Chapter 10 - Fallon

I struggled to process all the new information as I left the Monik’s study. I needed to speak to my father immediately. Unfortunately, he was miles away and I had duties now. I was no longer an initiate, I was Arawn’s apprentice. At least that was working out.

I ran into Flynn, who paced outside the study door. He caught me, hands on my shoulders, before I could fall. Usually, I could catch myself, but I had a lot on my mind and my body wasn’t quite back to normal yet. With a nod of thanks, I slipped out of his grasp to face Arawn.

“Come on, I’ll introduce you to the other Parish members.” Arawn gestured, then took off down the hall. I struggled to keep up on my not-quite-healed ankle. Flynn maintained pace beside me.

“You could have told me you planned to split my demonite. I thought you had stolen it was gone,” I hissed.

Flynn raised an eyebrow. “You mean when you were unconscious? Or when we were being attacked by half a dozen child mongrel demons? Or maybe when the healer wouldn’t let me visit?”

“Fine. I can see how it may have been difficult.”

Flynn bumped my shoulder. “You know, most people would be thanking me. I got us out of there and managed to get us graduated.”

“You couldn’t have gotten out of there without me,” I retorted. But to my surprise, I wasn’t actually angry. Despite how he probably looked better than me, I didn’t mind. We had worked together and that was enough somehow. I turned a crooked smile on him. “But thank you, for not stealing my demonite and condemning me to fail out of the Clunaics.”

Flynn laughed. “I really am generous, aren’t I?”

“That’s exactly how I’d describe you.”

He sobered, smile fading. “I do have a question for you.”

My gut twisted but I maintained my composure. “Oh?”

“Are you, well… I’m not quite sure how to ask this.” He rubbed the back of his head and his voice dropped to a whisper. My stomach climbed into my throat. “Are you a girl?”

I stumbled. Had the old man told him? Flynn watched me closely. No, he didn’t know for sure.

I relaxed my shoulders and laughed. “I know I can’t grow a beard and I’m a little on the smaller side, but that’s quite the jump you made.” I shook my head for emphasis.

“It’s not the way you look, well maybe a little, but I’ve never met a man who cares about pissing in front of another. And then the healer wouldn’t let me check on you… It’s all just a little suspect.”

“I’m a man as surely as you are.” This conversation needed to end. “This is starting to feel very insulting.”

“Alright. But, for the record, I wouldn’t tell anyone if you were a girl. I’ve seen you fight; it wouldn’t bother me.”

“Well, I’m not a girl. So while I appreciate your… kindness, it’s not a concern,” I said. Flynn looked like he wanted to say something else, but we entered a training room bustling with activity. There were too many people.

Some boys practiced archery, others swordplay, and still others practiced weaponless combat. I spent years in the training room at my father’s estate but the single room where I was the only inhabitant was distinctly different from here, where dozens of men sweat and stunk up the room. The smell alone was enough to choke a demon.

A boy with a bow and blond hair that hung to his chin waved at Arawn. Beside him, a boy laid on a hay bale target, hood over his face. The blond shoved him and the sleeping boy startled up so the hood dropped away.

I took paused. He looked exactly like Flynn, if not a little taller and a little more muscular. I glanced between them.

“My brilliant twin, Torin. Better prepare for a bucketload of arrogance,” Flynn murmured.

“As though your arrogance isn’t enough,” I said.

“You’ll wish for my arrogance soon enough.”

We stopped a few strides away from the other boys. The blond smiled and nodded his head to Arawn. Torin glanced us over and laid back on the target. Flynn curled his hands. Oh great. Twins who don’t get along. Exactly what my life was missing.

“This is Leith and Torin, our resident disciples. Torin, I believe you may know one of our new apprentices, Flynn,” Arawn said.

Torin snorted. “I’d say so.”

Leith stepped forward, hand outstretched. “It’s nice to meet you Flynn. Can’t say I’m glad we have to replace our comrades, but I’m sure it’ll be good to have you on the team.” Flynn took his hand and shook. I hadn’t even considered how odd it would be for them, two apprentices replacing their lost comrades.

