Right. Left. Right. Left. Again and again. A first movement. A second move. A third movement. Another movement. Yet another. Yet another. Another one. Again and again. Movement to the right. Movement to the left. Another movement to the right. Another movement to the left. Again and again. A mechanical sound. Another mechanical sound. Again and again. Forever and ever.

 

How long had my mind been hypnotized by these incessant noises and repetitive movements? I didn't know and wasn't interested in the answer anyway. Contemplating a noise that was both pleasant and annoying was far more important to me and my Void. Strange... until recently, I'd been sure my thoughts couldn't stop at the slightest bewitching noise.

 

I'd probably been wrong, or maybe I'd finally changed. The second option was more likely in the end. Gradually, I'd become someone else – at least if I'd ever been "Me," which was far from obvious. After all, I knew better than anyone that I was just an empty shell at the Void's service. At least, that was my rationalization for my peculiar situation.

 

Yes, I was firmly convinced of that now. Since we'd entered the Refuge, there'd been no room for doubt. It was the first time since I'd woken up in that bloody room filled with people I'd probably killed. There could be no doubt about it now that I'd recovered a mysterious... and, oddly enough, slightly unpleasant memory.

 

Of course, this fragment of my past didn't say anything about the last moments I'd spent before my amnesia... no... about the last moments spent by "her". After all, I couldn't consider my past self as truly "Me". It was too absurd to even be regarded as sensible. Whether this thought concerned "Me" or another "Me", I didn't know.

 

In any case, my intuition had greatly appreciated the memory since it was it who had transmitted to my mind this unshakeable conviction that I had indeed been the cause of the massacre in the bloody hall and surrounding corridors. I was the cause of the lifeless atmosphere that reigned in this mysterious place I had left with a smile. This statement was partially true, however.

 

Indeed, part of me regretted having left this place and felt I had left something crucial behind. If I'd always had this feeling from the moment I'd stepped through the portal out of that dreadful place, it had grown stronger since I'd recovered one of my memories. I had to go back. I had to at all costs. At least, that's what my intuition was trying to convince me.

 

Nevertheless, this time, I wasn't going to listen to it. I didn't want to. I wasn't ready to. Above all, I didn't want to. In any case, I was still wondering what my intuition had seen that I hadn't been able to detect in the memory to arrive at such an astonishing and expected conclusion. All in all, I didn't mind being the cause of the corpses in the place where I'd woken up... even the bodies hanging from the ceiling by a force that defied comprehension.

 

After all, I was always the source of corpses... at least, when the Void wasn't absorbing them to their very Souls, preventing the System from reincarnating them, although I wasn't aware of this last point. In fact, this was undoubtedly one of the crimes the World was reproaching me for, apart from simply existing. In any case, I couldn't see what evidence of my guilt lay in this memory.

 

All I'd witnessed was a conversation that was far from trivial but gave no clues to my final moments. At least, not from my minimal point of view. Indeed, my intuition, which always seemed right up to now, must have glimpsed a fragment of wisdom unearthed in this whole conversation with this stranger. I mustn't have been thinking about her. I shook my etheric head as my stomach tightened and my chest ached.

 

A suspicious liquid flowed from my eyes. Immediately afterward, an ironic smile spread across my face while my eyes flashed with understanding. I wasn't sure what to make of the tears that flowed too quickly from my eyes. Was I incapable of holding them back, of subduing my emotions? Was my mind simply too fragile? No one could say for sure.

 

Yet the evidence was still there. The previous trip to the Academy had been primarily a fiasco. I'd been overconfident and had paid the price. Worst of all, I was still determining if I could learn from my failure. I didn't feel up to it... or more precisely, I didn't know how to improve. Since we'd returned to the first town, I'd known I needed to hone my cunning and survival skills more generally.

 

Nevertheless, I've yet to make any effort or progress in this arduous task. Moreover, the long periods of seclusion in the Refuge dulled my survival instincts. As a result, I was gradually becoming more carefree and more trusting, putting our lives more and more at risk. I kept underestimating the danger because it was the only way to stay calm and sane.

 

I preferred to remain ignorant of the actual danger of our journey, to allow my mind to still believe that there was hope and that we weren't so weak in the eyes of the World. However, the time for enjoyment in ignorance was over. I could no longer hide from my own worthlessness. Lying to myself had always been impossible, and with other "Me" constantly reminding me of the hard truth, I had avoided thinking about it as much as possible.

