldn't be mistaken. That was Elara. She had to be.
Deidan's voice roared through the hall, shattering the silence. "Manda! Stand down immediately!" But his words were just distant echoes to Ambra, meaningless and insignificant.
"I don't know why you're here, Elara. But you won't leave this room alive," Ambra declared, her voice carrying an unyielding resolve. She lowered her stance, platinum sword poised and ready to strike. Her eyes met Elara's blue ones, still inexplicably free of any vampiric characteristics, but Ambra was undeterred.
The hall was fraught with tension, an explosion waiting to happen. Marquis Julian looked torn between maintaining the dignity of the estate and responding to the immediate crisis. The Aegis warriors had their hands firmly gripped on their weapons, eyes darting between Ambra and Elara, as if trying to piece together the incongruous dilemma before them. Camila remained frozen, her face a mask of shocked incredulity. Lune could only narrow her eyes, concentrating on Ambra, and the atmosphere of the increasingly tenser space.
For a moment, the room itself seemed to hold its breath, as if the very walls and floors knew that the choices made in the next few seconds would irrevocably alter the course of Ambra's life.
Elara looked at Ambra, her eyes reflecting a depth of emotions. "If you truly believe I must die, then do what you must. But know this—" her voice lowered, barely a whisper, yet laden with a gravity that filled the room, "—perhaps you should be more wary of your actions."
And with that cryptic statement hanging in the air, Ambra lunged, her chipped platinum sword slashing through the tension-filled atmosphere, aimed directly at Elara's heart.
The room exploded into chaos, but for Ambra, the world had narrowed down to this singular moment. The moment when she'd either confirm her suspicions or commit an unforgivable mistake. But either way, she was ready to face the consequences of her actions, consequences that seemed lesser than the dangerous being that was Elara.
The blade descended, a flash of silver and fury.
Just for a fraction of a second, as she charged, she saw a devilish sadistic grin flicker across Elara's face—a momentary lapse that betrayed a hint of bloodlust. Ambra's instincts roared, her suspicions sharpening into conviction.
Equally so, Elara's posture shifted ever so slightly, as dark magical power began concentrating under her feet and running up her body. In that split-second, Elara had already prepared curse spells to defend herself, and many more to counterattack Ambra. Invisible to those who couldn't sense magic, but real and powerful to those who could.
A dangerously disastrous repertoire of spells that Ambra saw, but didn't care for. She would finish Elara off, no matter the consequences.
But just as Ambra's blade was about to strike true, a blur emerged from the corner of her vision. A swirl of icy magic materialized between her sword and Elara, solidifying into a formidable wall of ice with a resonant shockwave. Her platinum blade embedded itself into the frozen barricade stuck fast before pulverizing it. Similarly, Elara's hold over her spells, having found no connection, was released. The magic particles faintly evaporated without a trace.
"Lune!" Ambra growled, brandishing her sword yet again.
"Stop!" The sorcerer immediately approached her, her eyes meeting hers as she muttered, "Not now, not here, Ambra. Don't turn this place into a battlefield."
Before she could respond, Deidan's booming voice echoed in the grand hall. "Manda! Explain yourself at once! Have you gone mad?"
Marquis Julian, his face contorted in a mix of rage and incredulity, seconded the demand. "This is an egregious violation of your post! Explain!"
Lune's demeanor shifted, her eyes locking onto Deidan with an icy glare, but never taking her eyes off of the smiling Elara. "Manda was simply protecting this gathering in her own way. Question her methods if you must, but if you lay a finger on her, you will suffer grave consequences."
Ambra felt like a coiled spring, her sword arm twitching involuntarily. Her gaze flitted between Lune and Elara. She still wanted to finish what she had started, to end Elara once and for all. But the room was a whirling storm of tension and she couldn't make sense of it.
Suddenly, Elara spoke up. "Everyone, please, calm yourselves." Her voice was surprisingly composed, far more than anyone would expect from someone who had just supposedly narrowly escaped death. Yet it now contained a vague tinge of boredom. "Let's not harbor ill feelings toward Manda. She was simply doing her job." Elara's eyes met Ambra's, shimmering with a depth of curiosity and charm that was both unsettling and intriguing.
Marquis Julian was still unconvinced, his voice thick with indignation. "She must be punished for this blatant—"
"No," Elara interrupted, this time with a tone of undisguised authority that made the room fall silent. "If there's to be a choice about punishment, that choice is mine to make, not yours."
The Marquis visibly recoiled, his mouth snapping shut as if on command. A heavy silence descended on the hall, each individual wrestling with their thoughts.
Elara gracefully made her way toward Ambra, the hem of her elegant blue dress whispering along the marble floor. Her eyes, sparkling with a curiosity that veiled deeper intentions, met Ambra's squarely. "Manda, is it?" she inquired, the timbre of her voice awash in a complex mix of appraisal and interest.
Ambra bristled, instinctively wanting to recoil. Her senses strained to their limit, seeking out any trace of vampiric essence from Elara. But there was nothing, only the unnerving ambiguity of her presence and the still-fresh memory of her past terrible nature.
