In a completely white space, a boy is lying down on the spotless floor, unconscious.
Suddenly, his eyelids twitched which means that he is about to wake up...
***
"..inhale*...exhale*...snort*"
Blinks * open..
"Ahhh.... groan*"
'So bright!'
"..hhmmm...What time is it?"
'My mobile...'
"Huh?...what?"
"Wait, ...where ...?"
Pausing a few moment...
"...is this and ... why am I on the floor?"
sitting down slowly, he look at his surroundings and noticed that everything is completely white and isolated.
"Hmmmm.."
With Passive eyes, he stands up and turns around, finding a pair of dark wooden chair and a table.
Seeing that, he goes toward the chair, pulling it and sits on it.
After a while of staring at the table...
"So...what the hell is happening?"
'I'm so confused.'
'Am I dead?'
'Where am I?'
'Where is this?'
'And what...'
'I have so many questions...'
'Wait...
Why is it...
Empty?
I don't have...
Any Memory?'
...
'My mind is empty.
I don't remember...
What was I doing?'
"Peew...exhale*"
'Let's relax and think.
Am I kidnapped?
For a experiment?
I'm the test subject?
But it doesn't explain the memory loss.
Seriously, what's hap-'
Suddenly, a voice is heard.
[Welcome]
"...?"
'What was that?'
"Hello?"
[Hi host, thank you for being patient. What can I do for you?]
'Host?'
"Well no problem... wait, what? Who are you and where are you?... can you explain the situation for me?"]
[Absolutely, I'm the 'system' or simply put an artifact intelligent aka a.i , to help and guide you. Currently I reside in your consciousness. My mission is to assist you in the process of your 'transfer'.]
"..."
'This is so much to take.'
'Transfer? What is that?'
"Do you know why am I here or like, what happened to me to be here?"
[Yes, unfortunately it looks like you have perished in your original world.]
"I died?"
[Correct.]
"But I don't remember anything?"
lots of issues here, my man. Gonna be a tad rough with yuh with this here constructive criticism.
1. this isnt a manga or comic book, there shouldnt be sh1t like *SMASH* *BANG*. you got words, use em to describe these sounds or actions.
2. you aint differentiating between thoughts and spoken words enough(like using italics or somthin), makes sh*t very unpleasant to read.
3. since you're makin these newbie mistakes, i'll give you a freebie before you start makin mistakes in the future . Details of characters and buildings and items are important. height weight color shape and distinguishing features are a minimum for characters. colors(materials) and shapes n such are important for the outsides of buildings and for weapons. small details like smell or sweat can be important. etc etc.
lookin forward to what you push out.
thnx for the chapter