The beginning was always the same. Should I be delighted or disappointed? Hmm... I'm now leaning towards delighted with a hint of disappointment or disappointed with a hint of cheerfulness. But then, I couldn't blame this extraordinary landscape for existing or for making me feel uncomfortable by the mere sight of it. But then, you want to avoid reading the impressions of someone about to join the Void once and for all, do you, My Dear Successor?

 

In any case, the Void was, and still is, my goal, my Desire, and my End. Even if I would have liked to join it differently... But anyway, I won't dwell any longer on my feelings on the subject. Especially since if you cooperate, My Successor, I can finally achieve the End I've always wanted. My Desire can finally be fulfilled, and my Identity can finally be expressed despite the shackles of the World.

 

I've been waiting for this to happen for so long... Sorry for my ramblings, but my jubilation over the realization of my Desire and my Identity is at its peak right now. Just watching the moment of discovery of the first memory significant to the quest for my Desire and Identity reminds me again of my task at hand. However, I must calm myself, for that time has unfortunately not yet come.

 

After all, before I reach that moment, I have a life to tell and a choice that must get you, My Successor. Nevertheless, don't worry too much about this choice, for I'm firmly convinced that you will choose the most peaceful and satisfying option, the only one that will finally allow me to indeed exist. Anyway, back to the beginning of my first rediscovered memory.

 

Although, in fact, it was instead the beginning of all my lost memories since they all had the same start and the same end. This was logical, as they all resided in my Void. The more crucial a memory was for my Desire and Identity, the deeper it hid in that perfect Void. Why was this important information in the Void? I couldn't figure it out.

 

I only wondered which of us was the valid owner of this forgotten memory. Me or the Void? Did this question even make sense? Above all, why did tears stream down my face every time I asked myself this question? Why was I so ignorant of everything? After all, losing my memories was one thing, but it shouldn't hinder my understanding of my personality or its tears.

 

At the very least, my Identity and Desire had to remain unchanged. It couldn't be otherwise. So why couldn't I access such information about myself? While I was filled with great joy about my Void in the early years, the trend was downward. Lassitude slowly took hold of me, suffocating almost all my other feelings.

 

The only exception was the increasingly rare moments when I discovered a new facet of my Void and came closer to it. Of course, this impression needed to be factually accurate. Nonetheless, it remained a persistent feeling within me. As the years went by, the difference between these moments only increased.

 

Sometimes caught between increasingly heightened emotions, seen by an increasingly palpable sensation of the slow death of my spirit. Strangely enough, I had to admit to liking these second moments more. Indeed, they seemed to me to be more authentic... and healthier than the moments when extreme emotions seeped into me. So, I was confident that I had to privilege these moments to find my Desire and Identity.

 

After all, I loved the moments of agony in my mind when no feeling but persistent boredom existed. Yet I instinctively hated this feeling and this slow degradation of my mind. That's why I needed clarification about how I felt. What's more, I found it hard to admit that I wished for emptiness for a long time.

 

This was normal, after all, because to admit the validity of such a feeling would call into question the coherence of my very existence. How could I reconcile my desire to strive for unchanging, eternal serenity with a wish to preserve my emotions? Each time I tried to find an answer to this growing preoccupation, my emotions momentarily intensified before my mind's thoughts came to an abrupt halt.

 

Then, a feeling of absolute calm took full advantage to manifest itself in my mind, erasing all trace and understanding of the few emotions that had ever been born in me. So I couldn't choose whether I wanted to hold on to painful, uncomfortable feelings or ignore them in favor of the emptiness in the depths of my being, which kept calling me to join it.

 

That's why I had mixed feelings about the landscape and the sensations that revealed themselves to me every time I plunged into the Void's depths to witness one of my past memories. Indeed, this landscape almost perfectly embodied the duality of these emotions and emptiness, for at those moments, I found myself assailed by emptiness and emotions at once unbearable and magnificent.

 

Fortunately, by telling my story, I've already made my choice. I won't tell you, though. In fact, there are only two people I've ever talked to about it, and neither of them could fully understand me. Moreover, retrospectively, the course of events would undoubtedly have gone better if I'd refrained from revealing this duality that continually ran through my entire being.

