Chapter 19 - Samara

The next few days were relatively uneventful. Kivani and the other Clunaics went out each day to try to clear out all the demons. They returned bruised and tired everyday, but now that the tear was closed, the demons were down to a more manageable number. 

I of course did not go on these extermination missions. I’m not that altruistic. I’d helped them close the tear when I didn’t have to so I owed them nothing. In fact, I rather think they should be trying harder to repay me for my heroic deeds. But unfortunately the townspeople had no idea how to worship a hero. You could see their lack of effort to thank me in their food. It was severely underwhelming. Not outright disgusting, but bland to the point of boredom. And I hated being bored. 

Why didn’t you just go help the Clunaics fight demons if you were so bored? You might ask. I think you have the wrong idea. Sure, fighting demons could sometimes be fun, but I’d been doing a little too much of that recently so it didn’t hold quite the same appeal anymore. Plus my mana levels were finally back to normal and I liked it like that. Let the humans fix their own problems.

“You’re cheating!” I whined.

“I wouldn’t stoop so low.” Suetin said. “You’re just terrible at playing cards.”

“Rude.” Even if it was true, he didn’t have to say it so bluntly. I’d taken to hanging out with Suetin while the Clunaics were out cleansing the area. He of course was unable to join them due to being short a leg. And don’t you go thinking I’m being so nice to keep him company while he’s feeling down about his injury. I only resorted to spending time with him because I was bored. 

“Sorry, but it’s true.”

“You know you could do to be a little less blunt sometimes.”

“So could you.” Suetin countered. Fair enough. 

“What are going to do now?” I asked bluntly. I thought it would be nice to prove his point that I could be blunt too. Really it was his own fault for bringing it up. 

“What do you mean?

“You know exactly what I mean. Do you plan on trying to still be a Clunaic or will you do something else?”

“I don’t know.” He said, his voice getting quiet. 

“Seriously? You haven’t thought about it at all the last couple of days?”

“No. I mean, I have. I just still don’t know what I will do. Becoming a Holy Knight was sort of always my purpose. My father was a Clunaic so it was sort of assumed I would be one too. I used to think that was a curse. I mean, who would want to be destined to fight demons the rest of their life? But then I met Kivani during our apprenticeship and… well he made it seem like the most glorious career. Like the danger we faced so many times was always worth it if lives could be saved.” Suetin paused for a moment, a dark look overshadowing his face. “But now I’m more of a burden than a hero.”

“If I was philosophical I would probably say something like, your weaknesses are what you make them. If you’re willing to put in the work and effort, you can make a weakness into an advantage. But I’m not into that sort of inspirational thinking so I say, you should probably just be depressed because things look pretty hopeless for you.”

“Thanks, you’re so good at comforting.” Suetin said sourly. He looked to the side, his expression defeated. 

“Well, I’m hungry. Want to walk over to the kitchens?”

“Did you seriously just ask if I wanted to ‘walk’?

“Oh, my apologies. Would you like to hop over to the kitchens?”

“You know, you’re pretty insensitive.”

“Maybe, you’re just overly sensitive.”

“Just hurry up and go.” 

“Okay, okay. Just know that I think you would have made an excellent bunny.”

Suetin glared at me, but gone was his brooding self-pity. I gave him a wink and walked out of his room. 

***

“Would you like to go for an evening stroll?” Kivani asked me as I was making my way to my room. He had been pretty busy lately trying to get the demon situation under control. He was also under additional strain since he was basically leading two Parishes at once. I had learned that the Captain of Warthford’s Parish had died during the initial surge of demons after the tear opened up. Now with Sterkin dead they didn’t have any holy knights left. Plus one of their apprentices had also died, leaving them with just two disciples and an apprentice. 

Now with Suetin out of commission, Kivani was the only holy knight. That meant he pretty much had to go on every mission since he was the only one with a holy fire weapon that could purify the demons. 

“You sure you have time for that?” I was definitely not feeling neglected by him. No, I was perfectly fine not seeing his face very much. 

