Maisie didn’t want to do this. Ever since that stupid image had been shared, she’d been frozen in terror, unable to even remotely comprehend the idea of going back to class. Half of Saturday and all of Sunday was spent worrying and crying and hoping that it was all just a horrible nightmare she could wake up from. 

This wasn’t even supposed to happen! She’d had a plan, a goal, hopes and ideals and things to work for. She was supposed to keep pretending to be a boy until the end of winter break, when she would come out with the support of her friends and family, and she could just blend into the background after a few exciting days. A normal girl, living a normal life.

Instead, all of that was ripped away from her. She saw how many views the image had, and knew too many classmates had seen it. Any hope she had of just blending in was gone; gossip was going to spread all over if it hadn’t already. People would be there for the entirety of her transition. They’d ask all sorts of invasive questions, make comments (good natured or not) she didn’t have the energy for, and none of her life would be private. 

Maisie didn’t know how Amy was even dealing with it. She’d come out to the school almost immediately after realizing who she was, and thankfully so far there had been a fairly positive response. Some people (including a former friend of theirs) had completely shunned her, but luckily the majority of people were on Amy’s side. 

Maisie wanted to believe it would be the same for her. That people would just react perfectly, and she could get over the hurdle she was dealing with without issue, but her mind was constantly telling her how wrong and silly that ideal was. An even worse part of her brain was saying that Amy was respected because she was actually real. That Maisie was just playing pretend at being trans, copying her friend and her brother. Those anxieties poked and prodded and refused to let up, even for a second. 

And of course, the entire situation had sent Maisie’s dysphoria into overdrive. Her day of being able to actually look into mirrors was a complete fluke, as she saw more flaws and evidence of her masculine prison than any ever before. Any hope of getting her body fixed felt more and more like some far off fantasy, instead of an actually attainable goal. It was almost unbearable.

Even worse were her clothes. She’d wished she had Amy’s confidence, and her willingness to stride into school in girlmode almost immediately, but Maisie lacked all of that. She kept herself hidden in an even bulkier than usual hoodie, and tried to ignore the fact that it did nothing to hide how awful she knew she looked.

“It’s going to be okay, Maisie.” Jeff pulled Maisie into not the first hug of the morning, knocking her out of her rising wave of terror. She held on tight to her twin, focusing on the fact that he’d said her name and how much that meant to her and how true that made everything. 

She reminded herself, over and over, that she was Maisie. That was her, and she was real. Maisie wasn’t some imposter or liar or anything else. 

“Thank you,” she whispered as she held on tightly to him.   

When they eventually pulled back, Jeff had a soft, encouraging smile. It felt almost infectious. “It’ll all work out, you’ll see. This isn’t the dark ages, the school’ll keep you safe. Besides, you’ll be surprised at how cool everyone is. Almost nobody’s given Amy shit since she came out.”

“I hope you’re right.” Maisie tried not to dwell on the worst case scenarios again. Jeff’s voice and presence helped, more than anyone else in the family, which was probably why he refused to leave her side. She really didn’t deserve him. 

“Trust me, I’m smart,” Jeff lied, so blatantly that Maisie had to call him out.

“Your grades beg to di—”

A knock at the bedroom door killed Maisie’s retort in her throat, but from Jeff’s playful glare he got the message. Maisie took a deep breath, in preparation for what was to come. 

“Come in!” she said to the closed door, knowing it was going to be her mom. 

Sure enough, the door opened to reveal Maisie and Jeff’s mom, who looked almost as nervous as Maisie felt. The pit in Maisie’s stomach only grew; she hated when her family was hurt or worried because of her.

“Hey, kids. Maisie, um, I know you said Daniel was coming to pick you up, but are you sure about this? You know you can take a break if you want to. Especially with what’s going on, your school will understand.” 

Maisie really didn’t deserve her family. This wasn’t the first time either of her parents had asked, and the fact that they kept asking, just in case, meant so much to her. She knew they meant it, too. If she wanted to, Maisie was positive she could do all of her schoolwork from home until she was ready to go back. Her mom and dad would never even think of judging or guilting her for making that decision.

