Inside the house, like every other summer house, there was a tower fan right in front of the door to scare away the heat. There were also some glass ornaments making noise when the wind blew, and a strong smell of seafood in the air coming from the kitchen. The smell was the first thing that came to me as a memory because I knew I had eaten something with that spice before. It was a special flavor, different from the food I was used to eating back in the capital.

In the living room, I could see the television playing some video games. There was a coffee table full of dirty dishes, and crumbs of baked dough that I soon realized were cookies. I flinched with the immediate memory that that image sparked in my mind: it was Alex in the kitchen, laughing while playing with a bun in his hands. I was smeared with flour and chocolate by his side, as he put the cookies in the baking pan. We both looked happy, even in love.

An involuntary tear fell from my eye, wetting my cheek. It was painful to remember things from the past because as soon as I had that memory, it was gone. I no longer had the sound of his laughter, and his face was becoming an amorphous image in my mind. There was not much left, I realized.

I took my way from the living room to the kitchen, because the Red Thread was pointing in that direction. As soon as I walked through the portal, I could smell vanilla and baked dough. It must have been the cookies or some remnants of the mess made in the kitchen earlier. He was there, but he wasn't himself. It was a mirage, a part of him that hadn't yet been erased from me.

"Noah!", he said excitedly, running to show me the cookies, "Look! It's screwdrivers and hats, your favorites."

I approached him, trying to understand what he was talking about. When I saw the dough shapes like a pan, I felt something light up in my heart. It was a memory where I told him about how cookies are always boring squares, and how I'd give anything to eat some that were weirdly shaped. And so he did it for me. He'd made so many weird shapes that I couldn't stop crying over it.

“You did it!,” I managed to tell him.

He nodded in agreement, pointing to all the other odd shapes.

"I did my best, I knew it would cheer you up."

I frowned.

Tears came to my eyes because I knew where I should go to find him. I was not needed for anyone to show the way to Alex's heart, because I could feel it. I just never had the opportunity to know him how I would like.

I mentalized the landscape of Verla Beach in Main. The place was empty, it had houses nearby the white sand. Alex liked it there because it was peaceful and distant, almost invisible compared to the most famous beaches in the country. But summer being summer, the beach probably wouldn't be so empty, even in my wildest dreams.

With that image very clear in my mind, I opened the back door of the kitchen. I opened my eyes as soon as the ocean's salty scent hit me. The sun was nowhere to be found, but the music was very clear: there was Chadwick singing with his guitar while everyone danced around the campfire. Alex was there, patiently waiting for me. I froze because everything was exactly the way it had happened. 

Instantly, I remembered everything. I knew that whatever this event means for us, it was happening to make me live my memories all over again. The feeling was as if I had the right to say goodbye to them for the last time.

"It can't be...", I muttered, horrified. “No, that's not right. It can't be."

Alex waved at me, smiling broadly in his shorts and lime green tank top summer outfit. I felt two thick tears running down my face. He was being erased from me and I couldn't do anything to stop the memories from being forcibly ripped from me. But worst of all was knowing that we probably choose this for ourselves.

Together.

“No…” I repeated as if I could change everything that had ever happened or would happen to me.

The Alex from my memories smiled at me, ignorant of the fact that the future had been cruel to us. In his black eyes, I saw hope, love, and affection. Inside me, I felt misery and the void Alex failed to fill. The Red Thread glistened on my finger and forced me to go to him. It forced me to take it all the way to the end, but I didn't want to. I wanted to stop, I wanted to stop, I wanted to stop.

"Stop!" I yelled with everything I had, while tears ran down my face, "Stop! Stop! This is wrong!"

I tried to go for the door, but when I looked back, there was nothing left. The house was gone, and the summer air was all I had. That memory was going to be erased and that's what I was there for.

“No, please don't.” I choked back my own tears, trying in vain to control what was already done.

I felt my legs giving way to the ground, and my body hit the beach in the same second. The pain started to rip my chest in two as if I might die right there. It was my soul, I felt it. My soulmate who was now being forcefully ripped away from me. It was the worst feeling in the universe.

"No!" I howled in pain, both physical and emotional, "Stop! I do not want this anymore! Stop! Stop!"

But everything I said, was useless. Because what was done, was done. Alex disappeared like magic while I was still kneeling on the beach sand feeling his soul being erased from mine. My chest was crying, my lungs were short of breath and my soul was burning alone in the darkness of the universe.

"Parting me from you will be forever one of the worst pains you can ever give me", Alex told me one day when we were lying in bed just after discovering we were meant for each other. It was on the same day that I understood that being in love with him would feel in a way that we could barely understand, but enough to feel. It was a love so great, and so intense, that it felt like one split in two. As if we were spawned by it.

So why was it over? What equation did we miss?

My eyes were still crying, as everything disappeared right in front of me. I no longer had many of the memories of our times together, but the most important ones were finally leaving. As if they were crucial to getting all the work done at once. But I didn't want that. I didn't want to continue this pain. Nothing that Alex could do to me would be worse than feeling my soul tearing apart from his. That pain was worse because it was permanent. I knew that if I let him go, I would never find him again. There would be no more choice, it would be eternal. And I didn't want to live an eternity where he didn't exist.

Gathering all the courage I possessed, I got up from the sand-filled floor. I knocked my knees and walked quickly to the sea, running as if it were the only portal that would release me from all those confusing dreams. I ran against the salty tide, pulling my heavy jeans into the sea. I was crying, but I wanted to find a way to make it stop immediately. I thought if I forced myself to wake up, somehow things might work out. If I could only make myself wake up, then everything would stop.