Elara's gaze remained steady. "I believe an apology is in order, Manda."
A heavy hand rested on Ambra's shoulder. She turned to see Lune, her eyes stern yet understanding. With a nod, Lune silently conveyed that, for the sake of what remained of the diplomatic atmosphere, an apology was the lesser evil.
Swallowing her pride, Ambra muttered an apology that only just cleared the bar for sincerity. "I apologize for my actions."
Elara smiled softly, her eyes still locked on Ambra's. "Very well. Just remember, in future situations, to be clear about who is an 'ally' and who is an 'enemy,'" she said, laying a strange emphasis on the last two words before gracefully turning away.
Captain Deidan stood, his hand still on the hilt of his sheathed sword, his expression a storm of conflicting thoughts. There was something different about Manda, a sort of fervor that he hadn't sensed before on her, but seemed awfully familiar. And then there was her sword—a weapon that had the sheen of platinum but couldn't possibly be a standard issue. He hesitated, wrestling with the urge to ask questions that bubbled within him. But as Elara retreated and the air grew thick with a complex web of unsaid words, he found himself paralyzed, unsure of how to navigate the emotionally charged terrain.
Camila finally broke the lingering tension. "I believe this concludes our meeting for today," she announced, her voice carrying a note of weariness. "I apologize, Baroness, for the unexpected disruptions." She signaled to her guards, who quickly moved to escort the Nuberian envoys and the Baroness out of the grand hall.
"As for you, 'Manda,'" Camila continued, looking at Ambra, "I assure everyone present that such behavior will not be repeated."
The perimeter around the mansion dissipated, and as the room emptied, leaving behind a palpable residue of unease, Ambra's thoughts spun in a vortex of uncertainty and frustration. Elara was here, in a place she should never be, behaving in a way she should never behave.
Ambra pondered Elara's parting words but couldn't quite discern their meaning, what had she tried to say? She could not image.
As the grand doors of the chamber closed with an echoing thud, Camila pivoted to face Ambra. "So, is it Ambra, or should I say Manda?" Her voice dripped with a blend of confusion and residual tension.
Caught off-guard, Ambra hesitated. Her thoughts still clouded by Elara's sudden appearance and enigmatic conduct. Camila pressed again, exasperation coloring her words. "Why did you do that? Are you out of your mind? Why attack the Baroness?"
Laura and Grant, members of the Aegis who had been silent observers of the unfolding drama, joined in. "What was that all about?" they queried, their eyes filled with questions. "Why does the Baroness have such strong magic?" Laura asked.
"She's a vampire," Ambra finally blurted out. "I'm sure of it."
Emil shook his head, visibly perturbed. "That can't be. She's been in our circles for some time. Yes, she may be ominous and not a favorite among the merchants, but she's nothing more than a human noble. Even if you say it."
It was Lune who stepped in, her hand resting firmly on Ambra's shoulder. Her face contorted into an expression of internal conflict. "Ambra is right," she began, taking a deep breath. "Elara is likely a vampire. I felt a blood lust from her before but couldn't place it. It's my fault for not recognizing her sooner."
"How can you be so sure?" Camila questioned, eyebrows arched in disbelief.
"Because," Lune said, steeling herself, "Elara was one of Lilith's aides. Our old party has crossed paths with her multiple times and never managed to take her down."
Emil and Grant gasped, their eyes widening. "One of the Vampire Queen's elite?" Emil muttered, incredulity etching his features.
"So, you're saying Ambra was telling the truth?" Laura, who was usually relaxed and jovial, suddenly looked gravely serious. "She almost fired devastating magic in the blink of an eye, we could've..."
Ambra glanced at Lune, disbelief mingling with gratitude. "You knew she was a vampire, then why—why did you stop me? Let me kill her, Lune. We can end this now. We still have time."
Lune shook her head, her eyes meeting Ambra's with an implacable solemnity. "No, Ambra, we can't—"
"Why not?" Ambra interrupted, her voice tinged with desperation and rising frustration.
"Because," Lune continued, "didn't you just see the sheer power behind the spells she manifested in an instant? Not only has Elara survived and found a way to hide her vampiric nature so convincingly, she's clearly more dangerous than before."
Ambra squared her shoulders, defiantly meeting Lune's gaze. "But why stop me? We're surrounded by capable fighters—the Aegis, Deidan, you, and me. We could have easily taken her down even if she was stronger!"
"She had cannons pointed at every person in the room, Ambra." Lune's eyes shimmered with a mix of anguish and conviction. "You're underestimating Elara. You know as well as I do that she's not just strong; she's cunning and cruel. If that's still who she is, she would have relished causing as much suffering as she could. There would have been casualties, Ambra. Ones neither of us could have prevented."
"And that's why we should've ended her now," Ambra shot back, her own emotions flaring.
"Ambra," Lune stared deeply into her eyes, her own voice quivering. "Elara was as ready to fight you as you were to fight her. She had already prepared a myriad of attacks and countermeasures well before you were even able to strike her. You wouldn't have been able to protect everyone."
