The first days Anne appeared were the greatest in her life. After her first change she was sure that every risk they had taken up to that point was worth it. Looking in the mirror made her happy instead of depressed. Showering and bathing herself didn’t have to be done with the lights off to prevent a meltdown. Picking out what clothes to wear was no longer an exhausting chore but now a way to express herself.

Jacob must have felt the same. He found a way to change his legal documents without much of a trail and started law school as his new self. His true self. As soon as he had access to his new body it was months before Jackie was seen again. The change granted by the zapper only lasted a little over a week but he would activate it again as soon as he reverted.

Anne still ended up as Chris more often than she would have liked. Finishing her schooling demanded it, as well as needing to see her parents as her old self. Her fake self. Chris’s parents lauded him for the new, positive version they were seeing. Using Anne as an escape had helped to change his entire outlook on life, yet every second spent as Chris made him feel more like a character. A role that Anne played to keep the peace.

Still, the new normal they found themselves in was a paradise compared to their former lives. Anne was happy that Jacob was happy and had no regrets. And, after a couple of months, Jacob formally asked Anne to live with him as his girlfriend.

That was when Anne really came to life. Jacob showed her how great it was to be in a body you loved all the time, encouraging her to abandon Chris and save him only for meeting his parents. Of course, that meant no more college or accounting degree. She didn’t mind, though. The security of graduating appealed to her but Jacob pointed out that both of them trying to get degrees would end in too much debt. Instead, she got a job at a retail store to keep bills at bay and support her boyfriend through his dream. Being an accountant was never something she was fond of anyway.

While Jacob studied, she would focus on helping him research topics, cooking meals, and tidying up. It was a lot to juggle on top of her own job but it meant the love of her life could focus on building his career and taking care of them in the future. He even allowed her free reign on decorating the apartment, a task she took great pride in. Her parents always kept their house cluttered and ugly, with no theme or charm at all. Anne hated that growing up she would be yelled at for buying art or decorations for her own room. She loved the freedom Jacob granted her.

Dance classes were finally a realistic option. Anne could learn to dance, to be graceful, at long last. She would have to wait for Jacob to have less on his plate so she didn’t need to help him as much, but it was on the horizon.

Every few months they would go and see Sawyer and the rest of their group again. The first time, Anne took note of how everyone had changed themselves. Most only tweaked their height by a handful of inches, or picked out a sharper jaw. The old man who had the scar now had clear skin, other than his wrinkles. Though even those were lessened, along with his hairline being restored. She did find it odd how her and Jacob were the only two to change their sex, though one woman took the chance to make herself look much more androgynous.

The visits allowed them to report any issues to Sawyer, as well as make tweaks to themselves at the cost of another injection. Anne didn’t change anything the first time. She loved her new body and who she had become. Jacob was also reluctant to make edits, though he still did. He added one more inch to his height and matched his proportions with it, as well as making it a touch easier to build muscle.

That was the one and only time he altered anything for himself. The vision he had was already perfected. On subsequent visits, as others in their group explored more and stepped out of their comfort zones, Jacob remained the exact same.

By the third visit, one of the men had decided to try out being a woman, though he was male in every meeting after that. The androgynous woman experimented with new eye and hair colors, and the old man at one point changed his race. Each week was like a roulette for how the others would change. They saw it as a fun thing to do, an act of rebellion against nature perhaps. Eventually it became hard to recognize who was who originally, unless they showed up to the meeting as their default selves.

Other than Anne and Jacob, only one person stayed consistent in their changes. He was a quiet kid, fresh out of high school from the looks of it, who spent each week making minor changes. By the fifth meeting, though, Sawyer had caught on to what he was doing. The boy was trying to become a celebrity, a perfect copy of an actor he was planning to impersonate. Anne didn’t know how far the plot was intended to go. If he would stop at merely signing autographs for some extra cash or if he wanted to fully replace him. Whatever the case, that was the last meeting they saw him. Sawyer paid closer attention to everyone’s changes and motivations after that.

As for Anne, she did start to make changes by the second visit. A conversation she had with Jacob made her realize how she was wasting the chance they had been given.

 

***

 

It was at dinner, after Jacob had spent the day studying and was exhausted. Anne had cooked a new recipe for them to try. She watched in anticipation as he took his first bite.