I dived into the sea even though I didn't know how to swim. It took me seven strokes, eight, and two more, and then I felt myself losing control of my own body in the midst of the waves. But I didn't lose my breath while I was underwater. It was a dream, so most likely it was impossible to force me to wake up to save my own life.

"Wake up!" I screamed in my own mind, "Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!"

I continued screaming mentally in the middle of the ocean, while the waves threw me back to the sea without me feeling anything. Nature took my body back to the beach without me having to ask. The feeling of desolation hit me, and I thought the world was about to end. I cried as I looked at the sky above me, reflecting all the darkness I felt. I thought that, at that exact moment, it might start to rain, but it didn't. What happened was something I couldn't even imagine: I heard Alex's voice screaming next to me.

"Have you gone crazy?" he yelled, sounding desperate.

I opened my eyes and found his dark orbs staring back at mine, right next to me. I must've been doing something really bad if he was scolding me so vehemently.

"Alex?"

"God damn it, Noah! You can't drown in a simulation. This here, right now, is the edge of dimensions, and if you die, it could be fatal. Not everything you dream is just a dream."

"What are you talking about? I wasn't killing myself, I was trying to wake me up."

He took a deep breath, looking away from me. He seemed convinced that I wasn't screwing up. Alex was a mystery to me, because now, with part of the memories erased and the other part trying to say goodbye, I could have a vague idea of ​​who he was. Certain attitudes seemed predictable, while others seemed completely off-kilter.

“I don't understand you,” I confessed, still staring at the sky above us.

“You never did,” he replied. “And I'm sorry about that. If I were more honest, maybe we wouldn't be in this situation in the first place."

I nodded, even though I didn't know what he was talking about. I felt that, deep down, it was this huge gap between the two of us that would make the distance real. And infinite. It was almost as if nothing mattered beyond what was really lost. There was no going back, and we both knew it.

“Our time is up,” he said, looking at me with sadness. “You only have one more step to go, but I'm leaving. Forever."

“That can't be right. I don't feel like I can really let this happen, I feel like it's all a big mistake.” I cried, wishing things could turn around at the last minute.

“Noah, babe, please. There's no other way. We'll have to go through with it."

"But why?"

"You know why…"

"No, I don't." I said, honestly, "I do not know why I would ever want to be away from my soulmate." I confessed because it was true.

None of that made any sense to me. I looked at him, trying to make him understand what I had in me.

"Alex... I love you. I know that, I feel so. Please do not leave me. Don't leave me without letting me anything from you."

He cried with my words. I saw some tears falling from his eyes to his cheeks. There was still love there, you could feel it. The problem was: maybe that wasn't enough anymore, somehow.

"I can not. But I can give you my last trace, so you'll see. You will understand everything at once."

"Will I be able to keep you for myself?"

He sadly agreed.

“It's the only one you will, Noah. The only thing that you will remember, will be our breakup. That's how it is with soulmates after they're burned."

"After what?"

“It's impossible to break the Red Thread that binds us, but we still manage to burn each other out. And even if the Legend doesn't allow us to be disconnected, we can still deny ourselves some memories, but not all. We can choose which memory will stay, but the only memory you chose to leave, was one of our breakups."

And as soon as he said those words, I ended up remembering everything. From all the pain, the impulsive decisions, the bravery, and conflicting hearts... we were like a hurricane in the middle of the storm. But after chaos, there is always destruction. And that's where we were now: amidst our own wreckage.

“That's not fair,” I complained, even if it was in vain, “Damn it, why did you let me go through with it? Why, Alex? Why didn't you put any sense in my head?"

“Because I agreed with you, Noah,” he simply said. “You're too good for me and you deserve more than I failed to give you. I was selfish, mean, and a big idiot to you. As much as I'm sorry about that, I would never let you be tied to someone you hated so much, even if that someone is me. Even if you are my soulmate."

Those words were hard to hear, but I knew they were starkly true. So, forgiveness was about that, in the end. He asked me for forgiveness for all his faults, for all the times he made me bleed. Could I forgive him for that? Would I have the ability to find a piece of me that still wanted to forgive him? How far could a relationship be saved from a beautiful disaster?

So many doubts, and no light to illuminate me.

“I still want to know if I can forgive you,” I whispered, drawing his attention to me. “I need to find out if I can forgive you, or if I should move on without you. Can you give me this? Can you remind me of how we got here?"

Alex nodded cautiously. Maybe, he was nervous. But he loved me enough to let me choose whichever path I wanted. Whether away from him or for my own happiness.

“Come closer,” he whispered, as his lips sought mine.

He hesitated, trying to memorize every feature of my face as if it was the last time we would see each other (which, in a way, it was true). I did as he asked. First, I felt his fingers invade my skin with a touch. It was so real, so hot, compared to other times he'd touched me. The feeling was new, or maybe I felt that way because I knew it was really new. Because we were no longer the Alex and Noah of three years ago. Nor the ones from last month.

We were Alex and Noah from now.

“I'm invading your simulation, Noah. I don't know if I can implant my traits in you, but I'll try. Maybe…” he bites his lower lip, “I'll have to use something more… powerful. Do you understand?"

I didn't understand, but I agreed anyway. Alex sighed and brought his lips closer to mine just before leaving an affectionate seal there. He smiled and pulled my body towards him,

“It worked, I think,” he said. “Close your eyes, focus on me."

Again, I did as he asked. This time, I felt his mouth kissing my bottom lip, sucking and opening the way with his tongue, as he tried to bring me back to whatever memories he still had of the two of us.

But deep down, it felt like it was just the last one left...