Jace’s head was still spinning. He’d never expected not just Maisie to come out, but for her to do so that quickly after Amy was something he had not seen coming. That wasn’t to say he wasn’t tremendously happy for her, of course. Maisie had clearly been struggling with some stuff since Amy had come out, and this was, all things considered, a great resolution to that particular problem. 

There was a little niggle in the back of his mind, the kind of thought you couldn’t just shove away, but you also didn’t want to acknowledge, like leering at a bully during recess when they weren’t looking. Jace had always liked Maisie. That was to say that Jace had always liked Maisie, and there was a part of him that felt… almost disappointed. Not that he didn’t still think Maisie was the coolest, or that she was cute. But there was something that made the thought of him with, well, any girl, feel wrong. Even thinking about Maisie that way felt wrong. He leered at the bully in his head, and tried not to think about it as he walked Maisie part of the way home.

She seemed lost in thought, and for a very brief moment the thought of taking her hand, to console her or drag her out of whatever anxiety-riddle hole she was sliding down, bumbled its way to the forefront of his imagination. But doing something like that would be grossly inappropriate, and feel almost predatory. As soon as Maisie came out as a girl, he’d make a move? The thought alone made him feel gross. Instead he decided to lighten the mood, nudging her with his shoulder -- the least romantic part of the human anatomy, conjuring a goofy grin on his face. 

“I guess it wasn’t a joke, huh?” He glanced at her sideways, and really hoped his expression was ‘playful and approachable’ rather than ‘manic and weird’. He was always worried of coming across as the latter two, and he’d never had any trouble with his friends. But the brain goblins weren’t so easily convinced.

“What?” Maisie looked at him like she’d just woken from a dream. “Uh,” she added, “what?” She frowned at him like she had no idea what he was talking about. The possibility that she actually had no idea what he was talking about slowly began to dawn on him and he smiled.

“The thing we talked about.” There, that was all the elaboration someone might need to know exactly which conversation, especially one that had taken place days before, he was talking about. 

“I’m gonna need you to be more specific, Jace.” Okay, maybe he hadn’t been clear enough. That was fair. He tried to actually remember the conversation now, instead of the one line he had latched onto to break the ice. After a truly titanic effort, he remembered what he had been talking about last time. 

“I asked you last time if you ever felt like Amy and you did the whole evasion thing.” He wiggled his eyebrows, hoping that now she had enough information, and that she would save him from this never-ending hell of awkwardness. He felt like he’d found himself in a hole and no amount of digging seemed to lead him up. 

“Oh. Oh!” Maisie smiled sheepishly. “I think I was going through some stuff, if I’m honest.” That was entirely fair, he thought. He’d been pretty shook up by the whole thing too. 

“I feel you. It’s all weird, you know?” He walked happily in silence next to her for a minute, thoughts bouncing around his head like a ping pong ball in a washing machine. He wondered how she’d been dealing with everything. Like, Amy’s coming out had already flipped his perception of things upside down, and now Maisie’s was also changing the way he saw her, and even himself. “What’s it like?”

“What?” Oh, right, context. 

“What’s it like, being trans?” A simple enough question, he figured. Nothing that couldn’t be answered easily. Maisie blinked a couple of times, like she was having difficulty processing what he’d said. Maybe she was also somewhere else. Or maybe the question wasn’t that easy? 

He felt a bit weird when she looked at him, like he’d done something wrong but also… not. “It’s… hard to describe. I mean, what’s it like being… cis?” Huh. He’d never really thought about things like that. He figured it felt the same way it did for everyone else. Nothing remarkable, and the same complaints as everyone else. 

“Dunno,” Jace said, shrugging, and then smiled. He tried to put himself in her shoes. What would it be like to be trans? “I think I get what you mean. It’s more of a feeling?” 

“Uh-huh,” Maisie said, nodding. Nice. He was proud of himself for having figured that one out so easily. It wasn’t too hard to put himself in her shoes. 

“But are things okay at home? Like, how are your parents handling things? Your brothers and stuff? Are you scared of coming out at school? Oh! Do your grandparents know? How d--”

“Jace,” Maisie interrupted with an exasperated laugh. He couldn’t help but admit to himself that he liked the way she said his name, even if actually saying it felt weird. Maybe it went back to that thing again of not feeling like he should be thinking of her that way? He couldn’t imagine someone like Maisie -- a cute girl -- saying a name like his. Not in a good way, at least. Maybe if it was a girl’s name, sure, but that would be weird. He was so lost in thought, he almost missed her response. “Please, calm down,” Maisie said. Oops. Jace knew he’d gone a bit too fast. It was something he did his best to avoid. 

He clamped his mouth shut and closed the invisible zipper. “Calming,” he said, and then “oops,” zipped up again, and threw away the key. Maisie looked at him from under her eyebrows. He smiled and shrugged innocently, rolling his eyes. 

“Anyway,” she said, “it’s all very scary, but my family is very good about it, honestly. It’s not like they’re new to the whole thing.” That was fair. He’d almost forgotten her brother was trans, too, and he seemed to be doing alright. He nodded, having already forgotten about the whole not speaking thing. 