“Wow, this is great,” he said, going in for another forkful. “Having to sit and smell it while working was killing me.”

“Sorry,” Anne said with a huge grin.

“And what is it called?”

“It’s coq au vin, a French dish.” She was beaming with pride at how cultured she felt. Cooking something other than steak or burgers would get her laughed at in her old life. Her parents loved eating the same food cooked the same way for decades at a time, as much as it disgusted her.

Jacob laughed. “Aw, my little Annette cooking French cuisine. It’s perfect.”

Anne blushed, though she still wasn’t sure about being called that. Something about the way he said it left a bad taste in her mouth.

“Thank you,” she said. “It’s fun cooking things when I know people will enjoy eating them.”

Jacob understood the jab that was at her family. He had met them as Jackie a week prior and had nothing positive to say about them.

“You do make a great housewife, you know,” Jacob said between swallows of food.

Again, Anne felt happy and yet at the same time that something was off. She considered bringing up the dance classes again, even if they would slow down his studies.

“And to tell you the truth,” Jacob continued, “I never would have expected to end up with someone like you.”

Anne cocked her head. “What do you mean?”

“Well it’s just, in my old life I found myself more attracted to curvier women, and now here I am dating a cute little twig like you. It’s a little surprising, is all.”

“What?” Anne asked. Her voice choked with the buildup of tears. “Wait, you’re not attracted to me?”

“Of course I am! Don’t even think that!” Jacob said. He set down his fork and hurried to Anne’s side of the table. “No, sorry, I phrased that terribly. I was just talking about some old preferences I had. I shouldn’t have said anything, please forget it.” He took her hand and laid a kiss on it.

Anne knew she was thin for a woman. Chris had been thin for a man, so she thought it would be fine to keep things the same when she changed. She always thought the grace it offered her would be a benefit when she learned to dance, but there she was, not dancing and not even attractive to her boyfriend.

The idea of Jacob leaving her alone again, with only her parents to talk to, tormented her that night. She would have to start up classes again, become Chris again. Anne would go back to a small part of her mind and might never see the light of day again. Preventing that was her only priority.

 

***

 

At the next visit to Sawyer, Anne submitted her changes. Jacob looked over at her in surprise when she handed the scientist the papers.

“Wait,” he said. “What are you changing?”

“Oh, just a few minor things,” she said as if they were talking about a grocery list. “I figured that I could try things out and explore since we have the opportunity.”

She didn’t want to make him think that what he said at dinner earlier in the week was affecting her. The changes she chose did make it hard to deny, however. She opted to widen her hips by an inch and a half, as well as a small increase to her breast size. Nothing she couldn’t deal with. A day might even come where she liked those changes more than Jacob did! They wouldn’t even hinder her dream to dance when the time came. What they would do was keep Jacob from calling her a twig again. They meant she wouldn’t have to fear becoming Chris again. When it came time to use the zapper again and her new changes took root, the look Jacob gave her proved it was the right choice.

 

***

 

As the months continued and dinners with Anne’s parents wore the couple down, Jacob made his own plans. He sat Anne down one night and the two discussed their options for starting a family. Sawyer had explained that using the zapper while pregnant would terminate the pregnancy, and that getting pregnant while their second set of DNA was active would be impossible. It meant their options were the same as always: adoption, or surrogacy.

Jacob did point out that he could still be a father while using the zapper; it was Anne who was failing to live up to her end of things.

They were grateful that, on their tenth visit, Sawyer made a breakthrough. He showed it to them first, seeing as Jacob had been pestering the scientist for a way to make the change last longer from the very first time he reverted.

He had solved what he called the “immune collapse problem.” Solved in the sense that he could brute force everything and allow for a one-way trip to a new set of chromosomes. Anne had Jacob explain it to her later in the day. It meant they didn’t need the zapper, or the chip in their arm, ever again. Though it also meant their immune system would be weaker than before, as well as the fact they could make no further alterations. Once they did it, they would be their true selves forever. Even going back to the zapper method would be too risky and could cause extreme illness, an idea which Sawyer vehemently refused to entertain.

Jacob proposed the next day.

