So beans, carrots, an apple, and salat. Then a few sausages and chicken. Maybe I should wait for mother to come here. I could ask her if this is okay or if the beans or the salat are in some way strange. I mean, he ate the apple, so the apple should be fine. Why do they even put things like onions on the table if you can't eat them? Maybe I should look at what the others eat. That would make it simpler. Okay, they don’t eat the apple. Was Will just nice to me, or are the others the strange ones? Only half of the people have the salat. But half means that it's not ridiculous for me to bring it. Okey, I should be fine this time.

On the way, I met Brian or “Red” and two other boys. One looked tall and muscular with long, curly black hair, and he hadn’t shaved for a few days. The other one had kempt blond hair but was more of an average size. He also didn’t have a beard, but he had a nasty laugh. Those were probably Joshua and Keith. I just winked and went ahead, as they were probably on their way to the great hall.

When I arrived, graciously delivering a perfect meal, I asked Will which of the two was Keith and which was Joshua.

Turned out Keith was the one who needed a shave, and Joshua was the one with the nasty laugh.

“What is so funny?”

“Well, Joshua’s ex-girlfriend said the same about his laugh.” Yeah, because his laugh was nasty.

“Don’t you want to come under the blanket?” I wanted to. I was just considering if I wanted to take off the robe too. I mean, a shirt was more than enough, right? The bottoms were closed too. But would that be too… too slutty? I don’t want to look slutty, but on the other hand, it was just a robe, right? Ah damned, no robe for me today.

Yes, he is smiling. Definitely the right choice.

We ate together in his bed, which meant that he was eating the vegetables while I sneaked off all the chicken from the plate. He cleaned up our fingers with a flick of his wand, and we cuddled a little. How would his body feel under the pyjama? Should I risk it? No, we are lying here quite comfortably, and I don’t want to ruin it.

“So you want to play nurse for a day longer than needed?” Oh, why was he bringing that up now?

“Ohh, but you are ill, very ill.” I won’t admit to anything. Not without a lawyer.

"Oh, right, I forgot. How could that have happened. So if I am HEALTHY again in two days and were to ask you what you have planned in three days, would you have time? I mean, I know you only wanted a single date, but we could just call it something else. A picnic, maybe? A normal walk with a friend?” I know he wouldn’t be able to not rub it under my nose.

"Ah, in three days, I think I would need to look into my calendar.” Two can play that game, and from his grinning, I assumed he liked to play.

“Yeah, I guess I could make some time.” Yeah, just you wait, hihi. “But are you sure you are really HEALTHY again at that time? You look really, really ill. Maybe we should wait for another week, maybe a month, or even a year.”

His grinning didn’t even stop. “Oh, that won’t be a problem; I will just ask my nurse to give me something to cheer me up faster.” Damned, he was good.

“And what cure could have such magical effects?” Now say what you want, my sweet little perv… ahm patient.

“Wouldn’t that be for the nurse to decide? I mean, she is a professional healer after all.” Damned, okay, how do I turn this around. I want him to say something, not me. Who even said I was a professional nurse? I attended the "after-the-first-date healthcare academy," and my grades were terrible. Oh, I have an idea.

“There are certain ways to make sure you are cured till then, but they come with great risks; even death is a possibility.” Got him. Yes he faltered.

“But there must be ways to reduce that risk, right? Otherwise, the nurse wouldn’t have proposed such a solution, right?” Now I have to decide. Do I want to do what I want, or do I want to know what he wants and eventually do that. What a difficult choice. But I really want to try it. Okay, we do what I want, but not because he won, but because I won.

"Indeed, there is a way, you just need to follow the instructions of your nurse to the letter. Do you have that trust in your nurse? Your life might be forfeited if your trust is misplaced.” Okey, but how do I instruct him without going out of character? That will be a little difficult.

“Who should I trust with my life if not my nurse.” Yeah, you do that. I wouldn’t trust myself.

“Then come a little closer, and this nurse will suck out the illness out of your body.” Oh, he got a little red. Hihi. So now I need to describe what he needs to look out for, or it can get really dangerous.

“My life won’t be in real danger, right? I mean, sucking out an illness sounds nice and all, but what exactly are you really talking about?” Did I scare him? Was he worried I would suck his blood or something? He looked a little worried, but not really scared. But it makes it easier now that he broke the play first.

