CW for this chapter not covered by story tags: Minor Dysphoria mention, panic attacks.

Achilles Lago/ Roberto Johnston

I bounced excitedly on my heels waiting for Yua, my best friend and...technically I was her apprentice as a chef, but the location we worked at was being renovated, so we had a few weeks to just do whatever before she was back to managing the restaurant and I could get back to learning the recipes. Finally she came out of the building and smiled at me, pulling me into a hug that made me make a slight merf noise. Afterward she reached up and patted my head affectionately.

“Sorry for making you wait, Koguma. I thought he’d be in his apartment, but my brother seems to have...actually left of his own accord for once.”

“He seemed really embarrassed on logout last night.I hope he doesn’t think we’re mad at him.”

She received a ruffle of her brightly dyed pink hair from me, and gave a mock scowl. It was then that an incredibly tall man who stood about a head taller than me walked out of the door behind Yua. Hair more salt than pepper, with a few flecks of black still in there. I’d have thought he was an older gentleman if his face hadn’t looked about my age, maybe slightly younger. Also it was clear he’d face-ripped himself when he made his character in The Ocean of Stars, because he looked just like Ryujin, and I couldn’t stop myself from looking up at him and saying it.

“Wow, you’re a lot taller IRL, dude.” I grinned at him and he gave a visible jolt, looking like he wanted to bolt for a second, before Yua spun around and hugged him. “Oh, sorry. I uh...don’t look like my own character. Achilles.” I found myself trying to reassure him, he definitely read as a giant depressed puppy.

“Uh, yeah. Achilles. Hey. I. Uh...not trying to be mean but I didn’t know you knew my sister, and I just sorta...got surprised. Also, sorry if you were looking for me, Yua, I uh...took some frozen stuff over to Bernie because if I don’t he’ll forget to eat again. Wait, wait, wait fuck….” Realization seemed to dawn on him suddenly, as his face lit up in a smile that made his green eyes light up in a way that, well...I felt myself blush. “Yua, you’re Sakura, aren’t you? If Achilles is here...and that WAS your heckin’ curry! Fuck…” I watched him press the knuckles of his right fist against his temple and laugh. 

Yua’s own smile brightened at his reaction. I didn’t really know their family dynamic, but Ryudo had one of those faces that looked like it was usually stuck in a constant frown. I didn’t hold out a hand for a shake or anything, I just kind of awkwardly fidgeted, drawing a grin from Yua that Ryudo didn’t see. “Hey, uh...just call me Berto, man. It’s really nice meeting you in person. Frida should be here tomorrow, if you wanna hang out with us then, too. Her real life name is Alice, though, and she’s kind of incognito so don’t spread that around.”

I nearly clamped my hands over my mouth, just rambling on and on for a bit. Oh god, I found Ryujin cute, but Achilles was the half of me that I used to explore a different side of myself. It hit me like a hammer that I was attracted to Ryudo, too. Yua could tell, by the grin on her face.

“I uh...nice to meet you, Berto. I uh….hmm. Yua calls me Ryu, so you can too  I guess.” He shifted, slightly uncomfortable. “Frida is the stealth lady, right? If she’s half as sneaky in real life I’ll have a heart attack.”

Yua smoothed out her blouse and smiled serenely. “I think it would be a great idea for the four of us to hang out while you and Alice look at apartments.” Her grin widened. “You headed to Pike Place, Ryu? We were, too. I told Berto you have trouble remembering to feed yourself sometimes and he decided he wanted to cook for the both of us. Maybe you can pick up some techniques from him, eh?”

Ryudo perked up and my heart skipped a beat. Oh no. Why did he have to be so tall? He was a little overweight, possibly ten or twenty pounds, but it gave him daddy energy! My mind kept blanking.while looking at him. He had been adorable as a little fox twunk, but now? Be still my pansexual slut of a heart. I’d have to run it by Alice and Leslie, and hope Ryudo was even receptive to such things but I was going to try. I didn’t like beating around the bush. I grinned, trying to cool myself off, and Yua shot me another smirk. She definitely knew what I was thinking.

“Yeah, we’ll tag along with you, then. If you don’t mind at least, Ryu.”

“Uh, yeah. Sure thing, I’d be happy for the company.” He said, looking a little downtrodden but happy. Mopey was a good word for him, I thought, as he fell into step next to me. My stomach did the same little flip flops it had done when I’d met Alice in real life for the first time. I really needed to calm down. “Wait a sec, though, I’m thirsty.” Ryudo awkwardly walked over to the vending machine nearby, waved his dataslate in front of the machine, and got one of those imitation coffee energy drinks. They tried to imitate the coffee flavor it had in games, and were almost there taste wise. Too many of them caused issues, though.

I considered making a joke about also being thirsty, but then I adjusted my collar and Yua winked at me. Yep, she knew. She leaned a little closer and whispered in my ear. “Kid gloves, Koguma. It’s not my place to say why, but he’s been through a lot.” She hugged me, and when Ryudo came back I noticed he was drinking a Rabbit Punch. ‘Coffee’ flavored energy drink...with Achilles’ face on it. He seemed to notice a moment after taking a long drink, and then he blushed, which made me blush.