 

These two individuals definitely didn't deserve to have such a disgusting and vile part of me revealed to them. All this to say that it's up to you to make assumptions about my final choice, My Successor. Of course, you can always wait until the end of this story, even if you're likely to be deeply disappointed then. After all, the end of this story is not the end of my story, nor even its beginning, for that matter.

 

But let's get back to that memory once and for all. The first sensation I felt once my eyes were closed was a warmth radiating throughout my entire being as if something were trying to get inside me. No, it wasn't. My body itself was made of nothing but heat. At least, I could only feel my limbs where the heat was. In short, it was as if my very existence was this heat.

 

For a moment, I wondered if a being could exist only because of heat. After all, the only heat I perceived in myself and my surroundings was a warmth that was omnipresent and radiant but also soft and comfortable. I could feel all the temperature fluctuations within me all the time. I perceived this warmth through sounds that were more or less sharp and distant, colors that were more or less strange and exotic, textures that were more or less rough and intriguing, and smells that were more or less pleasant and complex.

 

So magnificent, yet so elusive, was the true nature of this silky, calm warmth. It was undoubtedly bizarre since the nature of the energy that filled both my interior and exterior contradicted the anguish in my mind. Besides, what separated my body from my environment now? I couldn't think of a single answer. I could only enjoy this sensation of peace... and torment.

 

I was just a ball of heat of unknown size and exact shape, sailing through a distorted space. The sensation was so bewildering and incomprehensible that nothing seemed to belong to this World. Yet I intuitively understood what I was perceiving, even if words were too limited to transcribe such a landscape of heat, at once changing and unchanging, random and predictable.

 

I felt it. I understood it. My Void both adored and hated this place and this energy, so life-giving and harmful, so alive and deadly. The energy suddenly vibrated, testifying to the emotions running through my Soul. But I hadn't yet acquired a Soul since my awakening, so what was the significance of this impression?

 

To my great regret, the answer could never be formulated, whether by my mind, Me, the Other Me, my Void, or the heat itself. Indeed, the energy suddenly jerked and groaned in frustration. I struggled to understand against whom exactly this consternation was really directed. However, my instincts knew immediately. This was the end of the heat. Or rather, the magnificence of it.

 

Soon, energy would no longer be everything and its opposite, but only something or its opposite. This fact was intolerable to me. I thought I'd lost something essential to my existence, as if the answer to my Identity and Desire had eluded me. Of course, I knew this near-perfect energy was only part of the Truth about my being and origins.

 

In fact, I didn't even know which aspect of warmth I was mourning the loss of. Only my intuition fully understood, even if it unfortunately didn't seem very cooperative on the subject. So I perceived, with sadness and bitterness, the collapse of the energy that was stabilizing at the same time as the environment was being transformed into a space devoid of all warmth and life.

 

The boundary between Me and my surroundings gradually took shape, while the sensation of possessing a body gradually returned. The experience was even more disconcerting than before. My limbs seemed both more real and more illusory than ever before. I had the impression of being neither alive like Consciousness, nor dead like Nothingness, nor even in between like the Void.

 

I was in a state outside any concept of life and death. A place where neither Nothingness nor Consciousness nor even the Void tried to find its way between the two perfectly stable states. Although this place seemed easily identifiable, its Name wouldn't leave the depths of my being, as if I'd forgotten the obvious. Above all, this place seemed intimately linked to my Identity and Original Me, whatever the latter meant.

 

Nevertheless, it didn't matter to Me, even if my spirit was dispirited and some of the Other Me howled or bemoaned the lack of knowledge of this information. In fact, one of the Other Me even seemed to go mad in this ''space''. I've been talking about space ever since, but this way of looking at this place needed to be corrected. It was also offensive to the concept that reigned supreme here.

 

Nothing could be further from the truth than to see the surroundings as a spatially defined place, although in a certain sense, nothing could be more correct than this perception of things on the condition that space was replaced by another term. But what was this other word so sought-after and feared by Us? What did this "Us" even include? Did the Void think I hadn't sensed its discomfort with the place?

 

In any case, the Void now appeared resigned, having no doubt sensed my interest in its rejection of this place. In fact, it wasn't entirely hostile to this place... It was more as if it wanted to emancipate itself but couldn't? It was as if it was trying to escape this place, but I knew it could never leave it altogether. I couldn't help feeling sorry for my Void.

