Physically, I was seated on a stage, looking out over an auditorium full of anxiety inducing spectators. Mentally, I stood on an ancient battlefield, joined by my five most trusted teammates.

While our in-game characters were on their way to the final objective, Rachel explained the plan one final time. “Okay, just let Emmy siege with exorcism, nobody else gets next to her. I will stay in the fog with my ultimate and help if she gets jumped. All the rest of you need to do is keep them away from me, and don’t get jumped yourself.”

“Understood,” the team said in unison.

I pressed my ultimate ability and a horde of green ghosts started flying around my character. The ghosts were chipping away at the enemy base. I was waiting for my opponent’s response. Their ancient got to about half health when blue blink particles suddenly appeared in front of the spectral lady I was playing. Sparks flew, ‘Stunned’ it said above my character, and a blue muscled man started hacking into my character with a giant sword. As if it was a reflex, I immediately shouted. “On me!”

Before my enemy could even get a second hit in, another set of blink particles appeared. It was Rachel, and with a simple two spell combo she freed me from my stunned condition while disarming the opponent. I sent out a silence spell towards my opponents, they had just revealed themselves behind the blue swordsman. The green ghosts were now shredding the enemy team, while my teammates engaged their silenced backline. Their last stand had failed and as the ancient collapsed the sound of four ecstatic girls blasted itself through my headset.

I lifted the noise-canceling-headset from my head and joined in on my teammate’s celebration. Within seconds we had exited our seats and were engaged in a tight group hug. Instead of just the game sounds and my teammates’ voices, I could now hear the commentators as they complimented our gameplay. I was unable to fully comprehend it though, as my full attention was still on teammates.

Lizzy was the first whose words made any coherent sense. “First game in the bag girls! Just 4 more to go.”

Rachel showed a subdued smile, like she was genuinely happy, but didn’t want it to go to her head. “We are not there yet though; it’s only going to get harder from here.”

She was right, G5 was a tough opponent for sure, and we were happy to beat them. But the competition was filled with great teams, teams even more formidable than G5. Some of them we had never even heard about, let alone practiced against. This uncertainty was what scared me most, who knew how outclassed we might be against some of those teams.

Our collective adrenaline started to fade, and remembering the referee’s instructions, we started unplugging our mouse and keyboards from the computers. I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. When I turned around, I looked into the eyes of G5’s position 4 player, ‘HaNNaH’. The whole team had come over to congratulate us on our victory.

Shaking their hands felt conflicting. The display of sportsmanship felt good, but the sadness in their eyes made me pity them. I couldn’t help but think about the fact that it could also have us as well. Going out in the first game must feel terrible.

We walked off the stage and stashed our equipment in our designated locker. Lizzy, Kelsey, and Jade had already run off towards the auditorium, wanting to meet back up with their families. I hadn’t checked the crowd since the start of the game, and really hoped that my dad had shown up at this point.

“Do you see a middle-aged man wearing a green flat cap anywhere?” I asked Rachel when we came out of the backstage corridor.

“Uhm…” She started looking around. “I don’t think so.”

I had been looking around myself as well, but with every second of looking, my hope faded a little more. Frustrated, I exhaled from my nose. “I guess he’s still not here.”

“That sucks Emmy—you can sit with us if you want?” she pointed towards her family with her thumb.

“I’m good, I wanted to get some air anyway” I said, not wanting to impose myself on them.

Rachel gave me a knowing smile. “Okay, just now you would be more than welcome.”

I nodded and made my way up the stairs on the side of the auditorium. Past the big wooden doors, I came into a small foyer. There was easy access to a little inner garden area, the high density of trash bins indicated that this was probably meant as a smoking area. And while addiction certainly wasn’t uncommon in my family, I have luckily never developed a craving for nicotine myself.

I sat down on an artsy looking metal bench. It looked like somebody had woven together thin strips of metal to create it. Using my phone, I pulled up the tournament schedule. We currently had a one game break while the last quarterfinal was being played, only then would we know who our semifinal opponent would be, and if we would be playing it on stage or backstage.

