The next day, I took the same bus in front of my house. I'd have to go to the antique shop to start my shift before Mr. Park got annoyed and replaced me for good. Well, I didn't really believe he could do something like that, but, Chadwick couldn't be there for me every time his dad gets mad. So I did my best not to push his buttons.

Seeing that the bus was already on its way, I got up from the bench I was sitting on. Of course, I also had to put the backpack strap back on my back to carry it, but the same moment I did, I saw him. He was passing through the crosswalk, oblivious to everything around him as he fiddled with his cell phone. This time, he wore a black jacket like a blazer, and he looked a lot more dressed up than usual. It was him, and I knew it because my eyes didn't seem to want to stray to anything else.

He crossed the street and simply disappeared into the crowd. He didn't stop at the crosswalk, let alone look back, as he went about his normal life. I froze as I felt this distance rippling through my chest. It was like everything was in slow motion, and more and more, pieces of me were getting more and more lost. But wasn't that what we asked for? For total separation, for oblivion? So why did this process hurt so much?

That wasn't right.

As soon as the bus stopped in front of me, I got on. I sat in the usual place where I sat every day and analyzed what I should do. Something was telling me to go back to the clinic for answers, or else, I'd run the risk of him crossing my path for most of the day. And I couldn't take this risk anymore.

I wanted answers.

I let the vehicle cross the city at a speed that didn't match the longing stirring inside me. All that mess from before, all the hurt I'd tried to erase in the despair of my pain, had gotten worse. Because, in addition to the reasons confusing me, I also felt I needed an explanation from him. The person I didn't even have a name for.

As soon as I saw the “Red Thread of Delusion” sign glowing bright red, I pressed the button. Step after step, I walked quickly to the clinic as if the world was ending. The automatic doors opened, and in desperation, I practically flew to reception. The blue-haired girl looked at me a little scared.

"Can I help you?" she said, somewhat impressed.

"Yes! I need a doctor?" I said doubtfully.

I mean, yes, I needed a doctor. But is that the correct term? Or were those people just scientists?

"Right. What is your name? Have you scheduled here before?"

"Yes. My name is Noah Johnson, I did a soulmate erasure process."

"Ooh. Noah Johnson… so it's you? Oh. I'll call Doctor Kim immediately."

Ah, so the doctor had a name. I nodded in agreement and waited in a white coach. The entire clinic was white, in fact. In the face of my desperation, I hadn't noticed how much that place looked like a modern center. The smell of alcohol was everywhere, indicating that cleaning was also taken seriously.

It didn't take long for the doctor to appear from behind the reception in the testing rooms. He smiled at me, his mouth full of teeth. Damn, he was handsome. His face was so beautiful that it was hard to believe that this guy was a scientist and not a model. How did I not notice this before?

“Good to have you back, Noah Johnson."

I just stared at him, not knowing what to say. Because it really sucked that I was there again.

"I need your help. Can we talk?"

Dr. Kim nodded, grinning at me.

“Please follow me,” he said.

We both headed down the white hallway to one of the testing rooms. There were as many machines as possible, I was even surprised by the sheer number. All that was not new to me, but I had never seen any of it with my own eyes. The first time I came, my whole focus was on my soulmate's erasure. I didn't even realize how expensive the clinic looked. Which made a big question pop into my head: was it my soulmate who had paid for the lobotomies?

“Now, come on, Noah… Tell me what's going on with you."

I swallowed hard, looking away from the doctor in front of me. How could I begin to explain? It was a little complex. Maybe… just throwing in the first information would be enough.

“I-I think I'm seeing him again."

The doctor looked at me, somewhat surprised.

"Again? That's pretty weird. Did you try to consult your spiritual guide as I told you?"

Oh. The spirit guide… yes, I had completely forgotten about that.

"I did not. Because I thought I should see you first, no?"

“Oh, yes,” he agreed with a nod, clearing his throat with a confused expression. 

Doctor Kim took two sheets with red stamps and one gold. He analyzed it, reading the report carefully. 