 

I hoped that one day, the Void would be freed from the constraint that mercilessly held it here. Even though deep inside me, a thought desperately wanted to alert me to the dangers of an absolute, unconditional Void's liberation. After all, there had to be a valid reason for its imprisonment, even if part of me felt that restriction was bound to be cruel, whatever the circumstances. The Void certainly didn't deserve to be locked up here forever.

 

I couldn't continue my reflection, as the thought behind these feelings disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. Ultimately, all that remained within me was a silence only disturbed by the subtle changes in my body and surroundings. Thus, I forgot my impressions of the tragedy of my Void, preferring to concentrate on the new perceptions offered by the surrounding space.

 

My eyes suddenly opened... or at least the equivalent of that sense. I could now see the landscape unfolding as the energy ebbed away. The geometrical structures, each more improbable than the last, became inexorably rigid, revealing corridors and staircases. It was then that I felt a violent headache, and most of my thoughts seemed to become paralyzed.

 

In reality, it wasn't precisely Me but my mind that was suffering. Worst of all, I instinctively understood the reason. My mind simply didn't have sufficient information-processing capacity to dare to understand even a little of this place's knowledge. However, the landscape proved cruel and implacable, paying no attention to the suffocation of my mind.

 

The only thing that seemed to matter to it was the revelation of its best-kept secrets to those who dared to encounter it. I realize that talking about a landscape as if it were a being with a Will of its own must sound bizarre, but it was. Of course, the nature of Will was different from that of the World, although I didn't really understand the extent of the difference.

 

In fact, the Will of this landscape, stretching out towards infinity in all directions and dimensions, both inside and outside of Us, was much more like the Void, even if it was only an approximation. I hated to admit it, but I thought this space was conceptually infinitely purer and more perfect than the Void.

 

I was sure of it. The Void needed the concept manifested through this place that seemed to repeat itself everywhere and nowhere. Part of me was exhilarated and fascinated by this undeniable and unshakeable fact, while another part was disgusted and longed to escape this oppressive place at all costs. Unfortunately, as I discovered the pervasiveness of the place, my contradictory and irreconcilable feelings only intensified.

 

An intense burning sensation replaced my previous thoughts, testifying to the sudden degradation of my mind. My vision blurred, and my internal senses became chaotic. I knew then that this was the end of my mind. Thus, I watched helplessly as my spirit breathed its last, at least until it came back to life when I left this place. Yet, curiously, the death of my own spirit didn't bother me at all.

 

In fact, I felt as if I'd finally been liberated from an illusion as if I'd finally caught a glimpse of a Truth that had always been with me without my knowing why. After all, I was still thinking clearly even though my mind was slowly shutting down. Of course, at first, thinking had seemed more and more exhausting, as if complex thoughts were becoming out of reach.

 

The energy required for simple awareness of one's thoughts, sensations, and surroundings grew ever faster until it became unattainable unless I could gobble up all the energy in this place. I was confident that the energy in this place was inexhaustible, even if I doubted whether I and my Void could absorb the power or even subvert the Will of the concept running through this space.

 

In any case, after a while, I felt something change inside me, and the speed of my reflection increased exponentially, even surpassing the previous speed of my mind. No, it wasn't true because my change wasn't real. It never had been, for I was merely rediscovering a characteristic of my being that had always existed.

 

Until now, it had always been concealed under countless seals. However, these decoys, which had brilliantly distracted my gaze from the full potential of my Soul, had been temporarily forced to deactivate. Of course, this was only the first step in discovering my Identity and Desire. Indeed, even though my Soul had been reconstituted, it remained incomprehensible.

 

In fact, I felt like a stranger to my Soul, sensing an unbridgeable distance between us. However, unlike the Void, I wasn't complaining about our distance. I had no desire to unite with her. The reason was undoubtedly the seal preventing me from becoming conscious and separating me entirely from my Soul. Indeed, I could only think that the only person guilty of this situation was myself.

 

Even if, to my frustration, I still didn't understand why. No sooner had this thought formed in my mind than the landscape seemed to come closer to me as if it wanted to answer my question? I gloated instantly, knowing that the Will of this place would show me a memory from before my awakening. After all, I'd already learned so much from this place that I'd already been so satisfied with my short excursion that I'd forgotten my original purpose for being here.

