Ahhh. I guess it really is the end huh?

Looking at what used to be my right arm, I want to fall into despair but I force myself to smile still. 'Fake it until you make it' as they say. If I smile my way through it like Reto Tempus did, maybe it'll cause my mind to see these events in a different light.

I raise my head.

It's beautiful, in a way, the absolute void and chaos. I would've qualified it as purple-ish, white and grey but all the colors are spiraling, merging and repulsing each others so fast that I'm not even able to understand what I'm seeing.

Thus, I look back at my body. A miserable state, indeed. If it was to end up like this, I wonder if any of my efforts were actually worth it. I ended up destroying everything I created with my own two hands. Did I really beat  __C A U S A L I T Y__  at the end? Was doing it a mistake?

No.

I won't allow myself to think like this. This is all too ironic and pitiful, really.

I raise my head in order to face the horizon again. Unfortunately, the same view which my mind can't make any sense of appears, anew.  

So I look at my belongings. All broken or missing. Ohh The Divine Handschrift and The Multiversal Sword, my heart aches for you. I can't contemplate it but I'm probably making a weird face right now. I wonder: why am I not crying? It may be that crying requires force, energy or something of the sort, which are also things I do not possess anymore.

Disheartened, I think about looking up again, but really, there's nowhere to look at. Looking down makes me remember all of my losses and looking up makes me anxious for what's to happen.

The only option left for me would be to close my eyes but I sincerely fear that if I were to do that, I wouldn't be able to open them ever again.

I feel my entire being weakening. Truth is, I would've love to go out proud and smirking. But I can't keep up the face when I find myself all alone like this. My back and neck start feeling too heavy to withstand, as a result, I curl up on myself. I'm left with great regrets...

I picture my wife, my children, my familiar, my friends.

But not remorses. After all we've done, after all we've accomplished, they all betrayed me. They all betrayed us. My smile faints. I do not feel bad about what I did but I regret the fact that it went that way.  

What went wrong? When? In spite of actively having acces to all of my memories, I'm not able to tell. I rewind all the important events in my head again and again but I don't see the answer.

When suddenly,

admist my reminiscences, something odd occurs. I can't recollect what happened before I was 6  years old. This wouldn't be particularly strange for most people but I hold the ability of remembering everything that happened to me over the course of my life. I do recall some events that took place before I turned 6 but its complicated: I can remember the memories I had of the 5 first years of my life but only as a 6 years old. I remember what the 6 years old me remembered.

As if a spark just ignited, my eyes that were almost closed opened up. I've never really thought about it since it's always been something that's part of me but, how do my memory works? Do I really recall things from an objective viewpoint or did I always remembered things based on how an ulterior version of me recollected it?

By example, let's say A) is me from when I was 7 years old, B) is me 10 years later and C) is the current me.

A) steals an apple. B) has reminisces that I stole an apple when I was A).

Now, as C), do I remember that I stole an apple based on A)'s POV? If not, do I remember it based on B)'s POV who remembers it because of the actions that A) took? Or do I remember A) and B) memories of the same event simulteanously?

"If I solve this... Yes... Maybe this isn't the end after all!"

I refuse to settle on this present.

This present where I destroyed the world and where all that's left is the dying me.

Observing the void surrounding me won't help, staring at what's left of my body is utterly useless while simply doing nothing will lead me to my certain death. 

I decide to look into the echoes of my past in the hope of finding an answer to this enigma. I focus intensly as everything goes through my mind. From my victories to my defeats, my foes to my lovers, my goals to my tears : I comb through everything to find my ever first memory.

To be continued...