“I’m glad. Good. You deserve it.” He looked at her. “You’re gonna be such a good girl. I mean, you’re already a girl, but I mean like, you’re gonna be so good at -- fuuuck.” He rubbed his eyes. He was ruining this, and he was ruining the conversation. 

“You’re fine, Jace. I know what you mean. I think.” She nudged him back with her shoulder. Maybe he hadn’t ruined it as badly as he thought he had. “Thanks for being so interested. I mean… it’s a bit much,” she laughed, and Jace did his very best not to feel really guilty for having acted, well, too much. “But I’m glad you’re keeping an eye out for me, you know.”

“Of course!” He was almost offended. “You mean t-- You’re one of my best friends. Of course I want to know how you’re dealing with everything.” Jace straightened his back. “Besides, it’s honestly really cool. And I like knowing what’s going on with people. If I wanna get into psych or social services, I gotta learn to listen, right?” 

“Mm-hmm,” Maisie nodded. “So yeah, thanks.” Gosh. She really was very pretty. If only a guy like him would be good enough for someone like that. He didn’t know what to do, so he bumped her again with his shoulder. 

“What was that for?” she asked. 

He was about to say ‘no reason,’ but thought better of it. “For being so brave. It’s really cool, what you did.” That was also true. He was really proud of her, and proud of himself for being a friend she felt safe enough around to come out to.

“And that deserves a bump?”

“I guess it does,” he grinned. 

*****

The house was quiet when Jace got home. He hummed softly to himself as he put his coat up, trying to get the high notes just right without slipping into his head voice. His mom wasn’t going to be home for a while, he knew, so he took his time to get things set up in the kitchen. There was some homework to do, still, which he’d put off until the last possible moment -- as tradition dictated. He’d found a way to focus on it, however, but it took some prep. He read up on the material while he cut the vegetables, his mind wandering back to Maisie over and over again. 

She was a girl! Gosh, realizing that must’ve felt amazing. Jace couldn’t help but wonder the sheer, well, euphoria Maisie must’ve felt as she came into her own. He also hoped Maisie didn’t feel too bad looking in the mirror. She was going to be a wonderful and pretty girl, he could already tell. And then his mood dropped a bit as he realized again that his crush on her wasn’t fair to either of them, and he shoved those feelings down far and deep. It was as good a time as any to be cutting onions, anyway. 

Putting the pot on the burner, he opened his textbook and started to fill out his assignments as the butter melted. It was going to take a while to get everything right, so every time he felt his focus slipping he went back to stirring the onions and garlic. He chewed on a carrot as he wrote another paragraph, then hurried over to the stove to add ingredients. It was a lot like spinning plates, keeping his attention on several things at the same time, but it worked, and he usually got both done with minimal mistakes. 

He leaned against the counter as he put the food on a low heat, crossing his arms. He was almost done with his homework and it had only taken… he looked at the clock. Well, it had only taken an hour and a half, for two tasks that would’ve taken an hour individually. Success! And he couldn’t help but think about his friend again. The pot bubbled and he quickly turned around to stir the chili. 

It had become something of a ritual recently. Jace’s mom had been working two jobs for a while now, and he’d been doing what he could to be self-sufficient. Near the end of junior year, he’d realized that the pressure on his mom had been really high, and just taking care of himself had started to feel, well, selfish. So he’d been learning how to cook. Sure, it was slow-going; they couldn’t really afford much. But he was getting better at it, and he could tell she was grateful on nights where she didn’t have to do any cooking when she got home. 

But he really wanted to step it up for tonight, which was why he’d taken the biggest pot they had. Just as he burned his tongue tasting the food, he heard the front door opening, and he smiled happily, washing his hands as his mom came in. She looked exhausted, but seeing her eyes light up when she entered the kitchen did a lot to make her seem much more alive and awake than she had a second ago. 

“Hey Jace,” she said and returned his smile. “That smells amazing. What did you make?” Jace grinned as he hoisted the giant pot off the fire with a soft ‘oof’ of exertion. “I made,” he said, with no small amount of pride, “Texas style Chili.” His mom’s smile didn’t go away. It just sort of froze in place. He wondered briefly if he’d done something wrong.

“How, uh…” she paused, and Jace could tell she was trying to be diplomatic about what she was saying. “How much did it cost, Jace?” He felt guilty for making her worry. In the past six months, since he’d been going to the store more to help cook, she had started to involve him in their finances. The end of each month usually involved carefully rationing what they had and making sure everything in the pantry was used and nothing went past its due date. 

“Less than usual, actually!” he said, reassuring her, and seeing her eyes relax hurt his heart. “I bought a little more, but it’s early in the month,” he continued, and he could see she was a little confused. “We can freeze enough meals for both of us for a week, and it’s like, half of what we usually spend on food.” He smiled at her again, and when she didn’t smile back, he grew concerned. She got closer, and he could tell she had tears in her eyes. “Mom?” he asked. Without saying anything, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed his forehead.

“You’re a good kid,” she whispered. Jace couldn’t help but hug her back. He didn’t think something like this would’ve hit her as hard as it had. “Thank you.”

“Of course, Mom,” he said. “We can do this. We’re gonna be okay.”

“We’re gonna be okay,” his mom repeated softly, and cried a little longer.

The rest of the evening -- and the chili -- were wonderful.