 

***

Anne would never forget the night she got home from work and saw the dozens of candles lit in their dark apartment. They were hardly uniform but she couldn’t help but get caught in the wonder of flickering lights. Jacob entered from the kitchen and held out his hand.

“I thought I would take a turn making dinner,” he said. “It isn’t fancy but–”

Without letting him finish, Anne wrapped him in her arms the best she could. Her last tweak had made her shorter and everything else followed suit to keep her looking normal, including her arms. At work, her co-workers had asked her if she was on some type of diet, somehow noticing her changes for the first time. Jacob was smart and instructed her to dress more modestly for the two weeks leading up to any tweaks and then dressing in revealing clothing after, so that anything new felt like it was due to the outfit.

She wasn’t worried, though. She wasn’t anything in that moment except for elated. It had been a year since she had moved in with Jacob and while she loved him, at times she worried that he was losing interest in her. The tweaks she made had helped, but even then, long nights of studying would lead to quiet mornings and cold sides of their bed. But she finally knew that it was all in her head. Of course Jacob loved her, he went to all the trouble to work hard and one day provide for her and their future family. He helped her feel better whenever a rude customer at work had upset her or if a co-worker commented on her body. And now he had made a special romantic dinner all by himself. She squeezed as tight as she could, sinking her hands into his toned back and pressing her teary eyes into his chest.

“Thank you,” she whispered into his shirt.

Jacob returned the embrace and the two stood by the front door for minutes, slowly rocking back and forth to a song that wasn’t playing.

“Hey, I have something else to say too,” Jacob said, breaking off the hug. “I was going to do it after we ate but I don’t want to wait.” He walked away to their bedroom for a brief second before returning with a hand behind his back.

“After what we learned yesterday,” he started, casually dropping to one knee, “it means there’s nothing holding us back anymore. We can be ourselves forever, together.”

Anne couldn’t believe what she was seeing. The man she loved was about to propose. She had pictured it hundreds of times in her life, never expecting it to play out in reality. Her already amazing day had reached perfection.

“Annette, will you marry me?” From behind, Jacob revealed a black ring box and pried it open for her to see.

Inside was a shining silver band with a glittering round diamond in the center. The dull pang of upset that came from hearing the name he used was drowned out by the sheer power of the ring in front of her. It was her future. There would be no more doubts if he truly loved her. No more changes to her body bred from paranoia.

“Yes, of course! Yes!” She pulled her now-fiance into another before he could stand up.

Jacob managed to take her hand and slip the ring onto her finger. “We can make our changes permanent, Sawyer said as early as next week! It’s incredible, we can finally put an end to all this and live in peace. We’ll live our dreams together.”

“But my parents,” Anne said through her tears of joy.

She had wanted to abandon any hint of her male self since she was young. But now that the option was finally available, she thought about what it meant. Her parents would have to know. It would finally be impossible to hide and they would hate it. The son they raised to be a perfect husband and father would never return, and no matter how happy their new daughter would be, it would mean nothing to them.

Still, she knew it had to be done. Her life with Jacob was what she cared about. It was the only thing that brought her joy. Nothing her parents ever taught her made her happy or fulfilled like they promised, so why should she owe any loyalty to them?

Jacob sighed. “Your parents will manage. If they disown you it won’t matter, because I’ll take care of you forever.”

“I know,” Anne whispered. “I promise I’ll do it. Just please give me some time to ease them into it, okay?”

“Fine, but no more than a few weeks.”

“Definitely!” Anne pulled out of the hug and smiled at her fiance. “I promise.”

Jacob returned the smile, warm and accepting. “Well in that case, let’s eat. I want my future wife to be well fed.”

She giggled and followed him to the dining room.

 

***

 

Six months passed after their engagement until Anne was finally ready. After the first six weeks went by with no progress, Jacob started to request changes to her body as some type of settlement for keeping him tied to his old form. He swore all of them would be good for her in the end. Wider hips that he claimed would make childbirth less painful, a cuter nose that he argued would help with her breathing.

Anne was at a loss. The changes were turning out to be too much. They strayed too far from who she pictured herself as. At the same time, she knew it was hurting Jacob to prevent his permanence. She planned to talk him out of most of the changes by the time they removed their chips. By the time she found the courage to make the leap, she wasn’t sure if she recognized who she was. She admitted she was beautiful but she wasn’t the Anne she had dreamt of her whole life.