"Well… the simulation, at first, didn't work out. That's what is written here." He hesitates and looks at me, "Did you see him during the simulation? From the start?"

"What... do you mean?"

Kim sighed, gathering the sheets and walking over to the table that faced a large window. The sun lit up the room everywhere, so it was easy to see him there. He gestured for me to sit down, and I did. The papers were now on the table, right next to me. Number one had a picture of me from a few years ago. And the other was turned against the table, showing only the white back of the paper.

Ah, was that private data?

“Well, we put the patients in simulations while we erase the other memories. It would be as if you were in another day of your routine, without even realizing that it wasn't real. That happened?"

I tried to remember. It was a day in my routine, but my soulmate was present at all times. Well, not every moment, just the moment I left the house and walked to the bus. So how could I classify the simulation?

"Yes and no. It was a really weird dream, but I don't remember everything."

"That's a shame. We do not keep this type of file for privacy reasons. You know… sometimes some memories are "hotter" if you know what I mean..." He cleared his throat, annoyed, "Hmm… some memories can be compromising. So we don't keep any of the simulations with us. But if you've seen it throughout the entire process, it could mean that the strokes just tangled up on their own."

That took me by surprise.

“Like… a knot?"

"Yes, maybe." He looked at me with a twinkle in his eyes, "There's this theory that the red thread never breaks, you must know that by now."

I agreed with a nod. It was a very old legend, very old indeed. It was about the world's first soulmates, something the ancients called Akai Ito. I knew about the story, but not how it worked in practice.

Doctor Kim seemed to sense my hesitation, so he continued:

"Well... It is very difficult for the thread of fate to undergo any change. He connects the hearts of soulmates, making them always find their way to each other. Always, under any circumstances. This means it's very easy for one soul to invade or switch bodies with the other when they're connected. If the boundary is open, then this can happen. Maybe your soulmate was trying to get in touch with you during the lobotomy. Maybe… they still had something to tell you."

Would he have something to say to me? That looked pathetic. If we could resolve ourselves in conversation, then we wouldn't have come to a clinic to resolve our issues in the first place. No, he probably wouldn't have done anything I said if he still had something to say to me. I had other conclusions about that problem.

"Do you know what the legend is, Doctor?" I asked, not having the strength to speak louder than a breath of voice.

“Noah… I know your story is complicated. But you cannot cling to it. There's a lot we don't know about the origin of the legend."

“No, you don't understand. The legend says the boy didn't want to get married, so Xiao Lao Yue ties him to someone by a red thread. He gets angry, and when he first meets the girl, he throws a rock in her face. It leaves a scar. Does it feel like love to you?

The doctor stares at him, uncomfortable.

“What does that look like to you?"

“That there is a pain in this process. The pain I'm feeling."

Doctor Kim nods.

“Soulmates aren't said to be weak connections, because they've been through massive pain before finally finding each other in love. It has scars that will never be overcome. That's what the legend says. Now, the question is: what is bigger between you and your soulmate, Noah?"

What was the biggest thing between me and the person whose name I didn't even know? What was greater between us, my pride? My pain? Could I forgive him for all the suffering he caused and still caused me? I couldn't tell. Maybe… maybe we'd have to meet to find out.

"I think just by looking into his eyes I'll find out," I said sincerely.

“If you feel that way, then it's valid. But know that the whole process is a mutual agreement. Pain happens on the other side too when it's all over". Doctor Kim looks at me hesitantly "They were here just minutes ago. I believe that if you really want to end it, you'll know where to go to find them again."

I widened my eyes, not believing what I was hearing.

"W-what?"

“I'm not lying to you. As I said, the pain is reciprocal. If you run, you'll know where to find them. But that will be your choice."

I agreed with a nod. I got up from my chair, already having an idea of what he was saying to me. Of course, the place had already appeared to me in the simulation itself, not least because it had our brand there. And possibly also our names. That could only be the truth I would find.

I thanked Doctor Kim, and headed over to Pizza Place for what felt like the twentieth time that week. I went, hoping that I would find the only person in the world who was also looking for me there.

I went there expecting to find Alex.