"But if I gave up on being pretty I wouldn't know how to be alive.
I should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die."
1
Luna tells herself that she is blessed. She has a smooth brown throat with no Adam’s apple and a round, girlish face. Her eyelashes are naturally dark and thick, and her lips are beautifully plump like her sisters'. For a trans woman, she’s already incredibly effeminate, but despite the hints she’s dropped to her friends and family, no one’s slid the puzzle pieces into place…. And then it dawned on her.
If she really, truly wanted to stop being misgendered and called by the wrong name, she needed to step up. She tells this to herself as she clips in her extensions, applies the lip gloss she stole from her friend Emma, and slips into the black flats she bought off Amazon. Then, she pulls up the blue skirt that nearly gave her a heart attack buying, tying the string in the front into a big bow and tucking her white tee that read Trans Rights Are Human Rights. She’s had the same shirt since she stopped growing at thirteen and she wanted to wear it as a reminder that she’s still the same person, she’s still Jack, just... With new pronouns and a new name. But in a way, she still has to kill the version of herself in people's heads to be who she truly is, and for that reason, she is afraid.
She had told Paul the week prior, tears running down her face as she choked out the words. He'd given her a big hug in return, and the only difference in their dynamic was he now left her notes reading things like, "Daughter. I am so proud of you. Please put the roast in the oven at 450 degrees. Love Dad."
Paul wasn't her real dad; she had been adopted after 13 years in the system with her sister, Morgan.
“Are you coming down or what?” shouts Gabe from the hallway. Luna had invited her friend group over, saying she needed to chat about something important. The doorknob clicks as he tries to turn it, but it’s locked (Much to Luna's relief).
“Uh, I’ll meet you downstairs, okay?”
Gabe mumbles something about her being a “shady motherfucker” and Luna holds her breath until his footsteps dissipate.
The last thing she does is open up her golden makeup palette. She pushes her glasses up into her bangs and dips into the glittery light blue eyeshadow, stroking her eyelids gently with the brush. Looking at herself in the mirror, she takes a shaky breath.
“It’s now or never," she whispers to the girl in the mirror. She tucks her small stash of makeup back into her polka-dotted makeup bag, shoving it instinctively back under her mattress before removing it from its hiding spot in her bed. There’d be no more reason to hide after this... Or at least, she hopes. Dreams.
“Good gosh, Jack! That’s quite the get-up,” says Aiden before she's even reached the bottom of the stairs. He's always been very blunt, lacking a filter because of his ADHD.
“Shut up, Aiden," says Gabe's older brother Dante. He's in a tank top that shows off the sleeve on his right arm-- it's a collection of symbols from anime and games he's played, and is a colorful display of art right on his skin.
“What? He makes a pretty dame!” says Aiden, raising up his hands in defense.
Lily shushes Aiden and Dante. Her blue eyes are staring into Luna's, her eyes serious and analytical. “Does this involve why you called us here?” she asks calmly.
“Yes, uh…” Luna clears her throat. “Hi, guys! I wanted to tell you something. It’s a little awkward, but here it goes: I’m uh… Well, do you guys know what trans means?”
“Like trans fats?” asks Aiden.
Lily's sister Daisy snorts. Her hair is different, the tips of her blonde locks having been dipped into hot pink dye. Luna wonders if she got it done professionally, but considering her family's tight finances, she supposes not. Daisy clears her throat. “No, he means–-I mean, she means transgender,” she explains. “It’s when you’re not comfy in the bod you have and wish you were born on the other team.”
“Oh, goodness! I feel like such a dunce," Aiden laughs. "Sorry for not knowing the lingo, everybody!”
Luna groans and face palms at the same time Morgan stands up, seemingly unable to hold her excitement. She runs over to Luna and envelops her in a hug, lifting the other girl up slightly.
“Well I, for one, accept you as you are. I’m proud of you, Jack.” She lets her down but her hands stay on her shoulders as she gives her new sister a beaming smile.
“Oh! Did you pick out a new name?”
“I actually picked out Luna," she says with a nervous smile. "It means moon. It feels… uh, right.”
“I don’t get it,” blurts out Emma, running a hand through her dark bob. “Sorry, I just… It’s weird to me, but I’ll try to understand.”
Daisy nudges Gabe with her elbow. “You’ve been awful quiet, Gabey. Anything to add?”
“Yeah, um... I know this is random and I don't mean to steal Luna's thunder like some kind of attention klepto, but I think," Gabe's hand gravitates towards his face, shielding it a little as he looks away. "I think I’m gay,” he says in a rush.
”What?” screeches Daisy, right into Gabe's ear. “Bitch, now I’m out of ten dollars!”
“Fuck! You… what?”
Lily cracks a mischievous grin. “Don’t fret, Gabe; it was just a friendly bet. One I was victorious in, I may add.”
“Is this a coming out party?” Daisy asks. “I forget who I blabbed about it to, but I’m bi.”