Stunned briefly, Ambra shakes upon hearing Lune tell her she wouldn't be able to protect the lives of those around her. Reminded of her decreasing strength, she had noticed she wasn't able to dash as fast as she should've been originally capable of.
Lune pauses, sensing Ambra's pensive state she continues "Are you willing to sacrifice the lives of others for your objective? Is your vengeance worth that much? Again? No matter the cost?"
A silent moment stretched between them, filled with the unsaid and the undeniable. Ambra's sword arm trembled, not from fatigue but from a dawning realization. She looked at the members of the Aegis, at Camila, and thought about what their fates could have been. A reluctant nod followed as she looked back at Lune. "You're right. I understand."
The tension in Lune's face relaxed slightly, and a small but meaningful smile broke through. "So, we let her go then?" Ambra asked, still grasping at straws of her unresolved agenda.
Lune shook her head, her smile widening into a more confident grin. "Oh, of course not. She's going to die, make no mistake about it. But we'll do it strategically, making sure she can't harm anyone else in the process."
Ambra returned the smile, a newfound determination settling in her. Even the Aegis seemed to nod in approval, comprehending the grave risk Elara presented.
Camila, who had been silently absorbing the intense exchange, finally broke her silence. Her eyes, widened and with tears forming in a heartfelt awe, met Ambra's. "Ambra... you are the hero..."
Yup, can safely say I did not like this chapter. Dead to rights, but f*cking deus ex machina'd because reasons.![Blob Dead](https://www.scribblehub.com/wp-content/themes/writeit-child/emojis/clear.png)
Nah, don't change your work but I'll try to explain.
It just makes no sense (to me) to save her because "She's dangerous and might have something up her sleave." So instead, you let said person go. And NOW they KNOW for sure you are going for their head, and will plan accordingly.
Where as before it was a maybe situation, it's turned into a 100% thing. She was surrounded, about to take a very damaging attack (if not out right lethal blow) and you still thought it best to let the "very dangerous and cunning" person leave to make f*cken plans? Really?
Are we sure she left the party because she couldn't take the deaths of her friends, or because she was sh*t at planning and kept CAUSING the deaths because of her stupid views?
@Mira_Zenon I see your point, and I do agree with it. I'll go ahead and change it because I do feel like it's a valid criticism and I want to write a story people can enjoy the best while also improving to avoid these kinds of things in the future. Please hang on a bit as I change it. Finally, I really appreciate you taking the time to explain your feedback.![Blob Cat Blush](https://www.scribblehub.com/wp-content/themes/writeit-child/emojis/clear.png)
You're welcome~.
And, only change it if it doesn't actually compromise your plans for the story. You can most certainly just leave it as is, and learn how to avoid doing deus ex machina's. I am just as guilty using them myself sometimes, but I do try to avoid them if at all possible.
@Mira_Zenon Chages done! It's hard to rewrite it fully without sending all of my plans for the story off the rails. But the portrayal of Elara, alongside Lune's motivation for stopping Ambra have now been changed. Hopefully, this falls much more in line with the expectations of Lune's character and does not feel as contrived as before. Once again, thank you for taking the time to point this mistake out to me alongside your reasoning, I appreciate it.![Blob Cat Blush](https://www.scribblehub.com/wp-content/themes/writeit-child/emojis/clear.png)
@FiammaCami I felt a little bit the same. It was Lune OWNING Ambra like a child that I did not like. Her Explanation sucks yes People would died but People might die anyway. More Even if Elara Gets away. It kind of emasculated Ambra and Elena Like this.
A Better Way is if Elara saved herself Like If she put her Hand Over Camila's Throat Friendly like but clearly making her a Hostage or And Revealing she was Doing something that while selfish was saving human Lives.
For example (mavel comics) Blade finds out his real father a guy named Lucas Cross who an Evil Business Man (kind of like a younger Donald Trump) who Runs Soup Kitchens and Free Medical Clinics across the country. Purely to get blood and other selfish reasons. Runs a bunch of non-profits Housing, Job Training Schools for the poor. One of these reasons is Blade was Made to Know they go out of business without his Biological father. That The world without his Evil Father is a worse Place. And Killing Lucas Cross would lead to literally thousands of starving People. (Lucas Cross set it up that way)
Effectively making them all his hostages. Winds up wishing Deacon Frost Had been his dad after all as he got no idea how to handle Lucas Cross.
Basically, I am saying Elara needed to be smarter Sneaker Villain using her Brain and Lune would not need to Domesticate Ambra.
PS @FiammaCami I love the story just think you can do the sneaky and Manipulation Better.
@dragondeathlord Thank you, I appreciate the feedback, and I apologize for the subpar chapter. I hope you can overlook this mistake and continue reading, as I'll avoid this in the future. I'll try my best.![Blob Cat Blush](https://www.scribblehub.com/wp-content/themes/writeit-child/emojis/clear.png)
@FiammaCami Let me be clear I love all your Work. And the criticism is Purely meant to be constructive!
@FiammaCami WE LOVE YOUR WORK OR WE WOULD NOT BE GIVING CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM!![Blob Fearful](https://www.scribblehub.com/wp-content/themes/writeit-child/emojis/clear.png)