Leith turned to me. “Ignore Torin. He’s a pain in the butt anyway.” He reach out his hand. “It’s nice to meet you…” 

“Fallon,” I supplied. His handshake was gentle and quick, like the stroke of a butterfly’s wing. But tough calluses along his palm proved he had earned his disciple rank.

“Where’s Maddox?” Arawn asked Leith. Maddox must be the last member of the squad, the second Holy Knight.

Leith waved the question away. “Collecting the scroll with details for our next mission.”

“We already have a mission?” Flynn asked. It was rather quick. I thought we would need time to practice as a group before fighting demons together.

Arawn said, “I would have liked time to test you two out and train, but the Clunaics received summons for assistance from the Dartvista Islands.” Torin twitched. Flynn blinked twice, rapidly. The Islands were their home.

“There are always issues on the Islands. Why send us now?” I asked.

Arawn sighed. “They’re sending us specifically because we have two members who grew up on the Islands. We’re better suited for navigating the location. As for why now, I suppose Maddox will bring us the answer.”

“Might want to rest up. We’ll be setting off before the sun rises tomorrow,” Leith offered.

Arawn nodded. “Mana may heal you, but you’re bound to still be exhausted. Go rest. I’ll find you when we have a plan.”

Flynn shrugged and turned to go. I hesitated. “Should I sleep in the initiate’s quarters?”

Arawn’s eyes widened. “Of course not! You’re a full-fledge Clunaic with your own quarters now. It’s two per room, so you two apprentices will be sharing.”

My gaze darted to Flynn. “Sharing?”

Torin said, “I know sharing can be a shock for many highborn like you, but you’ll get used to it.”

My problem wasn’t sharing, not really. My problem was my massive secret. But I couldn’t very well say that, so I turned and followed after Flynn, weaving through the masses of sweaty men.

When I escaped the training room, I was met with a wave of fresh air. I breathed it in deeply, grateful for the lack of odor. There were too many people in there. Too many people on our Parish, too. I felt sick with all the new information. This was all happening so fast. Three weeks ago I’d still been stuck on my father’s estate. Now, I was an apprentice Clunaic about to go on her first mission. My heart beat fast. I really did need a break from all this excitement.

Flynn slowed to let me catch up. I asked, “Are you excited to be visiting your home?”

“Not sure how much visiting there will be, really. There likely won’t be time to visit with my parents or siblings.”

“You have other siblings?” Most nobles had many children, but I hadn’t thought of Flynn having a family before.

“Three older brothers and a little sister. The boys are triplets.” He grinned at my look of shock.

“Your poor mother,” I exclaimed.

“Oh, she loves her children dearly,” he said. “Do you have any siblings?”

I hesitated. Zimara felt like a secret, but she really wasn’t. Maybe talking about her would help make sense of everything I’d learned. “I had a sister.”

“Oh.” He rubbed the back of his head. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. It’s been ten years. She was older and always looked out for me.” I was rambling. Luckily, before my mouth could betray me further, a cry interrupted us.

“Fallon!” Mavie rocketed into me, arms wrapping around me. My heart raced. It was just like the roots back in the cave, constricting me.

Flynn pushed Mavie away. “Give Fallon some space. He’s had quite the beating recently.”

Mavie jumped back. “Oh I’m so sorry! You must be so sore, even after all that healing.”

I was rather sore, but it wasn’t too bad. Still, I was grateful to be freed. Whatever panic had taken hold of me for a moment was odd. Sure, hugs were a foreign concept, but they shouldn’t cause so much alarm.

Most of all though, I was happy to see Mavie again. She’d been a good friend so far and I had woefully few of those. “It’s good to see you again. I told you I’d be back soon enough.”

She swatted my arm. “You barely came back. You’re so lucky the master is so skilled. You’d be dead without his expertise!”