The last day she spent as Chris, the day she told her parents, went as well as she expected. She knew it had gone on too long and had to pull the trigger. That meant instead of easing them into anything, she dropped everything on them and fled. Jacob was there, as Jacob. He was the one who did most of the explaining, in truth. Chris sat on the couch and struggled not to sob as his parents expressed their disgust.

A satisfying goodbye never happened. They didn’t disagree with Chris’ decision to become Anne, they wholly rejected it. There could be Anne, or there could be a relationship with them, nothing else.

Chris was last seen entering Sawyer’s garage with Jackie.

The week after their chips were removed was a whirlwind for Anne. She was finally free from her maleness. She would never see her parents again. She could be with the man she loved without judgment. She didn’t have the exact body she dreamt of.

Jacob made a convincing case. If she were to undo all the edits she had made then she might regret it. She lived with the edits for over a year and had grown used to them, and they made her fiance happy, so why mess with a good thing?

Any arguments she put forward were defeated by Jacob with ease. Why bother making her body more agile and suited for ballet when she was too old to ever be an expert anyway? She could still learn to dance no matter how her body was shaped. Why try to keep her looks similar to Chris, a body she was trapped in and hated for decades? She could start fresh and never have to think of Chris again.

She knew it wasn’t what she wanted but didn’t know what else she could say. Going against Jacob meant going against the only person she had left. Of course she had to accept the changes, what could she do?

Before the first week was through, Sawyer called Jacob with an offer.

 

***

 

Anne stood in the kitchen, wiping down the countertops after they had finished dinner. In the living room, she heard the distinct tune of Jacob’s phone.

“Hello?” She heard him answer.

Her curiosity made it difficult to go back to cleaning. Jacob didn’t usually receive calls that late in the day. It made her wonder if something had happened at his internship. She crept closer to the living room, scrubbing over an already-clean part of the counter.

“Sawyer,” Jacob said. He sounded surprised. “It’s only been a few days, what happened to ‘see you in three months?’”

Even from the kitchen, Anne could hear the doctor’s strange method of speaking conveyed through the static noises of the phone.

Sawyer looked up from his seat on his chair and caught Anne’s eyes. “Yeah, she’s home.” He smiled at her. “Sure, I’ll put you on speaker. Babe, it’s Sawyer. He says he wants to speak with both of us.”

“Is something wrong? Do we need to have a check up already?” She set down her wet rag and stepped into the living room next to her fiance.

“No, I don’t think it’s anything like that.” He pulled her close to him and sat her on his lap as soon as she was next to the chair.

Anne had gotten used to the random acts of being handled and found them cute. It kept her from thinking he wasn’t attracted to her, if he was so willing to make himself close to her.

“Are you two okay with being on TV?” Sawyer asked, his voice now blaring from Jacob’s phone.

“Huh?” Anne wasn’t sure she heard him right. “Like television?”

“Yes, television. Are you two fine with that?”

Jacob looked at Anne and shrugged. “Depends what for, I suppose.”

“Right, it would be for my technology.” From the background another voice could be heard whispering. “I’m almost ready to go public with it and you two would be great spokespersons. I need people to see this in a positive light.”

“But why us?” Anne asked. “You’ve restored people’s vision and mobility, why wouldn’t you use one of them as a spokesperson?”

“I’m going to use other people too, obviously.” He didn’t bother holding back how dumb he thought her question was. “I want some variety. The more samples the better, and you two have a unique story compared to everyone else I’ve worked with.”

Anne looked at Jacob for direction. Deep down she wasn’t a fan of the idea. Their life was supposed to be simple, happy. Becoming faces of some new technology could hinder that. But when she looked at him, she only saw the face of someone plotting.

He hooked his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. “What would we have to do?”

“Ah, some interviews. Maybe a commercial if we get to that point?” More whispering came from the other line. “We should be able to get you on a talk show if things play out well. Do you accept?”

“I’m not sure,” Anne said. She turned toward Jacob to try and signal that she wasn’t quite comfortable yet.

“Well how much time do you need to think?” Sawyer asked.

