As I glanced at the massive glowing neon sign above me, I was awash with nerves. I've heard people describe this feeling as butterflies in your stomach, but to me, it felt more like bees crashing into my ribcage. "Where is she?" I wondered. 

I looked back at the parking lot, hoping to see Taylor's Camry among the swarm of vehicles. No dice. The only familiar vehicle to greet me was Matt's faded blue Chevy. He'd skeptically agreed to lend me his prized pickup under one condition - 'Bring it back in one piece, and with a full tank.'

In an attempt to quell the buzz in my belly, I initially resorted to pacing back and forth. A near stumble over an inconspicuous pebble convinced me that swaying on my heels was a much safer way to pacify the anxious churning in my stomach.

I'd wanted to look cute in the dress Taylor had bought for me, but even with my cardigan and leggings, the cold seeped through. Rubbing my arms, I considered climbing back into the truck and turning the heat on, but noticed the beat up Camry turning into the parking lot.

Soon, I saw the the cerulean-haired woman approaching me and I had to withhold my internal swoon. She was casually dressed in a blue and white button down, her ripped dark wash jeans hugging her overlapping curves.  As she neared, I could see her usually wild curls had been tamed with a bit of gel, and it looked like she might even be wearing a light dusting of makeup. 

I gave her a wide smile and pulled her into a gentle hug. She stiffened at the unfamiliar motion. An uncomfortable silence hung between us, neither of us able to hold eye contact. My gaze dropped to the hand-painted mural of a stylized chef in the window, holding a plate of spaghetti.

Clearing her throat, Taylor fumbled with the door for a moment before opening it and ushering me inside.

Tony's was by no means a five-star restaurant, but the strip-mall eatery was legendary for having some of the best authentic Italian cuisine in town.

The smell of freshly made bread greeted us as we entered, contrasting with the sharp scent of herbs and garlic. We were greeted by a waitress on the phone, inviting us to sit wherever we'd like.

I took in my surroundings, thankful to have something to distract from the tension. The walls were painted a garish red, clashing with the greying linoleum. Floating shelves adorned the establishment, holding little figurines of various cartoon chefs. 

 Taylor led me through the sea of mismatched tables to a faded booth in the corner, taking the seat across from me. I drummed my fingers against the chipped face of the table and studied the laminated paper menu set in front of me by the waitress. After taking our drink order, Taylor and I were left in uncomfortable silence again.

I caught Taylor's hazel eyes burning a hole in the back of my menu, I let my eyes linger on her face for a moment for darting away. "So, have you ever been here before?" She chewed her bottom lip.

I shook my head. "No, I haven't really had the time to explore around here." Between my lack of reliable transportation and meagre free time nowadays, my knowledge of the city was rather limited. 

Taylor's eyebrows raised in a brief moment of realization. "Oh yeah, that's right. Didn't you grow up a few towns over?"

A wistful smile spread across my lips and I nodded. "Yeah, Sanford. It's a smaller town across the river. We have more churches then stoplights." My feeble attempt at a joke succeeded, I saw Taylor chuckle from behind the laminated sheet in front of her. 

As the conversation lulled, the waitress came to take our order. I picked a simple plate of spaghetti and meatballs while Taylor ordered a stromboli. As we waited, we fell back into a comfortable conversation about our home towns. 

"So, what was it like growing up here?" I asked, my hand cradling my chin. A stray lock of my auburn hair was stubbornly trying to stick to my lip gloss, despite my attempts at batting it away.

Taylor's bemused stare hardened slightly and her smile faded. "It was okay, I guess. When my parents weren't screaming at each other, we'd go to the park sometimes.  We lived in the suburbs off of Highway 247 most of my life. Decent neighborhood, the type you could send your kids trick or treating without worrying about them getting kidnapped."

"Sandford's like that, but you might get holy water thrown on you if you show up in a Halloween costume. The town is very religious, we always had fall festivals and Hell Houses." The visible confusion on Taylor's features made me chuckle.

"A Hell House?" She gave me an odd look.

"A hell House is like a Christian haunted house. It's supposed to look like Hell and you go through a bunch of rooms that represent different sins. Ours was about some teens that got in a car crash, they were driving drunk and died. They got sent to Hell because they were sinners. The girl was having premarital sex, one of the boys was smoking weed, his best friend was in a gang, stuff like that."

Taylor's face was twisted, her nose crinkling in disgust. "Hm, sounds lovely. No red flags or indoctrination there." 