A chill ran down my spine. I knew it had been a close call, but it didn’t truly register until now. I almost died.

I forced my smile to stay in place. I didn’t want to worry her. “Well, I guess I owe him my gratitude.”

“That you do,” she proclaimed. “He took care of you himself the whole time! Wouldn’t even let assistants in.” Flynn shot me a look, but I ignored him. He didn’t have any evidence I was anything other than a boy.

I started down the hall again. I really was tired, and my whole body did ache. Plus, tomorrow would be full of travel. And the day after. The Islands were at least a week’s ride away. As much as I liked Mavie, I needed a bed. Flynn led the way.

Mavie followed along, chatting not-stop. She asked if we had passed, what the Dead Zone was like, and so many other questions it made me dizzy.

I tried to direct the conversation away from me, in a direction where I could just listen. As I was rather distracted with a father of my own I asked, “Have you heard from your father lately? How’s he doing?”

Mavie brought her hands together, in a clap or prayer. “There was a tear near my hometown. I haven’t heard much else yet, but hopefully the issue will be solved in the next week or so.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sure he’ll be okay.”

Mavie shook it off. “It’s quite alright. I’m actually very excited for the ball the King hosts every year to celebrate the elite Holy Knights when they resupply their swords with holy fire. So many important Clunaics have to travel to the capital anyway, it’s a great way for Kingsman and Clunaics to bond!”

“What’s that got to do with your home?” Flynn asked. I was just as confused.

Mavie sighed, as though he annoyed her. Maybe he did. “My cousin is a Holy Knight. I haven’t gotten to see him since last ball, which was an entire year ago.”

“I didn’t know you had a cousin who was a Holy Knight,” I said. I supposed we hadn’t really talked about our families either, aside from her father.

Mavie grinned. “Well, he’s more a brother. My parents raised him after his mother died. He’s wonderful, I wish you could meet him.”

“Maybe one day,” I said. I was mostly being polite. I didn’t ever feel particularly compelled to meet new people.

Flynn stopped. “This is us.”

“I’ll see you later Mavie.” I waved.

Her shoulders drooped. “Oh, right. See you tomorrow?”

I grimaced. “I’m off on a mission before first light. I’ll see you when I get back.”

Mavie wrapped me in another hug, quick and gentle. “Don’t you dare let yourself get so hurt again,” she whispered into my shoulder. I nodded. She released me and looked to Flynn. “Keep a watch on Fallon for me. I have a feeling he doesn’t know his limits.”

“I know my limits.” I crossed my arms, offended at her comment.

Flynn laughed. “You’re probably right. I’ll keep an eye on him.”

“I don’t need you to keep an eye on me.”

Flynn ruffled my hair. “Sure you don’t. Now let’s get you some rest.” He was so insolent, but I couldn’t help the small smile that slipped out.

*****

A knock on the door woke me from my dreams. I sat up, still groggy, as Flynn opened the door. Arawn strode in, a hulking man at his back. The man, who must be Maddox, stood over six feet tall and had a full beard. He was more muscular than any man I’d ever met with so many tattoos there wasn’t empty skin on his arms. He must be an immigrant from the Viking lands. They were known pillagers and plunderers. I’d never seen one, though I had seen woefully little on my father’s estate. I scrambled to my feet, grateful the aches in my body had dulled.

“Sir,” Flynn said. I echoed his greeting.

Arawn nodded at us. “It’s about time to saddle up and ride out. Are you set?”

“I wouldn’t mind some breakfast first,” Flynn suggested. My stomach growled with agreement. Arawn gestured for us to follow him.

We wound through the corridors to the dining hall. It was early enough that it was empty save for Torin and Leith. They chowed down on oatmeal and bread. I quickly joined them, after grabbing my own steaming bowl.

Arawn took a seat beside me. Something ate at me. The Monik made such a good case yesterday, I ignored my chance for revenge. I didn’t know if the Monik’s death would bring the revenge I sought. But he could have been lying. And my father knew the truth. I needed to speak to him, and here I was, riding off to fight demons for angels know why.

