Did I deserve to die? Not sure really. Perhaps a better question is do I deserve to be murdered/stabbed in my cell? Again not really sure. If I was asked if anyone did I would say yes. That asshole Gary to cells down should definitely figure out what happens after death. But sadly it seems I am gonna figure it out first. For an almost dead guy, I seem to have a lot of questions. 

Here is another. Is it weird I almost like the taste of my own blood? Probably. 

Wow, the adrenaline is making this take forever. Hurry up I want to move on already. I am curious aboutttttt…..

….

“I’m sorry but that's really what your final thoughts were when you died?” Rubert said. 

“Look, not all of us knew that the afterlife existed,” I said. “I know you spent your last moments flailing about like a chicken with his head cut off because you were.”

“That is not fair. Reincarnation is a mixed bag. We can’t all end up getting reborn into another world and another life with new humanoid bodies, all our memories, and strange soul powers.” Rubert squawked. 

Roob did have me there. About 2 weeks ago I woke up outside of a nice little town of 13,000 called Feolinn. The first few days were a whirlwind of emotions, revelations, disappointment, and hunger. I awoke to find myself still wearing my prison jumpsuit that had several holes from being stabbed as well as a lot of blood. The good news was that all my wounds were healed so I was not at risk of dying a second time. 

“Look Rubert, are you gonna help me sort these memories or not? Having to piece together both setting books together page by page is going to take weeks. These books hold all the information about the future of Exandria.” I said to his small chicken friend. 

“Damn it fine. How you got so lucky and I got turned into a bird is clucking unfair. It's even more unfair that you ate my body. Was I at least delicious?” Rubert clucked.  

“About a 3 out of 5 with my experience with chicken. Didn't have any oil or flour so couldn't fry you, so you were roasted instead. Also as you said you are a rooster, so your meat is a little tougher. Glad you aren't too mad about that.” Edsom

Now during the two weeks since getting a new lease on life I had to struggle with being a goldless and powerless hobo. Managed to convince a local tavern to let me stay in their stables in exchange for work. After dealing with prison cells for a few months a pile of stinky hay was simply a lateral change. Only took me a few days to piece together that I had somehow isekaied my way into Matt Mercer's world of Exandria. As far as fantasy worlds I could have ended up on, this one is about as neutral as you can be. Bad because no systems, or hero summoning so I started off with no powers. All things I need to be able to deal with the numerous monsters, mundane and magical threats. I mean the world is nearly ending from some weird plot on a monthly basis. 

But this isekai does have its good side to balance the scale. For one at least it is a world I am familiar with and as it turns out I do have powers turns out I am just a late bloomer. 

“I guess I can settle for that. So what am I looking for in this mess of concepts, sounds, and shapes?” Rubert asked. 

“Any of my memories that are about this world. In this section look for any Thursdays and check for Critical Role. That section is after my sentencing so look for my reading books. I was rather fortunate to be able to read both setting books during that time. The setting books hold the most information so I am starting there.” I said.  

“What's a Thursday?” Rubert questioned. 

“It was a day of the week in my world,” Edsom explained. 

Yesterday was when things really got set into motion. I was asked to help the local butcher, a half-orc man named Bruce. He had taken pity on me lately and paid me to help cut meat for him.  It was this work that led me to do something I had yet to do in this world. Take a life. My first victim was an average chicken I had taken to calling Rubert. Now I am not super squeamish about blood or death. I had some rather unfortunate life experiences but this was my first animal. I didn't plan on making a habit of it but that might have to change. 

The day continued after Rubert's death and defeathering. It wasn't until that night in my dreams that I began to learn the full weight of what I had really done. 

……

The world around me was a white void filled with the occasional floating ball of color. “Shit am I dead again already? Knew this rat-infested hay had the plague.” Edsom complained. The void around me was quiet, which I guess that's part of what makes it a void I guess. What are these lights? I reached out to touch an orange one. It was warm and made me feel comfortable. Upon touching I fully remembered a pancake breakfast at my grandmother's house. I remembered the joy of waking up to the smell of slightly overcooked bacon. She always made it super crispy if not almost burnt. I didn't care as I began to get the taste of syrup in my mouth. I let go of the floating ball of I guess memory. I reached for another, this time a red one. As I got closer it was a sharp pain, and I remembered a time I had cut myself making fries. 

“So these are my memories. I guess I am in some kind of mindscape. But you are not a memory.” I said looking at the chicken that was simply existing in the void with me. 

“Rubert, why can I see you outside of these orbs? Tell me bird, do you hold the secrets to this new world?” I reached for the poor bird I had killed and ate earlier today. He struggled in my arms and began his furious pecking attack. While his beak and talons hurt it seems that his attacks were unable to deal lasting damage in this dream world. For whatever reason the only two inhabitants in this place were Rubert and I. None of the floating orbs contained any memories of being a chicken so this place seems to be connected to me. Does that make Rubert connected to me as well? Will other animals appear here if I kill them, or worse, will people be here if I kill them? Don't want to think about that right now. NO wait I should that might be useful. Is this Rubert just a memory of him or is it the real him? His memories, his soul? I could use this power in some kind of detective work. 

