Similarly to yesterday, Dragan was spending his time in the kitchen when I arrived at the brothers’ flat. The stew he had whipped up looked very enticing to me, which made me very envious of his ability to smell and eat normally. My sense of time was getting pretty bad in my current state.
When was the last time I had eaten something?
It had to have been some kind of bland hospital dish but I was unable to picture it. When was the last time my sister visited me in hospital? What did we talk about? Everything was fuzzy in my memories and this concerned me.
I knew with certainty that it hadn’t been like this when I woke up as a ghost a few days ago.
For someone like me, who was a known airhead, forgetting certain details about my days was almost natural. However, this felt pointedly different. Did this mean I would start to forget more details if I stayed like this? What if I started to forget memories of my sister or my memories about Ivan’s story?
Despite Ivan's spell keeping my mind functioning well (and protecting me from worse side effects), it didn't stop the growing anxiety that festered in my heart.
I left the kitchen and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself once more. Ivan said it would take him two more days, and I believed in his words. This meant I had to hold onto my memories until then.
When I stood in front of Ivan’s bedroom, my thoughts caught up to me once more, prompting me to pause before taking the last step. It had become a bit of a habit for me to wait in Ivan’s room for him to arrive. As long as I was a ghost, I considered this somewhat acceptable since Ivan had offered it to me and I didn’t want to stay in the same room as Dragan, who couldn’t see me. But this would change once I was back to my normal human body again.
What would I even do once I was normal again? Would there be enough space for me here? In my current state I made no extra cost for the brothers or took much space, but that would change. I couldn’t possibly impose on Ivan and Dragan any more than necessary, even if my goal was to help them. So money and lodgings will definitely prove a problem in the near future. Which of my talents could I use to make money? No tailor would take me in with my skills.
…
Anxiety had overtaken my heart, and I couldn't help but crouch down, wrapping my arms around my knees for comfort.
Staying by Ivan's side was something I yearned for, but deep down I feared that I shouldn’t burden him and his Dragan. Honestly, I didn’t know what I wanted for my future at this point.
This indecisiveness frustrated me endlessly.
I tightly closed my eyes, staying in the same position for a few minutes. As my knees started to ache, I stood up again and entered Ivan’s room, feeling more exhausted than ever.
The first thing that caught my eye was that Ivan had left some kind of note on his tidy bed. Curiosity got the better of me and I took quick steps to see what was written on that note. I had a feeling that this note was meant for me, since Ivan knew I spent time in his room while waiting, or maybe that was just my wishful thinking. At the same time, if he wanted to hide the note from me, he could have put it into his drawer and I wouldn’t have been able to open it, so it clearly was meant for me!
To my surprise, the handwriting on the note was pretty fancy and legible, not what I would have initially expected from Ivan, but it made some sense. He was certainly more admirable than the types of physicians from my world who wrote in illegible scribbles and expected you to decipher it, though in the end Ivan was no doctor but a potion making mage. There was still a difference to that. Realizing that I was getting off track, I focused on the contents of the note.
“Hey Rêve,
hopefully you got curious and took a look at this note ❤️ (otherwise I wasted my time -.-).
Try not to burden yourself too much.
I can only imagine how horrible this whole situation must be for you, but know that you’re not alone. Like I said, I’ll heal you from this state and make sure nothing happens to Dragan.
So please, trust in me and get some rest. You look more exhausted with each passing day.
It’s my time to help you.
Ivan☆."
When did he find time to write this down for me…?
Ivan, you -!
I sank down onto the floor and stared silently at the bed with the note for a few minutes, struggling to hold back the emotions that were on the verge of bursting forth.
***
When I opened my eyes again, I felt disoriented and confused, trying to recall what I had done before. As my eyes adjusted to the dark room, I remembered that I had been waiting for Ivan until I had fallen asleep eventually.