“Do you remember that during our first kiss I said no tongue or I would bite? I wanted to try that. In a book I read, it’s described as so much much better than a normal kiss. But you need to be careful because I have two really sharp and pointy teeth. And blood makes me a little, mmhhh, let's say unfocused.” Was it too soon? In the books I read, some couples started with that kind of kiss. He looked so doubtful. Did I ruin it? Doesn’t he trust me? Is he scared? By the magic, I shouldn’t have asked. What a terrible idea.

“You really want to try it, don’t you? Don’t be angry, but can you explain exactly what you mean by unfocused? I mean, if it's really risky, some additional safety measures would be nice, if I’m honest. Hey, everything is fine. Don’t worry, I won’t run away.” Was it really that obvious? Could he read me that well already? But how do I describe that state? The last time I had it was so long ago. Oh, sweet, a kiss on the cheek. What was that for?

“Take your time, I really won’t run away.” Okey, good to know. I mean, not that he could run away if I wanted to stop him, but I guess he just misinterpreted my expression. But I take the kiss anyway. It’s nice that he cares so much. It makes me feel so... so cozy.

“Can you hug me a little bit? I’m just sorting my mind a little bit. I don’t know how to describe the feeling to someone who hasn’t experienced it.” He nodded, and before I knew what happened, I sat in his lab while he hugged me from behind, kissing my neck and checking on me from time to time.

“So, do you want to try to explain it or do you want to just stay like this?” Can’t I do both? I mean, I’m not in the mood for any experiments anymore, but I still like the way he holds me right now. But when we want to experiment at a later date, ideally when he is healthy again, I should give him an explanation and time to think about it.

“I will give it a try, but it's really not so easy to describe.” He didn’t say anything and just held me tight.

“So when I drink blood. I mean human, or I think magical blood in general, then my senses get much sharper. That might sound like something good at first, but it's just too much. It’s a little like when you go from a dark room into a bright room. You won’t be able to see for a short moment. But unlike my eyes, the other senses are much slower. I mean, I can smell someone a dozen meters away. I can hear someone breathing who is in another room. I can taste the air; I can feel every small movement of the wind. Its just so much and distracting. But at the same time, I feel healthier and stronger than at any other time. Do you remember how I said that casting magic would use up the energy in my body? If I drink blood, enough blood to give me time to get used to these senses, I could even use magic. Real magic, Will! Even though it shortens the time I am in that state. The feeling is exhilarating and frightening at the same time. It's addicting, and at the same time, it makes me want to puke. It’s the feeling of wanting more that is the worst. That’s the reason I never do it. I fear that I would be unable to live without it once I get used to it, because when I do and the effect is over, it's like returning to a dark room. It's depressing, it's frightening, and I feel so weak, and helpless, and guilty afterwards.”

I couldn’t see his face, but I could feel his rhythmic breath on my neck. He didn’t lose his grip on me, which was a good sign, I hoped. I could feel my heartbeat rising as I waited for an answer. By know I was at least willing to hope that he wouldn’t abandon me because I was more vampire than I liked, but that didn’t stop me from having doubts and being nervous.

“That was surprisingly understandable and incomprehensible at the same time. But I think I get the gist of it. Do you mind if I ask a few things, even if they might be uncomfortable?” Not an instant break up was a good thing, and he didn’t sound particularly frightened or anything like that. Damn, I would like to see his face, but at the same time, I’m glad I don’t. What if I could see something I didn’t want to see? Would I blame him? Could I even blame him? I would… probably. He probably wants to know if I can control myself in case something happens, but luckily that shouldn’t be a problem. A few drops won’t make me go crazy.

“Did you ever kill someone?” What? Why would he ask that? Does he really think I would do something like that? Does he think… think that I’m a monster? Does he think I’m capable of killing someone? Am I really so scary to him? Why is he even together with me when he thinks I could do something like that? Why am I even together with him when he thinks I could do that? He is just like everyone else. He probably just spent time with me to get something from mother.

I felt my heart cramp and my body go stiff. It was a pain I haven’t felt in a long time. He really thinks that I’m a monster. I should have never accepted that date. I should never have accepted anything at all. I should just stay alone. Alone where no one can find me.