Jacob covered the mouthpiece of his phone. “What’s wrong? I think it could be good for us, and we owe Sawyer, don’t we?”

Anne sighed. “We do but it’s just, won’t it get in the way of your school and work? And everyone will know our past! That could ruin things for you.”

“You’re not thinking big picture enough.” Jacob leaned back in the chair and took Anne with him. “If I’m going to be a politician, and be running for office and winning elections, having this could be huge! People would know who I am all over the country, maybe even the world! It would make me a household name before I’ve even graduated, I can’t pass that up. Even if it causes problems with work, I can work things out. Hell, it could be a discrimination suit if they try and fire me for it!”

The look in his eyes was back. Anne recognized it from when they first met and he mentioned his goals and aspirations. She knew it would help his dream if they gained even a little bit of fame.

“Alright, I guess being on TV might be cool.” Anne closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest. “And maybe my parents will see and feel like assholes.” She was surprised that sentiment came out of her mouth.

“Now we’re talking.” He unblocked the receiver and spoke with a cocky smile. “Sawyer, Annette and I are on board.”
“Great,” the doctor said without much excitement. “I’ll let you know when you’re needed. Goodbye.”

The call ended.

 

***

 

Anne’s life changed more than she expected after that call. To start, her and Jacob’s wedding was delayed. They wanted to get married soon after getting their permanent bodies, but money was tighter than they expected. Anne told Jacob time and time again that they should go to a courthouse and seal the deal. Jacob, however, stated he needed his family and coworkers there, to witness him take part in a real wedding as the groom. He spoke as if they were judges he needed a high score from to move on in life.

With no marriage, Anne refused to start their family. Jacob wasn’t thrilled but he went along with it. He would mention how bad he wanted to get her pregnant any time they got a little flirty, going so far as to describe the process in detail. Anne thought it was strange but allowed him to indulge in it if it meant he would wait until they were wed.

Their first interview was with a news source writing an online article. Anne found the questions boring, things like ‘how did you know the decision was right’ and ‘what have you noticed since living as the opposite sex.’ She was thankful Jacob did most of the speaking for them. He found a way to make their story exciting and full of self-fulfillment.

When the first article went up, the world turned their eyes on them. The technology Sawyer developed had been revealed a few weeks before their interview was released and everyone was amazed it was real. The general consensus was that his tech was a thought experiment. Something that worked in theory but would take decades if not centuries to get working correctly.

As Sawyer predicted, offers to appear on news interviews and talk shows flooded in. Jacob handled the scheduling while all Anne had to do was look her best on camera. The most she ever said was a line Jacob instructed her to say: “I’m happy I was able to find my place in the world, all thanks to the doctor’s great work.”

She found it charming at first. It was true, she was able to live the life she wanted. Well, she was going to. After the media tours were through and Jacob finished school. She was on the right path for the first time and sharing that with the world almost felt righteous.

They did have a fight after the first time Jacob introduced her as Annette and not Anne. He claimed it read better in headlines and was more memorable, so it would spread the news more. She knew he was making moves to help his career, and dropped the argument.

Their hope of a wedding finally started to return, when after a few months of interviews Sawyer started to provide them bonus checks. They were supposedly doing a lot for the commercial side of his business. While hospitals and rehabilitation centers were in awe of those who had healed from major injury, more people were relating to the couple who changed on their own will and crossed the gender gap together.

Right when enough was saved up to start planning, Sawyer gave them even bigger news. A reality television network wanted to pay for and film their wedding and air it as a special. There were even small hints that if it went well they might get a regular show on the network.

Anne wanted to draw the line there. Her wedding was supposed to be special. Intimate. She would say her vows in a cardboard box if she could be with Jacob, why should the world get to see it? Even if it would be paid for, it meant it wouldn’t be theirs anymore. Jacob pleaded with her, though. Being on a network as popular as theirs meant a whole new audience would learn their names. It would almost guarantee a good career for him. She decided to be happy that the wedding would finally happen, and relented.

Yet through all of that, the biggest surprise came when Anne’s parents knocked on their door one day.

 

***

 

It was impossible to believe. Anne wasn’t even sure her parents knew her address, and she certainly wasn’t sure she would even see them again. And somehow they were standing in the doorway, guilty looks on their faces.