 

If I'd known how much I'd learned about myself once I'd left this place, I wouldn't have been so ecstatic about its false generosity. After all, everything has a price. Absolutely everything. What's more, the cruelest part wasn't the price but forgetting to pay. Not knowing that you had sacrificed something was appalling because it was the oblivion of what you had lost forever.

 

Of course, now I temporarily remember my sacrifices and the knowledge of this place thanks to the remarkable power that allows me to view my past. Unfortunately, once the visioning is over, I'll forget this place's memories again. Fortunately, this does not concern my memories connected to my past, only the place where all my memories were stored... and those of my predecessors.

 

Indeed, my forgetfulness never concerned the information from my past that was shown to me, as I had paid to observe and analyze it. In any case, I hope you will momentarily appreciate the landscapes that will be shown to you each time I transcribed one of the moments in my life when I recovered one of my memories before awakening in the bloody room.

 

After all, you, too, My Successor, will end up inexorably forgetting these landscapes and this very place, whether you like it or not. Indeed, this place is far more potent than any other I've ever visited in this World. As such, it's impossible to escape the restrictions of this place, except on rare occasions. Or unless the Void can finally become complete and unleash all its actual and absolute power...

 

In any case, you wouldn't even be able to conceive of how much a landscape can conceal unlimited power by its very concept. An absolute that cannot be transcended by... Hmm... Huh!? I am trying to remember... However, I know that I once knew the Name and function of this entity within Reality. I also felt sadness and pity toward this entity for some obscure reason.

 

Have I ever met this entity, whom I'm pretty sure is almost omnipotent and omniscient? For that matter, what is Reality? I don't know... It's downright disturbing, even... horrifying. Sorry, I'll stop this rambling now. I'm far too hurt in my very Soul to continue this discussion.

 

Besides, I need to calm down to purge the incongruous feelings and impressions that are now assaulting my Soul with all their force. All right, I'm back! Sorry, I've just realized you won't have to suffer anyway. Not as if that's the only thing I'll forget between now and the end of my Memoirs... After all, I'll soon be... Ah! That's right, you can read my words.

 

Well, this moment is getting awkward, so I trust you'll forget these last words! Do you promise? Of course! I knew I could count on you! In any case, let's resume the viewing because I won't be able to enjoy this power forever, and I've already spent so many years that I'm not even sure I'll be able to rewatch my whole life up to my ascension before it's too late.

 

I know... I have to... Or at least, I will keep going, so don't worry... System. Hmm... I almost said your Name, but I finally concluded it wasn't the right time yet. No need to sigh. I'm perfectly aware that one day, I'll have to utter the Name that's so dear to me. Unfortunately, my denial phase isn't over yet... You've no idea how much I disgust myself because of this flaw... Well, let's get on with it then.

 

With each passing second, the outline of the stairs and corridors drew closer and closer around me as if they were continually closing in on me. However, was it really them moving and not me? Or was it me moving concerning them? Unfortunately, the answer seemed inaccessible. After all, even when I tried to move in the air, I could hardly feel myself moving.

As the landscape unfolded, my Soul's information processing speed increased ever more frenetically, reaching a speed beyond my wildest expectations. All in all, I could see more and more precisely the features of the countless corridors and staircases in this seemingly peaceful yet dangerous place.

 

Thus, I could slowly witness the strangeness of this place through the transparency of the staircases and corridors, while as crazy as it may sound, the distant background of the landscape, which I presumed to be beyond all the corridors and staircases, had no colors or shades of black and white. Nothing, as if the concept of color didn't exist here. But strangely enough, I quickly accepted that a background could be colorless as if this were normal and expected.

 

Faced with this impression of banality, I could only express a growing unease and a palpable, visceral fear. The moment had finally arrived. Yes... The moment when my ecstasy finally faded, while a nervous smile spread across my face. Every extra moment I stayed here made me want to leave and never look back, while my Soul seemed to suffocate from within.

 

I'd discovered a new sensation, and to say I was frightened was an understatement. My instincts were to flee this place immediately while there was still time. But the problem was that it was already too late. After all, I didn't know the way out. I could only pray that I'd be expelled from the place at some point.

 

Of all the foolish dangers I've taken, breaking into the Void was the worst... or the best, depending on your point of view. Besides, how had I ended up in this place via the Void? Of course, the Void had to be somehow connected to this place, but even so, I found it too convenient to find myself in such a far-fetched place.