But Maisie couldn’t. She wanted to, terribly so, but she had to deal with this head on. She couldn’t just give up and hide for months, until the storm overhead had lifted. “I’m going to go, Mom.” Besides, if she didn’t, all that would do was put all the pressure and attention on Jeff. That wasn’t fair to him, either.

“In that case, your friends are waiting outside for you. I offered Amanda a coat, but apparently she ‘looks cooler’ without one. Please rescue her from her own stubbornness before I drown her in blankets.”

Maisie couldn’t help but giggle at her mom’s attempt to break the tension in the air. With a hug goodbye for both Jeff (who pretended to be grossed out) and their mom, Maisie headed out into the cool fall outdoors. Excitement at having her friends around temporarily subdued her anxieties, enough to get her into the backseat of Dan’s car with ease. There were, of course, the required greeting hugs, but Maisie was too chilly to pay much attention to any of that in the moment. 

It was obvious, once Dan began driving, that tension was thick in the air. Nobody said anything, which was a stark difference to the normal day by day goings on. Amy, at the very least, usually had something to say. This time, though, she was so subdued that Maisie was beginning to get worried. Amy was rarely, if ever, so quiet. 

Eventually, once they were almost halfway to school, Sean finally broke the silence. “We’re going to keep you safe, Maisie. We aren’t letting anybody fuck with you, alright?” Maisie shivered at how cold he sounded. This wasn’t like him, he never got this angry, not for anything. None of them did, anger just… wasn’t a thing with them. She wasn’t sure she warranted this kind of emotion. She wasn’t sure she wanted them feeling this way, it terrified her.

“Seriously, Maisie. We’re going to keep you safe. No matter what.” Amy turned around from the front passenger seat, and even if her voice sounded calm Maisie could see the same fury in Amy’s eyes. 

It was decided, Maisie couldn’t take that. She would have none of it. “Guys, stop. Please. You look so… dark. It’s like you all want to murder whoever did this, and that isn’t like any of you. Please, stop acting like this, it… it scares me.” Maisie couldn’t look any of them in the eyes, nor could she speak up much, but she hoped she got the point across. 

From the silence and looks of shame on everyone’s faces, it seemed she did. Nobody said much more for the rest of the ride, but if the alternative was hearing them act so… weird for her, Maisie would take silence. 

Once they pulled into the school parking lot, Maisie suddenly felt much more grateful for her friends’ presence. Few people were standing around in the parking lot, but that only meant she was delaying the weird looks and questions for once they all got inside. She needed the others, Jace especially, to push her forward and assure her that everything was going to be okay. 

Maisie barely made it to the cafeteria, where most of her classmates spent their mornings before school. Her breathing increased in pace, her heart felt like it was going to explode in her chest. Her brain swarmed her with every possible worst case scenario, even going so far as to tell her that there was no way her friends actually believed anything she said about herself.

Contrary to her worst fears, though, all eyes were not all on her. Everyone was mostly minding their own business, eating breakfast and doing homework at the last minute as usual. A few people, most notably Lauren, someone Maisie had once called a friend, kept looking back and forth between Maisie and the girls she was hanging out with. When Lauren looked over at Maisie, whispered something to one of the girls beside her, and began laughing, Maisie felt her face turn pink as all over her muted anxieties returned.

Every time she heard laughter, her brain tried convincing her it was at her own expense. She tried ignoring that voice in her head, telling herself that it was lying to her, but every time she heard a laugh or a chuckle or a giggle it just gained more ammunition to work with. Maisie was thoroughly exhausted and vulnerable by the time the first classmate, a girl named Amber that Maisie was pretty sure Dan had almost dated once, came up to her. 

Jace immediately scooted closer to her, in a sort of protective stance, but Maisie waved Amber up in spite of their suspicions.

“I, uh, heard the rumors.” Amber started off strong, and Maisie was already worried. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear more.

So she preempted things, trying not to sound as exhausted as she felt. “Maisie. She and her. Go ahead and tell people, it’ll be all over the school tomorrow, I’m sure.” More than ever, Maisie felt so aware of how awful her voice was. She needed to get more serious about voice training, sooner rather than later.