“Is that really you, Chris?” Her mother asked. She stepped inside and tapped the dirt off of her shoes. Not unlike a zombie, she lumbered forward either for a hug or to keep her balance.

Anne didn't know whether to flee or be glad she wasn’t abandoned. Jacob was in the middle of a study session and likely hadn’t heard the door. Relying on him to save her wouldn’t work.

“Um, yeah Mom.” Anne couldn’t keep her voice steady. The emotions she had running through her were unlike anything she had experienced. Her eyes blurred with tears as she tried the best she could to remain calm. “I’m Anne now.”

Her father stepped through the door next, closing it behind him. He didn’t speak.

“Anne…” Her mother spoke like it was a new word she had learned that day. A new concept in her mind she was trying to adjust to. “Short for Annette, right?”

“What?” Anne choked on the lump in her throat. “Where did you hear that?”

It then dawned on her that they must have seen her on television. She panicked, not knowing if the reunion was real or a desire for some of her fame. Her most recent appearance did mention that her parents had shunned her, perhaps they were guilted for it by their neighbors?

“Jacob told us.” Her father finally chimed in, sounding as dumb and emotionless as always. “He sent us your address and explained how your wedding will be coming up soon and that you wanted us to be there.”

Anne of course did want them to be there, but she never expressed that to her fiance. Was he that good at reading her? Or was he up to something else? She hated how cautious she had started feeling since they became famous. Even at work she tried to keep things normal and eventually quit when it became impossible. Too many co-workers trying to hitch on to her fame and customers recognizing her and calling her an abomination against nature. And now she was even having trouble trusting Jacob. At least she knew the wedding would fix everything.

“We realized we were wrong,” her mother said. She finally reached her daughter and hugged her, loose as it was. “We want to stay a part of your life.”

Anne locked eyes with her dad. “You do?”

He looked down at the ground and cleared his throat. Again, he chose to be silent.

“It’s true!” Now the hug from her mother had evolved to grabbing Anne’s shoulders. “We thought you changing would mean living as some untethered bohemian. We didn’t even consider that you might still live out the traditional values we taught you.”

“As long as you’re still putting family first, we’ve decided we approve of…” Her father looked her up and down. “Whatever you call this.”

“Are you sure?” Anne didn’t know if she deserved the life that was unfolding before her. A wedding coming up, her parents actually supporting something she wants for the first time in her life, reliable income from going on TV. Some people tried their whole lives for one of those things and there she was holding all of them.

“Of course, dear.” Her mother let go of her shoulders and shooed her toward the bedroom. “Now Jacob said we could talk a lot more over dinner, go get ready!”

Anne looked at the two people standing by her door. They were the parents she had all her life. The ones that raised her to be a strong husband and proud son. How were they suddenly okay with her being their daughter? She wondered if she should even question it or just be happy they were supportive. Instead of deciding, she rushed to the bedroom.

Inside, Jacob was at his desk and looked over, annoyed. “What’s going on? Why are you in here?” He must have noticed how distressed she looked, as he quickly changed his tune. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“My parents are here.” She said it so plainly. All energy she would have had to freak out was draining from her body.

“Oh fuck that’s right.” He stood up and went to the closet. “I promised them I’d pay for dinner tonight. Sorry, I planned this a few days ago and it slipped my mind.”

Anne’s demeanor did not change. “You didn’t even tell me?”

“Well I wasn’t sure if they would come.” He slipped into a jacket he had bought a week prior. Anne told him it made him look fierce and he had put it on every day since. “Come on, get dressed. This is good, right?”

“Right. Yeah, this is good.” She sighed and looked through her clothes.

 

***

 

Eventually it came to light that Jacob’s true motivation for reuniting Anne with her family was for their wedding. It would be televised, which meant everything had to look as good as possible. If one of the couple’s family was missing, it would ruin the spectacle.

It all made sense when he explained it. Anne wished his intentions were more noble than that but she figured a man could be motivated by two things at the same time. And if the result was good, then what was the harm?

The months leading up to the wedding, Anne grew closer with her mother than she ever had. A professional planner was hired through the network, but there were still choices to be made. For many of them, she would ask her mom for advice. They would meet for lunch on Sundays and discuss what flowers would work the best and who from her dad’s side to bother inviting.