“I uh....didn’t even realize these were technically merch from your holoshow until just now. They’re my favorite.” He gave a small grin, and my heart skipped a beat. If this were a shitty young adult romance novel, I’d have released a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Instead I giggled. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was flirting with me. I felt a pang in my chest, but not the happy kind this time.

My giggle had sounded decidedly girly, despite my man voice. A familiar pang I hadn’t felt in a while settled in my chest. My good mood vanished, but I thought  I was hiding it pretty well, faking a smile. Yua frowned slightly, but didn’t say anything yet, and we fell into step with Ryudo and finally started making our way to Pike Place Market.

--- Ryudo Kelekolio

Berto was seeming down. He’d been...well,  I don’t know, nervous around me for a bit, but as we arrived at the market and even picking through the goods on display in a few of the stores, he just seemed out of it. Maybe he’d been flirting with me and I hadn’t been receptive. The guy was way too hot for a pudgeball like me, especially since I’d gone grey early. I was still sipping the can of Rabbit Punch Synthcaffe, savoring it rather than slamming it like I usually did when  I was at home.

“If I’m dragging you guys around too much, lemme know. Oh, hey, Berto, you work out, right? With arms like those I can tell you lift.” I said, reaching over to a shelf and pulling a brand of protein powder down. “When I was in shape uh...years ago...I used this brand here. It doesn’t get gritty like a lot of the american brands still do. Yua, can you translate the kanji? I recognize the logo, I don’t remember what they mean though.”

Yua rolled her eyes. “How many times have I tried to teach you how to speak our ancestral tongue , Ryudo? It says Kageyama Brand Protein Powder.”

“I know enough to know you keep calling Berto “bear cub’. He’s pretty well built but wouldn’t Usagikitto...I think...be more accurate? Rabbit kit? I think that’s how you say it.” I gave a short laugh, and shoved the protein powder in my basket with some noodles. About the only thing  I could cook was udon and ramen. I usually stuck to instant or just ordered food, but I could make pretty good real ramen and udon. I noticed Berto was blushing pretty hard again, and he stammered out something unintelligible. He really was cute when he was flustered.

It felt weird to be acting so confident, though. It was just an act. I was a piece of human garbage, but Yua always felt bad when I didn’t attempt to be a person. I realized I should probably stop thinking of Berto as cute, too, he was way out of my league. Probably just shy in general, not actually flirting or anything.

After gathering some fresh produce and some of that protein powder for him, the three of us left the shop. We wandered aimlessly for a while, picking through produce booths, a few antique book stores, an old-world media store with a focus on comic books. My mood got more sour as  I went through the day.

I managed to hide it well. Berto just thought I was being shy, and Yua probably told him as much. I was grateful, though  I didn’t deserve the kindness. They seemed like two best friends who were saddled with a loser of a rain cloud raining on their parade. I had been invited to hang out with Alice and Berto tomorrow...I was probably going to fake being sick so as not to drag down Alice and Berto.

He and Yua were talking about her coming over to look for an apartment with him, so I guessed she was his significant other, and  I definitely didn’t want to play third wheel.

“Ryudo!”

I practically jumped out of my skin. Yua was pulling me out of the way as a fish sailed past my head, missing by a few inches, and a vendor yelled something about not seeing me and that he was sorry, I thought. My heart was beating at two hundred miles an hour, and I nearly fell over as my knees wobbled a bit, and I would have fallen if Yua wasn’t strong for her size. She guided me to a nearby bench, and put an arm around me.

“Breathe, little brother. In and out.”, she softly continued her mantra as my breath caught, my heart and head pounding at nearly the same rhythm.  I was such an idiot. Just the absolute fucking worst. Now Yua was having to help me with a panic attack instead of looking at fresh fish. Cooking was basically her biggest passion in life, and she was putting it aside to comfort her stupid idiot piece of human garbage little brother. I usually wished that I had died in that incident, so long ago, and right then I Felt that everyone would have been better off if I had.

I hadn’t realized I was sobbing until she took out a handkerchief and started dabbing my eyes with it.

Pike Place wasn’t crowded this time of morning, two or three people at any stall until early afternoon, and I generally wasn’t worried about people judging me. I judged myself enough,  I guess.

Eventually I got a hold on myself. Yua looked worried, and Roberto had been tactful enough to go off on his own for a bit and give us some privacy.

“...I’m gonna head home, Sis. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. Get some rest, and...don’t beat yourself up.”

“Yeah…”

With that, I got my legs under me, and started for home. It was probably a good thing that I don’t like alcohol, or I’d have drank myself into a stupor. I’d never been more tempted before.

Archivist’s Note: Jeremy Tahlouse here! You can call me Jerry. I’m the one putting this whole shebang together, and lemme tell ya, these kids are a laugh riot sometimes, and sometimes it gets depressing. If the story seems disorganized, I’m working with oldschool written notes, audio logs, and in-game footage, so  I figured I should actually put it out there before someone comes kickin’ down ol’ Jerry’s door. I know the first entry said this was Ryudo’s story, and it is, but I figured having other people’s perspectives on the weirdo would be fun!