There was a chance my dad would still show up, but not even get to see me play. Obviously, the final would be played on stage, but there was no guarantee we would get there.

My now commonplace feeling of anxiety was rising again. He was going to show up, right?

Interrupting the exploration of my inner anxieties, I heard the door to the foyer opening. Looking over, I immediately recognized the green eyes looking my way. A voice carrying that characteristic Boston accent escaped the intruder’s mouth.

“Eminny? You ended up playing the tournament after all?” Arthur said as he casually threw up his hands.

My heart was pounding. I hadn’t talked to him for more than a week, and I had no idea what Riley had told him. And even if she had, there was no way to know if her information had been correct. Trying to untangle myself from the guilt I still felt about initially planning to ditch my teammates, I said. “Yeah, I was just being stupid earlier.”

“I don’t know,” He shrugged. “You are way better than that bunch of amateurs. I don’t know why you’re even wasting your time with them.”

It was weird; he meant it as a compliment, but I felt a bit insulted. “That’s a bit rude; we did just win the quarterfinals together.”

“Nah, they were just along for the ride. You won that game for them.” He arched his eyebrows. “I’m not kidding, you’re wasting your time here. I can still slot you in for those tryouts later today, so you get to be part of a real team.”

I stood up from the bench. I felt my nose wrinkle as I questioned him. “What are you suggesting? That I ditch my team right here and now?”

A slimy kind of confidence was plastered all over his face. “It’s like I said, you’re not like these other girls.”

“Fuck you,” I said almost reflexively. “Those other girls are amazing, and I would kill to be like them. You can’t honestly think I would turn on them that easily? How shallow do you think I am?”

“Wow,” he held up his hands in front of him. “Fuck you, for leading me on all week. Only to suddenly say you’re done and ghost me for the last two days.”

I felt my body temperature rise with my emerging rage. Like the rage I felt towards Riley. But now all being projected on Arthur. “That wasn’t even me.” I raised my voice. “That was--”

“—Honey, it’s no use,” a vaguely familiar voice suddenly interrupted our conversation.

I knew I had heard her voice before, but I couldn't quite place where. When she came around the corner, however, it immediately clicked into place. The strawberry blonde hair, her boyish tone, and that obnoxious sense of self-importance. “Bree?” I accidentally said.

Bree furrowed her brows. “Do I know you?”

I immediately shook my head. “Uhm… No, No.” My mind was racing, I needed to come up with an excuse, I couldn’t have her recognize me. “Claw Esports, right? I’m sorry, I just do my research a little too well sometimes,” I said, making up a lie informed by the jersey she wore.

She looked at me intently.

I felt the sweat bunching up in the back of my neck.

“Whatever,” Bree rolled her eyes and put her arm around Arthur. “Your scheme didn’t work; I’m sure we’ll just beat them the old-fashioned way.”

His scheme? Honey? Bree? I just stood there. If I wasn’t trying to maintain my composure, I would be slack-jawed.

While Arthur and Bree made their way back towards the foyer, Bree looked back towards me one more time, an inquisitive expression drawn across her face.

Her jersey; she played for ‘Claw Esports’, one of the tournament favorites. Had they just been messing with me? All this time? Had Arthur just pretended to be impressed so I would leave the team? So that Bree’s team had an easier time winning? I was lucky not to be holding a glass right there, for it would have suffered a similar fate as the one at Riley’s.

While anger was still boldly written across my face, I went back to the tournament schedule. I looked for Claw Esports; they were on the complete other side of the bracket. If we would face them, it would be in the finals. A primal drive was developing within me, a primal drive to win. Not just because I wanted to prove to be the best, or to impress my dad. No, this tournament had suddenly become a lot more personal. I knew I couldn’t punch Arthur and Bree in real life, but I could punch them out of this tournament.

Gwenington

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