 

The tactic had worked perfectly so far. More than on previous occasions, I'd been on the verge of being killed... or at least separated forever from my sister, my soulmate. Strangely enough, I wasn't happy with this outcome, not just because I interfered with her Soul. No, there was something else, like a sense of calm and familiarity in her company.

 

Her existence was an anchor for me, even if I didn't understand the meaning or importance of this misty feeling. The only Truth was that I was a little reluctant to part with her even if I could find someone more practical than her. After all, I shouldn't forget my original objective: to meet the System. Finally, even if it was only hundreds of years later, I made my dream come true – for better... and especially for worse.

 

Don't you agree, my dear System? What exactly did I expect? Of course, you won't agree with me... Besides, I don't believe in my own opinion. It's only a lie, after all. My interaction with you, System, has only led to negative consequences. However, I'm satisfied with how this story will end.

 

My only concern is time. Will I have time to finish my Memoirs before the inevitable end comes? Are you frustrated? Angry? Chagrined? Appeased? Tormented? Desperate? Tell me, dear System, how do you feel now? I see... Indeed, I'm far from finished recounting the adventures of my life... or, more precisely, the states of mind I've gone through in my short life. Actually, that sentence still needs to be entirely right.

 

Sorry if I'm too picky, but I don't like revealing aspects of my being without the appropriate vocabulary. In this case, I can't say "during my short life" because I refuse to call the state I was in "life". After all, I was just an aimlessly wandering existence in search of its own Identity and deepest Desire, without even knowing whether I had an Identity or a Desire of my own.

 

From a certain point of view, I was just a doll who didn't know her own nature, who simulated the states of a living being without being fully alive or fully dead. In the end, the World's Will was indeed correct about me. I should never have existed for the sake of the World and myself. Yet I have no right to utter such terms, for I have never dared to meet Death.

 

Whether in the darkest moments of my "life", my long-awaited encounter with the System, and that surprise guest, or even as I write these lines, I prefer to turn to the Void. The worst thing is... No, I'm not going on. I don't want to admit this side of me, even though I've always implied it. At least once, we've moved on with my story, My Dear Successor.

 

I've asked you this before, but what do you think of me? Do you hate me? Are you outraged by my existence? Are you repulsed by me? What do you think my Desire is? What is my Identity? I have already accepted the answers to these questions since my interview with you, my dear System, even if, from an outsider's point of view, the answers given would be perceived as unsatisfactory and self-destructive.

 

I conceive this vision of my Ideal, even though I'll never understand how you succeeded where I failed. The more I think about myself and my peculiar relationship, from the point of view of others, with the Void, the more I tell myself that no matter what path my life would have taken, I was doomed to take only one path from the beginning of my existence. I've been defective since birth. Did I accept it, then?

 

If these thoughts had crossed my mind at the time, part of me would have refused to accept such a statement as at least partially true. But now, that's no longer the case, and I've made peace with this Truth about myself. My only regret is that I failed to realize my Ideal. I constantly wonder what a World would be like under the yoke of my Ideal, my idyllic World, and the perfect Void's World... Our ideal World and Our Ideal.

 

But anyway, enough about me. I don't suppose you want to hear about my boring feelings—at least, I don't. Besides, it seems you're not very talkative today, my dear System. The more the degradation of my being continues, the less you open up to me. It's ironic when I think about it. The closer we get, the further we drift apart. Anyway, I've nothing more to add or comment on, so let's get back to viewing.

 

The image reflected by my watery eyes flickered as if this hypnotic movement had shaken my soul. No, I was utterly wrong. Those eyes and that perception belonged to my apostle. My etheric eyes widened momentarily before a wave of shame washed over me. I'd lost myself in thought. Again. An ironic smile appeared on my face.

 

I'd been so absorbed by my own gloomy mind and so tired by the effort involved that I'd failed to distinguish my own perceptions and feelings from those of my sister. At times like these, being able to vaguely understand my sister's feelings proved damaging to my mind. I was concerned about the implications of this ability on our minds.

 

However, I was still determining the extent of the danger to both of us that the evolution of this growing connection between me and my apostle would represent in the future. In any case, despite the improved communication between the two of us, the fact that Systalia had also been plagued by negative emotions didn't help to lift my spirits. I didn't pay any attention to the perceptions imposing themselves on my mind for a few minutes.