Soft breathing reached my ears, and I almost yelped in surprise at the person laying beside me on the floor. Instead of taking advantage of his king sized bed, Ivan had made himself comfortable on the floor right beside me. The moonlight illuminated the room enough for me to notice that he had laid out some kind of mat underneath and simply took his blanket and pillow with him.
He had purposefully left some space between us, as if to avoid accidentally touching me in his sleep.
Why did he do all this?
I was reminded of the contents of the note he had left for me. The moment the realization hit me, I buried my face in my hands. My face felt hot and I was sure even my ears were tinted red.
Why was he so trusting to a stranger he had only met a few days ago?
My gaze drifted to Ivan’s sleeping form and his peaceful expression. A faint smile grazed his lips, and in this vulnerable state, he appeared much younger and less ‘cold’ than usual, not that Ivan often showed his cold side to me specifically. He was truly lucky to be blessed with such good looks because even in his sleeping state he looked more graceful than I ever could. Once my roommate likened my sleeping face to a blobfish and I had never recovered from that.
Realizing I was staring, I quickly averted my eyes, grateful for the darkness that masked my embarrassment. If Ivan were awake now, he would’ve teased me relentlessly for this. I turned around to lay on my side, while I tried to decide what to do with the remaining hours until Ivan woke up. I wasn't so sure whether I could simply fall asleep again, considering I was wide awake now.
Would Ivan's kindness towards me fade once I returned to my normal body? Was it just sympathy that drove him to be considerate of me?
No! I had to reprimand myself to stop thinking like that, as I kept disrespecting Ivan’s kindness with my useless assumptions.
Restless by my thoughts, I sat up after a few minutes, feeling far too agitated to even attempt sleeping. The weight of uncertainty lingered on my mind, making it difficult to find solace in the darkness.
“Can’t sleep anymore?”
Ivan’s voice, tinged with sleep, cut through the silence of the room, catching me in surprise.
I turned my head to his side to meet his drowsy gaze. Did I somehow wake him up? It honestly shouldn’t be possible, right?
As if reading my mind, Ivan chuckled softly, his drowsy amusement evident. "You do realize that I can hear every noise you make?" He left the rest of the statement unsaid, but I understood his meaning all too well.
“Was I noisy in my sleep?” I asked him, emphasizing my words, as I knew I was a bit of a restless sleeper. The thought that I might’ve kept Ivan from sleeping properly these past few days weighed on my heart.
For some foolish reason, I had assumed that I was unable to produce sounds aside from speaking in this ghostly state, but it seemed Ivan could hear any noise coming from me. “I’m sorry if I bothered you.”
“There’s no need to apologize. I’ve slept with Dragan in the same room for years. Do you really think some tossing and turning would ruin my sleep?” He playfully winked at me and rubbed his eye, seemingly unfazed by any disturbances.
I released a sigh of relief, reassured that I wasn't a nuisance to Ivan. He quietly observed me and sat up from his lying position.
“What stopped you from sleeping? Was it a nightmare? Or did you start overthinking again?”
Once more, I was surprised at how quickly Ivan had read my inner turmoil. You’d think I would be the one to read Ivan’s behavior well, but it was actually the opposite. I had the feeling that there wasn’t a lot that I could hide from him.
How he managed to understand me so well in just a few days was beyond me though...
“If it soothes your mind; I worked out a communication spell. If you’re willing to wait until morning, I’ll gladly show you~,” Ivan said in a cutesy voice.
…!
After indulging in my wide-eyed expression, he laid down again.
“But first I need a few more hours of sleep. My next two days are going to be a pain in the neck.” He winked once more at me and closed his eyes, ready to drift back to sleep.
“Thanks,” I whispered slowly after a good while of silence, though I wasn't sure whether he heard it, as my courage waned.
A bit more loudly and fondly, I finally added, "Sleep well, Ivan."
Somehow his words had a calming effect on me and I found myself tired enough to drift back to sleep for a few more hours.