She was amazed at how naturally they got along. After a few meetings, her mother treated her like her daughter, through and through. Anne joked to herself that her parents already forgot Chris ever existed. She liked to think that was the case.

Her dad still behaved roughly the same. He barked advice that was at best half-relevant and insisted that they do things the same way he did when he was married. Anne was happy that he expressed annoyance at the idea of the wedding being televised, but it changed nothing.

Both of them made it clear to Anne that starting her own family was important. It was all her mother talked about for some lunches. She did have to ask her mother to stop going into detail on what her wedding night would entail. Somehow she was under the impression that Anne and Jacob had been waiting until marriage for everything, not just children.

The question the first interviewer asked her came to mind more often in those days. What she noticed was different as a woman instead of a man. Instead of being guided on how to lead, she was instructed on how to follow. Her parents were happier seeing her as a weak woman than a weak man. Perhaps they gave up trying to teach her to be strong, or maybe that was how they thought things ought to be. Whatever the case, Anne decided she would bring it up if anyone asked her the question again.

By the time the wedding arrived, Anne was ready for it to be over. Months of making decisions then having them overruled by studio executives. Not even getting to pick her own dress. Having to include a mention to Sawyer’s company in their vows. They rehearsed the ceremony twice the day before, leaving her feet sore.

Cameras were pointed at her and Jacob the entire day. They spent an hour at the start of the day giving them interviews to cut into the middle of the episode and an hour at the end to recap. Meeting anyone from Jacob’s family wasn’t possible. No time was allotted for idle chit chat, it was one task to the next. Anne only wanted to profess her love to Jacob and at the end of the day she didn’t even remember what her husband had said at the altar. At least she could re-watch it later.

When the crew and family finally left, no more microphones, no more cameras, she fell into Jacob’s arms and sobbed.

 

***

 

On a warm autumn day, Anne watched as her son waddled through red and orange leaves. The park was empty, aside for her and her two kids. To her left, her daughter laid in the baby carrier on the clean wooden bench. Her goal was to go out and meet some of their new neighbors, though she was happy enough to be out of the house for a moment.

She rocked Ellie’s carrier gently and closed her eyes to breathe in the fresh air. She could hear James’ little boots squeaking as they stomped in mud and muddles. The day was perfect. Her children were happy and healthy, her husband was making big waves at work, they had finally finished unpacking at their gorgeous new home. And best of all, it was finally her time. Her first pregnancy happened faster than expected, and got in the way. Then Jacob got his promotion, which of course meant she had to support him through all the new changes to his schedule, along with taking care of James. Then she was pregnant again. Jacob explained it could harm the baby to do anything strenuous. Then they bought a new house and had to pack all their belongings up and move them. Her dance classes were pushed further and further away, to the point that she was starting to think they would never happen.

But Anne’s resilience wasn’t always as fierce. There were moments she resented Jacob and even her children. Times when a baby was screaming in her ear while she was cooking for her husband that she wanted to drop everything and run. One night she almost yelled at James, who wasn’t even a year old at the time, for ruining her dreams. It was soon after that she picked up smoking. She remembered her own mother used to smoke when she was young and finally understood why. Of course, Jacob didn’t allow it for long. Even when she swore to only do it outside, he said it made her gross. He said it would be off putting if he ever ran for office, to have a wife that smokes.

At least it all resulted in Jacob making a promise. He agreed that she needed an outlet of her own, and gave his word that he would take some time off work to take over some of her duties for a few months while she took dance classes. That was all she needed to persevere. When she saw her second positive pregnancy test, the guarantee she had that she would dance one day kept her pacified.

And as she sat on the park bench with her children, she was glad she held strong. A week prior she talked with Jacob and they both agreed it was finally her turn. He smiled as he said he would work from home more and watch the kids and cook some meals. He held her close and kissed her neck as he thanked her for all she had sacrificed.

Her thoughts must have rang through the air and reached him, as her phone buzzed and lit up with Jacob’s name.

“Hello dear,” Anne said. Her voice was melodic and serene. A call from him during work was a rare treat. “I’m at the park with James and Ellie, why don’t you say hi?” She held the phone out in front of her.

