I'm a very coward person, insecure and terrified. Whose also afraid of its own reflection in the mirror. 

I don't explore, but I dream of it, I dont look, but I think of it. I dont try to find, I wait for it to search for me.

I shake and linger, grieve and worry. Did I made myself like this? Was I raised like this? Was my soul poured in me like this? Worry eats my insides, Fear consumes my mind, Desperation chockes me till i can't take any more breath. 

Will I be free if I vomit all my organs out? Will I finally feel empty if I take them out hand by hand.  

Organs linger, mind drowns, eyes fall into the deepest pit of darkness. 

Who am I explaining these cowardly thoughts to? What I feel and hear, see and think, hope and regret. 

That only one nice word in this text, does it exist in me if I know about it? belive it? Is the fear only thing i know? It was always by my side. Since I was an infant, toddler, a child, kid, teenager. Will it still be by my side when I peak in Adulthood? rot in my Elderhood? My body and Mind will no longer be a healthy soil for it to live and bloom, so it will finally leave. But only one. The second one used to appear occasionally. In lonely times, In dangerous times. 

Fear Of Living, i was raised by it. Fear Of Dying, I will be consumed by it. Even though we live the longer with the first one, we are most terrified by the last one. How can something be this horrible if it's meant to bring you peace? Dont we all want peace? Why are we scared of it. 

Why am i supposed to be scared of everything. My thoughts are never in harmony with my body. One craves peace, another runs from it.

Who am i think i am? Am i really living? I breath, I think, I imagine, I hope. I have Name, I have Identity, I have dreams, I have life. 

I fear. If i disappear it will disappear with me. My everything = Fears