I couldn't help the mirth in my voice as I continued. "Yeah, they'd take us through the rooms and we'd see what their punishment in hell was. At the end you got to repent and go to Heaven, which the angels were our choir dressed in white robes. They'd hand you little pamphlets and stuff, it was supposed to be serious, but instead it was just kinda campy."

Taylor shook her head. "Jesus. How long did you drink the Kool-aid before you got out?"

I winced. "Entirely too long. In my defense, I was born into the church. Hell, my parents were married in the sanctuary. All my friends were Christians, all I listened to was gospel music growing up. I never really questioned anything until about a year ago. I always knew we were a little different, even from other church families...but it didn't really start hitting me until Kris moved out of her parents house and I started visiting her and her brothers on the weekends."

I paused for a moment, studying Taylor's reaction. I didn't want to dominate the conversation, nor bore her with the intimate details of my earlier years. To my surprise, she seemed to be hanging on every word, her hand cradling her chin. Her hazel eyes were fixed on me, imploring me to go on. 

"I've known Kris since we were in diapers. Our parents lived in the same neighborhood. My mom felt bad for Kris and her brothers, so she brought them to church with us a lot. Hell, we were so close that they had toothbrushes and extra clothes at our house. So when Kris moved out and started pulling away from the church, I followed." By the time I finished, Taylor had a pensive look on her face, idly tracing the chipped tabletop. 

"I knew you had to be close, but I didn't know y'all were that close." Awkward silence hung around us again, making the quaint atmosphere of Tony's feel suffocating. 

We were both avoiding the elephant in the room.

 I decided it was time to address the issue that had been nagging at me since Taylor drove me home. I cleared my throat, daring myself to look into Taylor's eyes. My trembling voice was soft, but determined.

"Um.. so.. what do you want from me?" I internally cringed at my wording, it came out more blunt then I had intended. 

Taylor looked like a deer in the headlights, the apprehension dancing across her features. She let out a long sigh, running a hand through her gelled curls, mussing the carefully sculpted locks.  "It's complicated. I like you, but I'm afraid I'll screw you up. I don't want to rush into anything, but I also don't want to miss out on exploring where this goes."

In my mind, conflicting emotions clashed like a raging storm. Part of me found solace in how honest Taylor was being, but the more anxious part of me dreaded her uncertainty.

"Well-" I started, fiddling with my silverware. "...why don't we see where this leads? No expectations, no games. Let's just see how it goes." I offered her a tentative smile.

Taylor hesitated, her frow furrowing as she considered my words. After a pregnant pause, she nodded. "I think that's a good idea.. let's take it slow, see where it goes, and figure it out together. No pressure, no expectations, just us being with each other in the moment."

I couldn't help the relieved sigh from slipping out. My cheeks flushed, but Taylor snorted at my response, visibly relaxing herself. 

Our waitress, as if on cue, delivered our steaming plates of food, setting them down gingerly on the chipped table. Once the food was delivered, there was little for us to talk about. We were too busy shoving our faces full of delicious Italian cuisine.

---

After our meal, the tone of our date significantly improved. The anxiety had mostly melted away and as we exited the restaurant, we found ourselves at a loss as to what to do next. A brief deliberation later, we decided to visit a local farm that was putting on a light display for Christmas. 

Once I had successfully parked Matt's truck, I padded over to the entrance of the farm, where Taylor was waiting for me. She leaned against the faded wood fence marking the entrance to the farm in an attempt to look casual.

As I approached, I could see the small smile creeping across her features. Her excitement was contagious, and I couldn't help the corners of my lips turning up. My eyes darted away from her face, feeling the heat crawling up my neck. 

Taylor, full of bravado, offered her my arm. A guffaw sneaked past my lips and I clapped a hand over my mouth, flushing. The sight of her made my stomach do tumultuous flips. I slid my arm to interlock with hers as we walked towards the entrance of the trail. 

It was a bit awkward at first, the height difference between me and Taylor causing me to slouch as to not drag the shorter woman. As we neared the top of the hill, the glow of the lights cut through the darkness. 

Taylor and I stood in awe of the scene ahead.

The sprawling branches of the elegant live oak trees arched gracefully over the walkway, limbs adorned with a blanket of twinkling Christmas lights, casting a soft, ethereal glow upon the path before us. 

I glanced down at Taylor, the look of amazement on her features breathed fire into my soul. In this moment, I wanted the whole world to melt away and be just her and I. The roaring of my heartbeat in my ears faded to background noise as I studied every curvature of her face. Her hazel eyes darted around the carpet of lights above us, before locking with my own. It was something from a Hallmark movie, the frigid breeze rustling her gelled ringlets.