James wandered his way back to the bench and looked at the phone with curiosity. Meanwhile Ellie was in the middle of a nap, her pacifier slipping out of her mouth and down her onesie.

“Hey guys.” Jacob’s voice was excited. He always made a point to be energetic around their children.

“Say hi to daddy.” Anne took James’ hand and mouthed out the words for him.

All he managed to say was “Wah!” before giggling and running back through the muddy park.

Anne laughed and set the phone between her ear and shoulder. “I think he likes being outside, he’s running around like–”

“Honey, listen to this.” Jacob didn’t even seem to hear what his wife had said. “Remember those guys that approached me and were talking about polling data? Well they want me to run for state senate next year! They really think I have a shot! Isn’t that crazy? I told you this was all going to pay off someday and here it is!”

“Oh,” Anne whispered. She had heard Jacob use the same tone before when he spoke. The same tone as when he said he was getting promoted. The tone that meant he wanted something at any cost. The tone that meant Anne wouldn’t get to take dance classes.

“Yeah they’re saying I have a month to make up my mind but I gotta do it, right? I can spend this time preparing then announce my run right before spring. Seriously, you should have seen what they were showing me, it’s like I’m almost guaranteed to win before even running, it’s nuts. There’s no way I can pass this up.”

She already found herself sniffling before any bad news was delivered. Her body knew what was coming. “Well that’s incredible, but will it get in the way of my dance classes?”

Jacob let out a long sigh. “Look. I know what we talked about, but this would be a huge undertaking. We would need all hands on deck, I couldn’t start slacking at work and spending time taking care of the kids!”

“We could hire a nanny maybe–”

“Are you kidding? That would look awful, nobody wants to vote for the guy who doesn’t have a close family. And the kids need to be raised by their parents, we can’t have them growing up with a stranger taking care of them.”

“But you said that I could take my classes this time.” Anne hugged her waist to stop her hands from shaking.

“I did, but come on! Annette, this is my whole career we’re talking about here. Everything we did was so I could get to this point, do you really want me to toss it away so you can dance around?” His voice had no anger. Not a hint of worry that he wouldn’t get his way in the end.

Anne wanted to yell. To scream at him that his dream had already squeezed so much out of her, and he wouldn’t give her anything back. To remind him of when they first met and encouraged each other. Their promise to work together and support each other equally.

She had to do it. Otherwise, Anne would die. If she couldn’t stand up for herself and get her way this one time then she really would be Annette. Jacob’s wife, James and Ellie’s mother, daughter of Patrick and Margaret. Annette the accessory to others but nothing to herself. Anne had to speak up and end it there.

“You promised that I could do this.” Her voice managed to hide her distress.

“And you still can! But not right now. There’s too much going on. I really am sorry, I know how bad you want this. It’s awful timing but I’ll make it up to you, I really will.”

Anne was clinging to life. “Maybe I can find a family dance to take James to, and you could just keep an eye on Ellie those days while–”

“Are you seriously still trying to make this happen? Really Annette? I told you, it won’t work right now. You’ll get your chance but this has to take priority, alright?”

She squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to accept the world around her. Next time. She could take the classes next time, it wasn’t a big deal. It was Jacob’s dream so he had to go for it, it would be silly for her to ruin it for her own selfish goals.

No, Anne knew her time was up. The dance classes would never come. They would be pushed back until she forgot she even wanted them in the first place.

In truth, Annette knew that Anne had been gone for a long time. Maybe she never even existed outside of her dreams as a child. The moment her parents told her she couldn’t take ballet and she gave up trying to convince them, Anne was dead.

“Alright.” She wondered how she wasn’t crying. Her eyes were entirely dry.

“Thank you, you’re wonderful. I knew you would understand.” He didn’t sound cheerful, only satisfied. There was no surprise to him how the conversation would end up. “I gotta get back to work, love you.”

The phone went silent.

“Love you too,” Annette whispered to herself, well after the call had disconnected.

She stood up, ignoring her phone as it slid down her arm and slammed into the sidewalk. Ellie woke up from her nap and began to cry.

“James, come on.” She picked up the carrier and her cracked cell phone. “It’s time for lunch.”