 

My mind was far too exhausted to generate any new negative emotions. All I could feel was the serenity of my inner emptiness and the new-found calm in the absence of aggressive emotions. At the time, I had no doubt that the absence of emotions was beneficial. However, the state of bliss inexorably came to an end. I was soon assailed by new thoughts and feelings that filled the emptiness of my mind.

 

My mind rediscovered the joys of possessing emotions and the unhappiness of their full manifestation. The image reflected through my sister's eyes returned to focus while the sudden processing of countless perceptions assaulted my mind. But soon, the torment was over. I lazily turned my gaze to the reason for our location in the middle of a room far removed from the first one we had discovered.

 

Indeed, even if the latter was far less vast or exciting than many other rooms, it was still the first room in which we had taken up residence, our first glimpse of the Refuge's magnificence. In a way, then, it was our home base and a place of some emotional significance. It was astonishing.

 

I never thought I'd get so attached to a place. Just thinking about it now makes me slightly nostalgic. After all, this place reminds me of my first experiments with magic and my first battle plans before our group also formed a secret organization. It also reminds me that a secret organization was formed when we started at the Academy. Besides, I had to thank Nalys for such an ingenious idea.

 

Obviously, we didn't proclaim the creation of a secret organization at the outset. We had a lot of preparation to do to create the organization of our dreams that would take us to the top of the World. In fact, our project had seldom materialized on several occasions, having come close to death on more than one occasion despite having learned to be cautious.

 

It was only a short time after we'd climbed another Class that we proclaimed the creation of our organization, which took less time than we'd originally thought. An organization that would only grow as our journey progressed. But which would also, unfortunately, come to be seen as a threat by increasingly powerful beings, to the point of attracting the attention of the Ascended.

 

From then on, our organization's days were numbered. There was nothing benign or desirable about being hounded relentlessly by the most potent beings under the aegis of the System, after all. But then again, I'm rambling. Remembering the times when the organization still existed can only make me nostalgic, even if I've long since made peace with losing that part of myself.

 

It was probably good that our organization disappeared. After all, thanks to it, I'd been able to definitively detach myself from the harmful values I'd learned along the way, which had led me astray from my true purpose. However, the organization had also been beneficial in this respect, for, without the initial blindness, the sudden return to reality during the final fall of the remnants of our organization could never have happened.

 

The journey that followed the disappearance of my former glory had opened my eyes to the entirety of my Desire and Identity. That's why I'll always be grateful that the organization ever existed in this World, despite all the real suffering and false joy it had brought me. Moreover, thanks to the organization, I certainly had the strength to continue the journey and finally meet you, dear System.

 

Aren't you happy? After all, our meeting must be a blessing for you and your goal. I see... You're not satisfied with my actions... You expected better of me... I can understand your dismay but know that this resolution of events was undoubtedly one of the best possible despite its cruelty. You and I had dreamed too much and been too weak to change the outcome we were inexorably heading for.

 

Our failure was undoubtedly due to the very nature of our Desires and Identities, which I find a little distressing. Nevertheless, I accept this outcome, even if one question remains unresolved. Could I achieve my Ideal, realize my Desire, and perfect my Identity, or was it impossible? I'll never know... and that's comforting in a way. I've revealed far too much, so let's get back to viewing.

 

The steady sound of the pendulum that punctuated my thoughts became slower and slower until a second was a brief eternity. Gradually, I gained a clearer view of the mysterious object that stood before us, causing us so much worry and apprehension. Its eleven hands stood proudly in the center of the clock. At every second, the longest moved in a single stroke until it covered one hundred and twenty of them at the end of a minute.

 

Then, a smaller hand with a slightly lighter shade of grey took the opportunity to move two strokes each time the first made a complete turn of the dial. Finally, every time the second hand turned the dial, a third, even lighter and shorter hand also moved two strokes. Beyond this last hand, the meaning of the others eluded me.

 

Of course, I understood that the fourth hand must represent the days, even if I hadn't seen it go around the dial. Indeed, it had only moved more than a stroke since we'd come to this place and lost ourselves in our thoughts. The third hand had advanced ten strokes. So much time wasted, I thought spitefully.

 

That'll teach me not to get carried away by the serene yet painful atmosphere of this gigantic clock. I took one last look at the imposing structure. Dozens of meters wide, like its dial, which stood splendidly in the center several hundred meters above the ground and at least five hundred meters high, the clock dominated the surrounding area. Only the Tree of Heaven made a mockery of this refined construction.

