My vision snapped to black, and my body started lifting into the air, spinning and contorting. But everything was completely numb, the only sensation was something like car sickness. That nauseating sensation only lasted a few seconds before It passed as well.

A sudden burst of emotion flooded over me, as bright colours suddenly exploded throughout my vision. The otherworldly atmosphere left me nervous, unsettled and frustrated, those feelings felt nearly amplified. I had expected something peculiar, but definitely not this. I was stuck here, this was only going to waste time. A slight force started to press against me. 

But I couldn’t feel anything?

Thinking of it, I couldn’t see or feel anything of myself, not even a sense of proprioception.

‘I don’t have a body?... what even am I right now?’

New colours started to begin to emerge in the violent flashes, blues and indigoes. Though curious about what they meant, I didn’t have enough time to do that. 

Sudan realisation came to me, this was a fight. 

As if on queue, the pressure grew strong, overwhelmingly strong. Instinctively I focused on it, with all my strength, pushing against the volatile force. I started to feel a second force pushing me, or more so, pushing against the first one. 

The first force, was it the enemy’s, the spider’s? 

Excitement built up inside me, It was odd, but I felt alive. 

‘This is new.’

With a metaphorical smile, I pushed harder against the force. And as it grew stronger, I noticed something. In front of me would be incorrect, but something was there and it felt… alive. Is that the spider's ego?

At least, ego sounded like the best word for whatever I felt, so just went with it. 

…Ego…

I was unsure about this fight. I had enjoyed all the battles up until then, but this was different than risking your life. Though unsure of how, I could tell what the stakes were. if I lost I’d lose myself, my psyche or my ego or something along those lines. The same with my enemy. 

…Lose itself?...

But I wasn’t worried about losing, that wouldn’t happen. But I didn’t want to win, not yet, I wanted to see more, and I was curious about the thing in front of me.

But that's that's not right?

I had to, needed to get out, the monsters were making their way into the building. There were even children. With all I had, I pushed against the enormous pressure, everything telling me I needed to. But no, not everything, my emotions were conflicted, it felt like something was missing, or more like something was added. Amongst the mess of feelings, fear had started to build. It was mild but left me worried. Something was out of my expectation.

But  I knew what I was doing?

Greens, pinks and purples. My attention moved towards the opposition's force, and everything clicked. 

It was her emotions. Her?

It- she was real. 

A person, or, at least something conscious. Something with thoughts. Something scared.

And I was trying to control it. Erase it.

Disgust, I was disgusted. Lacking the oomph had before, my resistance slacked, to the point I stopped progressing. Indecision engulfed me as I tried to wrap my head around everything. A curiosity bubbled, and realising it didn’t come from me only jumbled my thoughts further.

Should I let go? If I did that, I would die, or? No, even if I didn’t, what about the people out there, they need support, something. I can’t give up on this. 

But the curiosity only grew, and though I knew its origin, it was infectious. What is she like? How similar are they to me? Is there another option?

I tried to push those thoughts out, they were mine but originated from something foreign. The thought of losing myself terrified me to no end, far more than dying.

But continuing to fight back, I’d be doing the same to her, wouldn’t I? Could I do that to something with as much self-awareness as that?

But what about everyone else, they are fighting for their lives and who knows how long that might last. 

This thing (?) could be what changes the tide. But that might be wishful thinking, probably. 

I should push forward, that's what makes the most logical sense, the ego of a monster, even a conscious one, wasn’t worth the value of over a hundred people. 

Was there something else I could do? I felt some understanding for her, no she understood me? 

The force pushing against me was also subsiding, tho not by a lot, perhaps a sign of it getting tired? 

I wanted to shout, scream, vomit out this feeling, the confusion and indecision killing me, angry that I couldn’t make the obvious decision, that I wasn’t making any moves. 

A trickle of an idea came, and the issues seemed to slip, if I had a mouth I’d be grinning like a child on Christmas. Would It work, how knows, but it was worth a shot. My entire focus moved to this metaphorical, metaphysical straw I was trying to grasp, stretch and pull. And I had it… Ha, I had it. 

But, it was pulled away with a dreadful feeling. 