“I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t”

“Maybe I don’t have time.” I said, crossing my arms.

“Do you have time? I mean I wouldn’t want to interrupt you if you have important plans to lay in your bed and stare at the ceiling or something.”

“I guess I could reschedule staring at the ceiling for now, but just know I’m doing you a huge favor.”

“You have my deepest gratitude.”

We strode out into the dusty streets of Warthford, the sky softening to a light pink hue. We walked in companionable silence for a little while before Kivani broke the silence. 

“I have a question for you.”

“Do you now?” I gave him a sidelong look. I was surprised when I noticed a slight pinkness to his cheeks. When he didn’t say anything for a minute I got impatient. “Well, are you going to ask or not?”

“Will you go with me to the Promotion Ball?” Kivani gave me an earnest look.

“The what?”

“The Promotion Ball. It’s an annual ceremony held in the capital where Clunaics and Kingsmen are honored.”

“Well, I hate to break it to you, but I’m not a Clunaic or a Kingsmen, so I don’t think I qualify to attend.”

“You don’t have to be. It’s customary for those invited to the ball to bring a date with them.” His cheeks were now distinctly red. “And I was hoping you would come with me as my date.”

“Do I have to wear one of those monstrous dresses?”

“Well, the women do usually wear ball gowns…”

“Count me out!”

“But there will be lots of amazing food prepared by the King’s finest chefs”

“Hmmm.”

“Please” He stared at me with such hopefulness that I could feel my initial refusal crumbling. Something about his flustered blush and nervousness made him seem so genuine. Like he really did want to go with me. Like he would be disappointed if I refused. 

“Fine, I’ll go.”

His face broke into a broad grin, his eyes lighting up. I felt my heart flutter. Something about this seemingly mundane moment on a dirty street in the dimming light felt profound. I wished I could hold onto the moment, make it last a little longer. But time marched on and soon I found myself back in my room staring at the ceiling. 

***

New Clunaics arrived to fill the ranks of the Warthford’s Parish, relieving Kivani of his duties. Soon we were all packed up and headed to the capital for the ball. Apparently Kivani’s entire Parish had been invited to attend the ball due to their recent heroic deeds in helping with the tear. Nicolev was even going to get promoted from disciple to holy knight. 

Suetin and I rode in a horse drawn carriage while the others rode on horseback. Suetin of course required the carriage as he was still not accustomed to just having one leg so horseback riding was a little risky for him. As for me, well, I’d never ridden a horse before. But I was more than willing to learn. In fact I quite liked the idea, but alas Kivani said we needed to hurry to the capital so now was not the best time to learn. But I think he was just being lazy and didn’t feel like teaching me. 

I stared out the window, watching the grassy hills and trees go by. At first I’d been entertained by the ever changing scenery, but by the fifth day I was over it. Sure, trees and grass, and rocks are all cool, but even good things can be overdone. 

I turned my gaze to the road ahead of us. Looked like there were some big clouds on the horizon. But something was off about the clouds. They remained stationary, not bothered by wind. I squinted at them more closely. Wait a minute. Those weren’t clouds. They were gigantic mountains. Their jagged gray peaks were wreathed in mist. We had mountain’s in the Demonic Realm, but something about these towering mountains against the backdrop of the azure sky captured my awe more entirely. 

I watched the mountains grow in size as we neared the rocky slopes. It took us nearly three days to reach the foothills, and another four days to traverse the craggy mountain pass to reach the capital. Finally, I caught sight of the city. 

The valley where the large city sat was surrounded by mountains on all sides. On the edges of the valley, terraced farms grew a variety of crops. A wide river snaked its way through the valley, cutting straight through the center of the city. Buildings were scattered about, with the population density seeming to increase closer to the center. And right at the center sat a palace. Its lofty towers and sprawling white stone halls screamed opulence. I guess it was pretty, but it seemed more frivolous than practical to me. 

By the time we made it inside the palace I was over the whole city thing. The smells, the noise, the chaos. It felt more like a battlefield than a peaceful city, with vendors screaming their wares and people rushing about. 