“Let’s see what this chicken can do. I don't want to hurt you because I am unsure of the lasting effects damage may have on you. So let's try experimenting with the only things I have available.” I reached for a memory, a red orb that felt of interest, boredom, and hunger. Ah, I see this is a memory of a math class I had before lunch. 

“This should be middle school math so maybe Algebra 1. All of this should go over a chicken's head but I do want to teach this chicken math.” I hold the orb to Roob and press it against him. His normal black eyes begin to fog over as I think he might actually be experiencing this memory. There might be hope to teach him yet. I set down the confused bird and began to search the orbs. 

“These are my memories so let's see if I can sort this mess out a little bit. I would like to see my 9th birthday.” I called to the void hoping it would answer and I was answered. The orbs began to shake and move into place. Hundreds of orbs flew across me in a random pattern all floating into place. 23 orbs ended up next to me. “Well, that's not exactly what I meant. 23 orbs so probably managed to find all my birthdays. But is it the whole day or just the important bits?” I reach for an orb and find my 4th birthday. I am more focused and I try to recall the whole day this time. Which I soon learn is a mistake because reliving your life as a 4-year-old is cringe.   

Oh god, I had terrible taste in TV. I decided to see how long I could go with a single memory orb.

“Here honey blow out your candles.” My mother said. Seeing my mother at this age is actually more hurtful than I thought it would be. We didn't have a lot of money after the waste of skin called a father left. She did her best to raise me and I did everything I could to help relieve some of the burden placed on her. 

I blew out the candles and made a wish for some stupid toy I ended up not using all that much. Ugh remembering how I begged her for it not knowing how little we had really twists the knife in my heart. Done with this memory I will myself back to the void. “This is going to be harder than I thought. Not a lot of joy in here,” I said to someone who might be listening. I kind of wish there was someone here I could talk to. Would have been nice for this isekai deal to have included a meeting with a god or gods. I never prayed before or at least not seriously. Could never manage to find logic in churches and priests who said, “It's all a part of the plan, trust that everything happens for a reason.”  

I began to try and shape this world. It's filled with my memories so let us see if I can get a chair and desk to work this better. With a command, I created a wood chair. 

“Nice,” I said, impressed with this act of creation. “But I can do bigger things, I bet,” I called forth a field of grass, rolling hills, and small blue, yellow, and purple wildflowers. I created a sky and filled it with fluffy clouds. I created mountains with snowy peaks so I would have a sense of direction. To the west, I wished for a forest and before it, I dug a river. And to the land right next to me I flattened it and placed a flat floor of stone. This would be the area where I would sort my memories. 

Alright, this is awesome, but it's still empty. Not much point to a world if it doesn't have people to live in it. Wait, I created trees. I had created life. Before Rubert was the only thing else here. He is here because I killed him I think but I didn't kill any trees. So do they have souls? I mean this world has druids and nature gods. I know of several spells that allowed you to either speak with or make plant life smarter. If I can create flora, can I make fauna? 

I pointed a finger to the ground and wished for a rabbit to be spawned. Nothing. Alright, no animals I haven't killed? Where is Roob, he might hold the answer if I see what he can do.

Following my own path a bit, I found the bird surrounded by memory orbs. 

“The fuck. Hey bird, that's an invasion of privacy. I am gonna have to take those.”  Edsom said kicking the orb he was holding away. 

“Hey I wqs watchkjh those.” Rubert said for the first time in his life.

“THE FUCKING CHICKEN TALKS!!!” Edsom yelled. Then in a move I would probably regret, I punted the bird into the air. 

“And flyz toooo murdzer, Whz donts ya shill tha cluck out,” Rubert said. His words were rough like he was still trying to figure out this talking thing. Shit, did I Awaken this bird? Do I have that spell as an innate ability now? 

“Look sorry Rubert I panicked. Chickens don't talk.” Edsom explained. 

“Let's get that straight first. I am male, which means I am a rooster. Next, I have to ask this. Are you okay? Everything in here is sad as fuck. I have been hoping in and out of these orbs and everyone has this aftertaste of bitterness and loss. I assume it's because of that thing right there.” Rubert pointed towards the largest of all the memory orbs. 

This orb was a black hole. It did not suck in everything around it but instead ethereal black tendrils extended from it and touched most of the other orbs. I knew what this was. I had seen it earlier but was hoping to avoid it. 

“I believe that is a manifestation of the most traumatic moment of my past life. I don’t want to talk about it because it is toxic to everything I have ever done or ever cared about. Please stay away from it.” I said. 

“Alright, fair enough. Don't want to intrude. I am barely getting an understanding of what has even happened here. I mean this is mind-blowing. I have gained the insight to understand what I was and what I am now and it's a lot. Everything was so simple as a rooster but now. I mean I understand math, laws, art, and beauty but can’t even get to explore those things because I am dead.” Rubert said. 

“So you are fully sapient now. Better late than never. Perhaps maybe we can…….” I try to finish the sentence but I feel a sudden disconnection from everything. “ I think I am waking up now.”