 

I couldn't get the feeling out of my head, although, for the moment, I could only conclude that my past self must have been involved in such an easy connection between the Void and this strange space. At least, that's what my intuition was telling me... or almost. Indeed, my previous assertion appeared partly true... and partly false. Nevertheless, knowing which part of my hypothesis was false was far beyond my competence.

 

By the way, you're probably wondering how I managed to see the staircases and corridors if they were transparent and, more, against a background devoid of color or nuance. That description wasn't entirely accurate. Indeed, all the structures had a seemingly one-dimensional border that was sometimes black, sometimes white. As I sailed across the landscape towards an unknown destination, I took the opportunity to lower my eyes.

 

I looked down to where my body was supposed to be and... I was immediately disappointed. Indeed, my body was also bounded by a bright white border. At least I could console myself with having a well-defined body in this place. It was better than being invisible, for example. As the landscape around me slowed down, a sign that I was almost there, I caught a brief glimpse of color filling a wall.

 

But as I tried to stare at the wall, the transparency returned, and an unbearable headache mercilessly attacked my Soul. Unfortunately, having no means of evacuating the stress of the pain, I could only vainly try to endure the burning of my Soul while trying to remain sane. At least as rational as I had been until then.

 

To my dismay, in this place, the flow of life-saving tears and the expression of cries revealing my Soul's suffering seemed absolutely forbidden. Fortunately, everything has an end, even the burning of my Soul. I gradually regained awareness of my surroundings and my current situation. I gazed wearily at the corridors and staircases towards which I was apparently heading, sighing inwardly, no doubt reflexively.

 

Indeed, my thoughts were still half-mired in the remnants of phantom pain on the surface of my Soul. Since the start of my excursion to this place, which was barely a minute ago, if not probably less, my morale had plummeted. As a result, I had no desire to return to any of my old memories, only to leave forever.

 

In all my life, there have been few places I've wanted to leave irretrievably, especially with such conviction. Yet there were also a few places that fascinated me as much as this one, apart from the Void. Indeed, for all my complicated feelings about this place, I felt absolutely at home here, albeit in a radically different way to the Void.

 

Unlike the Void, this place was outside of Me. There was, therefore, no doubt in my mind that I was in no way in this place, still less the Will of the unknown entity that seemed to reign supreme here. Nevertheless, despite my comfort in this place, I was so bored by my first disastrous experiences that I considered abandoning my current quest and returning to the physical world.

 

After all, I had yet to estimate the extent of the damage caused by my insane plan. I only hoped that the momentary release of the Void wouldn't have too many consequences for me or my sister. Who was I even trying to convince? I really wondered... After all, deep down, I knew what to expect. I sighed involuntarily as relief invaded my body unbeknownst to me.

 

In the end, I hoped that the consequences of my actions wouldn't turn out to be as bad as I'd anticipated. Surprisingly... or not, for that matter, I had little faith in my earlier words, as if I'd unconsciously expected to pay a much higher price than initially envisaged. But just as I was about to continue my pitiful lamentations, my reflection interrupted.

 

I inspected my surroundings and immediately discovered that my body had come to an abrupt halt near a door that shone with a healthy blackness and an unhealthy whiteness. So, my drift through corridors and staircases was over, I thought with a certain new-found calm. I no longer had to walk through the corridor walls or the steps of the staircases to reach my final destination.

 

Although I stared suspiciously at the door, unable to decide what to do next and afraid of a trap, it seemed that part of me didn't want to wait for me to react. Whether this was because I was worried I'd make a potentially damaging decision or that I'd wait too long and miss the opportunity to witness one of the events of my past, I didn't know. The only certainty was that I caught my hand firmly grasping the wrist of the door.

 

So it was that I opened the door without fully intending to and not without a certain apprehension, unsure of the secrets hidden by the probable room into which I seemed to have been sucked. I instinctively held my breath, even though there was no breathable air in this place, while my Void seemed to sport an expression of joy mingled with a strange resignation.

 

Faced with the blinding blackness and dull whiteness emanating from the mysterious opening, my only response was hastily closing my eyes. I was astonished at my inability to see a light that ordinarily gave me no cause for concern.

 

But I only had a little time to explore this intriguing detail. In fact, a kaleidoscope of black and white immediately became my only reality before I sank into unconsciousness for good.

 

Then, a fragment of my past began to play out around me...