I swallowed a mouthful of oatmeal. The warmth of the lumpy liquid almost scalded my tongue. I good a long drink of water, eyeing Arawn. I needed to go ahead and ask, no matter the impression it made.

“Will I be able to speak to my father?” I asked. I kept my voice low so only Arawn would hear. I didn’t want to be the new kid who was already homesick. My reasons for asking were much more serious, after all.

Arawn shook his head. “He’s been alerted to your success with the test, but there’ll be no time for visits home with all the responsibilities apprenticeship brings.”

I bit my cheek. “He resides in the capitol. In the castle, actually.” Advisors to the King needed to be close by. He had been an infrequent yet large presence at the estate. “Will we ever visit the capitol?”

Arawn tilted his head. “I can’t guarantee anything, but it’s possible. So long as we don’t ruin this next mission, we might receive an invitation to the King’s ball.”

I sucked in a breath. We had to succeed. I had to speak to my father, to straighten out this mess.

Leith’s laugh jolted me from my thoughts. He and Maddox kept their heads bent together, expressions light. It was unexpected from such an intimidating man, but Leith made Maddox seem…nicer. Approachable even. Though he still didn’t utter a sound.

Torin laid a bowl of round pebbles in the middle of the table alongside a pitcher of water. Steam rose from a cup he poured. He selected a pebble and dropped it into the water.

I’d seen my father dos something similar with larger stones, but never received an explanation. Leith and Maddox did the same as Torin.

Even Flynn knew what to do, though he said, “It’s been a while since I’ve had mana-tea.”

“Mana-tea?” I asked as Arawn poured himself a cup. He glanced to me, eyebrow raised, and poured a second.

“You’ve never had mana-tea?” Flynn asked. Everyone was looking at me. My face heated as I shook my head. “It’s expensive but most nobles grow up on the stuff.”

Leith asked, “Are you noble born?”

“My father is advisor to the king, so I’d say so.” I didn’t mean to be so defensive but this was yet another aspect of life that my prison of an upbringing had prevented me from. Another way I was behind.

Flynn watched me, eyes narrow. “But I’ve seen you use magic. Your mana levels are deep, how’d you manage that without mana-tea?”

I gritted my teeth. “I earned my mana through hard work and discipline.” 

Arawn, at least, seemed to understand that this was not a topic I wanted to discuss. He dropped a pebble in both cups. “It’s just a little boost of mana. Clunaics are expected to take it to keep our stores high, and nobles like the energy it provides.” He handed me a cup. It warmed my hands through the clay. “It does help with mana levels, but the major effects are only temporary. If the user stops drinking it, their mana levels lessen.”

If my father had used these stones, had he artificially deepened his mana levels? All while pushing me and punishing me for not working enough. I gripped the cup tightly as I took my first sip. A flood of warm sweetness washed over my tongue. The mana-tea was rather delicious. I took a long gulp.

As I finished the last of my mana-tea, Arawn said, “Time to go. We’re wasting daylight.”

*****

We stopped for our first night of rest in a small town. There were two taverns, one inn, and a general store. The taverns advertised all types of liquor. I’d never had any sort of liquor before, and I quickly found out I was the only one.

“No mana-tea, no ale. What kind of life did you have?” Flynn dramatically slung an arm over my shoulders. I stiffened under his touch but didn’t pull away. That would seem odd, I’d come to realize. And maybe I didn’t mind physical contact with other people. It was warm and kind of soothing. Excluding hugs. I could not wrap my mind around why people would trap each other and call it affection.

“Probably the kind where he actually put a bit of effort into training,” Torin retorted.

“I put effort into training, I just know how to enjoy myself too,” Flynn responded with a shrug. “Anyway, it’s well past time to get some ale in you.” He turned toward the closest tavern. It was an old building, wood rotten and windows so dusty you couldn’t see inside. A sign hung crooked over the doorway and declared it The Busy Turnip Tavern.