 

However, the craziest aspect of the clock was its colossal pendulum, which remained firmly attached to the building despite its immoderation. Undoubtedly, some magical spells and/or technologies were at work to support this pendulum with its soothing yet frustrating oscillations. Sixty oscillations until the first hand went around the dial.

 

In other words, the pendulum hurried, given its size – several hundred meters high and several dozen meters wide. And yet, the wind never titillated my apostle's body. A wall made from a transparent material blocked the gusts of wind that must have arisen from such a precipitous movement or a spell calmed the wind. Or both were involved.

 

The more I thought about it, the more credible the last option seemed. After all, the pendulum clock appeared to be of immemorial age and technology long forgotten. However, its cleanliness and the state of its mechanism contradicted such a thought. How could such an old clock still work perfectly? Why was I convinced of its immeasurable age?

 

Why did my mind linger on such a piece of work? Why did it feel as if my heart was racing every time I contemplated the edifice overlooking the surroundings and my very Soul? Why had this last absurd thought arisen? Unfortunately, I couldn't answer any of the questions. No matter how hard I forced my mind to give me the longed-for answers, all I got were vague memories.

 

But they were meaningless without the context of potential memories that nestled deep inside me, serving no purpose other than to comfort me briefly. I could console myself that, at least, I still had vague memories of that long-forgotten time. I thought of the memory I had recovered when I had plunged into the Void's depths.

 

Had I already forgotten those moments from a long-gone age? What would I have said to my previous questions? Drop by drop, my eyes let out their lachrymal liquid. Much to my chagrin, I couldn't go against the will of my etheric body. Once again, helplessness in the face of events and the mystery represented by my past seemed to characterize my existence.

 

Nonetheless, I couldn't let myself be defeated by this realization. After all, I had decided to change after the fiasco of my trip to the Academy. I knew full well that my change would be long and full of pitfalls. After all, I knew myself well enough to know that I would instinctively resist any change that was too radical. It was as if I couldn't change too much, no matter how much I wanted to.

 

In any case, I needn't have worried about changing my personality and/or values too much. After all, the depths and Truth of my existence were still inaccessible and elusive. It was then that a thought surreptitiously crossed my mind. My Soul may be the key that would unlock the entire understanding of my being. A fleeting, uncontrolled smile appeared on my etheric face as if the answer to this question had always been within me.

 

I quickly dismissed the thought. For the moment, I couldn't feel my Soul inside me. So the answers would only be known when I had recovered my Soul, the core of my existence, and the link between the Void and myself. However, until then, I was condemned to uncertainty and misunderstanding of my Identity, Desire, and Ideal. Until then, I was doomed to be played by forces beyond my control.

 

However, I was determined not to let myself be manipulated by my past choices, no matter how much they went against the aspirations of the old me. After all, could I still be considered "her"? I was confident that I couldn't and that the person I'd been and forgotten would never exist again, even if I found my Soul or recreated a new one.

 

I shook my head inwardly as my eyes crinkled, and a malignant smile expressed my vilest thoughts.

 

"Let's go, My Dear Apostle! Let's see what wonders this artifact contains."

 

My sister took one last look at The Book, clutching it tightly, before walking silently. A flow of energy invigorating her body at all times allowed her to move despite her paralysis. The Book offered a beautiful and mysterious gift. Had I made the right choice to follow the new inscriptions in The Book? After all, the quid pro quo was…

 

I shook my head vigorously. We had chosen it together. I didn't need to worry about what would happen to Systalia. She was capable of making her own decisions. This was simply a testament to her own Will. I could only respect her for making such a difficult choice. Just a little.

 

These were my last thoughts before the door surrounded by a black-and-white light suddenly opened before our astonished eyes. The artifact, which reminded me of the hourglass yet was different in many ways, seemed to be inviting us in.

 

Of course, I couldn't refuse the invitation of such a mysterious edifice. Who knew what secrets abounded in this long-abandoned place. Our curiosity dictated that we move on, and I complied inexorably.

 

After all, I was convinced that this artifact would enable us to continue our journey to the top of the World. How, I didn't know.

 

My only certainty was that the black-and-white flames standing just inches from us were truly magnificent.

 

Everything about their movement invited comfort despite their unhealthy glow and danger to life itself.

 

And so, we passed through the door of the second artifact.

 

For better and... for better.