“Let me show you to your rooms,” a servant offered as we entered the palace. The servant bowed low in deference, not making eye contact. “This way, if you please.”

We followed her down countless corridors until we finally arrived in a hallway lined with doors on both sides. “The quarters in this wing are for your Parish,” the servant said to Kivani. 

Kivani thanked the servant and she hurried away. Suetin had been given a wheeled chair that Garner pushed around so it was good that our rooms were on the first floor. We all picked rooms and got settled.

 I think I heard Nicolev, Ramin, and Garner talking in the hall about going to find dates in the city for tomorrow’s ball. I for one had no desire to just wander around the city when there were rooms like these to enjoy. My chambers were spacious with high ceilings and large floor to ceiling windows looking out into a flower filled garden. And don’t even get me started on the washroom. There was a large tub cut into the floor and gleaming polished tiles. An assortment of soaps were laid out and soft towels were folded neatly on a shelf.

A knock on the door interrupted my perusal of my rooms. I opened the door to find Kivani waiting in the hall.

“Are your rooms to your liking?”

“I suppose they’ll do.” I said, inspecting my nails in mock boredom. “How about you, Princess, are your rooms up to your standards?”

“Oh, most definitely. I think I’ll call some of the servants to draw me a hot bath in a little bit.”

“Wait, we can just order servants to do that?” My surprise broke my forced nonchalance.

“Yes. While we’re here we are honored guests.”

“So we can also order them to bring food?”

Kivani nodded. Maybe this place wasn’t so bad. 

“Would you like me to order us some dinner?”

“Like you even have to ask.”

Kivani smiled, “I’ll get right on that.”

*** 

I awoke to a knock at my door. I groaned, a little too comfortable in the impossibly soft bed to feel like getting up. Plus there was also the fact that I’d stayed up way too late ordering multiple rounds of food and soaking until I was wrinkly in the large bath. 

When the knock persisted I rolled grumpily out of bed. 

I opened the door, ready to tell Kivani off for waking me up, but was startled when it was an older woman flanked by two younger girls. 

“My lady, I’ve come to help fit you for a ball gown.”

“Oh, I guess you can come in then.” I stepped aside to let the women enter. The two younger girls carried large bags that they laid down on the couch by the windows. They began unzipping the bags to reveal large ball gowns of various shades. They all seem much too frilly and voluminous. Hopefully I wouldn’t be forced to wear one of those. But unfortunately it turned out I was indeed meant to choose one to wear. 

After being squeezed into a corset and then shuffled in and out of multiple dresses I finally settled on one that was mildly less annoying than the others. I inspected myself in the tall mirror. The dress was gold and green. The bodice was form fitting, sparkling gold trim and straps accentuating the forest green fabric. The skirt flared out and reached to the floor. Fortunately, the skirts were light and flowy so movement wasn’t too difficult. That being said, I by no means enjoyed wearing such a garment. 

After what felt like forever, the servants managed to tease my hair into a delicate braid at the top of my head with the rest of my hair falling down my back. They had applied some sort of paint to my face, lining my eyes in black to make them appear larger. By the time they were done almost the whole day had passed. I was suddenly relieved this was not my life. I would give up the fancy rooms in a heartbeat if it meant I didn’t have to suffer through all that primping again. 

Though I had to admit, the end result was rather striking. Despite how uncomfortable it was, the dress was beautiful. The green was a nice contrast to my long chestnut hair and the gold really brought out the golden shades in my brown eyes. 

I smiled at myself in the mirror before a disturbing realization erased my grin. This wasn’t me. I don’t mean that the dress didn’t suit me or that I looked wrong with make up on. I mean, this wasn’t even my real face. When had I gotten so used to this human form that I forgot about what I really looked like. How could I forget about my horns and wings? Forget about my black hair and piercing golden eyes. I tried to visualize how I really looked, but it took me longer than I was comfortable with to actually recall myself as I should be. What was it about this human form that just felt so right? Why did I almost feel more at home in this skin than my own?