“I think you’ve told all of us,” says Emma. “Anyways, I’m straight.”
“Me too!” says Aiden. He takes Emma by the hand and pecks the back of it. They had come out as a couple that summer and Luna would say she was happy for them, but Dante had told her he thought Aiden was pressured into it. This fit into Aiden's personality of always wanting to please the people around him.
Lily looks over at Dante expectantly. But as quickly as she looks over at him, her gaze boomerangs back to Luna. "This get-together is going in a fascinating direction."
“I used to think I was bi because I had a crush on Morgan," Gabe blurts out. "And I was like, ‘This has to mean no homo,’ but then I hit puberty and started thinking about cock-- I mean, boys a lot.”
His face is bright red now, and Lily is smirking up a storm while Daisy lets out a howl of laughter, causing Gabe wince once again for his poor eardrums.
Emma cringes and scrunches up her nose. “Okay, that’s enough. So, ah, Luna. Are you going to be a girl in college? And have you thought this through enough?”
Luna nods. She can’t help but be a little annoyed at the line of questioning, but decides to answer it regardless: “I emailed my professors, actually. And I’m going through the process of changing my name and getting HR–” She pauses to look at Aiden. “Hormone Replacement Therapy because I have been thinking about this for a long time.”
Gabe quietly raises his hand.
Luna sighs. “Yes, Gabriel.”
“Doesn’t HR whatever affect your junk?”
“Gabe!” Morgan cries out in horror.
Gabe’s dark eyebrows furrow. “I’m just wondering! Can’t a guy ask a question around here?”
“It can,” answers Luna, “But it also helps develop… other things.” She thinks about her future boobs and grins, her heart begins to slow to a normal pace. “So, is this cool with you guys? I know it’s a big change but it’s who I am. I’m still the same old Jack Williams who loves movies and cute girls, I'm just going to look a little different and go by a new name. Sound good?”
Everyone either nods or gives an affirmative.
“We should go shopping, just us gals!” announces Daisy. “I bet’cha need a whole new wardrobe, Lunabug.”
Luna can’t help but feel her heart warm a little at the nickname. She smiles. “Yeah, I would like that… I’d like that a lot.”
2
Kai isn’t a very social guy.
Okay, maybe that’s an understatement.
Kai is an antisocial guy, but for an antisocial guy, he certainly has a fuck load of friends. All of them agreed to come to the same college in high school and surprisingly saw the promise through. Martin University is the main college of their state, anyway, so it’s not like it was some obscure campus smack in the middle of Nowhere, Kansas.
Jasper called “dibs” on being his roommate (like anyone else would want his ass), but he had given him a loud “NO”. The stoner idiot had been declaring they were “best mother fucking friends” since they were twelve, and to be completely honest, the slow moron had grown on him. At first, he was like a tumor he couldn’t chemo away, showing up at his doorstep all the time just to get high in his bathroom and use his Xbox. But lately, Kai had been weirdly fond of him– it was an extremely low-effort friendship on his part for a pal with dog-like loyalty and zero drama. What more could he want?
The problem was the freshmen dorms are substance-free, and he knows without asking that Jasper won’t honor that. Kai is far from a stickler for rules, but getting busted for pot in a non-legal state isn’t exactly at the top of his to-do list.
He’s told a week in advance that the name of his roommate is Jack Williams, so he shoots him a message on Gmail the same day.
Hey Jack.
I’m Kai. Below is my number. They said you're supposed to reach out to your roommate in advance so here you go. I'm a Nursing Major. If you're a partier, tell me and I'll ask for a new roommate. I'm not a neat freak and I'm not religious, but you can bet your sorry ass I pray to whatever God is out there every morning you're not a slob who'll wipe his dirty mitts all over my stuff. Any dirty underwear and half empty beer bottles will be ceremoniously defenestrated regardless of who is below us. You've been warned, so don't be a dick.
Best,
Kai
The email had originally been much longer and much more aggressive, but he had changed his mind at the last minute and deleted several paragraphs. It’s not until the morning he’s supposed to move in that he gets a message from a different email, [email protected].
Hi there, Kai!
Sorry for the late response. It is so awesome to hear from you! I actually go by Luna. I’ve never had alcohol before so I would not say I’m a partier, although I do sometimes have “anime parties” where me and my friend and whoever else we can convince to watch Japanese cartoons, heh. Does that count? I’m not very messy, either.
I do have to tell you that I am transgender. I was born male but use she/her. I know some people are not comfortable with this so if you want to change roommates, I understand. Please let me know if this is a problem.
Sincerely,
Luna Williams
Kai squints at his iPhone. She really should’ve told him in advance so she wouldn’t be stuck with a bigot, but he supposes if she’s nervous she might have held back until the last second.
Kai technically knows one trans person (the infamous drama king Elliot), but he isn't out publicly and passes so well he never has any issues.
He types:
Luna,
I know what anime is. I don't give a shit what your pronouns are. Just keep your side clean.
See you soon.
Kai