‘I lost?’

…

I stood kneeling on the ground, slowly opening my eyes. Everything was coated in grey, and my mind felt like a bog of wet mud, thoughts only slowly forming.

I was- I was in a fight. 2 ones, one real and the other-. A, the spider beat me? I don’t feel beat. Trying to stand up was like walking moving in tar while having weights on everything. 

My leg was wet and sticky, a slight stinging grew to burning. The spider it had-. 

The base! 

“Eahrrrer”

What the!?!? A voice inside my mind let out a groan, I got annoyed at it, the voice. But why? Trying to straighten my thoughts only made me think of other things. I wanted to sleep. And eat. And drink. And, the base… right, I should...

Forcing myself to push through the nonexistent carpet draped over me, I could see the base lit up by torches we had put over the entrance. And I could see people still standing around there, but not nearly as many. Another torch could be seen through a window. A broken one. Oh, yeah, they had gotten through a window. There were still hundreds of ants rushing forwards, the onslaught seemingly endless. A spider. The spider that was in my- no it was still in my head, why was it still in my head? 

Why was everything so hazy, so messy? If I hadn’t lost and hadn’t won, then what? I didn’t think- did my plan work?

A sudden rush of energy rushed through me, excitement, thrill, bloodlust. These feelings weren't coming from me, but they affected me just as much. I pushed myself through the heavy swamp, so I stood on my least injured leg and hobbled towards the lights. My steps felt like they opened a hundred wounds, which they probably were, but the other feelings enabled me to push through. Perhaps if my head weren’t so stuffy, I would have realised how useless a half-dead guy that could barely stand would be.

The spider had made me uneasy, but it didn’t seem to be targeting anyone, only the monsters. 

Someone yelled for someone to quiet down or something, wasn’t sure how that would make things any calmer. Stepping over a corpse, I Continued my waddle towards the fight but was distracted by something. Eric was standing slouched some distance away.

 ‘They are always some distance away aren’t they’ I mentally remarked as I started moving in his direction, trying to get him back to the building. But I noticed something else biting at his leg, another one jumping towards him. He sort of flopped himself away, but that wouldn’t stop the monster who was already on its way back to attack him. There were more coming towards him.

A slight clarity made it through the cracks.

 

‘Open stats’ 

(5 stat points not allocated)

/Species: Human/

Class: Beast tamer (1)...

Titles:

  ____

Level:

  6 (41%)

Stats: 

  (5 stat points not allocated)

  Strength:13+(1)

  Agility: 13+(2)

  Stamina: 16+(2)

  Constitution: 16

  Mana: 15

  Intelligence: 22

Skills:

  ___

Class skills:

  Tame monster.

Special skills:

  Regenerator (2)

‘agility’ I wanted to put my points into agility.

I could immediately feel the difference. Though I wasn’t moving double my normal speed or anything, the change was definitely noticeable, every movement a bit faster than before. The feeling was oddly refreshing, which mixed with whatever was happening with the spider put me in an overly elevated mood. But, I wouldn’t make it. There were 3 more that were coming from the direction of the base. And I wasn’t sure if he could do anything in the trance-like ‘thing’ he seemed to be in. A new feeling spread itself through the cacophony of emotions now. 

Desperation.

He couldn’t die like this, not now. I tried to speed up, but my legs buckled from under me, sending me face-first into the ground. 

‘Huh?’ ran through my mind. The spider?

Trying to ignore everything else, I tried to drag myself forward, knowing full well how pointless that was. 

A black form flew into my vision, aimed directly at the three ants. It lept forwards and slammed one of its stick-like legs, right threw the one, bent Its head down and chomped the second one, before slinging it into the third.

It stood there, before skittering its legs around to turn towards me. It made a cracking sound with its mouth before stepping towards me, and though I could feel whatever it was, no, she was feeling, I couldn’t decipher it out. No, I couldn’t figure anything out. I had had enough, my head was swimming, my mind collapsing. Guess I couldn’t continue to push on forever. 

“Gr— they —-- — leaving, — gone” a voice some distance away yelled.

“What nonsense are you-” a muttered under my breath before falling unconscious.