Arawn stepped in front of Flynn. “We’re on a mission. Where do you think you’re going?” Flynn’s eyes widened.

Leith laughed and paraded past them. “Don’t scare the kid, Arawn. You were already planning a nigh full of ale.”

Arawn grinned and strode up to the tavern door. “Can’t have these apprentices getting too comfortable.” I trailed after the others into the tavern. I wasn’t so sure I wanted to spend my evening drinking. My legs were stiff and back sore from so much time in the saddle, and we were just at the beginning of our trip. But everyone else seemed eager for some drink, and some warm food would be nice.

Inside, it was clear they leaned into the turnip theme. Paintings of turnip fields hung around the room. It was a bit nicer than the outside suggested. A musician played his flute in a corner for the patrons, and there seemed to be a good many people visiting the establishment.

Arawn ordered ale and soup all around as we dropped into chairs around a wooden table. It was thick, rickety, and comfortable, which seemed to mirror the state of everything else the tavern had to offer.

Torin leaned across the table towards Flynn, who sat next to me. “I saw your scores for the challenges. How did you manage to pull that off?”

Flynn sat back smugly. “You mean, how did I beat your scores?”

“You weren’t even able to pass last year. What changed?” It was a good question, one that infuriated me when I pondered it. Flynn had beaten my score every time, even if it was just barely. I tilted my head, eager for his answer.

“I’ll have you remember I was going through a rough time last year,” Flynn said shortly.

Torin’s face softened. He took on an almost sympathetic expression, though it seemed he was trying to fight it. In a soft voice he said, “Of course I remember Arlyn. She was my friend too.”

Flynn stiffened but tried to play it off with a shrug. “You weren’t there when the demon killed her. I was. And a week later, I was expected to complete the test.”

Torin sat back with a sigh. “Father should have given you more time. You needed to grieve.”

Flynn shrugged again, but his eye shone. “It all worked out in the end. Some hard work, a little magic, and I’m stronger than I ever could have been.” My chest hurt. I hadn't known any of that and just assumed he was lazy and undisciplined to have failed the first time. Maybe he deserved to be the best.

A barmaid dropped off our food and drinks. She left a pitcher on the table. Flynn tossed back his first cup of ale in seconds and poured a second. The grin I’d come to expect from him worked its way back into place.

He turned to me. “Now come on, time for your first drink of ale.”

I considered refusing. But Flynn’s shoulders still slumped and the ever-present sparkle in his eyes was diminished. If drinking a bit of ale would make him happy, I’d do it.

I picked up my cup and sniffed at the dark liquid that sloshed within. It smelled almost like some fruit. I brought the cup to my lips and took a drink.

It was spicy and stung my tongue. My throat burned and eyes watered as I sputtered. Everyone laughed, Flynn loudest of all.

“That’s disgusting,” I slammed the cup onto the table. The murky liquid splashed over the edge. It was so awful; I couldn’t believe any of them were able to stomach the stuff.

“Oh come on, you barely gave it a chance,” Flynn teased. He took a long swig from his cup. I gaged on his behalf.

Leith said, “This stuff is a bit rough to start out with. Especially from a tavern like this.”

Arawn waved the barmaid over. “Can I get a cup of wine for my companion?” He gestured to me and the barmaid scurried off to fulfill his order.

I crossed my arms. “I’m not drinking that.”

Arawn smiled. “Trust me, wine is a totally different experience.” Leith nodded in agreement as Maddox shoveled back the last of his ale. Show off.

“You can’t give up yet,” Flynn said. “You’ll miss out.”

I waved a finger at him. “I’m not trusting your suggestions ever again.”

Flynn held a hand to his heart. “You wound me. I had no way to tell you’d hate something as delectable as ale.” At least his smile reached his eyes again.

Torin snorted. “Are you forgetting the first time you tried ale? You took one sip and cried for ten minutes.”