Amber, at least, had the decency to look embarrassed. “Oh! Uh. Thank you, Maisie. I’ll, um, do that.” 

And she was off, without another word. Maisie let out a long, exhausted sigh. She really should have taken her parents up on their offer.

Surprise of all surprises, by the time the breakfast period was over and it was time to go to homeroom, more people were giving Maisie looks. She tried, to no avail, to ignore the feeling of eyes constantly dwelling on her as she made her way to the classroom. 

Luckily for Maisie, she and Dan shared their homeroom, so he took Jace’s job keeping people from speaking to her or asking invasive questions. She could never express how much she appreciated it, especially because Dan rarely showed major emotions for anything. Him being assertive and protective alone was enough to keep most people away from their little corner of the room. 

If the rumors reached the staff, their homeroom teacher showed no sign of it. She called out names for attendance, using Maisie’s deadname like it was no big deal at all. Maisie couldn’t help but flinch at the sound of it, but nobody pointed it out if they noticed. 

Maisie had, foolishly, thought she might get five minutes to rest and breathe before anything major happened, but she was of course denied even that. Four minutes and thirteen seconds after homeroom began, a woman Maisie recognized as one of the school counselors (she was ninety percent sure the woman went by Dr. Williams) showed up at the door. 

“Could Miss Maisie Adams come with me, please?” Maisie was already halfway to reluctantly standing up when she froze. How did she know her name? No matter how she got that information, though, Maisie needed to go with her.

“I don’t have a student here by that name, Lan—” Maisie interrupted her teacher by making her way over to the counselor, who gave her a kind nod. That alone did much to make Maisie feel less nervous.

“Well, then. Send me a message if you keep her for the entire class.” Maisie’s heart did a flip at how effortlessly her teacher swapped pronouns for her, and she couldn’t hide the joy that temporarily showed itself on her face. 

Maisie and Dr. Williams left without another word, though Maisie did give Dan a small wave goodbye. Neither said much on the walk through the halls, but Maisie was more than content with that. She didn’t want any more of her private life discussed in public, if she had a choice.  

Dr. Williams finally said something as they arrived at her office, and she shut the door. “Good morning, Maisie. I hope you’re doing well, in spite of… external circumstances.”

“Yeah. I’m doing fine, I think. It’s… It’s a lot.” Maisie felt incredibly nervous even talking about these things, but listening was Dr. Williams’ job, right? She wouldn’t judge her, would she?

“I understand. I think it’s important that we, well, talk about this all first. Would you like your name and gender to be more accurately reflected in the school’s records? I promise, it’ll only take a minute, and we can undo it if you’d ever like us to.”

Oh. Oh. Maisie had figured it wasn’t too bureaucratic, considering how quickly Amy’s name was on everything, but was it really that easy? “I… I think I’d like that. If it isn’t too difficult, I mean.”

Dr. Williams shook her head with a small smile. “I promise, it isn’t a challenge at all. Your friend, Amanda, had all of her information changed in a heartbeat. Some of her teachers slipped up a few times, but as I understand it, nobody has made a slip up with her since last week. There’ll be some adjusting, of course, but it won’t be long before this little roadbump is in the past. And we’re going to do everything we can to help you through it.”

Maisie wanted to cry. She’d been told the school would be good to her, yes, but she had never actually experienced it firsthand. Here she was, a yes or no answer away from her name and gender being reflected right on everything, with no arguments at all.

“I would really like that. The gender and name thing, I mean. Please.” Maisie sniffled, and tried as hard as she could not to let that evolve into full blown tears. “Th-thank you.” 

“Of course. Again, we’re going to do everything we can for you. What we want, more than anything, is for you to feel comfortable here. Okay, Maisie?” 

There was no more about to cry for Maisie. Tears of joy were falling down her face, drowning out her worst anxieties in feelings of love and comfort and safety. 

Her anxiety wasn’t gone, and her brain was still going to make her worry about every worst case scenario, but now she knew: 

She was safe.