“Charly stop! I didn’t mean it like that. Please wait.” I was already halfway through the door when he said that. I could feel the hot tears forming in my eyes. I needed to get out of there. I needed to… I don’t know; it just hurts. I thought he was different. That he would see me for who I am, but he probably thought I was a monster since I told him about who and what I was. He was probably just too scared to admit it.

I ran down the stairs, ignoring his calls, ignoring that he was trying to catch up, ignoring that he was chaughing and struggling to keep up. I ignored the Lionhearts that stared at me as he ran through the room. I ignored the fat girl who was complaining about how I opened the door. I just ran. I didn’t even know where I wanted to run, but I didn’t want to stay there anymore.

I couldn’t leave the castle as the sun was high up, so I ran to the only place I knew I could hide. I ran to the bathroom. My bathroom. I ran so fast that a few students could only feel the wind move past them.

I looked into the mirror. The mirror I had spent the past day before just doing stupid faces. I could see that my eyes were slightly red, which gave them an even scarier look as they blended far too well with my naturally red iris. They portrait me as the monster I was. No that wasn’t me. I’m not like this. I’m just… just… Its not my fault I was born like that. I just want to be like everyone else. I’m not that thing.

Krck

I could feel a sharp pain in my hand as I punched the mirror. The mirror was broken but stabilized by my hand, which still stuck in. The shards were quickly drenched in blood. My blood. The pain made me able to think clearly again. I realized that I shouldn’t have punched the mirror. I didn’t even know if I should have run. He warned me that the question might be uncomfortable. I should just have told him no and said that it was insensible.

I ignored the mirror shards falling to the ground as I pulled out my hand. I ignored that the shards were lying everywhere. The only feeling I had left was regret.

I regretted running away. I regretted leaving the question unanswered. I regretted asking for that kind of kiss. I regretted opening up a little. I regretted everything. And now? I couldn’t go back. Not after leaving him like that. I wish I could ask mom, but she gives a lesson now. Will I end up alone again?

I looked at my blood-dripping hand. A few small cuts all over the hand and a few splinters in my knuckles. I should probably pull them out and treat the bleeding. It wouldn’t be good if I collapsed in the bath.

I started with the smaller splinters and worked myself up to the bigger ones. The sink was already colored red, and a few drops of blood covered the way from the mirror to the sink. I looked into the much smaller mirror over the sink, and my only thought was how pitiful I looked. Dried tears all over the face, a white shirt sprinkled with blood and hair that looks like I was hit by a storm. That happens when you start to hope again. It feels good for a short time and then crushes you until nothing is left.

I should probably go to my room before I crush another mirror. And I needed to tell mom to clean up the bath before someone else entered it. Would she ask questions? Would she scold me? Would she tell me I did something stupid?

I took one of the towels from the bath and made myself a bandage, as the bleeding still hadn’t stopped before I went on my way. The students that saw me looked frightened. For the first time, I could understand them. I looked horrifying.

“Don’t worry; she will probably calm down soon. Let me tell you, in my time, the girls always acted like that when they wanted attention. Just let her be for some time, and she will come begging to take you back.” Was that Archimedis? With whom was he talking? And what the fuck was he talking about.

I glimpsed around the corner and saw Will sitting in front of Archimedis portrait. He was still in his pajamas and looked paler than when I left him. Did he try to follow me here? Didn’t he realize that I didn’t want to talk with him? But what should I do now? He doesn’t look like he will move soon. But what does he want to accomplish? Is getting into mother’s good graces so important that he would even put up with a monster?

“She isn’t like any other girl, Archy. You should see how she smiles at you if she is happy and how she likes to make even the smallest thing into an exciting adventure. How cute she is when she is nervous. How important it was for her to take care of me just because I have a little cold. And I? I asked her the most terrible thing I could have asked Archy. I mean, just because I was a little worried, I began to doubt her. I questioned her humanity, Archy. How can I ever get her to forgive me? You should have seen her face. She looked so hurt, and now I don’t even know where she is to apologize. I don’t even know if she would give me the chance to, even if she was her now.”

I sank down on the wall and listened. Was that really how he felt about me? Should I go to him? Should I apologize? Does he really understand?