Flynn waved a hand. “I only cried because of how upset mother got. Besides, I was eight. Not a full gown… person like Fallon.”

My cheeks heated. He still didn’t believe I was a man. I scooped up my cup of ale and forced myself to drink it all. Now that I knew what to expect, I could manage it. Sort of. By the time I finished, my mouth burned and my eyes watered. My whole face was likely a deep shade or red.

Flynn gaped at me. “I didn’t mean you had to drink it! We have wine on the way.”

“Maybe I’ve grown a taste for it.” I turned my attention to my soup. It was turnip, of course, but helped sooth the burning in my throat. Soup slopped over the edge of the bowl and landed on my shirt. I started to clean it, then realized a man wouldn’t care. I didn’t have to care.

“I guess we better return the wine,” Arawn said, a new cup in hand. When had he gotten that? “That is, if you’re certain you want ale to be your drink for the night.”

“Well, if the wine’s already here, I might as well try it,” I said. I was not drinking any more ale. I could do it, if I had to, but I’d proven whatever point I was trying to make to Flynn well enough.

I took the cup from Arawn. I was already off balance and wobbly and spilled a bit of the wine on the table. I sniffed it. It didn’t smell good, but it couldn’t be worse that the ale.

Flynn smirked as I swirled the cup, a dark red liquid spinning inside. “Hope this one treats you better.”

Leith shook his head with a smile. “It will. Wine is sweet and gentle compared to ale.” Maddox continues to nurse his ale, truly throwing it in my face. How he managed to drink so much was beyond me.

I took a drink of wine. Leith was right, it was sweet and did not burn like the ale. I can’t say I enjoyed the taste, which was rather tart, it was much more manageable. It still warmed my throat, a sensation I have to admit was nice.

I placed my cup down with a giggle. Alcohol didn’t taste particularly good, nor did I enjoy the way it made my head floaty. I took another gulp.

“You like it?” Flynn asked, head tilted.

I snorted. “No.” I drained the last of my wine. It was better to just get the drinking done with so I could enjoy the rest of my evening.

Flynn smirked. “You’re already feeling it, aren’t you?”

I shrugged and the movement caused me to bump against him. I didn’t bother to straighten as I looked up at him and said, “I’m feeling something. It is…I mean, is it supposed to happen this fast? And so this much?”

“It is when it’s your first time drinking and you down two cups in less than ten minutes.” He laughed and shoved me off him. I leaned on my elbows on the table. The ground felt like it swayed slightly beneath my feet, but I knew it was all in my head.

“You’re small,” Torin commented. I looked down at myself. Was I really that small? I mean, next to Maddox, everyone looked small. It was hard to tell if I was smaller. “You shouldn’t drink any more tonight.”

I pondered his words. Yes, I didn’t like drinking. I would finish my soup and go to bed early.

I slurped my soup as Flynn waved his brother off. “Don’t worry Fallon. You can have another drink.”

“I’m not sure-”

Flynn cut me off. “Come on, I’ll have one with you. Unless it’s too much for you.” He held out a small cup. When had he gotten that? I eyed it. The liquor hadn’t affected me all too much yet. And if Flynn could do it, I certainly could too. I took the cup.

“Fallon,” Leith began to warn. But Flynn tilted his head back and swallowed the liquor in one go. Not one to be left behind, I copied him. This was not wine. It wasn’t ale, either. Whatever it was burned more than ale and tasted sweeter than wine. I coughed. Leith sighed and held out a cup. I was wary this time. “It’s just water.” I took it and drank gratefully, washing away the burning alcohol created in my throat. It settled all warm and cozy in my gut.

Flynn watched me, eyes bright. I burst out laughing. He grinned and asked, “What’s so funny?”

Between gasps of laughter I managed to wheeze out, “Your…Your face!” Flynn’s brow creased and his grin dropped. I realized it was a rude thing to say, but I didn’t much care. His face way funny. “It’s like,” I hesitated and glanced across the table. The ground moved beneath me so when I leaned in towards Flynn I fell heavily against his shoulder. Lucky my chest was bound or he might have noticed.