Maybe I’d let this charade go on a little too long. After the ball, I needed to go home. Because if I didn’t, I may forget I ever even wanted to. 

***

The servants left after they finished getting me ready. They told me that the ball didn’t start for two more hours. Well great, what was I supposed to do now? I wandered around my room for a while. I stared out the window for a bit. I tried unsuccessfully to juggle pillows. And still barely more than ten minutes had passed. 

I finally gave up trying to entertain myself and just flopped down on the bed, staring up at the tall ceiling. 

I woke with a jolt, a strange uneasiness startling me from my sleep. I did a quick mana scan of the area, trying to pinpoint what had startled me, but everything seemed normal. I could sense many mana signatures in the large palace, but they were all just normal humans. So why did I feel on edge? Why did I feel like a predator stalked nearby? I had nothing to fear from mere humans. Yet, my skin prickled with phantom chills. 

I climbed out of bed and started pacing the room to try to ease my tension. I was making my third lap around the room when I caught sight of myself in the mirror. My hair was completely disheveled. The neat braids the servants had done earlier had tufts sticking out every which way, and the rest of my hair was a knotted mess. 

There was a reason why I always slept with my hair in a loose braid. Otherwise I would wake up to this sort of mess everyday. Fortunately, the make up wasn’t smeared, but I didn’t exactly look presentable for a ball. 

It seemed fate didn’t want me to go to the ball. I sighed. I was definitely no hair expert. The best I could do was a simple braid and that was basically it. 

Wait. Kivani. He was good at doing hair because of his sister. Maybe he could tame my current bird's nest. 

I strode over to the door and pulled it open only to find Kivani standing right outside, his hand poised to knock.

“Ara… uh, what happened?” He took in my mangled hair in surprise. 

I grabbed his hand, dragging him into the room, shutting the door behind him. 

“Just hurry up and fix it.”

“What?”

“You said you were the hair master, so hurry up and fix my hair!”

I sat down in a chair and handed him a brush. Kivani took the brush, still a little confused.

“Hurry up! I don’t want to be too late and miss all the good food!”

Kivani nodded, a little dazed, and got to work. His fingers gently unwound the messy braids, pulling out pins and letting the hair fall down my back. Then he started brushing my hair softly. He was definitely way more gentle with my hair than I was. I usually just yanked on it when I pulled it back into a braid. 

I closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation of his fingers through my hair. We stayed like that in silence, nothing but the quiet swish of my hair to fill the space. Just as I was practically purring in contentment, Kivani stopped. I opened my eyes to find Kivani standing in front of me, staring. 

“Beautiful.” He murmured.

“Don’t you think it’s a little arrogant to compliment your own work like that?”

“I wasn’t talking about your hair, I meant you.”

I couldn’t help the blush that crept up into my cheeks. Sure, I’d known that men found me pleasing, but there was something different about this. Kivani looked at me with such genuine awe it made me feel special. Unique. 

“You’re just exaggerating,” I spluttered, getting up and walking over to the mirror. 

He’d done a spectacular job with my hair. Half of it was braided up into a delicate crown. The rest cascaded down my back with a few strands loose in the front to frame my face. 

“See, beautiful.” Kivani walked up behind me in his white Clunaic dress uniform. His hair was pulled back neatly into his signature low blonde ponytail. His green eyes caught mine in the mirror. Now I realized why I had been drawn to this dress. The green fabric matched his eyes. 

I smiled softly before my happiness came crashing back down. Why was I happy he thought I’d looked pretty? This wasn’t even my body. What if he only liked me because I looked like this? 

I don’t know why the thought bothered me so much. It wasn’t like I ever planned on showing him my true form. So why couldn’t I shake this feeling of disappointment.

Before he could have time to notice my sudden melancholy I spun around.

“We’d better get going! I want to get the first pick of the food.”

Kivani smiled. “Whatever you say.”

He offered me an arm which I linked with mine. Then we headed out, ready to attend the ball.