I pulled her close to me and captured her lips with my own. She tensed initially, but soon her slender fingers worked their way into my hair and pulled me closer. 

In my mind, there was no fear, no hesitation. We parted, momentarily, and I saw the conflicted emotions knitting her delicate features into a frown. I didn't give her a chance to push me away this time, I pressed our lips together again.

And again.

Unfortunately, the moment was cut short by our need for air. As we pulled away, I saw her bite her bottom lip and look away, uncertainty swirling in her eyes. 

She was quiet, tugging my arm gently to continue our trek further into the farm. We came upon a line of barns, dressed to look like Santa's village. The horse stalls served as a makeshift reindeer stable. The usual occupants of the barns had been dressed in reds and greens, one of the horses even sporting a painted snowflake on it's derrière. 

One of the equines looked at us with curiosity, making me shutter. Taylor glanced at me in confusion and I flushed. "I don't like horses."

Her mouth dropped open comically. "Are you serious!? Why? They're such beautiful creatures."

My nose wrinkled as one of 'Santa's Reindeer' lifted its tail and relieved itself. "Well, for one thing, they smell. And I don't like the idea of a thousand pound animal with that kind of intelligence. It can decide at any point to factory reset my ass."

Taylor snorted. "Remind me to never watch Spirit with you."

We wandered further down the trail until we stumbled upon a food truck selling hot chocolate and various Christmas-themed pastries. Taylor grabbed her wallet despite my protests and ordered us drinks, handing me a steaming cup emblazoned with a smiling cutesy santa. 

Disgruntled, I took a sip and nearly moaned from the warmth. It definitely helped with the frigidity of the December air, the bite of the cold around my thin leggings was less noticeable now. 

We took a seat at a semicircle of logs, looking over to a clearing near us filled with squealing children. Soap suds floated down from a machine tied to a branch of a tree. Snow was extremely rare in this part of the country, so the locals made do with fake snow for the kids. 

Taylor and I watched the children play, chuckling as a few of them got into a 'snowball' fight, ineffectively throwing handfuls of bubbles at one another. A younger boy stood with his tongue outstretched, trying to taste a 'snowflake'.

Once we'd finished our hot chocolate, we continued along the trail, stopping occasionally to look at the vignettes of Christmas lights. 

Soon, the trail led to a line of pop up tents serving as a makeshift market. The tents were in two perfect rows, with strings of simmering tinsel and chasing lights creating a magical path through the shops. It was a mishmash of both tacky and festive. One tent sported religious and political signs of varying crudeness, while another sold charity t-shirts. Farther down the line, I could see more traditional shops selling candy, yard art and hand-crocheted items of all shapes and colors.

We stopped at a tent selling toys, both homemade and mass-produced. I spotted a die-cast car that looked very similar to Taylor's aging Camry. While Taylor was preoccupied, fidgeting with the mechanics of a wooden duck toy, I slipped to the back of the tent and flagged down the older woman running the stand. Trading her a crumpled five for the metal toy car, I trotted up to the confused Taylor triumphantly. 

She gave me a bemused look, studying my hand that was concealing the car. "What did you find?"

I presented her with the small replica of her car and was rewarded with a wide smile. "It's a tiny Maggie!" She took the metal vehicle from my hands and ran her fingers over the curves. "I gotta put it on my dashboard!"

With that, we continued our walk, stopping occasionally to peruse the holiday wares. We passed a shop selling handmade wreaths, the sharp scent of pine and balsam wafting through the crisp winter air. 

We found ourselves singing along to old Christmas songs playing from a speaker in the distance, making our way through the last of the trail, looping back around to the field serving as a parking lot. 

As we approached our respective vehicles, Taylor stopped and spun me around abruptly, making me nearly fall over. She leaned up on her heels and kissed me, catching me by surprise. As quickly as she'd kissed me, she pulled away, gently caressing my face. 

"I had a great time." She smiled. 

"Me too. We should do something like this again sometime." The warmth radiating from her body was comforting against the chilly December breeze, I instinctively moved closer to the smaller woman, running my fingers through her dense curls. 

My cursed phone vibrating in my back pocket reminded me of how late it was getting. I groaned and pulled away from Taylor begrudgingly. She looked disappointed, but gave me an understanding smile, turning to walk towards her faded Camry.

"Goodnight, Luna." Taylor called over her shoulder, waving at me.

I reluctantly hauled myself into Matt's Chevy, putting the key into the ignition and starting the truck. I leaned against the faded blue interior and let out a dreamy sigh as I watched Taylor's car drive away.