Right next to his ear I whispered, “Your face. It’s over here.” I tapped his face. “And it’s over there.” I pointed at Torin. I knew Torin was a different person than Flynn, that they were twins. But it was absurd they shared the same face.

Flynn raised an eyebrow at me and looped and arm around my shoulders. I was grateful for the support; I didn’t want to tumble off the bench. That would be too embarrassing.

Torin spoke across the table, with Flynn’s mouth. “I warned you not to have a third drink.” Maybe I hadn’t whispered as quietly as I though. I leaned on the table and peered across the table at Flynn. Wait, no, Flynn was beside me. Torin was across the table. I blinked slowly. Yeah, that was right.

“I want another,” I decided. Three was an unlucky number. A fourth drink would make me feel better.

“No,” at least three different voices said. I twisted about to see who had said it, but everyone was looking at me so I wasn’t sure. Well, Flynn would give me another.

I turned to him, and my nose bumped into his shoulder. I jerked back. Why was he so close? He looked down at me, those pretty brown eyes sparkling with yellow stars. I didn’t mind being so close. It let me see his eyes better. But wait, that wasn’t what I wanted to do.

“I’d like another drink,” I told him. I tried to keep my voice low this time, so the others wouldn’t be able to say no. I guess it didn’t work because Torin groaned across the table.

Flynn smiled at me. I smiled back, he would give me what I wanted. “You’ve had enough for tonight.”

My face fell and I glared at him. “You gave it to me! Now give me more.”

Flynn laughed. “I think we’ve discovered exactly how well you hold your liquor.” He leaned in and whispered against my ear, “It’s not very well.”

He was pissing me off. I tried to shrug out of his hold, but he held on. I couldn’t escape. My chest tightened and breathing became hard. I wanted out. He loosened his grip immediately and I buried my head against his shoulder. He ran his hand along my back, which felt so good. But he needed to stop or he might feel the binding beneath my shirt. But he smelled nice, like rain, and I didn’t pull away.

The hum of chatter continued without me. It was nice to be exempt from conversation. I could never read anyone and always seemed to say the stupidest things. This way, I could listen without the need to contribute. I learned that Flynn had once tried to catch a snake with a fishing pole. He tied a mouse to one end and hung it over rocks all day. He didn’t catch anything, but did almost get bit by a snake. I giggled at the thought of a small Flynn running away, snake on his tail.

I liked this. It was easy and fun. Until I needed to pee.

I pulled away from Flynn’s shoulder and wobbled in my seat. He grabbed me and kept me steady. I swung my leg over the bench to go.

“What are you doing?” Flynn demanded.

I rolled my eyes. “I have to piss.” If I was a lady, such language would be abhorrent. But, as a man, I could say whatever I pleased. The thought made me giggle.

“You can’t go by yourself,” Flynn objected.

I waved him off and swung my other leg over the bench. I stood and immediately swayed on my feet. I stumbled a step to the right, and Arawn caught me. I wouldn’t have fallen down, but it was nice of him, I guess.

Arawn shook his head. “You’re not going anywhere by yourself.”

“I’ll take him,” Leith offered. I frowned. I didn’t want a company to go pee. I’d have to make sure they gave me enough privacy, which sounded annoying.

Arawn said, “No. Flynn’s the one who got Fallon drunk, he can be the one to take care of him.”

“I’m fine,” I protested. I took a few steps on my own to prove it, and held my arms out for balance.

Flynn stood and grabbed me by the shoulders. “Come on, I’ve got you.”

I waved a finger in his face. “I don’t need help going to the bathroom.”

“Arawn already gave the order. Are you really going to disobey your Holy Knight?”

I pondered this. I supposed he had a point. I didn’t want to be a disobedient apprentice. I sniffed and gave in. Flynn led me through the front door to find the outhouse.

I stumbled going down the two stairs that led to the door, Flynn the only thing stopping me from face planting in the street.

He laughed. “You’re incredibly drunk, and off three drinks. I’m impressed.”

“Aren’t you drunk too? You drank, like,” I paused as I tried to count how many drinks he had. I couldn’t so I just finished, “a lot.”

He laughed and ruffled my hair. “Not nearly so drunk as you.”

“But some,” I insisted.

“A little,” he admitted.

I grinned. “I knew it.”

“Whatever you say, cupcake,” he said.

I frowned and looked at my arm, which was definitely human. “I’m really not a cupcake.”

“No, but you’re small and cute like one,” he retorted.

I glared at him. “I not really that small!” I was pretty bulky, lots of muscles. Or so I thought, anyway.

He laughed. “Of course you’re not.” He pulled me to a stop and pointed to a small wooden structure right in front of us. “Here. Can you handle pulling your pants down and peeing by yourself, or do you need my help with that too?”

I shoved him in the chest, which he laughed off. “Of course I can handle it.”

He opened the door and I scrambled inside. It was so dark, only a small angel shape cut out of the top of the door provided any light. Luckily, the moon was full so it was enough to do my business by. I did it quickly and most definitely did not almost fall in. Flynn certainly did not have to ask after me when he heard a crash.

I was glad Flynn had come. I would have taken me so long to find the outhouse without him, and at least he already knew and respected the privacy I needed. I rinsed my hands in a basin and stumbled back outside. He waited for me, eyes up on the stars above us.

I looked up but had to lean against the outhouse door to keep upright. The stars twinkled above us, an open expanse of beauty. There was nothing else like it. Except maybe Flynn’s eyes. I glanced towards him and found him already looking at me.

“What?” I asked.

“Are you sure you’re not a girl?”

My heart thumped against my chest. The question…the way he looked at me…I swallowed hard and shook my head. “Sorry to disappoint but I’m a boy.”

“Well, boy or girl, I kind of want to kiss you,” he whispered.

I blinked up at him three times as I processed his words. Kiss? Wasn’t a kiss supposed to be romantic? But maybe not. I was having a hard time remembering. It did sound kind of nice either way. I shrugged. “You can, if you really want.”

He sighed and pulled me in close. But he didn’t angle his face towards mine. Instead, he buried his nose in my hair and my face against his chest. He smelled nice, like rain.

Against my head he said, “I’m not kissing you drunk.” His chest rumbled against my cheek with every words. I hummed in contentment.

“That’s alright.” I was a little disappointed, but only because he made me think it was going to happen. And I’d never had a kiss before. But I didn’t want him to know that, so I didn't tell him.

A shout from inside the tavern drew us apart. We eyed each other and took off, his arm wrapped around mine. I fumbled for my dagger, but the best I could do was try to keep up with Flynn.

We burst through the door. Arawn turned our way. He stood, but had no weapons drawn. I stopped grabbing for my dagger. It had to be alright then. We joined our Parish, who all stood motionless around our table.

Across the room, another Parish of five surrounded a single man. He wore tatters and his hair was matted. One of the Clunaics stomped forward, sword in hand. A gorgeous, dangerous blade that burst into blue flames.

“For desertion of your post, you are sentenced to purification by angel fire. May death grant your release and virtue,” The Holy Knight said.

“Please, Cahal. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t do it anymore,” the deserter begged. “My mother, she’s sick. She needs me.”

The Holy Knight hesitated half a step, then swung his sword. The deserter howled in pain as the flames flickered from his stomach. He wailed for a long minute as the fire ate him alive.

I brought a hand to my mouth, horrified. Bile bit at my throat. Flynn tucked my head against his shoulder, but I could still hear the man’s screams. I squeezed my eyes shut to prevent the tears from escaping. After what felt like an eternity, the screams stopped. A few moments later, Flynn let me go.

Nothing but ash remained of the man. His former Parish turned and left without another word.

“I think it’s time for bed,” Arawn whispered.